


Transitions

by aMUSEment345



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-02-26 16:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 55
Words: 166,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEment345/pseuds/aMUSEment345
Summary: Sometimes the changes in our lives happen gradually, sometimes in an instant.  For Reid, love and loss become intertwined in unexpected ways, as he transitions from loving JJ, to Maeve, and back again.





	1. Chapter 1

**A.N. I started this in Season 8, as an experiment in Reid/Maeve. But then the premise was 'Zugzwanged', and the story took a more familiar turn.**

* * *

 

**Transitions**

**Chapter 1**

_JJ's getting married. To Will. They've been together for four years now, I guess it was inevitable. Especially because of Henry. But somehow I've always thought 'she can change her mind', or 'it's not too late'. I thought something could still happen. And now it_   _is happening. But it's not the 'something' I had in mind._

_I hope she's not just reacting. I mean, she almost lost him the other day. Twice. So I get that she was scared. I was scared for her. But how did that change her heart? Did she love him more after that? Did it make her want to be with him forever? Did she wake up that morning not wanting to be married, and then change her mind so suddenly? Would that be a good thing? Is she somehow rewarding him for being in danger? Is it just relief?_

_It seems so unlike her. JJ's not the emotional type. She's not impulsive. I've got that market cornered. JJ keeps her cool about things. There had to have been something holding her back from committing to Will all this time. How could it have been so easily erased? Did her fear for Henry affect her? Did it frighten her into marrying Will? Is this about giving Henry a family? Weren't they already one? I hope she's not making a decision she'll regret someday. For her sake, and for Henry's. I worry about her. Always have, always will, I guess. No matter what._

_And yet, the pain isn't there. The kind I might have expected to feel. I'd always thought that her wedding, if not to me, would be unbearable. That I'd have to acknowledge that thing that I've known all along but kept denying. That it would hurt. That I wouldn't be able to go, or to watch….and definitely not to celebrate._

_So what happened?_

Reid hadn't turned a page in his book for the past ten minutes. Not that it had taken him ten minutes to ruminate on the loss of JJ. That was just the most recent in a train of thoughts, the kind that usually brought on a headache. But he hadn't had one of those headaches in a month. His new treatment regimen seemed to be helping tremendously with them. He would never have predicted that pain of that severity could be avoided with careful attention to his nutrition. A combination of a healthy diet…something he'd never been good at…and vitamins, and supplements had done the trick.

Or maybe it wasn't really the change in his nutrition that had helped him feel better. Maybe it was the person who'd suggested it.  _Maeve._

Doctor after doctor, and test after test , he'd been turned away. "There's nothing physically wrong with you, Dr. Reid. It's got to be stress."  _Or mental illness._ None of them had actually suggested that he was crazy. It was his own mind that had flown to the idea of schizophrenia, and then outright rejected it.

Emphatically. Forcefully. Hopefully. Prayerfully.

But he was also a realist. If it  _was_  schizophrenia, he had to know, before his mind wouldn't allow him to understand. If it was schizophrenia, it would affect his work, and his relationships, such as they were. And so he'd embarked on yet another detailed review of the scientific literature. Exhausting that, he'd moved on to contact every medical college and university that operated in any of the five languages in which he was proficient, asking about current research. If a breakthrough hadn't been made yet, perhaps it was only weeks away. Or months. Or years.

That was how he'd found her. In his quest, he'd spoken with every researcher who would accept his call, whether working in psychiatry, or neurology, or genetics, or any field of brain development and chemistry. Most of them had been sympathetic, some had sounded annoyed, some as though they were humoring this man with a self-diagnosed illness. And then he'd encountered a voice that would stay in his mind for a very, very long time.

"Yes, Dr. Reid, how can I help you?" Her voice was soft, unassuming. It was completely illogical, but the quality of her voice made him trust her.

He'd come across her essentially by accident. Or, rather, she'd come across him. She'd responded to an article he'd written in the Journal of Behavioral Psychology. In contrast to the vast majority of those responding to the article…actually, in contrast to  _all_  of the others…..she'd _written_  a letter. On paper. With ink. Just as he daily wrote to his mother. Later, he would wonder if he'd started falling in love with her over this.

She'd wanted his opinion on an aspect of the work related to her own. She'd asked him to respond to a post office box. The profiler in Reid had picked up on the attempt right away. Here was someone who wasn't trying to remain anonymous, but who seemed to be trying to remain hidden, out of sight. He'd googled her, wondering how he'd missed her when he'd systematically approached every institution of higher learning. Found a name, but no photo, one of several faculty members without one. He'd found that her research had been tested against a small trial sample of patients with persistent headaches, and so he'd corresponded back to her. And received the cryptic message that she could only be reached by pager, and would only reply to a public phone.

His hackles should have been up, if not  _about_ her, then _for_  her. And they were. The white knight in him had battled with the voice that had told him to run the other way. Neither had won. Rather, the frightened, debilitated patient in him had found he couldn't turn away without trying, one more time, for that thing that could give him back his life. He'd followed her instructions, and paged her to a phone booth. As anxious, and as doubtful, as he'd been about having the conversation, the quality of her voice had been reassuring.

He'd explained what he was looking for. "I'm trying to identify any ongoing research that might help a patient with intractable headaches."

He'd learned from experience to let the person on the other end of the line believe what they would about what kind of doctor he was, and whom, exactly, he was trying to help. "Every test has been negative, but there's a history of brain disease in the family, so it makes sense to look at genetics research as well as others."

She'd read his article. She knew what kind of doctor he was. But she didn't choose to challenge him. She'd heard the underlying concern, and just a touch of fear, in his voice. "What type of brain disease runs in the patient's family, Dr. Reid?"

He didn't want to predispose her to think of schizophrenia. Instead, he responded with , "There are psychiatric disorders and migraines. Possibly more, but the family is fractured, and the information is sparse."

"I see. I'm so sorry."

With that, he knew that she knew, but she wasn't going to say. If he wanted to pretend he wasn't the patient, she was going to let him.

"You said testing had been done? Are there any scans, or maybe an EEG tracing I might look at? Chromosomes, maybe?"

He hesitated. He'd had all of them done, and even had copies made for himself. Should he share them?

Thinking he had nothing left to lose, Reid agreed to send her his tests. But he was made uneasy by her request to send them to the post office box.

"Can't I just send them to you at your lab? Or bring them to you myself?"

Now  _she_  hesitated. "I….I'm on a sabbatical from the lab. And I'd rather not give out my home address, you know…"

_To someone I've just met on the phone_. She didn't have to say it for him to hear it. And he did know, considering the business he was in.

He made a decision. "All right, I'll send them. But please, I need you to return them to me after you've evaluated them."

"Of course, I will, Dr. Reid. I'm sure your patient will be anxious about having them in his possession."

Another hesitation from Reid. "All right, you're right. I can tell you know. They're my scans. The patient is me."

Later, he would come to recognize the smile in her voice, the bemusement. In the moment, he only recognized the kindness.

"I'm sorry you're having so much trouble, Dr. Reid. I hope I'll be able to help you."

He didn't know why he said it. Didn't even know that he was  _going_  to say it, until it was already out.

"It's Spencer. You can call me Spencer. I'm not that kind of doctor, anyway."

"Truth?"

"Truth."

"Well, the truth is that I already knew that. I read your article, remember….Spencer?" Pause. "And please call me Maeve."

"Maeve. 'She who intoxicates.' She was an Irish warrior queen, wasn't she?"

"She was. My parents had lofty ambitions."  Sounding surprised that he would know.

"Well, it's a beautiful name. And I'm sure you didn't disappoint your parents _."_

_How am I doing this, I've never met this woman, and I'm flirting with her?_ Why _am I doing this?  
_

"I like to think not. We're very close."

Reid picked up on a break in her voice at the last sentence.

His natural reserve tried to stop him, but he found himself asking anyway. "Is there something wrong?"

Maeve seemed to have gathered herself. "No, nothing at all. I have to go now, Spencer. I will look out for your scans, and page you after I've analyzed them. Please remember not to respond from your own phone, please use a pay phone."

"You know they're not that easy to come by, don't you?"

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just…necessary…right now."

His profiler antennae were up. "Maeve, are you sure there's nothing wrong? Are you in trouble? Are you in danger?"

He could hear her breathing, but she took her time responding. "You're with the FBI. I remember it from your article. Do you 'fight the bad guys', Spencer?"

He didn't know how to take that. "Yes, I guess so."

"Then I need to help make you strong again, don't I? I'll look for your package, Spencer. Goodbye."

"Mae…." But she was gone.

Reid just stood there, at the phone booth, trying to process the conversation. The content of it had been so strange, the setting stranger still, but the voice so…..intoxicating. 

_Maeve, she who intoxicates._

Reid had hurried back to his apartment, not sure if he'd gotten any closer to solving his chronic pain, but fascinated by this new encounter. He found himself looking forward to her analysis of his brain, if only to enter into another conversation with her. She'd intrigued him.

At the time, it had been just that, an intriguing conversation. Later, he would see it differently. Later, much later, he would ponder the vagaries of fate. How so often we only recognize the moments that change our lives in retrospect, from the perspective of distance. The distance of time, the distance of memory, the distance of lost love.

* * *

He'd dozed off, thinking back. Now he awakened with a start, checking the time. The party would start in an hour, and within several more, JJ would become Mrs. William LaMontagne. And an unlikely dream would end. Despite his new relationship, the one with the woman he'd never met, Reid mourned the end of the old one, the one that had never actually taken place.

He sighed, wishing for the day when he could enter into a relationship that would be marked by 'forever' and not 'never'.

* * *

**A.N. Two things on how they met. At two different points in the pertinent episodes, Reid says two different things. One, that he sought her out, and the other, that she found him, through his article. I combined them. Also, I chose for Reid to know Maeve's last name from the outset. I didn't buy that aspect of the episode, as I didn't think there was any way he would have sent his scans to someone without a last name, and I didn't think she was using e-mail, because of the trail it would leave.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Transitions**

**Chapter 2**

The wolf whistle didn't even register to Reid. He wasn't accustomed to being the recipient of a reaction to his physical appearance. At least not a favorable reaction. It was Morgan who made him pay attention.

"Hey, Pretty Boy, sounds like someone thinks you're really living up to your name tonight."

Reid followed the direction of Morgan's gaze to see Emily, with her fingers in her mouth, about to issue yet another whistle. Now that he was looking at her, she spoke to him instead.

"Hey, Handsome! Where did you get that tux?"

"It's not really a tuxedo, Emily, I'm just wearing a bow tie, so it looks…"

"I know that, Reid. But still, you look….wow!"

Now he grinned at her, looking her up and down. "And you look beautiful."

"Thank you, kind sir."

"Is JJ here yet?" Reid was looking around. The whole yard was filled with fairy lights, and flowers, and soft music. But not JJ.

Morgan answered, "Not yet. But I saw her mom earlier. I think she's surprising JJ."

This was the first time Reid understood that JJ didn't know _._ That despite having accepted Will's proposal, despite having encouraged him to ask her again, she had no idea it was being orchestrated tonight.

_This is her wedding night, and she doesn't even know? What if she doesn't want it? What if she was just being impulsive on that terrible day? What if she's thought it over? What if she's changed her mind?_

"Guys, do you think that's a good idea? That she be surprised with this?"

"Surprises are fun, Kid. She'll love it."

Morgan hadn't picked up on the tone of Reid's voice, but Emily had. She'd always been attuned to his moods.

"She'll be okay, Reid. She wants this now, really."

He didn't respond, but the doubt, the worry showed in his face. He might not be having pain over this sealing of his loss of JJ to Will, but he was still concerned about her.

Watching the look cross his face, Emily heaved a great sigh. She was about to contribute to his dismay.

Having already told Morgan, Emily signaled that she needed to speak with Reid alone. Morgan left them, setting off to rescue Garcia from her three way conversation with Kevin and his date.

"Reid," Emily was rubbing his arm as she said his name, alerting Reid that bad news was on its way. He eyed her warily.

"What?" Then, "This is going to be bad news, isn't it? You always sound like that when you're about to deliver bad news."

Emily considered that a moment. "Well, it's only bad news if you look at it a certain way. If you look at it another way, it's great!"

"Maybe you could just tell me, Emily. I don't think I'm up to any games tonight."

She'd taken his arm and walked him to a bench. Sitting him down, she broke it to him.

"I'm leaving."

She watched for his initial reaction, and was glad to see that he hadn't crumpled.

"I was offered a position in London, with Interpol, and I'm going to take it."

Reid just looked at her for a long moment, taking it in, reflecting back. In a quiet voice, he responded to her.

"You never really came back to us, did you? I mean, you were here in body, but your heart was never back into it. Doyle hurt you that much. The whole thing with Declan. The lies.."

He stopped himself abruptly. The lies. They'd been between the two of them for a long time. The closeness they'd had before was now always muted by the fact of the lies. But they'd both tried so hard to get past them, and he hadn't meant to bring them up now.

Emily didn't want to talk about that now, either. She ignored the reference, and answered the rest of Reid's question.

"No, you're right. I guess I never felt the same again, being back with the team. I don't know why. I love you all so much…"

She was grateful for the smile that got.

"And I value the work. But there's been something in me that's restless. I don't know why. It's not like I'm looking for a bigger challenge. Lord knows, the BAU is challenging enough. But it's definitely a restlessness. I think I was trying to fight it by putting down roots, you know? Buying the house? But something told me not to."

Reid loved Emily, despite everything. In some ways, he thought she might understand him better than anyone else. At least, before Maeve. And he thought he just might understand Emily better than she understood herself.

"Emily, where was the place you've lived the longest? In your whole life?"

She was surprised at his question, couldn't imagine what it had to do with their conversation.

"Well, I've lived in the States for more years than not, so I guess it would here. And Italy, we lived there on and off for almost fifteen years."

"On and off. Never for more than a handful of years in a row, right?" She nodded.

"And the longest relationships you've had?"

She looked off, now starting to see where he was going. "I have some very old friends, but we don't stay in touch." Now she looked back at him. "I guess the most sustained relationships are the ones I've had with you guys. Six years is a long time in my relationship history."

He didn't say anything further, just sat with her, letting her reach her own conclusion. And she did.

"You think I'm leaving because I got too close. Because I don't know  _how_ to be that close. Because I've never done it before."

Now he spoke. "I just wonder if it scared you. Being away from us, and then coming back, you didn't know what to do with the relationships." He looked at her with meaning. "Because it hurts when you lose them, doesn't it?"

Emily sat back against the bench and sighed. "Busted. And I guess I'm running away from losing you all again, is that it? The idea that, if I go first, it's not so bad?"

He just smiled at her.

Emily turned to really look at him now, beneath the surface. "When did you get to be so wise? Weren't you just that young kid on the team, like, yesterday?"

Now he laughed. Even  _he_  didn't know how he could be giving Emily advice about relationships. Except that his correspondence with Maeve was growing him in many directions. Briefly, he thought to tell Emily about her, wanting to share his great fortune with his good friend. But something held him back. Perhaps in another conversation. After all, this time she was going to a place where she could be reached.

Emily couldn't read the expression on Reid's face, nor hear his internal conversation. But she knew he looked happy, and was pleased for him. Moving closer, she cupped his face in her hand.

"You really are growing up right before my eyes, aren't you? I love you to death, Spencer Reid, and I will miss you forever."

* * *

Reid stood across Rossi's lawn and watched as JJ arrived with Will and Henry. He'd been told by Garcia that he would be in charge of Henry, and was to make sure the rings and ringbearer arrived to the ceremony intact. Despite his misgivings about the rest of the plan, Reid was more than happy to be charged with Henry. The two of them brought light into each other's lives.

She looked beautiful. He'd always loved her in blue, fascinated by how it made her eyes even larger, and deeper. He'd fallen into those eyes so many times. Idly, he wondered if Will looked at her in the same way. 

_Does he think she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen? Does he tell her that? Does it make her happy? Does he make her happy?_

And then he flashed on his own relationship the one that was still new, still without a certain direction. The one he was having with someone he'd never seen _._

_Is_ she _beautiful? Is her beauty expressed in her looks as well as it is in her words? Will I fall into_ her _eyes? Will I ever_ see _her eyes?_

Reid watched as Rossi brought JJ's mother over to greet her daughter, saw the surprise on JJ's face. Then, a flash of uncertainty. It was only there for a split second, but he was sure he'd seen it. 

_She's not ready._

Then he watched as Will seemed to say something, and then her mother lifted what she was holding in her arms, to show it to JJ. It was white. It looked like a dress. 

_Her wedding dress_.

JJ smiled at her mother, and the two of them walked off, arms linked, presumably so mother could help daughter dress for her wedding _._

_I_ _guess it's happening. JJ, please don't do it unless you really want to. Don't do it for him, or your mom. If you do it, do it for you. Please.  
_

Garcia started to lead Henry in Reid's direction, but the little blonde spotted his godfather and closed the distance at full speed. "Uncle Spence!"

Reid bent to give Henry a hug as Garcia came up behind him, carrying the ringbearer's pillow.

"Uncle Spence is going to show you how to carry this, Henry. You're going to walk down that little aisle over there," she was pointing to the area where chairs were set up under a canopy. "And then you'll give the rings to your dad to hold them, okay? Your mama and daddy are getting married tonight!"

Garcia clapped her hands in excitement, and set off to make further arrangements.

Henry wasn't exactly excited about carrying a pillow, and didn't understand why getting married was exciting either. He had more interesting things on his mind.

"Can we do magic, Uncle Spence? Can you make a quarter come out of my ear?"

Reid thought about it. "I can do better than that, Henry. Look at this!"

Reid produced two gold rings, bright, shiny and new. Henry loved bright, shiny things. "Oooh!"

But, before he knew it, the rings had disappeared. Despite having seen the quarter trick hundreds of times, it didn't occur to Henry that it could be done with anything else. He was totally dumbfounded.

"Where did they go? Did you drop them, Uncle Spence?" Henry began searching the grass.

Reid laughed. "Don't be silly, Henry. You have them, don't you?"

"Me? I don't have them. You dropped them. We have to look for them." He might not have been all that interested in the wedding, but he also didn't want to get in trouble.

"Okay, let's look." Reid squatted down to Henry's height and made a brief show of raking the grass with his long fingers. Then he looked at his godson.

"Wait, Henry, I think I see them."

Henry stood up from where he'd been kneeling in the grass. "Where, Uncle Spence?"

"Right here, Henry." And Reid pulled a ring out from behind each of Henry's ears.

Henry looked amazed, and then started laughing. Reid saw it. His little protégé now understood. It could happen with anything, the 'behind the ears trick'. Henry had just crossed a developmental milestone, and Reid took delight in it. He took delight in everythingabout Henry.

* * *

Before he knew it, the moment was there. JJ came out of Rossi's mansion, again on the arm of her mother. This time, she was wearing the white dress, her hair loosely up. She carried no flowers.

_She doesn't need flowers to make her beautiful_.

Reid was standing off to the side, beyond Will, to cue Henry and make sure nothing happened to the rings. He watched her walking down the aisle, and wondered why he'd never fantasized about it, having done so about so many other scenarios involving her. He realized he'd never been focused on marrying her. He'd simply wanted to be able to love her, and be loved in return. The idea of her wedding only came into play when he thought about all of the ways he could lose her. 

_Strange,_  he thought _. I never looked at it as a way to win_ _her. Not so Will._

As she stood facing Will, JJ flashed a quick smile over his shoulder to Spence. He smiled and gave her his little, awkward wave in return. As the couple said their vows and exchanged their rings, Reid prayed that she would be happy.

The rest of the evening was taken up with good food, good wine, and good company. Once the final toast was offered, the dancing began.

When it was Reid's turn with Emily, the two danced cheek to cheek, each silently remembering the many moments, both good and bad, they'd shared together. Reid would have been in mourning over the loss of his confidant, had he not already found another. Instead, he was able to enjoy the gift of this special time with her, and left her laughing when he ended the dance with a comical bow.

It seemed as though JJ and Will would dance every dance with each other. But then Reid noticed JJ encouraging Will to ask his new mother-in-law to join him. As he did so, JJ made her way to the edge of the dance floor, near Reid. He thought she'd meant to rest, but instead she stood before him and stretched out her hand in invitation.

Reid raised his brows, and then accepted her invitation with another bow. She laughed as they took their positions with one another, holding their heads against one another so that they could speak.

"Congratulations, JJ. Will's a lucky man. I hope he knows that."

"Me too."

Reid was a little uncomfortable with that response. It wasn't 'of course he does', but 'me too', as in 'I hope so too.'  _Don't overread things._  He tried again.

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you. And you look so handsome!"

"Thanks." Long pause. He kept trying to talk himself out of asking this, but lost the argument. He had to know.

"JJ, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Spence, what is it?"

"Are you happy?"

She leaned back at that, so she could see his face. "Of course I am. Why would you even ask that?"

Her tone wasn't angry. It was the tone of someone who needed to know. Did he recognize something in her that she wasn't seeing herself? They'd been close once upon a time. The rift over the deception about Emily had put distance between them, but she still thought Reid knew her better than anyone else on the team.  Maybe better than anyone else, period.

"I don't know. I just….Never mind, ignore me. I'm not making any sense tonight. Must have been all those champagne toasts."

She laughed because she knew he expected her to, but she was still chewing on the fact that her best friend had just asked her if she was happy  _on her wedding night._

It made her wonder about his own mood. She'd long known he had a crush on her, although he'd never acted on it. Their one failed 'date' had actually been all Gideon's doing. With the surprise of the wedding tonight, she'd not had time to think about how it might be affecting Reid. Taking stock of him now, she thought he was handling it well. Better, in fact, than she would have expected.

"How about you, Spence? Are you happy?"

"Me?" He had to think about that. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had asked him. Couldn't remember if anyone  _had_ ever asked him.

"Me." Pause. " I'm happy, I guess." He thought a moment more. "Yes, I'm happy."

She smiled at him. It was so 'Reid' of him, to want to be accurate, and precise with every answer. Then she looked at him more intensely, really studying him.

"Yes, you are. I can see it. You're happy." She reached up a hand to touch his cheek. "I'm glad, Spence."

He smiled down at her. "I'm happy for you, JJ. Really. I am."

"Thank you. And will you tell me what makes you happy? Is it a 'who'?"

Before Reid could answer, Will cut in on them. "I'm stealing my bride back, Spencer."

Reid gave another of his comical bows. "She's all yours, Will."

* * *

It was very late by the time Reid got home, but he simply wasn't ready for sleep. Tomorrow...well, today…was Sunday, the day he would page Maeve, and she would call him back at the phone booth. He was anxious for their conversation. They were reading through the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle together, and he found her insights on the writing, as well as the cases, to be fascinating. He found  _her_ to be fascinating.

He hadn't had a chance to answer JJ when she'd asked him what, or who was making him happy. He wasn't sure he could, or would, have answered her in the moment. He wasn't even sure he'd realized he  _was_ happy. But now, acknowledging his anticipation of their contact, he knew the answer. It  _was_  a 'who'. A 'she', in fact. Maeve. She'd given him reason to look forward, to be excited. She'd made him feel valued. The few times he'd been unable to call her when he was away on a case, she'd told him she missed him.

As much as Reid knew he contributed to the work of the team, he'd never felt as though he mattered. If not him, someone else would come up with the solution, or perhaps Garcia's computers would do so. But, with Maeve, it was  _only_  him. He felt it. She valued  _him_. Not what he could do. Not his IQ of 187 or his eidetic memory. She valued the person who was Spencer Reid.

He'd never experienced that before, and it was changing him. He treasured it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Transitions**

**Chapter 3**

"I saw the whole thing on the television. How awful, Spencer! Those people killed in the bank, and then that you knew the officer that was kidnapped! I'm so glad to hear that he's all right."

Reid hadn't told her about the threat to Henry. He couldn't quite bring himself to think about it himself, let alone talk about it.

"He'll be fine, but only because of the vest. The bullet still got him, but it didn't hit anything vital. It looked like he'd already gotten rid of the sling. I guess he didn't want to get married looking like that."

"Married?"

"Yeah, he and JJ got married last night"

Maeve couldn't help but notice the long pause after that, almost as though Reid had said it to himself, and was trying to process it.

"JJ, she's the one you're especially close with, right? Henry's mother?"

By now, Maeve had heard all about Henry. But she'd long suspected she hadn't heard everything there was to hear about JJ.

"Yeah, she's Henry's mom." Not answering the question about how close they were. "They decided to get married right after it was all over. He proposed to her in the hospital."

"Ah, a 'mercy wedding'."

Maeve was joking, Reid could hear it in her voice. But he took the words seriously. They jived with what he'd thought.

"Do you really think so?"

Now Maeve could hear the concern in  _his_  voice.

"No, Spencer, I was joking. I don't  _have_ an opinion. I've never met them, only through you." Pause. "But I can hear that  _you_  might be concerned about it."

He hesitated to say it aloud. Until now, it had only been an internal conversation.

"I guess I am. I mean, they've been together for four years, and living together for most of that time, so I guess it makes sense. But then, there's that. They've been together all that time, and she didn't want to marry him before. So why now? I'm just worried that she was reacting to her fear that day, and not paying attention to whatever it was that's kept her from marrying him up until now. I don't know, It's just that marriage is a pretty life changing thing, isn't it?"

Now there was a long silence on the other end of the line. Reid wouldn't understand until much, much later what might have caused it.

Then, a quiet voice. "Yes, the decision to get married  _is_  pretty life changing. I'd imagine."  Maeve decided to change the subject. "Was Henry there?"

"Oh, Maeve, you should have seen him. My little man is so smart!"

And he proceeded to tell her all about the magic trick, and Henry's understanding. She smiled to hear how excited he was about a child's simple breakthrough.

"You love learning, don't you, Spencer? No matter who's doing the learning?"

"I love Henry."

It was a simple statement, declarative, honest and true. The kind he'd made so often, about so many things. The kind of statement that was gradually drawing her to feel closer to him, to want to  _be_  closer to him. Over their several months of sharing, Maeve had begun to find herself thinking about the day she would meet Reid. The day she could see for herself this man who had such great love for a little boy who wasn't his own. Now, each time they spoke, that desire to meet became stronger and stronger. And yet, there was the danger...

Not realizing she was reacting on the other end of the call, Reid changed the subject, and brought them to a discussion of their favorite sleuth and the most recent adventure they were reading in common. Reid found Maeve's insights into human nature to be remarkable, and he enjoyed her analyses of the cases.

Wishing the modern pay phone came with a built-in seat, Reid spent the next forty minutes in lively conversation with the person he was increasingly thinking of as his soul mate.

* * *

On Thursday, they were called out to a case. JJ had returned to work the day prior, having celebrated only a brief, two day honeymoon.

"JJ, you're back? Already?" Reid had thought she'd be out at least a week.

"Will wants us to go to New Orleans, so I'm saving up my time. This was just a 'post-wedding vacation', and New Orleans will be the honeymoon."

"Well, it's good to have you back. And congratulations, again."

"Thanks, Spence. Oh, and thanks for taking care of Henry that night. He was so cute, wasn't he?"

Reid realized he'd never told JJ about Henry and the rings and the magic trick. Now that he did so, she laughed at his excitement about it.

"You know, Spence, sometimes I think you get more worked up about Henry growing up than I do." She saw that he didn't know how to take that, so she added, as she placed a hand on his arm, "and I think it's great."

He was reassured. "Well, he's a smart kid, JJ. He picks things up so quickly."

She grinned at him. "Takes after his godfather, right?"

He returned the grin.

After they'd taken their seats in the round table room, Garcia began the case presentation.

"What we have here, crime fighters, is a mystery. A genuine, Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys type mystery."

She flicked the remote and several photos came up on the smartboard. The first was a photo of a woman's face, seemingly taken from some type of ID.

"This is Elaine Morton, age 32. Or, rather, it  _was_  Elaine Morton. Her decapitated body was found in a dumpster outside Springfield, Missouri."

"If she was decapitated, how was she identified?" Morgan asked the obvious question.

"Ah, because her most identifying feature….to wit, her head…was delivered to a Mr. Robert Causman."

Rossi moved the presentation along. "And who is Mr. Causman to the victim, Garcia?"

"No relationship, at least none that the Springfield PD can tell."

"So, again, how was she identified?"

"By the delivery man. Or, more exactly, by the delivery service. She paid to have her head delivered to Mr. Causman."

That brought looks all around the table.

Emily, about to embark on her last away case with the team, remarked, "This is a little more gruesome than any Nancy Drew story I remember."

Morgan snorted. "Yeah, Frank and Joe always seemed a little more into 'who stole the money jar' than anything like this."

The rest  joined him in chuckling. All except Reid, who'd never heard of any of the referenced fictional characters.

"Garcia?" Hotch tried to bring the discussion back to the subject at hand.

"The delivery service had an invoice for a shipment ordered by Elaine Morton two days before the delivery. The box was picked up at her address and then delivered to Mr. Causman."

"And we've got absolutely no relationship between the two." Reid wanted clarification.

"None that Springfield PD has been able to turn up."

"How did she order the delivery, Garcia? If she  _did_  order it? Was it on line?" JJ inquired.

"On line, yes. Traced back to an IP address that corresponds to her laptop."

"Can we assume they've been to her house?" Morgan was hoping the Springfield PD had covered all the obvious angles.

"They've been to her house, no sign of forced entry, no sign of trauma, no laptop."

Rossi had a question. "This may be obvious to everyone else in the room but me, but can they tell where the laptop was when she made the order? If it  _was_  her who made the order?"

"Excellent, Rossi! You're beginning to catch on to the modern era! So, yes, they can tell, and no, it wasn't from her home network. It was from the wifi at the local coffee shop."

Emily was surprised. "So the unsub had this woman with him at a coffee shop, and forced her into requesting a delivery of her own head?"

Reid interjected, ever the voice of logic. "We don't actually know that it was Elaine Horton making the arrangement on line. And, even if it was, it could be that she simply requested that a package be picked up and delivered, without knowing what would be in the package."

Several of them cringed at the thought of a woman unknowingly ordering a pick up and delivery of her own head. Garcia had more information for them.

"The on line order was made at 2:45 AM. The coffee shop is a late operator, but it closes at midnight."

Morgan wanted to be sure. "So they either broke in or….could the signal penetrate to the outside? Could they have used the coffee shop wifi from outside the store?"

"Absolutely." Garcia was emphatic.

JJ was curious. "Where did she….or the unsub….arrange for the pickup to be made?"

"From her front porch."

Emily whistled. "Whoa, so the unsub forces her to order the delivery….or  _he_  orders the delivery…or  _she_ orders the delivery without realizing what it was for…..and then the unsub decapitates her, and  _then_  brings the head back to the porch?"

'Precisely. Or not. We simply don't know." Garcia shrugged.

Rossi wanted to pursue a practical aspect of the case. "Do we know what kind of implement was used to sever the head?"

"Ewww, why do we always have to get to this part?" Garcia shivered. "It was a hack job, according to the ME. Something really rough, like an axe. With multiple strokes."

"So nothing surgical, nothing precise." Reid observed.

"Sounds like our unsub is a hybrid. Disorganized enough to get into a frenzy with decapitation, but organized enough to plan a pretty bizarre scenario." Morgan was laying out some of the details that would prove to be most mystifying, and frustrating, in solving the case.

Hotch had been on his cell for much of this conversation, already being familiar with the details. Now he closed the phone and addressed the team.

"Springfield PD has a second head, no body yet. We're not waiting for a third.  Whether he's organized or disorganized, we've got a serial. Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

The circumstances surrounding the second severed head seemed to be similar to the first. This time, the head of Marta Leon had been delivered to Jasper Ruiz, ostensibly at the behest of Ms. Leon. Her delivery order had also been placed on line, this time from a location in or near the public library, at an hour when said library was closed. Her laptop, and her body, were missing.

Morgan spoke with Penelope via their computer link, as the others on the plane listened. "Garcia, Baby Girl, what have you got for us? Anything under any of those identities?"

"Of course, my liege. But nothing that connects any of them. Elaine Morton was a legal secretary for a two man law firm, twice divorced, no kids that I can find. Our newer victim, Marta Leon, was twenty-six, and a paraprofessional in an elementary school. She was never married, but did have an eight year old daughter, who is being looked after by her grandmother now."

"Did they live together, Garcia?" asked Reid.

"No, Marta had an apartment with her daughter. Her mother lives in the next town."

"And how about Elaine Morton, did she live alone?" Emily was continued the train of thought.

"She owned a home about six miles away from Marta Leon's apartment. Bought it after her most recent divorce."

They could hear Garcia typing on her computer as she spoke. "And before you ask, I'm still looking into all of the men involved. The two 'gift' recipients, as well as Elaine Morton's exes. I should have contact information by the time you land."

Reid wanted more. "Garcia, can you send me addresses? I need them for each victim, recipient, workplace, the sites where the orders were placed….anything you can get."

"Will do, Boy Genius. You'll be able to plot away to your heart's content as soon as you land."

"Thanks, Garcia." Reid was  _always_  polite.

* * *

As she returned from making a cup of tea, JJ noticed Reid. He had a book open on his lap, as per his usual. But he wasn't looking at it. Instead, he was staring out the window of the plane, a faraway look in his eyes. And maybe something else.

She plopped herself down in the seat next to him.

"Penny."

"What?"

"A penny for your thoughts. What were you daydreaming about?"

She was caught off guard by his reaction, which was almost panicked. "Nothing. I wasn't daydreaming, I was reading."

He couldn't have explained why, but he knew he wasn't ready to share Maeve with anyone. Not even his best friend.

JJ just looked at him, a bemused smile on her face. "Of course you were."

She sat back and drank her tea, letting him pretend to look at his book _. Something's up with you, Spence. And if I didn't know better, I'd guess it's a 'someone'._

Out of the corner of his eye, Reid could see JJ smiling to herself. He couldn't hear what she was thinking.

_Can it be? Can Spence have a girlfriend?_

In truth, and despite her newly married status, she wasn't all that surprised when the thought raised a pang of jealousy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Transitions**

**Chapter 4**

Hotch made the introductions as he and Rossi arrived to the precinct. They would set up the case with local law enforcement, and interview the two men who'd received the packages. While Morgan and JJ visited the two victim's homes, Reid and Emily would assess the dump site for Elaine Morton's body, and then proceed on to the homes of the two package recipients. They would also cover the ME.

As he peered in through the one way window, Hotch could see that Robert Causman looked annoyed. Detective Brenner watched alongside him.

"He's a bit of a prick, although I guess I can understand it. He was here all day yesterday being interviewed, and now he's annoyed to be missing a second day of work. High powered real estate guy, owns a bunch of franchises. Time is money for him."

"And he insists he didn't know Elaine Morton?"

"Never heard of her, didn't recognize her photograph. But some of our guys felt like he was a little too cool about everything, you know? Like, shouldn't it freak you out to open a package and find a severed head inside?"

Hotch had been staring through the window, but now turned to look at Brenner. "He wasn't?"

"No. At least, not by the time the detectives got there. Although he sounded a little more like what you'd expect on the 911 call."

"Do you have that recording?"

Brenner nodded. "Both guys. I can get them for you."

"Good. We'll listen to them when we've got the whole team back here."

With that, Hotch entered the room with Causman. He introduced himself and the BAU's role in the investigation.

"FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit, huh? I've heard about you guys. Profiling, they call it, right?" Causman seemed impressed, but in a smarmy kind of way.

Hotch didn't respond to the question, getting right into asking some of his own.

"Mr. Causman, as you are aware, we are investigating the death of Elaine Morton, whose severed head was delivered to your home two days ago." He watched with satisfaction as his subject gulped with the memory of the image. "Please tell me everything you know about this."

"Like I told the police, I don't know anything. I just found the package on my porch when I got home that night."

"Were you expecting a package? Any kind of delivery?"

"Not specifically. But I get a lot of courier deliveries from my people. I work from home a lot."

"But not on the day the package was delivered?"

"No, I make the rounds of my franchises once or twice a month. That was a rounding day."

"Do you 'round' on a regular schedule? Was it known that you wouldn't be at home that day?"

"No, I like to make unannounced visits, you know? Keeps them on their toes."

Causman was starting to tap his foot, looking impatient. Apparently the interview wasn't moving ahead quickly enough for him. "Look, is this gonna take much longer? I missed work all day yesterday, and I really can't afford to miss a second day in a row."

Hotch was accustomed to this kind of pushback from his interview subjects. Sometimes it came from a genuine anxiety over being able to meet their other responsibilities, and sometimes it was a means of obfuscating. Regardless, he wasn't about to be hurried along.

"I sympathize, Mr. Causman. But a woman is dead, and we're here to help find the person who killed her."

They hadn't shared the fact that there were actually two victims with either of the men who'd received the packages.

Causman didn't look happy about it, but the tone of Hotch's voice told him he'd be remaining until he was formally dismissed. Seeing that his point had been made, Hotch continued the interview.

"Please tell me about when you opened the package."

Causman sighed. "The package was on the porch. It looked different from the usual in that it was actually a box. Usually I'm receiving papers in a large envelope."

Hotch knew they would be able to examine the actual package later, so dispensed with further descriptors.

"Did you open it right away?"

"To be honest, no. It had been a long day and I wanted a drink. So I put it aside and made myself a martini. I didn't open the package until after I'd had my drink. Well, two, actually. That's probably why I didn't totally wig out when I opened it. If I hadn't had the drinks, I'd have needed them."

"What did you do after you opened it, Mr. Causman?"

"I probably screamed, I don't know. And then I called the police."

Hotch knew the story was consistent with what he'd told Detective Brenner.

"Mr. Causman, are you married?"

"Twice. But not now."

"Do you live alone?"

"Yes."

"Does anyone come into the house or on the grounds? Housekeeper, lawn service, anyone?"

"Both. A housekeeper and a lawn service. The police asked me that as well. The cleaning service comes once a month, last time three weeks ago. Lawn guy is weekly, and was there yesterday."

The day _after_  the package had been delivered, Hotch realized. Probably a dead end. But maybe….

"Would either of them be familiar with your schedule on a day to day basis?"

"No, there's no way they could be. It literally changes on a daily basis."

Hotch felt like he'd gotten what he could for now.

"Mr. Causman, I'll let you get back to your business. But I may need to speak with you again. Please make sure we have your contact information. Thank you for your time. And your patience."

Hotch was willing to concede the final bit if it would assure the man's cooperation in the future.

* * *

Down the hallway, in a similar interview room, Rossi had met with Jasper Ruiz. According to the police, this package recipient had sounded considerably more frightened when he made his 911 call. He was employed at a local home improvement chain big box store, widowed, the father of a six year old son. He was not accustomed to receiving packages at home, and so had been curious enough to open it immediately. Even today, a full day after the event, he shook as he recounted the story. As he told Rossi, he was now frightened for both himself and his son.

"What if he had opened the package? What would have happened to him? How could he ever get it out of his mind? I can't get it out of mine."

Mr. Ruiz denied knowing Marta Leon by name or face. He'd been widowed for two years, after the unfortunate loss of his wife to cancer. No housekeeper, no lawn service...he couldn't afford either. An hourly employee, he too was anxious to get back to work. Rossi dismissed him with the same admonitions Hotch had given to Causman.

As the two senior agents compared notes, Morgan and JJ returned from the women's homes. They had little of use to report.

"Morton's home is in an upscale neighborhood. High end furniture, looked like a fairly recent kitchen remodel." Morgan started them off.

"Pretty minimalistic décor, looked professionally done. There wasn't a single thing out of place. Nothing. Not even a pile of bills. I can only wish my house looked like that."

The three men smiled. JJ wasn't exactly known for her neat desk, either.

She caught the smiles. "What? Come on, I try. But I've got a four year old."

"At work?" Rossi couldn't resist.

Morgan joined in chuckling at that. "Well, anyway, JJ's right about Morton's place. The only thing we could see was just a faint outline where it looked like some dust had settled around something rectangular. We think it was where her laptop usually sat, on a desk in her office."

JJ got up for coffee as she told them about the other victim's home.

"Marta Leon lived in a two bedroom apartment. This one was more lived in…she had a child, after all." She looked meaningfully at her colleagues as she said it, and then continued.

"But it was also as neat as it could possibly have been. Her daughter's room was beautiful. It looked like she probably spent all of her money on her daughter, and not herself. Judging from the quality of clothes in each of their closets. And a neighbor told us she sent her daughter to a Catholic school, so she had to have valued that kind of education enough to spend the additional money on it."

"No sign of forced entry, or violence of any sort…no breakage, no nothing, at either site." Morgan was always frustrated when his investigations didn't move the case along.

Emily and Reid returned from their assignments and were brought up to speed by the rest of the team before sharing their own findings.

"The dumpster belonged to a small chain hotel along the interstate, just outside the city limits. At first, the police were convinced the body must have belonged to someone staying or working at the hotel."

"A forensic counter measure?" JJ inquired. "Or did Elaine Morton have some connection with the hotel?"

"No connection that's been uncovered so far," responded Prentiss. "And the placement of the body outside Springfield might have been a counter measure in itself. At least it held up the investigation for a while. The local police started on the case, but then, I guess after much discussion, it was decided the head would carry more weight…in a figurative sense…than the body. And since the head was delivered to Springfield…."

"And since we don't know where the killings actually took place, it fell to Springfield." Morgan finished the thought for her.

Rossi was, as usual, sardonic. "So the unsub is either extremely clever or extremely lucky. You know, after all these years, I never get over hating this phase of a case. When even though we have a lot of information, we know  _nothing_."

"Not entirely true, Rossi." Reid corrected him. "We know, because the dumpster was last emptied three days ago, when the body was dumped. And we know she was fully dressed. The ME didn't find any evidence of sexual assault, but…she did find evidence of ligature marks at the wrists. Our victim was restrained prior to her death. The marks looked thin, but deep. Her best guess is plastic ties."

Emily completed their report. "We were able to speak with the clerks on duty for each shift since the dumpster had last been emptied. No one saw anything unusual, no guests seemed odd. We have a guest list and have sent it off to Garcia to work her magic."

It was getting late. Two heads in two days brought urgency to the case, but an exhausted team wouldn't help anyone. Hotch made the assignments for the following day, and sent the team off to the hotel. He would follow after meeting again with the lead detective.

* * *

"First time away as a married woman, JJ. Is the 'old man' giving you a hard time?" Emily thought she was teasing, having seen JJ actively texting all through dinner. "Or is he sending you sweet 'I miss yous'?"

Reid had noticed the texting too...they all had, since it had been going on constantly. But he'd also noticed that she didn't look like she'd been receiving anything pleasant.

JJ responded to Emily with a dismissive smile. "He misses me, I guess."

Sitting next to her, Emily was the only one who heard what followed. "Now that he owns me."

JJ pushed her chair back and smiled at the others. "I'll say good night now. Time to go and visit with my two boys."

The tone was light, but Reid was confused by the smile that didn't quite reach to her eyes. He hadn't heard her 'under the breath' comment as Emily had. He was used to JJ excusing herself to 'read' Henry his bedtime stories, but somehow this felt different. Possibly because of the look on Emily's face.

Even more so when, as the rest of them headed to their rooms after dinner, Emily touched his arm and pulled him aside.

"Is JJ all right?"

"All right? Why?"

"Because she said something when I was teasing her about Will texting." Emily told Reid what she'd heard.

"Could there be a problem?"

Reid, despite the vibes that had been plaguing him, knew it didn't make sense. "They just got married, how could there be a problem?"

"I don't know. But it wouldn't be the first time, and he wouldn't be the first guy to change after saying 'I do'. I know she's said Will liked it better when she was at the Pentagon. He didn't want her coming back to the BAU. And I know he did his best to 'guilt her' when Henry had that seizure last year. You remember when she was trying to fly out in a tornado."

Reid hadn't been happy about that, to the point where he'd actually brought it up to JJ later. It was totally out of character for him to insert himself into any of his colleagues' private lives, including JJ's. But he'd been frightened that she'd actually considered flying out in that weather, and he'd asked her about it.

"He didn't ask me to fly, Spence. In fact, he told me he didn't need me." She hadn't had to say the rest. He'd told her he didn't need her when their son was ill and in the hospital, knowing she would feel such guilt that she would do almost anything to get back. Reid knew, right then, that Will LaMontagne was skilled in the art of manipulation.

There had been nothing so overt since then, but Reid had been put on alert. Maybe that's what had led to his concern over the sudden decision to get married _._

_Did he manipulate her into that? I don't see how he could have. He had no control over that situation. But he has control now._

Reid turned troubled eyes to Emily. "Can you talk to her? I don't think it should be me. You know…"

Emily didn't, but she'd heard. Reid's frequent visits to the LaMontagne household during her 'death' had been tolerated by Will, but not particularly welcomed. There had been some tension in the relationship ever since then. Despite his reconciliation with JJ, Reid didn't think he should approach the subject of Will.

"I don't know, Reid….."

"Please, Emily. You're leaving us. Once you've gone, I'm not sure I'll know how to help her."

Emily studied him. "You're really worried, aren't you? You really think she might need help."

"I don't know. Probably not. Like you said, they just got married. But I can't shake this feeling…."

She studied him a while longer. "All right. I'll talk to her. But don't be surprised if she hands me my head. You know how JJ is about privacy."

That was exactly what worried him. The extremely private JJ would suffer in silence rather than ask for help. And he couldn't have that. Not for her sake. And not for Henry's.


	5. Chapter 5

**Transitions**

**Chapter 5**

They were to start the day with a full task force meeting. Before that, the BAU team wanted to hear the 911 tapes from the two men who'd received the packages containing the severed heads.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I need the police, immediately." The voice was tense, tight. This was the call from Robert Causman.

"Are you in danger, sir?"

"No. Yes. Maybe, I don't know. I just opened a package and there's a human head inside it. I need the police."

"They're on their way, sir. Are you sure you're safe?"

"Yes…..yes, I think we are. Thank you." And he ended the call from his end.

Hotch looked around at his team. "Thoughts?"

Emily started. "Sounds pretty controlled, considering."

"And directive, " observed Morgan. "He basically gave an order, didn't he?"

"What do you mean?" JJ was curious.

"I mean, he didn't start off with saying anything about the head. He demanded the police. Twice."

JJ wasn't sure it meant anything. "But couldn't he just have been saying he needed the police instead of an ambulance?"

"I don't know, JJ, I think Morgan might be right." Reid joined the conversation. "I think most people would have been too panicked. They would have started right in with shouting about the head. And, think of it, the 911 operator even asks 'what is your emergency', but that's not what he responds to."

Rossi had been holding back, listening. Now he felt a need to comment.

"It could just be his personality. According to Detective Brenner, he's a take-charge kind of guy. Maybe also a demanding taxpayer, feeling a right to give orders."

Looking towards his old friend, he added, "You interviewed him yesterday, Aaron. What was your impression?"

Hotch was considered in his response. "He did come across as arrogant, and he tried to be demanding."

There were stolen glances all around the table at that. The rest of the team had no doubt that Causman had been 'out-arroganted' by Aaron Hotchner, and they didn't have to ask to be certain that his demands had not been met by their unit chief.

Rossi moved them along. "Maybe we should hear the other recording now."

This one started similarly, but then diverged.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Oh, my God, oh my God!"

"Sir, what is your emergency?"

"It's a head! It's a woman's head!" Then, with less volume, as though his mouth had been turned away, they heard, "No, Paulie, don't come in here. Go play outside."

"Sir?"

They could hear several deep breaths, as though the caller was trying to calm himself.

"I came home from work, and there was a package. I opened it and, oh my God, there's a head! A woman's head!"

"There's a woman's head in a package? A human head, sir? A person has been killed?"

"She's dead, her head is in a box! Please help me. What if my son had opened it? Oh my God!"

"The police are on their way, sir. Are you safe? Is your son safe? Is there anyone else in the house with you?"

"Anyone else…?!" They could hear the caller pacing, now checking the house.

"No, there's …Paulie, I told you to stay outside!"

"Sir?"

"I see them, the police are here now. I see them."

"Sir, I'll leave you in their hands then. Goodbye."

"Goodbye." Pause. "Thank you, thank you."

Hotch looked around at his team, and Emily started them off again.

"A lot more like what I'd expect in the circumstance."

JJ noticed, "He's pretty protective of his son."

Reid agreed. "He even searched the house on his own. Most people would have gotten out and waited for the police."

JJ observed wryly, "That's a parent for you."

Morgan contributed, "He was definitely more panicked than Causman. Frightened by the whole situation, I think, and not just because of his son."

Rossi made an astute observation. "He also identified the head as belonging to a woman. That personalized it more than Causman did. Causman only called it a 'human head'."

"And Ruiz stayed on the line until the police arrived. I think most people would have done that. Causman ended the call himself. According to the records, it was another full minute and a half before the cops got there." Morgan was citing more of the facts that supported Ruiz' increased sense of panic.

"So we have some significant behavioral differences between the two recipients to go along with their differences in social status and personal circumstances. Where does that bring us?" Hotch posed his question back to the team.

Reid always liked to think aloud, sometimes to the annoyance of his colleagues. But this time it helped them start to sort things through.

"It's more where it  _doesn't_  bring us, at least at this point. There are too many questions. Is one of these men the unsub, and if so, is he on a killing spree? Or did he kill one woman for a specific reason, and the second as a distraction?"

That made JJ voice one of their concerns. "If it's an unsub on a killing spree, he's got a very short interval. We could be hearing about another severed head as soon as today."

"Right." Morgan took it next. "But if the unsub is one of our package recipients, and if he targeted the woman, we should be able to find some kind of connection between them. I'll check in with Garcia before we meet with the task force."

Reid was still thinking. "Morgan, have her cross check them. It could be the unsub was actually targeting the woman whose head was delivered to the other man. Forensic countermeasure, " he added, unnecessarily.

Emily knew it could be still more complicated. "Or is there another unsub who targeted either these women, or these men, or, somehow all four of them?"

"Well, if it's a targeted crime, and more than one of these people was targeted, we should be able to find  _some_  connection between them. But if it's a fetish crime, or a compulsion, and they're seemingly random targets, we'll have to hope something else breaks for us." Rossi had been here before, often, and it always frustrated him.

Reid and Hotch were to revisit the two men's homes today, while Rossi and Morgan covered their workplaces. JJ and Emily would go to the workplaces of the two women.

"Hotch, before we go out to the homes, do you think we could take a look at the packages?" Reid was suggesting a diversion to the crime lab. He wanted to lay his own eyes on something the unsub had touched.

Hotch nodded once. "We'll go right after we set up with the task force. Everyone, we'll reconvene at noon, here or by phone. Good luck."

"And good hunting," added Rossi.

* * *

Warily, because she didn't want to cause any discord, Emily decided to approach JJ as they traveled to the legal office where Elaine Morton had been employed. She looked over to her colleague from the passenger seat.

"JJ? Is everything all right?"

The blonde stole a glance sideways. "All right? What do you mean?"

"Well….between you and Will. You know, last night, when you made that remark about him 'owning' you."

JJ heaved a huge sigh. "You weren't supposed to hear that. I was just venting."

"Venting? Is it something you want to talk about?"

JJ turned sideways again, then back to the road. "It's nothing. Really. Thanks, Emily, but I think it will be okay."

Emily Prentiss had become everyone's sounding board. She was never one to probe, but always provided an excellent opportunity for reflection. It was probably why so many of her colleagues confided in her. She wouldn't probe this time either. But that wouldn't stop her from offering an observation.

"Sometimes it's easy to misinterpret a text, isn't it? Like an e-mail. There's no inflection, no tone of voice, so you never really know what it means."

JJ harrumphed. "Some texts don't require an inflection." Then, realizing she'd already started the conversation, she conceded with a small smile at her friend.

"He was texting me all through dinner. Obviously you saw that. And every last one of them was about something I was missing with Henry by being away, or how Henry was asking for me. He's trying to make me feel guilty, and he feels like he has the right, because, as he says, "You're my wife now." As if that changes everything."

"Doesn't sound new. He's been unhappy about your being with the BAU, and especially the traveling, for a long time, hasn't he?"

"Since I got pregnant with Henry. He wanted me to stay out of the field. We argued about it a lot. And then he was ecstatic when I was at the Pentagon. But  _I_  wasn't. When I came back to the BAU, the arguing got worse again."

Emily's antennae were up. "Got worse? You were still arguing when you were at the Pentagon?"

JJ was dismissive. "All couples argue, I didn't think much of it. It was mostly about normal stuff. The only times I got really upset with him were the nights we were supposed to get together. Remember, the team was having dinner? All but one of those times he had to work late and I couldn't go."

She was thinking back to that time. "But I really shouldn't have been upset with him then. It wasn't his fault he had to work late."

_Maybe, and maybe not._  Emily kept silent, allowing her friend to continue her thoughts. But she did file away the information she was hearing. There was something in there that concerned her…but she wasn't sure it should have.

After a few moments, JJ continued. "He says I'm being selfish, and sometimes I can't help but think he's right. I mean, we're in a relationship, don't I have to make compromises? Look at him, he left his job and moved all the way up to DC."

They were nearing their destination. Their time in the car, and Emily's time with the team, was running short. Despite the potential fallout, she had to ask.

"JJ, if things haven't been smooth between you…well, really, you can just tell me to shut up right now, and I will….but if things weren't smooth between you, why did you decide to get married?"

Even from the side, Emily could see the tears spring to JJ's eyes, and then be fought back down without being shed.

"I don't know. I was so emotional that day. He'd almost died…twice. Henry had almost lost his father. And…" JJ's hand had gone to her face. A tear had escaped.  "And we could have lost Henry! I just…..I was just so grateful to have them both, alive. I had to do something to show it."

Emily just looked at her good friend, then dared to ask. "If you hadn't been surprised at Rossi's….I mean, the party, all of us, even your mother being there…..do you think you would have done it?"

They'd arrived. JJ put the SUV in park and turned to look at Emily, clearly upset. "I don't know."

Emily's eyes widened as JJ continued.

"But you can't tell Rossi, please. It would upset him, and he was being so generous about it. Please, Emily, you can't tell anyone."

Taking a few seconds to consider, Emily responded. "There's someone who's very worried about you, JJ."

Her colleague squinted her lack of understanding, and then the light went on. "Spence?"

Emily nodded. "He even picked up on it Saturday night, but we all poo-pooed him."

JJ shook her head. "Don't tell him, Emily. Will is already not a fan of Spence, and I don't want anything to happen to make it worse."

Emily was very precise in her response. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, JJ. I need to keep my best transatlantic friend. Who else would fill me in on all the dirt?"

She got the laugh, and the distraction, she was seeking, as they headed into the legal office.


	6. Chapter 6

**Transitions**

**Chapter 6**

Stopping by the lab first, Hotch and Reid examined the boxes that had held the women's heads. It had already been determined that the unsub had left no fingerprints. Testing had confirmed that what looked like blood absorbed into the cardboard was, indeed, blood, consistent with the types of the victims, respectively.

"There's not enough, though." Reid was estimating the amount of blood present in the packaging. "He had to have let most of it drain out before he put the heads into the boxes. The lab tech said there was a disproportionate amount of water in the seepage too, as if they'd been frozen and thawed."

They'd profiled that the unsub was a male, based on the amount of strength it would have taken to wield an axe with enough force to sever the heads.

"We already know that each of the women apparently went missing two days before her head was delivered. It would make sense if he'd killed them right away, and then preserved the heads in a freezer for an additional day." Hotch was trying to piece together what they had so far.

"That would fit with what the ME told Morgan and me yesterday. The torso of Elaine Morton was beginning decomposition, but her head was preserved. The unsub probably dumped the body on the same day, and sent the head the next day. When we find Marta Leon's torso, it will probably be the same."

"We don't know if the victims were conscious when he killed them, but the fact that they were restrained leads me to think they probably were, at least for a period of time. So he's got to have a space isolated enough to allow him prevent anyone hearing anything."

Reid agreed with his boss. "And one that would allow him to get the women in, and the bodies out, without being noticed." He was bending, examining the packages again, and now looked up sharply.

Hotch noticed Reid's eyes moving back and forth, as he always seemed to do when he was bringing something up from his extensive memory. He waited his young agent out, knowing from long experience that his patience would be rewarded.

"Hotch, didn't they tell us that the delivery service was completely local? That there was no warehouse processing, that they just did same day deliveries within a twenty mile radius?"

Hotch nodded, thinking he knew where Reid was going. "So the unsub presumably placed the delivery order on line using the victim's own laptop, then placed the frozen head in the box, and left it on the victim's porch. Per the delivery service records, both times the pick up and delivery took place within three hours. By the time the men arrived home, the heads were thawed."

"Right. But the bar codes…."

"Bar codes?" Hotch now realized he hadn't followed Reid at all.

"The bar codes. The service here doesn't need to use them, so they had to have been on the packages already. The unsub reused boxes he already had." Reid was getting excited. "And look, both packages have the same bar codes. At one time, they were both sent to the same zip code. Kansas City, Missouri, if I'm not mistaken."

Hotch had been getting excited about the breakthrough right along with Reid, but now he simply stared at his genius, mouth agape. "You recognized a bar code?"

Reid acted like it was nothing. "From when we had that case, remember? Of the homeless people who were going missing? We made them give us the case because it crossed state lines, between Kansas City, Kansas and Kansas City, Missouri. JJ noticed the addresses on the envelopes."

"And you remembered the bar codes?"

"I have an eidetic memory, Hotch. I remember what I read. Bar codes are just written in a different language."

Hotch gave a slow nod as he pulled out his cell, yet again astounded by the mind before him.

"Garcia, we need you to look into any connections to Kansas City, Missouri, among any of the victims or recipients, and any of their contacts."

It wasn't until he closed the phone that Hotch realized he'd never asked to confirm whether Reid was right about the bar code. He would do that now, but he would keep Garcia at her task. Reid's brain had never disappointed him yet.

* * *

The entire team reconvened at noon, Garcia on Morgan's phone via speaker. Reid explained about the Kansas City connection, and how he'd discovered it. Emily and JJ exchanged amused smiles over it, while Rossi sat, open-mouthed. He didn't think he would ever get entirely used to Reid.

"Ok, what have you got for us, Baby Girl?"

"Well, neither the women nor the men have ever lived in Kansas City, Missouri."

Reid had, indeed, been correct about the denotation of the bar code.

"But both Elaine Morton and Robert Causman have used their credit cards there. Same hotel, different restaurants."

"At the same time, Garcia?" Reid was hopeful.

"Alas, no. They were both there a little over a year ago, but she was there first, and then he was, a few weeks later. I can't connect Ms. Leon or Mr. Ruiz to Kansas City at all."

Emily was thinking. "You know, the fact that they used their credit cards at different times doesn't mean they weren't both there together…twice."

The others agreed, and Hotch had an additional thought. "Garcia, look into whether the workplaces of Morton and Causman have conducted business there."

Reid had been busy at the map while they were talking. "It's under a three hour drive from Springfield to Kansas City. Any one of them could easily have gone back and forth in a day, without leaving any kind of trail. This might be a dead end. Sorry, guys."

"Let's leave the question open and see what else we've got. What about the workplaces?" Hotch directed their attention to JJ and Emily.

JJ started. "Elaine Morton was a legal secretary in a small firm. They seemed pretty casual there, and the attorneys seemed to know a lot about her. We spent most of our time with Attorney Coleman, as the other was headed out to a real estate closing. Elaine had been with them for the past four years. Before that, she lived in Chicago. According to Coleman, she moved after her second divorce, wanting to "get away from things"." JJ made finger quotes, mimicking Coleman. "She told him she got interested in becoming a legal secretary after she went through her first divorce. That first marriage was to a man who was almost forty years older than she was, and who has since died. Apparently she received a healthy settlement as a result, and hence has no financial concerns. Her second marriage was brief, and ended after an incident of domestic violence. He's still incarcerated. I guess he beat her up pretty badly."

JJ winced as she spoke the words.

Emily continued their report. Their second victim's story was much shorter. "Marta Leon was a paraprofessional at her daughter's school. She became pregnant at 18, throwing off her college plans. She never married the father, who is now serving with the army in Afghanistan. Marta was taking on-line courses at night, hoping to get a degree in education. According to the principal, she was an excellent worker. Her colleagues couldn't think of anyone who would want to harm her."

Next, Rossi started on what they'd learned from the men's workplaces. "We went to the home improvement store where Jasper Ruiz works. He's been there for ten years, and has worked his way up to manage his section. Which is, unfortunately, outdoor machines and tools." He looked at the others for their reactions. This meant that Ruiz had easy access to the presumed implement of death.

Rossi continued. "His boss says he's an excellent worker, more serious ever since his wife died from cancer. He doesn't socialize much, since he's the sole caretaker for his son."

Morgan finished the recounting. "We already know that Robert Causman owns several real estate franchises, which he visits irregularly. Most of his work is done from home, according to his secretary, although he does do some travel to conventions and conferences…and quite a few vacations. The secretary also told us that he's been married and divorced twice in the fifteen years she's worked there, most recently three years ago. We've asked Garcia to look into settlements. No matter how much he might be paying out, though, he's still got plenty of dough."

Hotch and Reid had been back to the men's residences, but had not uncovered anything additional to what was already known.

"So where does that leave us?" Hotch was in the habit of having the team summarize the case at intervals, to be sure they were all similarly aware of the important findings.

Morgan started. "We have two women dead, their heads each delivered from their own homes to the home of a seemingly random male. Only one torso found so far, at a separate site. The women appear to have been abducted from their homes, or from another location and brought to their homes, because in each case the laptop was stolen and used to arrange the package delivery."

Reid added to the story. "We have no specific connections between or among any of them, except that the first victim and recipient pair had each used their credit cards in Kansas City within a few weeks of each other. And that the boxes that held the heads had, at one time or another, been sent to Kansas City."

"So we're questioning whether there might have been a social relationship between Morton and Causman, but we have nothing between the second victim and recipient," Rossi contributed.

Emily had noticed something. "Speaking of relationships, we have four single adults here. Two of them divorced, one never married and one widowed."

"And, you know, I'd sort of noticed this before, but wasn't sure what to make of it. The second pair both have Latino last names. It may not mean anything, but you never know." JJ offered her observation.

Reid was nodding. "Sometimes cities end up with some neighborhood segregation by ethnic group. But they don't seem to have lived in the same area of the city. Same thing with churches. Sometimes they sort out by ethnicity, but Garcia didn't find anything there either."

Hotch was satisfied with the recap, if frustrated at the lack of significant progress. "All right. Everyone grab something to eat, and then we'll convene with the task force after lunch. Hopefully Garcia will have completed the rest of her background work by then."

The others left in search of food, but Emily noticed that Reid was staying behind, plotting on his map.

"Not hungry, Handsome?"

It took him a moment to answer, as it usually did when he was thinking. "Huh? Oh, I just want to get this up. I do better when I can look at it."

"Well, make sure you eat. You're too skinny."

Looking at her, Reid realized Emily wasn't referring only to the meal at hand. She was telling him to take care of himself, when she would no longer be around to remind him. Emily saw that he understood her meaning.

"I will." It was sincere.

"Good. Now, I'm going to tell you something, but you can't act like you know. Technically, I didn't promise not to tell, but I don't think JJ realizes it." And Emily told Reid about the conversation she'd had with JJ that morning. She saw the concern in his eyes as she described JJ's emotional state.

His voice was grim. "I knew it. I knew she didn't really want to get married that night. She must have felt forced into it."

Emily disagreed. "She's a big girl, Reid. She could have stopped it. When have you ever known JJ to be forced into anything?"

In a quiet voice, he answered her. "She was forced to leave us, once. She resisted when she thought it was a choice, but when she realized it wasn't, she went along. She told me about it. She didn't want drama. And walking out on Will on the night of a wedding she didn't arrange would have been too much drama for her."

Emily considered it. Reid might be right. It would be entirely consistent with JJ's desire to live her life below the radar, to ensure her privacy….even if it cost her.

She sighed, disappointed for her good friend, but seeing no alternative. "Even so, it is what it is. The best we can do now is to be supportive of her."

"You know I am. And I will be. Thanks, Emily, for trying."

On those words, JJ burst back through the doorway. It was obvious she'd been about to say something, but one glance at Reid and Emily stopped her. Both of them tried to look innocent, but she could tell she'd interrupted a conversation, and she was sure she knew the subject matter.

"Emily." She didn't have to say anything else.

Emily gave her sideways shrug. "Technically, I didn't promise anything. And I love you too much to be so far away and not be able to help. So I thought…"

JJ looked from one to the other, and then visibly closed down. "There's nothing to help with. You both need to let me live my life, and my marriage, on my own."

Reid had seen this JJ before. The proud one. The one who kept you at arm's length. She'd mastered the art with the media, but only rarely practiced it on her friends. This was one of those rare times.

He knew enough not to argue with her. He just looked at her, letting his eyes present his case _. I just don't want to see you hurt. But if you are, I'll be there._

Emily stepped back from the intense gaze passing between her two good friends. She could almost feel the exchange. There was electricity in the air.

Until Hotch's arrival broke the spell. Seeing him, JJ turned, reminded of what she'd come back to the room to say. She took a moment to recover herself, and then spoke.

"Hotch, I've been thinking. The way we were describing the women, and the men. Single, divorced, widowed, having children, or childless, Latino or white…it sounds like a singles ad, doesn't it? Maybe they met through a dating service, or an ad? We can look at the local papers..." She looked meaningfully at Reid as she said this, knowing his speed reading would come in handy. "….but, more likely, it would be on line."

It jelled with all of them. Hotch punched a button on his phone. "Garcia."


	7. Chapter 7

**Transitions**

**Chapter 7**

The task force meeting was abbreviated, to allow them to pursue the new directions. Morgan and Prentiss were dispatched to Kansas City to investigate the leads with the hotel and restaurants that were connected with Morton and Causman. They'd already inquired about Kansas City connections with each of the workplaces, and hit paydirt. Causman was expanding his real estate empire to that not-so-distant city, and Elaine Morton's legal firm had assisted with the closing on an office property he'd purchased. Whether that working partnership had led to anything more was an item of intense interest.

Others in the task force would pursue the possibility of a dating service connection between or among the victims and recipients. They knew that, if such a connection was made, one of the recipients might well be the unsub. The BAU knew their best bet for finding an internet related connection was Garcia, and she was pulled from all of her other tasks to prioritize it. Reid would handle the bulk of the print material.

Rossi was intrigued by some of this. "Can anybody tell me how these on-line dating services work? Do any of them  _actually_  work?"

Hotch took the opportunity to launch a barb at his old friend. "Haven't you accumulated enough ex-wives yet?"

"I'm not saying I want to  _use_  it. I just want to know if it works." Pause. "You know, for future reference." Rossi was one of the few people who could make Hotch laugh.

Across the room, JJ was helping Reid, albeit at a fraction of his speed. The two of them were, in contrast to their two older colleagues, notably silent.

Acutely aware of JJ, and her upset with him, Reid was having a little difficulty concentrating. He needed to clear the air so he could work. Without looking up at her, he spoke.

"I'm sorry."

She flashed a sideways glance at him, then resumed her reading.

Clearly that wasn't going to be enough. Reid tried again. "I'm sorry and I shouldn't have said anything to Emily."

She lifted her head to him, not quite ready to relent. Reid caught her gaze and held it. When he spoke, his words had an intensity to them.

"I'll only say this once, and then I won't bother you with it again. If you ever need anything…if you ever need  _me_ …I'm there. That's all."

She just looked at him, steady on the outside, shaking internally _._

_He might as well have said he doesn't think we'll make it. How is that supposed to be supportive?_  

But his sincerity, and his good intent, was apparent in those deep brown eyes of his. So she could only make one response.

"Thank you."

He was aware that they hadn't quite cleared the air, but it was something. Reid was able to get down to work. He wasn't at it for long before Hotch came walking over, holding out his cell. Garcia was on the speaker.

"It's called 'Made For You'. I found an application from a year ago. Made from the same IP address as Elaine Morton. Everybody uses a pseudonym on the site, but I'm sure it's her. Single white female, professional, divorced, late 20s."

Reid pointed out the discrepancy. "She was 32, Garcia. Even a year ago, she wasn't in her late 20s."

"Everybody lies on these sites about  _something,_  Spence." JJ's tone told him they were almost back on normal footing.

Garcia continued. "JJ's right. People lie about their age, their weight, their jobs. Elaine Morton had everything going for her. The only thing she really  _might_  lie about was her age."

Hotch wanted to keep them from getting distracted. "Anything on any of the others, Garcia?"

"Yes, I've got a likely for Marta Leon as well. Now I need the IP addresses for the two gentlemen, so I can see if any of the responses to the women came from them."

JJ spoke up. "I'll ask Detective Brenner to get us the IP addresses of any of the computers they had access to."

Rossi had joined them. "Better make it only the computers they used frequently, or privately. There are a host of them at the real estate offices and the store."

Garcia countered. "Get me all of them, it won't take me long."

* * *

It was several hours before they had all the pertinent IP addresses, but it took Garcia less than one to make a connection. By then, Morgan and Prentiss were on their way back from Kansas City. They'd phoned in with their findings.

"It's a good think Elaine Morton was pushy, because the hotel concierge remembered her right away." Emily reported. "She was at the hotel twice, and the desk clerk remembered her asking for an extra room key for her guest. He wasn't as certain when he looked at the photo, but he thinks it could have been Causman."

"So we've got a connection between one of our victims and her recipient. So maybe we won't need you to look at the dating sites, Baby Girl." They were conferencing with her.

"Ah, but you do, my Chocolate Thunder. Because there was a connection between them on 'Made For You' as well. And it was made before the trips to Kansas City."

JJ was intrigued. "So they made a connection on line, and then connected anyway, through their work?"

Reid wasn't so sure. "Didn't the law firm say they used locals for representation in Kansas City? We know they represented Causman, but we don't know that they sent her to do it. It's possible Elaine Morton went there to meet Causman only because of their on-line connection."

Hotch wanted more information. "Did the people in Kansas City notice anything between them? An argument? Some kind of hostility?"

"We asked that, and neither the concierge nor the desk clerk noticed anything. But then Prentiss got the idea of asking the bell hop and the room service clerk. Bingo! Room service said there was a pretty loud argument. Nothing violent, but a lot of yelling. And he thought she was winning. That might have tipped Causman, we've already identified him as a narcissist."

In the SUV, Morgan looked at Emily as he concluded this, smiling his pride. He would miss her expertise almost as much as her personality.

Hotch wanted still more. "Garcia? Anything on the others?"

"Well, now that you ask, Senior G Man, yes, there's something very interesting. I ran all of the responses to Marta Leon against our two guys' IP addresses and got nothing. But when I put Mr. Ruiz' IP address in separately, I found  _his_  application….with a response from Marta Leon."

Rossi silently promised himself to get more up to date on his electronics as he asked, "So, he ran an ad, and she responded to him?"

"Exactly."

Hotch summarized for them. "So we have electronic dating connections between the two pairs. But nothing that connectsthe pairs, is that correct, Garcia?"

"So far, sir. Nothing connecting them."

JJ began postulating. "So, if we're thinking the males actually killed the females, does that mean they're working together? But we haven't found any connections at all between them, except on line."

Taking it up, Reid added, "Or it could be someone completely outside the foursome, targeting online matches. We could be looking at a pretty large population at risk, if that's the case."

Hotch rubbed his eyes. "All right, Reid, you and JJ go back to Ruiz. Find out everything you can about this 'Made For You' business. Dave and I will take Causman."

* * *

The residual tension was with them in the SUV on the way over to see Ruiz. As though they'd been having an ongoing conversation, JJ broke it with, "He's a good dad. He loves Henry, and Henry loves him. And I think he loves me."

He stole a glance sideways from his seat behind the wheel. "JJ, if you don't want to talk about it….."

She looked at him, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't. But it's between us now, isn't it?"

He thought a moment before responding. "It's only important what's between you and your husband. It's none of my business, you're right. And we can keep it that way. I just…It's just…..I'm just used to worrying about you, I guess. And I just want you to be happy."

Now he turned to her. "Really."

What he didn't add aloud was " _and you shouldn't only 'think' he loves you_."

She could see that he meant it. He cared, but he no longer seemed dependent on her. There was something about him that seemed more assured, more confident, even happier. She squinted at him.

"You're different."

He didn't understand. "What?"

"You're different. You seem ….I don't know…more centered _." And less attached to me._

"Me?"

"Yes, you. You seem more self-assured." She smiled, having successfully moved the spotlight off herself and on to him. "Almost like…." And her brows went up, as she remembered what she'd been thinking before. "Spence, are you seeing someone?"

He mentally kicked himself for not being able to hide how flustered that made him. "Me? No!" 

_Definitely not 'seeing'._

She eyed him. "Are you sure? Because you're acting like someone who's interested in someone…or has someone interested in him."

He was. Interested in Maeve. And she was interested in him. She was changing his life, letter by letter, and phone call by phone call, because she was genuinely interested in him. But he still couldn't bring himself to share it with JJ. It was too new. And it was too special. He wanted to keep it for himself, for just a while longer.

Reid prayed a silent thanks that they'd arrived to the Ruiz home. It effectively ended the conversation.

Inside, they found Jasper Ruiz and his son, Paulie. Soon they were joined by Jasper's sister, Anita. He made the introductions.

"She helps me out, ever since….ever since Clara died."

Anita shook hands with the FBI agents and explained. "I come over at least once a week, and I make meals that Jasper can freeze. He works so hard, and he gets home too late to cook healthy food."

"She found out we were living on fast food and take out, and she came to my rescue." He leaned over and kissed his sister's temple.

JJ and Reid explained they were there about the 'Made For You' dating site. Jasper Ruiz looked completely shocked. "What? I would never do that, I've never even heard of that."

As he was protesting, JJ could see a look pass over Anita's face. She tried to catch Reid's eye, to alert him. He saw. And he directed his next question to Anita.

"Ms. Ruiz, do you think you can shed any light on this?"

Jasper looked confused, until he turned his head and saw his sister's face. Then he rolled his eyes. "Oh, no. You?"

"Lo siento, hermano. It's just that it's been years now, and you're so lonely. I just thought maybe I could help…"

JJ was gentle. "Ms. Ruiz…Anita….did you contact anyone who responded to your brother's ad?"

"Just to one. She was Latina, and she had a small child, it seemed like a good match…..oh, Dios mio! Was it her?

JJ reached out a hand in reassurance. "We don't know anything yet. It was just a question." She rose, signaling Reid that they should go. "Thank you both for your time. We'll be in touch."

They left the siblings to work through the well –meaning gesture that had seemingly gone so horribly wrong.

* * *

Causman hadn't given anything new to Rossi and Hotch. So now they were left with the online dating service connection between each of the two pairs, and the liaisons in Kansas City for the first pair. But nothing connecting the two sets. And one very big question, which Morgan was now posing to Garcia over the speakerphone.

"Baby Girl, how could the unsub have figured out the identities of the people on the site. Aren't they encrypted?"

"Oh, Derek, how I wish they were. Better encrypted, anyway. Remind me to stay away from these sites, I think it would be safer to trawl the bars in DC."

They could hear hear typing on her keyboard as she continued. "It was easy to hack, I didn't even have to write my own program. Anybody with a little better than average skills could do it." She couldn't resist. "Which leaves out Rossi and Reid."

Her imagination gave her an accurate picture of the faces the two had made in response to her jibe.

"So either Causman's got some computer skills, or Ruiz is good at subterfuge. Or we've got a totally unrelated unsub going after couples matching on the site." Emily didn't feel like they were all that close to cracking the case.

Rossi may not have been skilled with the computer, but he'd been doing  _this_  job for a very long time. "We can't totally rule it out, but it's unlikely we've got an unrelated unsub. We should have had another case by now. And I can't imagine someone would have found a human head on his front porch and not reported it."

Hotch gave his opinion. "I think Dave's right. This isn't unrelated. It feels personal. We've got to look at either Causman or Ruiz."

Reid suddenly sat up straight. "It's Causman." He spoke with authority.

"Reid?" Hotch waited on his genius yet again.

"The 911 tapes."

"The tapes? What about them, Kid?"

"Causman said, 'we're safe.' ' _We're_  safe.' He lives alone. There was no one else there. Except the head of Elaine Morton. He was referring to her when he said 'we'. Think about it. It was that relationship that started it all."

All of them trusted Reid's memory enough to go with it. But there was a question.

"So, why did he kill Marta Leon then? And send the head to Ruiz?"

"Forensic countermeasure." Emily sounded like she was thinking aloud, which was precisely the case. "He was trying to make it look like a serial."

Hotch agreed with her. "He's got a huge ego, probably felt like he could outwit the locals. It wouldn't surprise me if he chose Ruiz based on his job, which would give him easy access to the murder weapon."

"And Marta Leon was killed just because she had the misfortune of responding to Ruiz' ad. Two totally innocent, lonely people, just trying to raise their kids alone." JJ stared into the distance, her face showing both sympathy and, Reid thought, empathy. 

_She's relating to this more than she should_.

* * *

It was late by the time the plane took off. They were satisfied that Causman was in custody, but each of them was still pondering the serendipity of life. So many random circumstances had led to the death of an innocent young mother, at the hands of someone whose anger had been directed at someone else entirely.

This would be Emily's last trip on the BAU jet. To honor the occasion, Rossi had snuck something aboard. Just this once, there actually  _was_  Cristal on the plane, and he called everyone from their individual reveries to share the occasion.

"To our great colleague, Emily Prentiss, on the marking of a milestone. At this point in your life, your course diverges from ours. But you leave us with precious memories of a beautiful heart and soul. And our loss is someone else's gain. To precious memories." Rossi held his glass aloft, the others following suit. There were tears in all six sets of eyes.

Emily gathered herself enough to speak. She'd refused a party, so soon after the wedding. This would be her formal goodbye to her teammates. "You guys, you know I love you. Each and every one of you."

She made eye contact with each of them as she spoke. "I've never worked with a better group of people, and I doubt I ever will. I will hold each of you in my heart for a very long, long time." And then she got the twinkle in her eye. "Unless, of course, you remember that London is only a plane ride away. Really, I expect a lot of visitors. And I'll be mad if I don't get them."

* * *

The real ending came when the plane landed. Prentiss was due to fly out to London on the weekend, which was only a day away. She made a point of giving an individual goodbye hug to each of them as they left to their own vehicles. Her final embrace was for Reid.

She hugged him and then kept her arms around his waist as she leaned back. "I will never forgive you if you don't come to see me, you know."

He smiled at her. "I will." And then he squirmed. She picked up on it right away.

"Reid?" She thought he was just having trouble saying goodbye. But he wasn't. He was struggling with something else. He wasn't really ready to share, and yet they were out of time. And he so wanted her to leave feeling happy for him.

"Reid? What's wrong?" She asked him again.

He smiled, more to himself than at her. After a couple of false starts, he said, "It's not what's wrong, Emily. It's what's right. There's something right in my life."

He'd been looking down, now raised his eyes to her. She could see them shining. And she broke out in a wide grin. Emily knew him very well.

"You've got someone? You've met someone?"

He chewed on his cheeks. "Well, it's more 'got' than 'met', but yes, there's someone in my life."

And he explained about Maeve, and how they'd found each other, and how he couldn't wait to talk to her every week, and how she was so interesting, and interested in so many things that interested him...and how she was, always, interested in  _him_.

Emily found herself tearing up. This was the craziest kind of relationship she could imagine, and yet, somehow, it fit. And it was making him happy. And so, without ever having met or spoken with her, Emily decided that she, too, loved Maeve Donovan. And she was leaving her erstwhile little brother, her would-be son and precious friend, in good hands.

Embracing one final time, they each promised to preserve their friendship across the great divide of the Atlantic.


	8. Chapter 8

**Transitions**

**Chapter 8**

After Emily's departure, the team was short a member for almost three months, mostly thanks to Erin Strauss' rejection of candidates put forward by Hotch. He tried not to involve the rest of the team in his dilemma, but it became obvious to all of them that Strauss was doing her best to take advantage of an opportunity to handicap him. Rossi even tried to put his past relationship with Strauss to good use, to convince her to relent. When that failed, he put out word to a few well-placed ears in the hierarchy above her, realizing she'd seemed to have forgotten how well-connected he was. By the third month, pressure from above was brought to bear on Strauss to fill the opening  _now_.

Much to her chagrin, the agent in the mix at the time was an old nemesis, Alex Blake. The two women had a history together, and it wasn't friendly. Years ago, Strauss had "let" Blake take the blame for a case gone very wrong, although both women had worked it, and much of the error had belonged to Strauss. The details weren't public knowledge within the Bureau, but there had been many rumors. The very fact of her animosity with Strauss endeared Alex Blake to the rest of her new team, even before her arrival.

Said arrival was low key, during a time of extended stand-down for the team. They were even shorter-staffed than usual, with Morgan and Garcia having traveled to London to assist with security for the Summer Olympics. They'd been able to visit, and even work, with Prentiss during their travel.

Stateside, Alex Blake joined the team without fanfare. She was already acquainted with Hotch and Rossi through prior FBI assignments, and she knew Reid about as well as anyone outside the BAU, and Maeve, could. He had been a relatively frequent guest-lecturer in her linguistics class at Georgetown. Reid liked her well enough, even if he didn't feel particularly close to her. There were few people who were allowed to get close to Alex Blake. Her husband, in service with Doctors Without Borders, was one of those few.

JJ, being the only new BAU acquaintance stateside, was still making up her mind on how she felt about Alex. She trusted the judgment of her three male colleagues, and so was disposed to like the woman. But she wasn't Emily. Wasn't outspoken, funny, brash. No, Alex was quiet, serious, reserved. It would take some time to break the ice.

"I'm just saying that she seems hard to get to know, that's all." JJ was avoiding the pile of folders on her desk by chatting with Reid. "Not that she's not nice, just that she's all business, all the time, so I can't get a real feel for her."

Reid took a sip of his coffee. "You're just comparing her to Emily, JJ. Alex is a different person. She's perfectly nice, and very good at what she does. Really, I think you're just missing Emily."

He should know, so was he.

JJ knew that Reid was right. She  _was_  missing Emily. And the months since Prentiss had been gone had been difficult ones for JJ. Even though they caught up on the phone from time to time, JJ felt more and more the need for her friend's presence. She needed a sounding board for the parts of her life that had gone awry. And as much as she loved Reid and Garcia, she only ever really discussed Will with Emily. In the way that people compartmentalize their friends, Emily was JJ's 'Will-friend'.

"Besides," Reid was going on, "we went out for a drink after work the other night, Alex, Hotch, Rossi and I. But you couldn't, remember? Will had to work late, right? You might have gotten to know her better, but you couldn't go. She can't be responsible for that."

Reid's words were innocent enough, but his gaze was penetrating. This hadn't been the first social occasion JJ had missed because Will had arrived home too late. In fact, she hadn't made a single outing with any member of the team since before she'd married him. She'd even missed the brunch that she had, herself, arranged, when Will announced a conflicting commitment to help his friend with a car repair one Saturday morning.

JJ flashed defensive anger at him. "It wasn't Will's fault. They have him doing a lot of overtime. And what was I going to do? I have Henry. I can't leave him home alone. And I can't bring him to a bar."

Reid knew that. And he was one hundred percent sure that Will LaMontagne knew that, too. But, unlike Will, Reid didn't want to contribute to JJ's dilemma. Putting his hands up in a 'don't shoot me' position, he was conciliatory.

"It's nobody's fault, JJ. I'm just saying that Alex isn't holding back. You just haven't had a chance to get to know one another. Give it time. It will happen."

His tone made JJ realize that she'd misdirected her anger.

"I'm sorry."

She was getting very good at apologizing. To Will, when her work schedule interfered with his plans. To her friends, when Will's plans interfered with hers. And to Henry, when the tension in the household spilled over into loud argument.

Reid looked at her steadily. He was seriously worried about his best friend, but hadn't any idea how to go about helping her. Especially since she deflected any attempts at conversation around her home life. Many months ago, he'd promised to be there, but not to intrude. And now he had to keep that promise. She was becoming more and more isolated, and he didn't know how to change that. He longed desperately for Emily as well. He needed her insight.

"Nothing to be sorry about, JJ. We all have our responsibilities." Reid decided that a change in subject was in order. Except that he knew it wasn't entirely a change in subject.

"Hey, I was thinking about taking Henry to the zoo this weekend. That new panda cub is finally out in public. Do you think he'd like to go?"

He saw her discomfort and added, "I mean, if you guys don't have other plans."

In truth, JJ wasn't the only one who'd become isolated. All but two of Reid's planned outings with Henry had been cancelled, most at the last minute. A birthday party, or plans with Will, or even, "he's very tired", had all been given as reasons. Reid had never known Henry to be too tired to do anything. He missed his godson, one of the few bright lights in his life. And, in truth, he resented Will LaMontagne for interfering in their relationship. But he'd had an argument with himself about it, right in the middle of a phone call with Maeve.

* * *

"I miss him. He's so much a part of what's good in my life. And I get angry with Will for making plans after we've already got something scheduled. But then, I realize, Henry _is_  his son, and Will works, and maybe he doesn't have any other time he can do things with him."

He'd listened for her response, but there was only silence on the other end of the phone, so he continued.

"I mean, how can I be angry with a father for wanting to spend time with his own son? Especially after how my own father treated me?"

He'd shared so much with Maeve. His childhood, his mother's illness, his father's abandonment of them. It had all come pouring out as their connection strengthened. She'd become the person he trusted most in the world, despite the fact that he'd never met her. But he felt he knew her better than anyone, better even than he knew himself. And she knew him equally as well.

"Spencer, you shouldn't apologize for your feelings. You love that little boy. He has your heart, isn't that what you told me?"

When he had, she'd loved him for it.

"I do love him, Maeve, but I'm not his father. I don't have a right to him."

There was a pause, and then. "Rights. Do rights have any place in love?" She sounded wistful.

He didn't understand. There seemed to be a subtext to what she was saying, but he couldn't make it out.

"What do you mean, Maeve?"

He heard her sigh. "Spencer, we love who we love, don't we? And we love  _how_  we love. It's not something that can be dictated. It doesn't have anything to do with having a right."

Her voice had gradually become sharp as she'd made the statement, and Reid picked up on it.

"Maeve?"

She sighed again. "It's nothing, Spencer. Just the usual. That he feels like he has a right to me. A right to my life. And that I have no rights at all. I live in hiding, I've given up everything that gave my life meaning day to day…."

"Maeve, I don't know why you won't let me help you. I told you, my team is the best. This is what we  _do_. We can make it right again."

She'd told him about her stalker, about how it had caused her to leave her work, her home, her friends and her family. About how it was the cause of their strange pattern of communication.

He'd studied psychology, and was familiar with the behavior of the chronic victim. Having grown accustomed to the strategies of protecting herself, Maeve was clinging to them. They had become the 'known', and everything else was a vast 'unknown'. Even the promise of help from Spencer was too uncertain for her to let go. He'd been trying for weeks, even months, and had not yet broken through to her.

"I can't, Spencer, not now. It might put  _you_  in danger. I can wait him out.  _We_  can wait him out. Didn't you say they usually move on if things get too quiet?"

"Only the obsessives, Maeve. And we don't know who your stalker is. If he's stalking you for a reason other than obsession….if he's vengeful, or even psychotic….well, it may not work the same way."

"Can we just give it more time, Spencer? Please?"

She held all the cards. He didn't know where she was, and couldn't reach her, let alone identify the stalker. He would have to give in.

"All right. But please, be careful."

* * *

As he thought back to that conversation, an idea struck Reid. He was surprised he hadn't thought of it before. The chronic victim. The one who clung to the 'known' because the alternative was too risky. Was there a second one? Was she standing in right in front of him? Was it his best friend?

He was pulled out of his memory by JJ's response to his question.

"We don't."

He was confused, having forgotten what he'd asked. "You don't?"

"Have plans. We don't have any plans for the weekend. That I know of. But I'll have to check with Will to see if you can take Henry to the zoo."

_Don't you get a say?_  Aloud, he responded, "Okay, well, why don't you check and let me know? I'd really like to see Henry, no matter what we end up doing. It's been a while."

He could see the regret in her eyes. She knew she'd kept Henry from him, even if inadvertently. But she'd made a commitment in her marriage vows, and she felt compelled to honor it.

And then wondered why the word "compelled" had come to her.

* * *

"But Henry's been talking about those panda bears for ages, they learned about them in preschool. Why not let him go?"

Will sighed as though JJ was trying his patience. "Because, Cher, he would enjoy it more if he went with us...his  _parents_. If the cubs are on display now,  _we'll_  take him to the zoo on Saturday."

"Will, I told you, Garcia and I are supposed to go shopping. We've been planning this for a while. There's a big sale on these boots that Emily loves, and we want to get her a pair. And besides, Spence misses Henry. And Henry misses him. They haven't seen each other in a long time. Didn't you realize we keep cancelling?"

He did, but he wasn't about to admit it.

"Penelope can't buy the boots by herself? JJ, you spend almost every waking hour with these people, can't you let them go for a weekend? Can't we have time for our family?"

She was upset. It always came back to this. "Them" versus "us".

In Will's mind, there was a clear dividing line between work and home. The people she worked with, the people she'd grown to love, were, in Will's mind, relegated to "work". That made them expendable. In Will's mind, the only people who counted were "family", as defined by him. And with both of their extended families so many miles away, the only family that counted was the three of them. As much as she loved her nuclear family….or had, once…..it was too small a world for JJ.

She held her ground. "This has been planned for a couple of weeks now. I'm going shopping with Garcia." She decided to go for the whole thing. "And I'm going to tell Spence that he can bring Henry to the zoo."

Will got that sullen look on his face. He wasn't happy. But he wouldn't overtly fight her. He would do what he did best. He would manipulate.

They'd been in the kitchen, JJ loading the dishwasher as Will watched. Now he went to the living room, where Henry was playing with his cars.

"Hey, Little Buddy. I've got some bad news."

Henry showed four year old concern. "What happened, Daddy?"

"Nothin' yet, Little Man. But I was going to take you to the zoo on Saturday, to see the new panda cubs."

"Yay! Miss Amy told us about them! I can't wait to see them, Daddy!"

Will did his best to look glum. It seemed like Henry had forgotten this was  _bad_ news. "Yeah, Buddy, but I can't."

Now Henry looked appropriately disappointed. "Why not, Daddy?"

"Because your Mommy already told Uncle Spence that he can take you. So I can't go." Will studied Henry for his response.

The little boy looked confused. He didn't know how to sort this out. It was good news, because he loved the panda cubs. Bad news because his dad wasn't taking him. Good news because Uncle Spence was. Bad news because his dad seemed so disappointed.

In the end, four year old empathy won out. Henry wanted to comfort the person before him.

"It's okay, Daddy. We'll tell Uncle Spence "next time"." He was familiar with this strategy, since his dad had suggested it so many times before. "I'll go to the zoo with you."

A satisfied grin spread across Will LaMontagne's face.


	9. Chapter 9

**Transitions**

**Chapter 9**

Reid couldn't wait for his Sunday afternoon 'appointment' with Maeve. It had become something of a lifeline for him. Until he'd had this relationship, he hadn't realized quite what it was like to live in one. To have a life that wasn't solely devoted to work **,** or the amassing of knowledge and academic degrees. Despite the occasional get together with his BAU colleagues, most of Reid's free time was spent alone, reading, painting, playing his keyboard. These aspects of him, the outside interests, weren't really things he shared with the others. He wasn't sure anyone else even knew that he painted, or played music. It wasn't something that came up in casual conversation, and he wasn't disposed to share it. Until Maeve. He'd told her everything, and she'd heard him. Really heard him.

Unlike almost everyone else in Reid's life, Maeve not only listened to what the others called his "ramblings", but she actually welcomed them. She was fascinated by him, and by how the sum total of all that his remarkable mind had absorbed and processed throughout his life was made present in his personality. Initially, the academic in her had thought of Reid as an interesting study subject. But, gradually, she'd come to cherish him, and who he was, right down to the quirks. As much as Reid was growing in and through the relationship, so was Maeve.

It was remarkable, he thought, how they'd started out their communication with purely professional discussion. She, about her interest in his published work. And he, about his need to resolve the medical issue that was plaguing his life. He couldn't even really recall how or when the conversations had become more personal. When they'd each decided to trust the other with snippets of their lives. How they'd made that decision based solely on the quality of a voice, and a prior exchange in conversation. Reid realized that he'd done with Maeve exactly what he would have counseled a victimagainst doing. 

_And yet_ , he reflected,  _I think it saved my life. Even though I didn't realize it needed saving._

The things that brought pleasure to his life continued to do so. But the sharing about those things was what gave his life meaning. For so many years he'd corresponded with his mother, telling her about his work, his colleagues, his current reading and study. But it was simply that _,_ telling, without knowing how she might be receiving it. He couldn't know whether she was having a good day…a lucid day….or a bad day, when she opened his letter. It wasn't sharing. There was no response. Maeve changed all of that.

He began to see his life through another's eyes. Maeve was interested in everything about him. What he thought, what he hoped. In fact, it was she who coaxed the 'hope' from him. Before Maeve, he'd tended to live in the moment, or to visit the past. Planning for the future had never proven a worthwhile enterprise for him. Any time he'd done so, he'd been disappointed. And so he'd abandoned that aspect of his life. But Maeve had changed that. Immediately upon ending their weekly phone call, he became anxious for the next one. And the one after that. And the one after that. And where all of it might, one day, lead. His life had become divided into two: the time before Maeve, and the time that was filled by her presence, however distant.

It had taken him longer to share about some things that he'd always kept private. His relationships with others had fallen into that category. His great friendships with Morgan, and Emily. His special relationship, and deep friendship with JJ. His love of Henry, his growing dislike of Will. And now, his great concern for Will's wife and son.

"I don't know what to do, Maeve. I feel like they need help, but I don't know how to help them. This weekend, he made Henry call me. I'm betting JJ refused. But he got Henry to call me, and got Henry to tell me that he wanted to go to the zoo with his father instead of me. How could he do that? How could he manipulate his own son like that, Maeve?"

She could hear Reid getting angry all over again as he told the story.

He continued to vent. "Henry probably doesn't realize it. I hope to God that he doesn't. But I think JJ does. I mean, she's a profiler, she's got to see his behavior for what it is."

Maeve's voice was always gentle. This time, it was also the voice of experience.

"Sometimes, when we're too close to something, especially something big, we can't make it out, can we? We need to step back, to see it from a distance, to gain some perspective."

That gave him pause. "So you think she can't see it?"

"Spencer, sometimes we can be so busy surviving from minute to minute that we can't take the time to step back."

He realized she wasn't just talking about JJ anymore. Taking a moment to be careful about his phrasing, he responded.

"But you did, didn't you? Finally? You realized."

"I realized how controlling Bobby was being, yes. But not until after I took a good look in the mirror one day. I barely knew the person looking back at me. I had different clothes, different hair, even different makeup. All of them were changes that I'd made to please him. And when I saw how much I'd changed externally, I paid attention to my behavior. And that had changed, too. I hadn't seen my friends in weeks, I'd even turned down getting involved in a new study at the lab, so I could spend more time with him. He always complained that I didn't have enough time for him."

"So, what did you do?" He was beginning to wonder which 'Maeve' he'd met.

"I had to think, long and hard. I prayed. The relationship had become so much a part of my identity that I was afraid to take the next step. I was no longer just 'Maeve' but half of 'Maeve and Bobby'. Changing that would change so much of my life, the life I'd gotten used to."

"But you did."

He couldn't see her gentle smile and nod over the phone. "I did. One sleepless night I got up, thinking to at least get some work done. But I was drawn to the window by the moonlight. It was so bright. And I ended up sitting there, looking out at the moon and the stars. The sky was so big, and I was so small….."

Hearing those words, Reid wished he could reach through the phone to her, to put his arm around her. He'd never felt comfortable initiating physical contact, and especially not with a woman. But he felt he could do it with Maeve. He  _wanted_  to do it with Maeve. Even in her telling of this story so much later, she sounded in need of comfort.

She was continuing. "….and somehow it felt like the problems in my life were small as well. Approachable, manageable, you know? Things that could be solved. Things I could change. To this day, I'm not sure exactly what happened, but the next morning, I told Bobby that I wanted time alone. That I wanted him to move out for a while."

Reid was quiet, processing. "How did he react?"

"You know that I was already getting messages from the stalker. Part of me wondered if it was Bobby, and his way of making me more dependent on him. He immediately went to that. Told me he needed to be there, to protect me. I almost gave in. But, in the end, I'd caught a glimpse of who I used to be, and I wanted to be that 'me' again. So I insisted. And, even though he wasn't happy about it, he left. And I started to find 'me' again."

Answering the question of which' Maeve' Reid had come to fall in love with. Even if he hadn't yet processed that he  _had_  fallen in love. That kind of thing didn't happen to Spencer Reid.

Reid had heard a lot of this before. But now, with his concern about JJ and Henry, it carried new meaning. And Maeve's next response would be crucial.

"Maeve, when you told him to leave, when you said you wanted to be away from him…did he threaten you? In any way? Was he violent? Did you feel unsafe?"

The idea of Maeve being in such a situation sickened Reid, but he also knew that it was in her past. For JJ, it could very well be imminent.

She knew what he was thinking about. Although he'd shared about JJ reluctantly, he had, eventually, shared.

"He was angry, and he argued with me. But he didn't try to hurt me. That wasn't how he operated. It was more that he was exerting control through his words, and taking advantage of situations."

Reid was relieved. Bobby sounded of a kind with Will. But there were never guarantees. Will was, after all, a cop, trained in combat and lethally armed. But so was JJ.

"So, how do I make her see?"

She waited, knowing he wouldn't like what she had to say next. "I'm not sure you can, Spencer. I had to see for myself, and she probably does as well."

"Maeve, I don't know that I can wait for that. I couldn't have waited for you either, if we'd known each other then."

She smiled, grateful for his chivalry, even coming so long after the events.

"Then I will hope and pray that you will find a way, Spencer. Or that she will somehow come to realize it. For her sake, and for Henry's."  _And yours._

He smiled at that. "Thank you, Maeve."

Aware that their call was coming to an end, the smile on Reid's face became rueful. "Same time next week?" Already beginning to long for it.

"Of course, Spencer. It's the one thing I look forward to. Please be careful, if you speak to JJ. Please be careful of her husband. There is so much danger out there, Spencer. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me, Maeve."

"Please make sure that's true. Goodbye, Spencer. Love you."

He froze. Tried to open and close his mouth, tried to respond. But he couldn't. Long after the connection had been broken, after he'd headed off in the wrong direction and then remembered which was the way home, the words continued to ring in his head.  _"Love you."_

Neither of them had ever spoken it before. And now Maeve had. And he hadn't responded.

It was an internal conversation he'd avoided up until now. Something had been moving inside him, but he hadn't acknowledged what it might be. Maeve's words, said so casually at the end of a conversation, forced him to confront it.  _"Love you"_ , she'd said. And those words connected with that process that was moving inside him.  _"I love you, too."_  Putting a name to the movement inside.  _Love._  Wishing he'd said it to her. Praying he'd be brave enough to do so, if given another chance.

Reid realized he was changing in ways that were both wonderful and bewildering at the same time. In ways that carried inherent risk. Trusting, and loving, opened one up to the possibility of loss. Loving someone, he knew, required great courage. His relationship with Maeve was inspiring such courage.

Thinking about it again that evening, and every evening afterwards, he would remember turning in the wrong direction as he left the phone booth. 

_But maybe I didn't. Maybe she_ is _the way home._


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N. Changing the case for which Reid consulted Maeve because, frankly, the one on the show made absolutely no sense.**

* * *

**Transitions**

**Chapter 10**

A month after Garcia and Morgan returned from London, the team was beginning to jell again as a unit. Garcia had some difficulty adjusting to Alex, but JJ was able to advise her, from personal experience, that she shouldn't be quick to judge. Alex brought her own unique set of skills to the team, some of which mimicked those of Prentiss, but some of which overlapped with the others. All of them made adjustments, and, gradually, the team found a new rhythm to its work.

Reid's relationship with Maeve was continuing to deepen, as was his worry about her. She insisted upon holding him at a distance, ostensibly to keep both of them safe. But he couldn't help but think that she was making a mistake. This had been going on for far too long. If her stalker was an obsessive, he should have long ago given up and moved on. Her stalker had to be an avenger, or even a psychotic, acting on a delusion. Staying in hiding would only prolong the situation, and delay the inevitable.

To complicate his life further, the situation with JJ hadn't improved at all. She'd apologized to him about Henry declining their visit to the zoo.

"I don't know why, but he just really wanted to go with his dad. I'd asked Will to call you while I was out with Garcia. I didn't know he was going to make Henry do it."

He could tell she was upset about it. "It's all right, JJ. He doesn't get to see Will much during the week, does he? I mean, with all of Will's overtime."

She could feel his gaze on her, and knew he was gauging her response. They may not have openly discussed it since the case in Missouri, but she knew Reid was still concerned about her, and about her marriage. As was she, although she was too proud to admit it. Instead, she tried to cover.

"You're right, he loves to do things with his dad. Thanks for being so understanding, Spence."

He responded slowly. "Not at all." Reid started to turn away, but then turned back. "JJ?"

"Yes?"

He hesitated. She thought she could actually see the idea in his head, and his decision not to speak it aloud.

"Never mind."

As he walked off, JJ followed him with her eyes. She knew he was honoring his promise not to intrude, but a very large part of her wished he would break that promise. And the rest of her wished she could muster the humility to ask for help.

Since then, he'd kept a distance. He'd discussed it with Maeve last weekend.

"I feel like any time I ask to do something with Henry, she stiffens up. If I didn't know better, I'd think she didn't want me around him. But I'm sure it's Will. I'm sure he's doing his best to make sure that neither of them, neither Henry nor JJ, have any relationships outside their tight little family."

He knew he sounded bitter, but he couldn't keep it out of his voice, even knowing she would pick up on it.

"It upsets you, Spencer, doesn't it? You love them both very much."

He still hadn't told her he was in love with her. But that was different. He wasn't  _in_  love with JJ.

"I do. And I don't want to see them hurt. Not by him. Not by anyone."

"Spencer….." Maeve hesitated, not wanting to upset him further. But she wondered….

"….do you think he….. _hurts_  them?" The emphasis on the word told him what she meant.

Reid swallowed thickly. It wasn't a new thought. He'd been surreptitiously scanning JJ for signs of injury and been relieved not to have found any. The idea that Will would be physical with either of them turned his stomach. He was sure JJ wouldn't stand for Henry being hurt, but he was equally sure she might be too proud to admit if  _she_ had been.

"I haven't seen any sign of it. But I don't want to wait for it to happen, either."

She was silent for a long minute. He'd learned to wait out her silences.

"Spencer, do you remember when we spoke about perspective? That she would need to find the space to acquire the right perspective?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I told you then that she would have to do it on her own. That you should honor your promise not to interfere."

"And I have, Maeve. You were right."

"No, Spencer, that's just it. I  _wasn't_  right. I can see it now."

She gave a small chuckle, laughing at herself. "I guess I needed some more perspective myself."

"What do you mean?"

"That I realized that your JJ's situation is quite different from mine. She has a child."

He didn't understand. "How does that make it different?"

"When I was with Bobby, even when I began to realize how much he was constricting me, I still thought I could change it. That I could change  _him_. I thought that, if I just stayed with him, I could find a way to make it work. I'm an intelligent woman, after all, I thought, and I should be able to solve the problem."

"But you couldn't."

"I couldn't. Or, actually, I could. I did. I solved it by leaving him. But I only had to solve it for  _me_. Can you see how having a child would change that?"

He was quiet, thinking. "She has to do what's best for Henry, not just for her. And she can't even think that it might be best for him to leave his father."

"Exactly."

"So she'll stay with him, and keep trying to change him, no matter how long it takes, for Henry's sake."

He couldn't see her nodding. "Henry is the veil that keeps her from seeing who her husband really is. And  _what_ he is."

Maeve could hear Reid expelling a deep breath.

"So I'm going to have to help her see, is that it? She can't get there on her own?"

"If she is the woman you've told me she is, she would eventually get there. But there might be danger to her, or to her son, if she stays much longer."

He should have been more upset than he was. But, in truth, he was relieved. He'd felt constrained by his promise not to interfere in the face of his great worry about them. Maeve, although not positioned to do so, had given him permission to act.

* * *

That same week they were called to a case in Minnesota. Three children had been abducted, all young boys between one and three years of age, all within a fifteen mile radius, all within the past two weeks. The town was in a frenzy, and the FBI was taking charge of the case. The BAU was called in to help prevent the next kidnapping. Garcia and Hotch gave them a short briefing. Getting there quickly was the priority.

Garcia was all business today. "Each of the children was abducted from the car. Two of them were taken when the parents ran back into the day care to get something they'd left behind. And the third was taken from a gas station, when the mother went inside to pay."

"Garcia, did they leave the cars running?" Morgan was ready to disapprove.

"Two of them did, at the day cares. They didn't want the kids to get cold. So the parents ran inside and left the cars running, and the doors unlocked."

JJ could see it happening. If she hadn't been in the FBI, if she hadn't known better, she might have done it herself.

"What about at the gas station?" Rossi wanted to compare.

"The car wasn't running, because she'd been pumping gas. But she hadn't locked the door."

"But the unsub didn't take any of the cars? Just took the kids right out of the car seats?" Rossi couldn't make sense of it.

"Right. And they got a little bit of a view from a camera at the gas station. They think the unsub is a woman."

"Did they see what kind of car she was driving, Garcia?" asked Alex.

"They got a partial. It was a small SUV, probably silver or grey. Several possible makes."

Reid was curious about the behavior. "Garcia, how long did she take to get the child out of the car seat?"

"It looked like just a few seconds."

"So she must be experienced with it." Reid was thinking aloud. "And how long after she took him did she drive away?"

"Ah, you're on to something, Boy Wonder. There seemed to be a gap of up to thirty seconds between when she….if it was a 'she'….took the child from the car and when her car drove off. So they think she spent that time putting him into a car seat."

"Taking care of the child," mused Reid.

"Do you think that means she was taking the child for herself?" wondered JJ.

"She could have been taking it to give to someone else. Either way, she'd want the child safe." Alex was being practical.

"And she obviously already had a car seat installed in her car. So either she was prepared for this, or she has a child of her own," observed Morgan.

"Hard to say which," mused Rossi. "They certainly seem to have been crimes of opportunity."

Their unit chief wanted to get his team moving. "This unsub has been moving quickly, so we'll need to do the same. Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

The plane ride out was quiet. Cases involving children did it to all of them. Having heard what little there was to know, each member of the team became introspective. The parents among them tried to ignore that tendency to wonder what it would have been like for them, had it been their own child.

They arrived late in the day, to find the local police in mobilization mode. It seemed there had been a break in the case. They'd received a call from one of the local hospitals, which had just reported a lab result that they couldn't explain. In light of the recent abductions, they'd thought to notify the police.

The lead detective, Detective Loring, briefed the team. "I guess the little boy was showing signs of a genetic condition, and the doctor ordered genetic testing of the whole family. The good news is that the kid doesn't have the condition. But the bad news…it turns out, she's not his mother."

Rossi wanted to clarify. "You're saying the test showed that his mother is _not_ his mother?"

"Not that she'll admit it but, yes, that's what I'm saying. The genetics service called us, because they knew about the abductions, and they wondered if this could be related." He nodded over his shoulder, towards an interview room. "We picked her up when she was getting the child from day care this afternoon."

"Have you been to the residence?" Hotch was acutely aware of the urgency.

"Getting a warrant as we speak."

"Good. Morgan, Rossi, Blake, join them at the house. Reid, I'm going to have you work on the location angle. JJ, you'll do the interview." Capitalizing on the advantage of having one young mother relate to another.

Turning back to Detective Loring, Hotch asked, "What about the father?"

"At work. We have a couple of uniforms picking him up."

Loring escorted JJ toward the interview room. The others would watch through the glass. Before they got started, Reid communicated his misgivings to his superior.

"I don't know, Hotch. Admittedly, it's a strange situation, but I don't know that she would have anything to do with it. I mean, she's got this child long enough to be taking him to doctors' visits, and getting lab testing. Why would she suddenly need three more?"

Hotch agreed with Reid, but could think of a scenario that might explain things. "Maybe, with the first child defective, she's seeking a replacement. Maybe she's gathering a few, in the hope of getting a healthy one."

Reid nodded, understanding his unit chief's thinking. It spurred an additional idea in his mind. "Or maybe she's a collector."

With that thought in mind, each of them wondered what their colleagues would find at the house.

* * *

The woman was emotionally distraught, both at the accusations being made against her, and at the fact that the police had separated her from 'her' child.

JJ introduced herself. The woman responded in kind.

"I'm Marcia Lounsbury, and I need to see my son!"

JJ was calm. "Tell me about your son, Ms. Lounsbury."

The woman's eyes widened. "So you believe me? You believe that he's my son?"

The police hadn't explained why, but had accused her of not being his mother. Subtlety did not play a role when there were children's lives at stake.

JJ was noncommittal. "Please tell me about him."

Lounsbury grasped at the possibility that this woman might actually try to help her.

"His name is Carl…he's Carl, Jr. He's just twenty months, he's just a baby. And he's going through that phase where he's afraid of strangers." She was getting more upset, putting her hand to her mouth. "Oh, he must be so frightened!"

JJ flashed on Henry at the same age. "Ms. Lounsbury, do you understand that there are children missing? All of them are close to your son's age. And all of them are little boys, with blond hair and blue eyes." Realizing this description fit a great many children in this part of the country.  And Henry.

"But I don't understand, why would anyone think  _I_ had anything to do with it?"

She seemed genuine. JJ realized that she probably hadn't been made aware of the genetic test results. Now her job was going to be that much more difficult.

"Ms. Lounsbury, you and your son had some laboratory tests done recently, correct?"

The woman looked completely lost. "Yes. But what…."

JJ kept her voice calm, modulated. "The tests apparently show that Carl Jr. isn't your son. That you couldn't be his mother."

Marcia Lounsbury just stared at her interrogator, stunned into silence. JJ thought her reaction was completely sincere, and began to doubt the whole situation. But she continued her interview.

"Ms. Lounsbury?"

The woman shook her head, trying to make sense of what she'd been told. "It's not possible. Of course I'm his mother. They must have made some mistake at the lab."

"Apparently they don't think so, Ms. Lounsbury. The test was compatible with Mr. Lounsbury as his father. But not with you as his mother."

She still looked confused. "I don't understand." She paused to think, then, "Can't they repeat it? Can't we just take the test again?"

It had already been discussed. Repeat testing was planned. But the child would not go home with Marcia Lounsbury until the results were known. Too much was at stake. JJ explained.

"Not come home? NO! You can't do that! He's just a little boy! He'll miss me! He'll be afraid! You can't do that!"

JJ was barely holding her composure together. She felt for this woman, and identified with her situation more than she was willing to admit. Gently excusing herself, she left the room and met with Hotch, Reid and Loring.

"Are we sure about this? Because she seems genuine. She's acting like a mother."

Even as she said the words, JJ knew that a pathological liar could accomplish all of those things, and especially one that had stolen a child she might desperately want. Reluctantly, she resigned herself to the plight of the woman and child.

* * *

There were no signs of other children at the Lounsbury home. Carl Sr. handled the entire situation with less distress, and far more outrage, than had his wife.

"Of course he's our son! Marcia gave birth to him, we've raised him. This has to have been a mistake with the lab. And, by the way, we'll be suing that genetics office for violating our privacy. Don't they know about HIPAA?"

Mr. Lounsbury was an attorney, and he knew the law.

So did Hotch. "They're mandated reporters, sir. There is no right of privacy when a child may be in danger. They did the right thing. We'll find out soon if it was a lab error or not."

"How soon? Will my son be home with me tonight? No! That's what I was told. That my son will be removed from my custody until you prove that the lab was wrong!"

Hotch recognized the paternal fear masked by anger. He sought to calm the man. "Mr. Lounsbury, I'm sorry that there's no other way. I'm a father myself, and I can sympathize. But I am also an FBI agent, and I can't risk the lives of other children."

In a low voice, now having managed to control his anger, Lounsbury retorted, "Giving my son back to me puts no one at risk."

Hotch felt as torn as JJ had. He simply shook his head, said, "I'm sorry" and left the room.

* * *

Reid trusted the instincts of his colleagues, and especially the parental instincts of JJ and Hotch. They were inclined to believe the Lounsburys, despite scientific evidence to the contrary. It went against everything he'd learned and believed, but Reid was willing to entertain the thought that science might have failed them in this case. Until he remembered that there was one person who might be able to help him preserve his faith in both science and his colleagues' instincts.

It had become habit for Reid to scope out the location of any pay phones in the area, so he knew exactly where the closest one was now. Excusing himself early from dinner, he went to make a call. It wasn't Sunday, but it was important. And he was glad to have a reason to hear her voice again, so soon after the last time. Reaching the phone, he put in his coins and paged the woman who still didn't know that he loved her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Transitions**

**Chapter 11**

It was cold in Minnesota, much colder than in DC. Reid hopped back and forth from one foot to the other, trying to stay warm while he waited for the phone to ring. He blew on his hands, wishing he'd thought to wear gloves.

Maeve was usually prompt in answering his pages, but that was only when he sent them at their appointed time. He had no idea how difficult it might be for her to return the call this time. Because she'd told him, he knew she ventured out only rarely, and even at those times, in disguise. But it was possible she could be out now.

As he waited longer and longer for Maeve to respond, Reid began to envision other scenarios, other things that might keep her from responding. Could she be in danger? Could the stalker have found her? Taken her? Hurt her? He realized he was starting to get worked up, and did his best to calm himself with some deep breaths.

Finally, just as he was prepared to give up and return to the hotel, the phone rang.

"Hello?" He practically shouted the word.

"Spencer?" He could hear her anxiety. "I wasn't expecting you. Is something wrong?"

_No, thank God._  He breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of her voice.

"No. No, Maeve. I'm sorry if I worried you. No, I was calling to see if you might be able to help me with a case."

As serious as her danger was, as serious as his business was, they both smiled at the thought of her helping him. Holmes and Watson, working together. They'd been reading through the stories and discussing them on their weekly calls.

"Thank goodness. I was frightened when I saw you were calling me apart from our usual time. But I'm always happy to hear your voice, Spencer. You have me intrigued now. What is the case? And how is it that you think I can help you?"

He explained about the genetic testing of Marcia Lounsbury and her 'son', without revealing details of the rest of the case.

"Is there any way, Maeve? Short of the lab mixing up their specimens, is there any way she could be his mother, but the test doesn't show it?"

"If the test confirms her husband as the father, it's unlikely that the specimens were confused at the lab. But as to whether there could be an explanation….it's unlikely, Spencer. Genetic testing has come a long way since….oh! Wait a minute!"

And he did. Wait a minute. Two. Six. He could hear typing on the other end of the line. She was on her computer, researching.

"Here it is….yes! Yes! I remembered reading about this, it's very interesting. There have been several case reports."

"Of this kind of problem? Of genetic testing proving that a mother is not the mother, even when she is?" He was surprised.

"Yes, exactly that. It's called chimerism. It's fascinating, Spencer. It's actually postulated to be much more common than was realized, although most people wouldn't know if it affects them. Have you heard of resorbing twins? Or, more popularly called, the 'vanishing twin'?"

He had. "Is that where the second twin dies early in the pregnancy, and then is absorbed somehow by the surviving twin?"

"Exactly!" Maeve loved being able to have conversations with someone who was her intellectual equal, or more. "The one twin dies in utero, and then there is a process called fetal resorption, where the surviving twin resorbs the cells, and the genetic material, of the twin who died. It can happen with triplets and other multiple pregnancies as well, but it's most common with twins."

"So how does that cause the genetic test to be wrong?"

"If the original twins weren't identical, then the surviving twin now has some of the non-identical twin's DNA, but only in  _some_  of their cells."

Reid was getting excited. Science and his friends' intuition might, indeed, be able to exist side by side.

"So Ms. Lounsbury could have absorbed some of a non-identical twin's DNA, and the test might have been done on the cells with that foreign DNA." Which raised another issue. "So how could she be proven to be the mother?"

"They'd have to sample other cells, from other organ systems. In one case, the cells that proved the woman was the mother came from the cervix, while her blood cells seemed to  _disprove_  it. It's hard to say exactly what should be tested, but they might want to start by sampling things that are easy to reach."

He thought about that for a while. As he was also thinking about how he would explain to Hotch how he'd come upon this new information.

"Thank you, Maeve. That was an incredible help to us."

He shifted on his feet, wanting also to shift the conversation. "So, how are you doing?"

Quiet. Then, "I'm doing well. I even went grocery shopping today."

He ached for her, so constricted by her stalker that a visit to the grocery store was a reportable event.

"Maeve…."

"I know that tone of voice by now, Spencer. Please, let me do this my way." She paused, and resumed with a more upbeat note to her voice. "Besides, I haven't received any strange messages for a week now. I think maybe he's getting tired of me."

"Really? No phone calls, no letters?"

"No letters. I had a couple of hang up phone calls. But they could have been anyone."

_Could have been_ , he thought,  _but not likely_. He decided not to push her. "All right, Maeve, we'll do it your way. So, I have to go, but …..please stay safe. I'll talk to you on Sunday."

"I'm sorry to be so stubborn, Spencer. But it comes of long experience. I will ask you to stay safe as well. And I'm already looking forward to Sunday."

_So am I._

* * *

What Maeve had told him meant that it was just possible the Lounsburys were telling the truth. The police would need to keep an open mind about suspects before another child was taken. Reid phoned Hotch with the news as he walked back to the hotel. His superior seemed to assume Reid had researched it himself, and Reid let him do so. He would, in fact, research it completely, later.

Arriving back to the hotel, Reid was still digging his room key from his messenger bag when the elevator discharged another passenger.

"JJ."

She was in sweats, a wool cap, gloves and running shoes.

"You went running? Tonight?" Reid knew she only ran at night when she was upset. It was her way of working out her anxiety. But it was freezing outside.

She was still catching her breath. "Yeah." Pant. "I needed to blow off some energy, you know?"

He didn't. His energy level was always just right for reading. But he nodded anyway.

As she pulled out her own room key, an internal voice, one that sounded very much like Maeve's, prodded him.

_Now or never, Spencer._  He decided on 'now'.

"JJ, do you have a minute? Can I talk to you about something?"

She looked puzzled. "Sure, Spence. Come on in."

They both entered her room. Reid took a seat on her small sofa while JJ got a glass of water, and then settled herself cross-legged on the bed.

"What's on your mind?"

He was wishing that little voice would come back and give him the words. But apparently he was on his own.

"I…it's just…..you….."

JJ could see he was getting flustered. "Spence, I won't bite. What is it?"

He gave her that sideways shy look that always seemed to disarm her. "Don't be so sure. You might want to do more than bite when you hear me out."

Now she was intrigued, but wary. She thought she knew what might be coming. She started to erect her wall, but he got his words out before she'd finished.

"I'm worried about you."

He watched her expression. Now that he'd said it, she didn't look surprised, or even puzzled. She knew exactly what he was talking about. He could see her start to bite her bottom lip. She hadn't stopped him, so he continued.

"I'm worried about you and Henry. About how you seem to be so isolated from all of us." Time to be honest. "How you're both isolated from me. About how you seem to be unhappy. You've lost your smile, JJ."

He'd been worried she would be angry with him. Now, when he saw the expression on her face, he longed for that anger. It would have been far easier to handle than the look of helplessness and loss that was there now. This wasn't his JJ. This was a woman who had been changed.

He hurried on before she could think to stop him. "I know I said I wouldn't interfere. But, JJ, you're my best friend, and I care about you. I know you're not okay. And if  _you're_  not, then neither is Henry. Your marriage may not be my business,….but  _you_  are. Please, can I help?"

She'd held herself together until he mentioned Henry. At that point, he could see her face completely crumple before she hid it in her hands. Now she sat, silent, curled in upon herself. She looked so small and pathetic that Reid wouldn't have recognized her. Part of him felt like  _he'd_  done it to her, just by speaking it. But he knew all he'd really done was to release something long held in. It had been so close to the surface that even the peeling back of this one layer had caused all of it to spill out.

Reid moved over to the bed and sat beside her. He reached an arm behind her and started slowly rubbing her back.

"JJ". Whispered.

Still hiding her face, she leaned into him. He could feel her shaking, and knew she was crying. Reid stretched both arms around her and held her, resting his chin on her head. Any awkwardness he might have felt about it disappeared in the face of her distress. Holding JJ felt like the most natural thing in the world.

After she seemed to have quieted, Reid reached down and lifted her chin. He was more than willing to comfort her, but they still needed to bring the issues out into the open. They needed to name them, and face them.

"JJ." Said softly.

She lifted teary eyes to him.

"We need to talk, don't we?"

She nodded, slowly uncurling herself. Then she stood, and walked a few steps away. She needed some distance for this.

Interrupted every so often with a hiccoughing sob, she began. "I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone, I can't talk to anyone about this. I can't tell my mother, she'd be too upset. And I..."

She stopped, tears flowing once again.

Reid stood and walked over to her. He wasn't about to give her the distance. Taking her shoulders, he pointed out, "You're not alone now. And you're talking to me..."

She turned from him. It was hard to open herself up to his concern, no matter how genuine. "You don't understand, he'll be upset with me. Talking about our 'private business'."

Reid's antennae were up, listening and watching for any signs of mistreatment. Was this one of them?

"Will doesn't want you talking to anyone? About what?"

"Spence, I was so stupid. I was  _so_  stupid. I  _asked_  him to propose to me, that last time. I knew it wasn't right, and yet I  _asked_  for it. How could I have been so stupid?" JJ rubbed her face, brushing away the tears.

She turned and faced him, eyes pleading. "It's all my fault. I was being emotional that day. And then the surprise..."

Reid closed his eyes. He'd known the surprise wedding was a mistake. He'd known she didn't want it. And he'd known she couldn't bring herself to say so. 

_I should have helped her. I don't know how, but I should have found a way._

"I created this. How can I expect anyone to help me? I just feel so alone…"

_It's how he wants you to feel, so you'll be dependent on him._

"I knew he was needy. But he was also sweet. Now I wonder if that was just his way of trying to win me. Because, ever since we got married, all I see is the neediness. He needs to know that he's the only one. He needs to have his perfect little family at home. He hates that you and I are friends. He hates that Henry loves you."

Reid's distaste for Will LaMontagne was longstanding. And he'd had the sense that Will returned it in kind. But although Reid had put his distaste aside for the sake of JJ and his godson, it seemed that Will had simply masked his, for the purpose of deceiving them. And now he no longer needed the deception.

JJ was still pouring it all out. Even as she did so, she realized how out of character it was for her to be so open, even with Spence. But she couldn't have stopped herself. It had overwhelmed every internal barrier she knew how to place before it.

"He knows I'm unhappy. He knows I feel like I've lost my friends,...my  _life_ , for that matter. And he doesn't care. He just wants me to be his wife, and Henry to be his son and he wants..."

Now she  _did_  stop. Reid noticed that she'd shut off her flow of words precipitously, and looked... _fearful_.

That worried him more than anything that had happened so far. JJ might be wary, she might be cautious...but he'd never seen her  _fearful_. Even in the face of the people they hunted on a regular basis. He felt his concern turn to a slow, burning anger as he realized that Will LaMontagne had accomplished something that had stymied any number of serial killers.

"JJ." Now his voice was stern. But, not wanting to sound like Will, he softened it immediately. "JJ, you need to tell me. This is wrong, whatever it is. It needs to end. Please tell me, so I can help you."

She cast her eyes downward, wouldn't raise them. "He wants us to have another baby. Wants  _me_ to have another baby. Thinks it will solve all our problems. Because then he wants me to quit the FBI and stay home, "like a good wife."

He wasn't surprised that she didn't like the idea of staying home, but he  _was_  puzzled at her body language. She still hadn't made eye contact with him. "And you don't want to..."

"Not now. Not into this. But he's insisting. He won't take no..."

It clicked in Reid's head. Will wanting something that JJ didn't. Will getting used to having his way. Will wanting another baby. Will not wanting to take 'no' for an answer.

"JJ...did he...he didn't…" He couldn't bring himself to say it.

She raised her eyes briefly enough to flash him a look, but couldn't maintain the contact.

"JJ?" His voice was shaking now, even in those two short syllables.

The voice that responded was so soft, he could barely hear it. "I thought he was going to, the other night. But it didn't happen."

Reid breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Thank God."

But JJ wasn't relieved. "It didn't happen  _then_ , but...oh, God, what do I do? I don't know what to do!" She was sobbing again.

He pulled her to him, and she cried against his chest. Holding her head against him, he began stroking her hair. It soothed her. When she'd calmed, he sat them both down on the bed again. This time, he leaned back on the headboard, and rested her against him. They had work to do.

"Tell me why you can't just leave him."

He knew there had to be something. She was too strong to have stayed in the situation. Even if she once might have entertained thoughts of fixing it, she would have realized by now how untenable it all was.

"Henry."

"Henry. What about Henry?" Was she still thinking that she needed to stay with this man, for the sake of her son? Was she still thinking Will LaMontagne was 'father material'?

"He'll take him."

"What?!"

"He'll sue me for custody, and he'll win. I'm away so much, and he's in town. He makes sure everyone at the preschool knows when he's taking care of Henry by himself. He's got them all convinced he's superdad. Even though he works as well, he's the 'at home' parent. And he's got Henry so wrapped up in him... Spence, if I leave him, he'll take Henry from me. I'm so afraid I'll lose my son!"

For a moment, Reid thought he'd gone blind. His anger had actually taken away his sight, leaving only a black rage.

"No." His voice was low, and controlled, and sounded so foreign from his usual that JJ looked up at him abruptly.

"No, JJ. He won't. We won't let it happen."

_I won't let it happen._ Reid was not about to let the little boy he loved so much be raised in the image of Will LaMontagne.

"I don't know how to stop him, Spence. If I quit my job to stay home with Henry, I can't pay my bills. And if I keep my job... _this_  job...then he has the upper hand. I would have to leave the BAU, and maybe the FBI, to find something that let me support us and stay home with Henry. Any way it goes, I lose."

He was quiet, trying to squelch his anger so he could think. That she should be in this position was intolerable. That  _Henry_  might be caught in the middle...was almost beyond his very considerable ability to grasp.

_I know what Morgan would do. Maybe..._

Remarkably, he was actually giving it consideration. But he knew their better bet would be their unit chief. He'd been a practicing attorney before he'd joined the FBI.

"JJ, we have to tell Hotch."

She pulled away from him, trying to sit up. "No, Spence, I can't tell anyone else. This was hard enough. Please."

"He'll know the legal steps to take. He might even know a good divorce attorney." He realized she hadn't said it yet. "Provided that's what you want."

She turned to look at him. "What I want, I can't have. I want a happy marriage, and a happy family for my son. No matter how this goes, I won't have it."

He reached out and held her cheek, a gesture of apology for what life had dealt her. He knew she was right, and he was sorry.

"Then, for Henry's sake, and your own, you need to make a hard decision. Living like this is killing you, a little bit at a time. I don't even have to ask if that's true, I can see it. And I'm not willing to lose you and Henry to this. You're both much too important to me."

She smiled at that, her first smile of the evening. Now she returned Reid's gesture and caressed his cheek. "As you are to us."

"Then please tell me you'll think about it."

With a huge sigh, she turned around and settled back against him. "I know I can't live like this." Pause. "All right, I'm willing to think about it. Talking to Hotch, I mean."

He squeezed her shoulder. "I'll take it."

They sat in silence for a little while, and then JJ, remembering something from earlier in the evening, asked, "So who is she?"

He was immediately on alert. "What? Who's who?"

"Who is she? Who were you talking to on the pay phone?"

"Pay phone?"

"Spence, I was out running. I saw you talking on the pay phone. Who uses those anymore, anyway? Is your cell broken?"

"No, I was just..." She'd caught him off guard, and his genius brain wouldn't work fast enough to give him an excuse.

"Don't even try it. I saw the look on your face. It was definitely a 'she'. So, tell me, who is it that's making my best friend happy these days?"

She was genuinely curious, but maybe also a little jealous. She'd never known Spence to have a girlfriend before.

He was quiet a moment longer, deciding. He  _was_  happy about Maeve, even while also worried about her. And he wanted to share it. But he wasn't sure this was the time to share it with JJ. After all, they were talking about her dissolving her relationship, was it right to bask in his good fortune?

It was almost as if she could read his thoughts. "It's all right, Spence. I'm happy for you, that's all. I can be happy for you no matter what's going on in my own life. So, tell me. What's her name?"

He hesitated a moment longer. "Maeve."

"Maeve. It's an unusual name, isn't it? She must be very special, your Maeve."

He was wearing his shy smile again. "I think so."

She smiled at his blush. "Well, she's a very lucky lady. I hope she knows that."

"I'm the lucky one, JJ. She's amazing, and smart, and kind, and gentle. And she has the most beautiful voice."

JJ sat up and studied her good friend. She could see it in his expression. "You've really fallen for her, haven't you?"

He looked at JJ, thinking. He'd never fallen for anyone before, except the woman sitting next to him. And now here he was, telling her about Maeve, as her own life was falling apart. The irony was intense.

"I guess. I just know I want to learn everything about her, to know what she thinks, and what she feels. Every time we hang up, I can't wait to talk to her again."

JJ longed for the time when that might have been true in her relationship with Will. But she couldn't recall it. Turning her attention back to Reid, she asked what she thought was a simple question.

"So, how did you two meet?"

"Meet?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Transitions**

**Chapter 12**

Reid was determined to get JJ to talk to Hotch before they returned to DC. He simply couldn't conceive of her returning to that household with Will LaMontagne still in it. They would need their unit chief to help her get out. Or, more precisely, to get Will out.

As he'd left her earlier in the evening, he'd exacted a promise.

"Before we head back, JJ. It has to be before we head back. You can't go back to living with him. I can't let you."

She'd raised her brows at that, and he'd realized his mistake. It wasn't up to him. He couldn't try to control her decisions any more than her husband could. He needed to persuade her.

"JJ, you said yourself you were afraid the other night. I'm afraid for you, too. Can't you see it could get completely out of hand without warning?"

Reluctantly, she nodded. "I just would rather do things in a more controlled way, you know? Because if I make any sudden changes, I know there will be an outburst. And I don't want Henry to have that kind of experience, that memory."

He knew her defenses were up, keeping her from seeing the obvious. So he went ahead and stated it for her. "JJ, what kind of memory will Henry have if Will attacks you? If he… forces you?" He could still barely say it.

She stared off, no tears this time. She was now almost numb to the idea.

"All right. All right, you're right. I can't let it go on any longer." Said in a monotone.

"JJ, if you need somewhere to go, somewhere to stay….I've got room."

"I'm hoping Hotch will have a way that we can stay in our own home. But", she said, rubbing his arm, "thank you, Spence. It's good to know that we can come to you, if we need to."

"You're welcome. You know I'd do anything for you, don't you?"

She gave him a sad smile. "It's what I count on, Spence."

* * *

They rode the elevator together the next morning.

"Did you get any sleep?" He could see dark circles under her eyes, much like the ones he usually wore.

"No. But, then, I didn't expect to. You don't look so well-rested yourself."

He'd barely slept either. Having spent hours with JJ, he then needed to research the idea Maeve had given him about the case. But he'd had trouble settling his mind, so it had taken an extraordinarily long time. And, once his research was complete, his mind went immediately back to JJ and Henry, and his need to find a way to keep them safe.

They met up with the others and traveled together to the precinct. As they exited the SUV, Reid managed to pull Hotch aside. "When there's time, before we go back, there's something I need to talk to you about. Actually, something JJ needs to talk to you about."

He wanted to make sure the process was started before JJ had a chance to renege. His study of psychology, as well as his years with the BAU, had taught him about victim behavior. His mind still recoiled at the idea of JJ as a victim, but he knew it was true. Whether or not anything physical had happened, she'd been victimized.

Hotch's expression was unreadable. If he found the request strange, or if it caused him worry about his two youngest team members, he didn't show it. Instead, he nodded that he'd heard, and then went about the business of running the case. He was most talented at compartmentalizing.

* * *

Detective Loring met with the BAU before calling the task force together. He'd been alerted that there was new thinking about the Lounsbury situation, and wanted to hear it for himself before bringing it to the larger group. Most of them assumed they had their unsubs, and were now strategizing on how to search for the missing children. Before diverting them from that task, he wanted to be sure he trusted the direction the BAU was taking.

Hotch nodded at Reid to begin.

"Okay. We all know that Marcia Lounsbury became a suspect when it was found through genetic testing that her DNA didn't match that of her son. But what we couldn't explain was why her husband's DNA _did_  match. That would make the child his, but not hers. And yet, Mr. Lounsbury insists that the child belongs to both of them. Why would he do that?"

Alex didn't think it was necessarily a rhetorical question. "Well, this is admittedly 'out there', but could he have had an affair with the biological mother of the child? As in, could his wife have kidnapped the child from his biological mother, because she found out her husband was the father?"

Alex's scenario was something Reid hadn't considered at all, and yet it was plausible. It was possible Marcia Lounsbury was a chimera, but it was also possible she was an unsub.

"Hmm…interesting. I hadn't thought about that. But then, if she is the perpetrator in all of the cases, would we be postulating that her husband had fathered each of those children? And that he's being complicit in all of it?"

"Stranger things have happened, I guess." But Morgan also wanted to be practical. "But it's not the most likely scenario."

"But it wouldn't mean that we didn't happen upon a single instance, not related to the other abductions. Remember, we have one that took place at a gas station, and the others outside day care centers." Rossi offered yet another possibility.

JJ, coming alive with her second cup of coffee, joined the conversation. "Since the other children are still missing, proving the relationship between them and Mr. Lounsbury would be more complicated. But not impossible….we could get samplings of hair, or maybe saliva."

Hotch acknowledged that each of his team members had made an important point. But he wanted Reid to finish. "Reid…"

"Yes. So, any or all of what you've all just said could be true. But so could what the Lounsburys have said. There's a concept called chimerism, where there can be more than one type of DNA in different organs of the same person. There have only been a handful of reported cases, but geneticists think it might be much more common. After all, most people don't get their DNA tested at all, let alone from multiple organs of their bodies.

"It mostly seems to happen when there is more than one fetus at the start of the pregnancy. If that fetus dies, the other absorbs some of the cells into their developing organs. If they were non-identical to begin with, then those organs can carry a mix of the person's DNA, and that of the fetus that died. "

Reid's voice began to rise in pitch as his speech accelerated in pace, and his hand gestures were becoming more animated. Hotch recognized all three 'tells' of Reid's approaching ramble. He wasn't wrong.

"It's fascinating. I was reading about it last night. It doesn't have to be just from the transfer of DNA from a fetal demise, it can happen in reverse. A baby's cells can migrate to the mother, and be incorporated. And the other way around. It can even happen that we have some of our grandparent's cells inside us. There are studies…."

"Reid."

He was attuned to the direction of his unit chief, and stopped immediately, realizing he'd gone off. In truth, Reid counted on Hotch to bring him back whenever it happened.

"Right, I should get to the point. There have been several case reports of exactly what Marcia Lounsbury claims. Mothers whose DNA didn't match that of their children. One woman found out when she needed a kidney transplant, and tissue typing of her blood indicated that neither of her adult sons could be hers. But their tissue  _did_ match a maternal uncle. So they tested other organs of the mother, and found that the DNA in her cervix  _was_  a match."

He concluded with, "If we want to know if the Lounsburys are telling the truth, we'll have to get more DNA testing done on Marcia Lounsbury, from different organs."

"And until we do, we need to keep open minds about this…all of it." Hotch wanted to make sure Detective Loring was with them. "Until we know otherwise, we're still looking for the unsub, as well as the children."

Loring was nodding his agreement, but he couldn't help but rue how complicated the case had just become. There were now so many theories on the table that he might have to increase the size of the task force.

* * *

The BAU presented their theories to the larger group. Until they could sort through whether the day care and gas station abductions were related, and until they had more DNA information, they held back on giving a full profile. For now, they could say that these appeared to be opportunistic abductions. But whether they were for the purposes of trafficking, or molestation, or slavery…or for the purpose of the unsub filling a child-raising fantasy, couldn't be known. Because of the care the unsub seemed to have taken with putting the children in the car seats, they did feel they could say it was unlikely the unsub intended to harm the children.

"But if the purpose for which the child is taken goes unfulfilled, that could change," warned Rossi.

Hotch made his assignments. "We'll break these down by abductions. Blake and Morgan, you've got the first family. Meet with them and with the day care staff. JJ and Reid, you'll take the second. Rossi and I will take the gas station abduction. Detective Loring will follow up on the DNA testing. We've arranged for it to be expedited. We're all back here by noon."

* * *

As they drove to meet with the Carpenters, the parents of young, abducted Daniel, Reid admitted to JJ that he'd told Hotch she needed to speak with him.

"Spence…"

"You promised, JJ. And you need to give him some time to work on it."

"I know what I said, but I'm not sure…."

"JJ, you know as well as I do that's what victims do. They lose the ability to fight back."

"I'm not a victim!" She shouted it at him, angry.

He turned to her, then back to the road. "Then stop acting like one."

He knew it was harsh, and that it would hurt, but she needed to see what she was doing.

JJ was silent, sullen. It was so rare for Reid to be short with her that she couldn't help but pay attention.

_Is he right? I've been telling myself that it could happen if I wasn't careful, if I let it go on too long. But has it already happened, and I haven't been able to see?_

He could never stand to have anything between them. This time was no exception. He gave in.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. And I should have waited for you to go to Hotch on your own."

She relented. "No, Spence, I'm the one who's sorry. You were right. You  _are_  right. I  _am_  acting like a victim. And I refuse to be one. I'll talk to Hotch tonight."

He gave her a small smile as he reached across to squeeze her hand.

* * *

The Carpenters were devastated. Eighteen month old Daniel was their only child, taken from them eight days ago. Eric Carpenter was protective of his wife.

"We've been over all of this with the police. Can't you just get it from them?"

JJ was gentle. "Mr. Carpenter, the police asked us to come in, to bring fresh eyes to the investigation. All of us want nothing more than to bring your son home to you."

He rubbed his chin in a way that told them he wasn't used to being unshaven. "It's just that she hasn't been able to eat or sleep, and it's not healthy for her, or for the baby."

"Baby?" Reid wasn't sure if he was referring to Daniel. But his question was answered when Angela Carpenter entered the room, obviously pregnant.

The two FBI agents looked at each other. This hadn't been in any of the interview reports.

They all made their introductions, and Reid and JJ extended their sympathy to Angela. Her distress was visible.

"I should never have left him. It's just that he left his little bear in his cubby after nap, and he can never get to sleep without it. So I just ran back inside to get it, and when I came out, he was gone." She flashed her husband a look, and he responded by taking her hand and rubbing her back.

JJ watched them. It would have been easy, maybe even expected, for Eric Carpenter to have blamed his wife for leaving their son unattended. She'd seen it happen many times before, loved ones blaming each other for something over which none of them had control. But it wasn't happening here. Here, a husband was standing in loving support of his wife. Fleetingly, JJ wondered what it felt like.

The pregnancy was the only new information to come to light during the interview with the Carpenters. She was due in three months, they'd chosen not to learn the sex, and both were happy to be having a second child. When he'd told them that, Eric's voice had broken on the word 'second'. Neither of the couple was sure they would ever again see their first.

* * *

Their next stop would be the day care center. On the way, JJ called the rest of the team to report their findings.

"It wasn't in the interview report, but Angela Carpenter is six months pregnant."

They were able to recognize Morgan's whistle over the phone. "Emily Bruback is pregnant too. Only four months, she says, but she's definitely showing."

Rossi reported in for himself and Hotch. "Christine Kapp left her son alone at the gas station when she went inside to pay. She was on her way to an OB appointment. She's due next month."

Reid came through on JJ's speaker phone. "So it would have been obvious to anyone looking at them that these women were pregnant at the time their sons were taken. What if the unsub is taking children that she thinks can be easily replaced?"

"Showing compassion for the parents, as she did for the children." Hotch stated the implications of the behavior. They were coming closer to being able to deliver a profile.

Just then a broadcast text came across all of their phones. Detective Loring had urgent information. Hotch had Garcia conference all of them into the call with the detective.

"We've got something. The manager of one of the local Walmarts called in. They've got a toddler, a boy, blonde, blue-eyed. He was abandoned in a carriage there. I'm headed over." He gave them the location.

"On our way," said Hotch. Each of them prayed that at least one set of grieving parents would be given comfort today.


	13. Chapter 13

**Transitions**

**Chapter 13**

They converged upon the Walmart within two minutes of each other and Detective Loring. A manager met them at the door.

"We've got him in the back. A customer noticed him because he was crying so loudly. She looked around but didn't see anyone who seemed to be with him. So she brought him to the service desk, and we paged overhead for about thirty minutes. We checked everywhere in the store to make sure there wasn't someone incapacitated, who couldn't answer….no one. So we called the police."

The woman was leading the way to the employee area as she spoke. When they entered the room with the child, all of the rest held back, allowing JJ to step forward to him. It hadn't been discussed, but each of them knew to leave the handling of the child to the only mother among them.

The child was sitting on a table, nibbling a cookie he'd been given by the employee seated next to him. He looked to be between a year and a half to two years of age. He was clean, and his hair had been combed. It was obvious he'd been crying. The clothing he wore didn't match the description of what any of the abducted children had been wearing when they'd been taken. But his face matched one of the photos. This was Daniel Carpenter.

They'd all seen the photos of each of the missing children, but only JJ and Reid had met the Carpenters. They shared a look of relief that acknowledged how rare it was to be able to give this kind of outcome to a pair of frightened parents.

JJ approached Daniel with the same voice she used to soothe Henry when he was upset.

"Hi, little man. Hi, Daniel. It's okay, honey. Everything's gonna be okay." She kept it low, almost whispered, and the toddler quieted to hear her. When she lifted him, he didn't protest.

Hotch and Loring were already conferring with the store manager. The store had only been open for three hours when the child had been found, and there would be video available from both the store and the parking area. It was very likely they'd be able to get an image of the unsub, as well as the car she'd been driving.

Rossi tried to work the behavior. "So she takes three boys within a two week period, and then, essentially, gives one back. And it's not the first one, right? Daniel Carpenter was the second abduction?"

"He was. So it doesn't seem like she's using them for some purpose and then releasing them, or we would have had the first abductee, Michael Bruback, as the first return." Reid pursued the logic.

"It doesn't look like she's hurt him," observed Alex. But they all knew he'd have to be examined fully to be sure.

"Not everything leaves a mark." Morgan was the voice of experience in that regard.

"Hotch, I'd like to go with him to the hospital, if that's all right." By now the little one was clinging tightly to JJ.

"Go ahead. Reid, meet them there. I want to know if the parents perceive anything different about him, other than the clothing."

Hotch rarely admitted to his use of intuition in his casework, but he did use it, and it was running strong here. There was something about the change in clothing that was important. He was sure of it.

The interviews with the staffs of the day care centers had been put off while the agents followed the Walmart lead. Now Hotch sent Blake and Morgan to interview the staff members at both sites. He and Rossi would stay behind and study the videos.

* * *

Reid had JJ call the Carpenters as she rode the ambulance with young Daniel. He hoped that breaking the good news would bring some brightness back to her. She'd looked defeated this morning.

_Until she held Daniel. She was the only one of us who could have gotten to him like that. When she picked him up, she had all the confidence in the world. Like the old JJ. She's a natural as a mom. Maybe that's the way to help her get her fight back. Focus on Henry._

The Carpenters were already at the hospital, awaiting their arrival. JJ happily transferred Daniel into the arms of his overjoyed parents. She left it to Reid to begin the conversation.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter, we're so happy you've got Daniel back. But there are still some children missing. We need to ask you to help us try to bring them home as well."

"Anything, Dr. Reid. Please tell us how we can help." Mr. Carpenter was only too willing to assist.

"First, please tell us if you recognize the clothes he's wearing."

Daniel's mother answered this one. "No, these are definitely not his clothes. Do they belong to the other children who are missing?"

"We're not sure." JJ took a deep breath and then got to the most difficult part. "Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter, Daniel will need to be examined fully. They're getting an exam room ready for that now. But we need to ask you if you perceive anything…..different….about him."

The FBI agents knew that children who'd been traumatized through threats or emotional abuse, as well as those molested, sometimes had subtle behavioral cues that were frequently only obvious to those who knew them best. They needed the information, but preferred not to instill the image of abuse into the Carpenter's minds….not if it could be helped.

Mr. Carpenter was shaking his head. "I don't know how we could tell. Not now. Look at him, he can't let go of his mother. He's terrified."

JJ understood. For children of Daniel's age, mere separation from their parents was enough of a trauma to cause them to be clingy and irritable. The Carpenters might well be unable to tell about a significant behavior change for another day, or even several. For now, they would have to go with the results of his examination.

Said exam was conducted by Dr. Beth Hanover. When she was finished, she met with both the parents and the FBI agents.

"There's no sign of any trauma. No bruising, no marks on his skin at all. It looks like he was well cared for while he was gone." Then, turning specifically to look at the parents, she added, "Of course, if he'd been mistreated emotionally, it wouldn't leave any physical signs. Nor, I'm afraid, would many forms of molestation. We simply can't say for sure."

JJ and Reid already understood this, but it was news to the Carpenters. Mrs. Carpenter gasped and held her chest, while her husband tightened his grip on her. He spoke for them.

"Are you telling us that you think…."

Reid did his best to reassure the couple. "No, Mr. Carpenter. No. We have no reason to think that it may have happened. Dr. Hanover is simply telling us that the results of the physical examination can't possibly tell us everything. But we have no specific information that would lead us to believe that Daniel was molested."

JJ patted Mrs. Carpenter on the shoulder. "We'll leave you with Daniel now. We'll let you know when we find out anything more. And," handing over her card, " please call me if you notice or remember anything…anything at all."

* * *

Reid glanced at JJ as they drove back to the precinct. "It's hard on you, isn't it? When it's a kid? And especially when they look so much like Henry."

"They  _always_ seem to look like Henry. Sometimes I think there's more of a market for blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids."

"There is. I remember we had a case when you were gone…..when Strauss forced you out….." Neither of them enjoyed talking about that time, still, all this while later.  "Well, it turned out it was a man forcing women to have babies so he could give his barren wife a child. But before we knew that, we thought it was a baby-selling operation. And it turned out that kids that look like Henry bring a much higher price than other kids."

"Great. Good to know. Now I have something else to worry about."

Reid colored. Had he made a social miscue…again? But JJ caught the look on his face and laughed. "I'm only kidding, Spence. It doesn't matter….I already worry about him, all the time. Part of the mothering gene, I guess."

"You're a great mom, JJ. I mean that. Henry's a great kid. And he's happy."

Now she was reflective. "And I need to try to keep him that way." She was quiet for a while, looking out the window, pondering her situation. "I don't think there's any chance he won't be affected if Will and I break up. I mean, he loves us both. But he wouldn't  _have_  us both, at least not together. I just hope I'm not turning my happy boy into an unhappy one."

Reid didn't like hearing this. It sounded like she was talking herself out of the decision he thought she'd already made.

"JJ, how happy could he be in a household where there's no freedom…only fear? Please don't back down now. You know I'm the last one to get into anyone else's business, but this is different. I care about you. And I care about Henry. And I've watched you hurting for far too long. Please don't say you're changing your mind about talking to Hotch."

She shook her head. "I'm not. I guess I'm just thinking out loud. It's so complicated to undo a relationship once it's formed. I guess I'm just thinking about what will happen when I unravel my ties to Will. I mean, I can't totally do it. We'll have Henry. And, because of Henry, Will and I will always be in each other's lives."

She was right, and Reid didn't like it. He thought the best possible thing for both of them would be for Will to be gone from their lives. But he wouldn't be. So they would have to be careful about how the separation took place. Acrimony wouldn't help anything.

He reached for her hand, and squeezed it. "He's not the only one you'll have in your life. You and Henry, both. You'll always have me."

* * *

They still had two children missing, but the task force was breathing a sigh of relief. It didn't appear that their unsub was planning to harm the children…at least, not intentionally. The DNA testing on Marcia Lounsbury would take another two days to complete, but there was far less focus on her now, anyway. Both she and her husband had been under surveillance since yesterday, and wouldn't have had any opportunity to bring Daniel Carpenter to Walmart. It seemed they were an interesting sidelight to the case, rather than a fruitful lead.

The video footage proved to be less helpful than they'd hoped, mostly due to sun glare on the feed from the parking lot. The in-store footage showed only a woman in a long coat, and wearing a hat. They could make out blonde hair, but little else.

Very late in the day came another break. A frustrating one. After the task force reconvened at the precinct, Detective Loring received a much delayed notice that the local child welfare agency had retrieved a child from a local grocery store three days ago. The child had been found in much the same situation as Daniel Carpenter had…..in a cart, crying, apparently abandoned.

"And some bozo in child welfare treated it like a 'safe haven' case!"

Loring was furious. Safe Haven laws were designed to allow parents to give over unwanted newborns without fear of repercussions. But they were to give them to hospitals, or fire or police officials. And they were to be, in fact, newborns. Leaving a toddler abandoned in a grocery store was just that, abandonment. The police should have been notified immediately.

"God damn it! We've lost at least two days to this!"

Morgan wanted to be practical. "Do we know that it's one of our missing kids?"

In response, Loring showed them a photo. The 'safe haven' child was clearly the first toddler abducted, Michael Bruback. Now they had only Joseph Knapp missing. But now they had to wonder if he  _was_  still missing, or if there had been another failure of communication.

Reid called for everyone's attention.

"Look at this." Since he and JJ had returned from the hospital, he'd been working on his geographic profile.

"These are the three spots where the boys were taken from. They triangulate, giving us a zone of operation. And now we have the locations where two of the children were given back."

JJ observed, "There's no overlap at all."

"Exactly! So we have one of two dynamics working here. Either the children were taken from a geographic comfort zone, meaning that our unsub lives somewhere in here, " Reid was tracing the triangle created by the two day cares and the gas station.  "Or this is the area used to  _distance_  the unsub from her home. And the drop-offs would be closer to home. So that would mean she would live somewhere in this area."

He could be less precise with the latter, since there were only two points so far.

Alex was still thinking about how Michael Bruback had been found.

"Detective, was there something about the child that made them think he'd been given up like a newborn? Something that made it seem different from a child abandonment?". There had to be more to this story.

Loring was brought up short. Maybe she had a point. Because there  _was_ something.

"Apparently there was a note. It said, "Please take care of him."

Reid was on it. "Was there a note with Daniel Carpenter?"

"None that was recovered." Loring's voice was pensive. Maybe this was something….

"So, maybe our unsub was startled by something at the Walmart. Something that kept her from leaving her note."

"Or she didn't think it would be necessary." Reid's voice was getting that excited pitch.

"What are you thinking, Reid?" Hotch knew when his resident genius was on to something significant.

"What if she felt comfortable leaving Daniel at the Walmart because she knew he'd be taken care of. That she didn't need to leave a note."

"Like she has a connection with someone there." Alex was with him.

Hotch was on it. "Morgan, Blake, Rossi, go back there. Interview  _everyone_  on the staff. Show them the video. If the manager didn't recognize the woman, maybe one of the other employees will. Reid, work the geographic profile. JJ, you and I will work the unsub profile."

* * *

He was done with the maps, and went to join JJ and Hotch. They'd worked up a profile to disseminate to the task force.

"We've already profiled it's a woman. She's likely single, and childless." Hotch filled Reid in.

"And she's got to have a house. It's unlikely she could have kept kids this young for so many days without them crying and attracting attention. There's no way she could have done that in an apartment."

"Guys, I don't know if she's childless." Reid was concerned about this part of the profile. "What about the clothes?"

It clicked with Hotch now. He'd known the clothes had to mean something. "Reid's right. The clothes on Daniel Carpenter didn't belong to any of the children taken. She had them already. So she's got a child."

"Or she  _had_ a child. Maybe she's replacing him." JJ was thinking aloud.

Reid wasn't so sure. "If she's replacing her child, why does she keep giving them back?"

* * *

They were waiting for the others to report in, and had taken the profile as far as they could without new information.

Recognizing the opportunity, and having tuned in to the concern in Reid's voice this morning, Hotch took advantage.

"JJ, did you need to speak with me about something?"

She froze. Although she intended to go through with it, JJ was still caught unaware in the moment.

Reid flashed her a look. He was invested in this happening, but it wasn't technically his business.

"I can step out…." He started toward the door.

"No! No, Spence, you don't need to go." In fact, she needed him more than he knew.

JJ turned to her unit chief.

"I need some advice..." She had to pause before finishing the sentence. "...on ending my marriage." She couldn't make eye contact with either one of them.

Hotch looked surprised, but internally, he realized he shouldn't have been. She'd not been herself for a long time.

"I need to leave him, Hotch."

Reid nodded, looking meaningfully at their unit chief. "She needs to leave him, Hotch. Right away."

He got the message. JJ had either already been hurt, or was in serious danger of being so. They couldn't afford for her to spend a single additional day in a household that contained Will LaMontagne. But accomplishing that could be very difficult.

JJ finished. "I need to know how to do it. I need your legal advice."

Regrettably, Hotch was schooled in the art of divorce. He knew this would not be easy.

"JJ, you know I'm not practicing any longer….but I can connect you to a good divorce attorney."

"Thanks. But I need to know. Can I ask him to leave? Can I force him to leave? Or will I have to go? And what about Henry?"

Hotch took in and expelled a deep breath. The information he had wouldn't be encouraging.

"You can ask him to leave, JJ. Or you can leave yourself. But, unless your safety is in question, you can't force it."

He couldn't help but notice the long look exchanged by the other two. "Is your safety in question?"

She had to be honest. Will had never overtly threatened her, and she'd only perceived a threat the other night. She told Hotch about it, then stole a glance at Reid. He didn't look happy.

"I can ask him to leave, but I'm not sure he would. He doesn't have anyone else in DC. Where would he go?"

Reid spoke up, surprising even himself. "He can stay with me, if it will get him out of the house."

JJ gave him a small, surprised smile at that. "Thanks, Spence, but somehow I don't think that would go over all that well."

Hotch intervened. "Ask him to leave. If he doesn't, be very cautious in determining your safety. Don't stay there if you don't think you and Henry will be safe. You're always welcome to stay with me."

"Or me," reminded Reid.

JJ looked from one to the other. "Thanks, you two. You are both so good to me. Hotch, I'll call the divorce attorney as soon as we get home. And I'll talk to Will."

Reid noticed that the last words seemed to drain all the energy out of her. So did Hotch. It prompted him to make an offer.

"JJ, would you like me to be with you when you talk to him?"

If Reid hadn't recognized the impropriety of it, he would have kissed his unit chief. Instead, after a relieved JJ accepted the offer, Reid mouthed a silent "Thank you."


	14. Chapter 14

**Transitions**

**Chapter 14**

JJ was still ruminating over what Hotch had told her. The obstacle of getting Will out of the house might be a big one, but looming even larger was the question of the custody of Henry. According to Hotch, there were competing attitudes about what constituted the best situation for a child. It was no longer assumed that a child's place was with his mother. The stability of the household, the behavioral history of the parent, and the ability to support the child were all taken into account. And, when the child was old enough to express himself verbally, the child's wishes were elicited before an award of custody was made. Joint custody was common in divorces which were amicable, as well as in many of those far less so.

_Our incomes are pretty similar. Neither of us will be able to afford the house unless one of us pays alimony or child support. That's all a wash. And Will is so good at covering up. He's never done anything extreme, and he's never shown his nature publicly. No one would know about his behavior. Maybe I should ask for joint custody. Maybe he wouldn't fight me on it then. Maybe he wouldn't try to take Henry from me. But what if he wants to move back to New Orleans? Does Henry have to feel like he'll be split in two? Please, God, let me be able to reason with him._

JJ still hadn't realized how capably Will was able to manipulate Henry.

* * *

Loring burst into the conference room.

"We've got another one!"

"Another kidnapping?" Reid turned from the map. "Or another child returned?"

"Another kidnapping. Another day care," he said as he handed Reid the address.

"Was it another little boy?" JJ wondered about that part of the pattern, cringing a little as she asked. All she could ever picture was a younger Henry, frightened and taken from everything that was familiar to him.

"Little blonde-haired two year old. Bobby Lyons. Shoe fell off as she was bringing him to the car, and the mother went back to look for it."

JJ silently vowed never to leave Henry alone in public, anywhere, even for a second.

Reid pointed at the map. "This day care is in the same zone as the others. I really think this is her comfort zone. We should find out if anyone with connections at the Walmart lives in this zone."

Hotch was on his cell, talking to Morgan and Rossi, advising them about the new kidnapping.

"Damn it, we need to get ahead of this. Now we've got another family in crisis." Rossi was disgusted.

Morgan gave their report. "We're almost done with the interviews. The manager even called in a few employees who had the day off. Alex is finishing with them now. So far, nothing."

Hotch transmitted Reid's suggestion on looking for someone living within the presumed comfort zone.

"It's a good idea, but so far, we have absolutely nothing." Rossi echoed Morgan.

Those at the precinct could now hear footsteps approaching rapidly through the phone.

"Wait, Hotch, here comes Alex. It looks like maybe she's got something." Morgan handed the phone to her.

"Hotch, there's a woman who thinks she knows who it might be. She couldn't make out much from the video, but she thinks the body shape is similar to the woman she's thinking of."

"Is she an employee?"

"The woman I interviewed is an employee, but the woman she suspects is a customer. A woman who was a frequent visitor for a while. She was shopping for baby things a while back, over a year ago, maybe even two. And she needed a lot of help with it, so the employee remembered her. But mostly she remembered that, after she'd bought everything, she came back. She needed a second set. She hadn't known she was having twins."

"How can anyone not know they're having twins?" JJ knew how detailed prenatal ultrasounds were these days.

"Nobody, unless they don't have prenatal care." Alex was agreeing with JJ.

"But if she was so meticulous about getting things for the baby, don't you think she'd have gone for prenatal care?" Reid was working the logic of it.

"She would." Hotch agreed with him. "So, possibly she simply  _wanted_  twins, or maybe she'd been carrying a twin, and lost it."

Reid made a sudden movement, drawing their attention. JJ couldn't help but notice his face. It was bearing the look he always got when the synapses connected. He'd figured it out.

"And now she's trying to find the match! Think about it…it's why she keeps taking kids who are so similar. Boys of a similar age, and hair and eye color. She's trying to match her own child. And, when they don't match, she gives them back!"

Loring, who was less familiar with the kinds of cases the BAU usually encountered, thought the reasoning was a bit wild. But he also noticed that the others were all on board with Reid. So he joined them.

"Okay, I'll go along with it. But how does that help us find her?"

"Well," Alex was still on the phone, "we could ask the store to look for a record of the right pattern of purchases. You know, acquiring baby items slowly, and then a large duplicate purchase."

"Wouldn't that take a long time?" Loring doubted this was the way to go.

JJ was more hopeful. "If they'll give the data to our technical analyst, she might be able to hurry it up."

Reid agreed. "And she could narrow it down to purchases by women who live in the comfort zone."

Hotch thought they were on the right track, and asked Rossi to use his powers of persuasion to get the data to Garcia.

"We're on our way to the newest kidnapping scene. Call if you get any resistance."

* * *

Deborah Lyons was, understandably, distraught. Not only had her only son been taken from her car, but he was missing his afternoon dose of asthma medication.

"He was just in the hospital last week, but he was doing so much better. What if he starts having trouble breathing again?"

So far, all the children taken had been generally healthy. Now the team had to wonder what their unsub would do if a child was not only a poor match, but also 'defective'.

"It's possible she'll return him faster," opined Reid.

"Or she might dispose of him altogether." Hotch felt a need to consider the worst case scenario.

They could see through an office window that JJ was doing her best to comfort the woman and keep her calm. When the husband arrived, JJ stepped out of the room.

"She's terrified, and I don't blame her." JJ had to actively banish the image of a crying, frightened Henry from her mind. "I can't even imagine." 

_Or I wish I couldn't imagine…._

Another thought occurred to her. "You know, I'm wondering about something. If we're thinking she lost the twin so long ago, why did she just start taking other children now? What prompted it?"

"Good question," acknowledged Reid. "Maybe something happened to the child she still has."

* * *

Something had.

Rossi was apparently persuasive enough to convince a behemoth like Walmart to release data to the FBI….but only after multiple disclaimers and waivers had been created and signed off. After that, it didn't take Garcia long to find the right pattern of purchases, made by Carolyn Magnusson. She lived in the comfort zone, and had given birth to a son twenty five months ago, according to county records.

Hotch, Reid and JJ were at the day care center in the comfort zone, and thereby closest to the Magnusson home. Accompanied by Detective Loring, they went to the address, finding a small house on a rear lot, isolated by a wooded copse from its nearest neighbor.

By agreement, JJ approached the door ahead of the rest, and knocked. No need to break this one down. A woman fitting the description of Carolyn Magnusson opened the door.

"Yes?" Meek, quiet.

"Carolyn Magnusson?" A nod.

"We're from the FBI. We're here to investigate the disappearance of several little boys."

"Like mine?"

JJ was puzzled. "Like yours?"

"Are the boys like mine? Because I lost one, and I've been looking for him. But I can't find the right one."

Now JJ understood. This woman was badly confused, perhaps deluded.

"May we come in?"

Carolyn stepped aside to allow the group to enter. Loring and Reid started a search of the house while JJ and Hotch continued speaking with Carolyn.

JJ's voice was soft, and sympathetic. "Can you tell me how you lost your little boy? When?"

Carolyn's hand was patting her abdomen. "He was here, but then I lost him. And his brother misses him so. So I've been looking for him."

Still using her soft voice, JJ pushed. "Have you been looking for him for a very long time?"

"Ever since I lost him. But I couldn't find him. And then Peter….that's his brother….he couldn't live without him. So I had to try again. But none of them fit. Peter doesn't like them. He won't wake up and play with them."

JJ shot Hotch a look upon hearing those words. Something about them sounded ominous. She tried once more.

"Ms. Magnusson…Carolyn…..did you take other little boys for Peter to play with?"

Carolyn was nodding, glad to be understood. "Yes, I did. But he won't play with them."

Hotch interjected, wanting to be sure. "Ms. Magnusson, did you take little boys before as well?"

She seemed surprised that he would ask. "No, no! I just looked for him. But now Peter won't get up and play, so I had to find his brother."

Realizing that the exchange would only make sense in their unsub's mind, the two agents interrupted the interview. Momentarily, they heard a child's cry…and then another. JJ breathed a sigh of relief.

Both Loring and Reid came back carrying little blonde boys. Reid handed his to JJ and motioned to his superior. "You need to see this, Hotch."  When JJ rose as well, he stopped her, adding, "You don't."

His tone told her he was protecting her, and she could only guess what he was about to show their unit chief.

* * *

The plane ride back was more somber than would have been expected. It was a first for the BAU. All of the kidnapped children had been recovered, unharmed. Even the most recent victim, Bobby Lyons, had been only a few hours late for his medication.

But the story of the unsub had also been unique, and remarkably sad. Carolyn Magnusson had, indeed, been pregnant with twins. But she'd lost the twin during the first trimester. Postpartum depression had done the rest. Her husband had left her, unable to cope with his wife's change in demeanor. But, inexplicably, he'd left his surviving son behind. In the care of a woman who had been, at times, catatonic, the child had failed to thrive. He'd finally become so small, and so weak, that he'd no longer been able to rise, nor eat, nor even cry. Carolyn had mistaken his condition for sadness, and longing for his twin. So she'd set about to find him a match.

Reid related more than anyone could imagine to the story of the boy abandoned by his father and left in the care of his mentally ill mother. He'd made a silent bond with young Peter Magnusson as he'd picked the child up from his crib. He probably weighed under fifteen pounds and could barely open his eyes. But he'd managed eye contact with Reid, and the young agent had prayed it was a good sign.

Before the jet took off, Reid followed up with the hospital. "They think he'll survive, but they don't know how intact he'll be. They said the brain is the last organ affected, so there's some hope. But they won't be able to tell for a couple of months." At hearing that, six souls sent up prayers simultaneously.

After they were aloft, Reid puttered in the galley and then headed down the aisle with two mugs in his hands. He handed JJ her tea and took the seat beside her.

"When will you and Hotch talk to Will?" His way of making sure she was still planning to do so.

"Hotch will come over tomorrow night, after work. It will be Friday, so Will can look for a place to live over the weekend."

"If he agrees to go."

She nodded slightly. "Yes, if he agrees."

"And if he doesn't?" He wanted desperately to hear that she wouldn't consider staying at the house with Will.

"If he doesn't….I don't know. I just hope he will."

"JJ, I meant what I said before. I'd rather have you and Henry stay with me if he won't leave."

She patted his hand. "I know. And I love you for it. But let's just pray that Henry will be able to stay in his own home, and sleep in his own bed."

_And that he won't hold this against me for the rest of his life._


	15. Chapter 15

**Transitions**

**Chapter 15**

Reid had much difficulty settling into his work on Friday. Not only would JJ be confronting Will this evening, but it was also one day closer to Sunday. One day closer to Maeve.

_I wish I could call her every day. I want to know what she thinks about so many things. There's never enough time in our conversations._

He'd been thinking about asking if he could contact her more often. But part of him realized that, even if they did talk every day, it still wouldn't seem like enough. He wanted Maeve all the time. He'd never felt this way before, even about books, or learning. Maybe because this was the first time the sentiment had been returned.

_She fascinates me so. She_ intoxicates _me._

This had become his typical internal conversation. But today it was being continuously interrupted by another.

_Please just let him cooperate, and leave. Don't let him get angry. He'll retaliate, I know it. But, the way he operates, she won't see it coming. It will hurt her. And it will hurt Henry. So, please…let it go well. Just make him go away._

Reid knew there was no chance Will LaMontagne would absent himself from Henry's life. But he did hope that the man would see the futility of trying to possess a wife who didn't want to be possessed. If they could just make that happen, they could turn their attention to minimizing the damage to Henry. Once again, Reid was immensely grateful to his boss for offering to help. He didn't want his best friend going into this alone. And he knew he couldn't be the one to accompany her. It would only rile Will, and make it worse.

Before she left at the end of the day, he took JJ aside.

"Please be careful. Like Hotch says, have a low threshold for deciding if you're safe. And please, JJ," he took her arm to emphasize his words, "please don't stay there with him if he won't leave tonight. I know he hasn't hurt you before, but you know he's done everything short of that."

Reid was referring to the typical behavior in a household where there was intimate partner violence….the isolation, the jealousy, the need to impose feelings of guilt. Will had managed all of them with JJ.

Reid finished with, "I've already got the second bedroom ready. All you have to do is come."

Tears welled as JJ realized she was being offered the kind of caring and concern she shouldhave had from her husband. She tiptoed up and kissed his cheek.

"I promise I'll be careful. Thank you, Spence. I love you."

And she left to find Hotch, who would follow her home.

* * *

She'd asked Karen to keep Henry for a few additional hours. The long time sitter loved her little charge, and readily agreed.

As they waited for Will to arrive home, JJ handed Hotch a bottle of wine and a corkscrew.

"I think I'm gonna need this."

He tried to give her an encouraging smile, but Hotch knew the ensuing conversation would be extremely difficult for all of them.

"In a few hours, it will be over with, and you'll be looking back on it."

"Let's hope so." But JJ thought it more likely that this would be the beginning of a long and difficult road.

Not having to coerce his wife into cancelling any plans tonight, Will arrived home on time from work. His surprise at seeing Hotch there quickly turned to caution.

"Is something going on? Is something wrong?" Will was using his concerned voice tonight. He walked over to JJ and put an arm around her. "Are you all right, darlin'? Did something happen?" Solicitous now.

Finally, he noticed how quiet it was in the house and started looking around. "Where's Henry?"

JJ poured a glass of wine for him and sat down next to Hotch on the sofa. She waved her husband to a chair.

"Sit down, Will. Please. Henry's fine, he's with Karen."

The two profilers in the room watched as the look of concern left from Will's face, to be replaced by one of insecurity and wariness.

Will looked from JJ to Hotch and back again. She flashed a look in Hotch's direction as well, and then began.

"Will, I think you know I haven't been happy for a long time.  _We_  haven't been happy. We don't seem to be to each other what we'd hoped to be. I can't ever seem to please you unless I'm here, all the time, alone with you and Henry. It upsets you when I work, when I travel, when I make plans with anyone else. All of the things that make me who I am. Things that make me happy. All of those things cause the opposite reaction in you. And that's not what a marriage should be."

Hotch noticed Will's eyes flitting back and forth between him and JJ. He knew, as a profiler, that this was an indicator that Will was concerned with saving face in front of the outsider. Someone truly focused only on his spouse would have had eyes only on the spouse, and especially so given the content of this conversation.

"So, what are you saying, JJ? That you want out?" There was hurt in his voice, but there was also challenge.

As much as she needed to regain her life, JJ also regretted losing the dream. She was choked up, and had difficulty responding. Finding her voice at last, she replied to him.

"I think I am, Will. Yes. I don't think what we have is healthy. I know it's not healthy for me. And even though I know we both love Henry, and he loves both of us, I know that if we stay together, it will be unhealthy for him. I don't want that. And I don't think you do either."

He stood, the anger spilling out. "Don't tell me what I want and don't want! And don't try to tell me that I'm hurting Henry. I'm not the one trying to break up his family!"

JJ looked as if he'd slapped her. She'd been beating up on herself with almost those very words, but they hurt more when spoken by him. It was true that she was the one initiating the separation, and an outsider might consider Will the injured party. But those inside the marriage knew the truth. The biggest question was: who would Henry blame?

Hotch knew he had to give Will some room to react, so he kept his silence now. His main goal was to see that the man left the household tonight. But he did notice that he was seeing far more anger than hurt.

Will was still shouting, all pretense of behaving well in front of company now gone. Hotch was clearly here to support JJ, and Will no longer cared about the impression he made.

"Don't I even get a say in this? You bring in your boss to intimidate me, is that it?"

Now Hotch did interject. "I'm here at JJ's request, to help sort things out until you can each retain an attorney."

"You telling all our business to your friends at work now, Cher?" What had once been an endearment now sounded like an epithet. "Where's your friend Spence? Or is he not man enough to be here with you?"

JJ was angry, and upset, and determined not to cry in the face of her husband's tirade. But she was rapidly losing the battle.

"Will," she cursed her voice for breaking. She was determined not to show him weakness. "Can't we just do this civilly? Does it have to be a fight?"

It was as though he'd flipped a switch. He sat back down, his voice now calm, and quiet…but still cruel.

"Sure we can, Cher. If you want to go, go. But I'm staying here." He made sure she was looking at him when he added, "and Henry stays here."

JJ took several deep breaths before responding. She wanted her voice to be steady, and calm. She couldn't afford to get this wrong.

"Will, Henry needs his mother. I know he loves you, I would never claim otherwise. But he needs me. I agree with you that he should stay in his home. But I think he should be here, with me."

She waited, trying to interpret the look on his face. Then she spoke again.

"I'm asking you to move out. Tonight. We can work out a schedule with Henry. Please, Will. Please."

She was willing to beg him, if she could get him to agree. Where her son was concerned, JJ would not let personal pride interfere.

Hotch spoke up now, largely to remind Will of his presence. "I think you should listen to JJ. You can work out an agreement where both of you share custody, and you can take your time letting Henry get accustomed to it. But it would be best for the boy to be in his home, with his mother."

Hotch was somewhat sympathetic. He couldn't help but remember when he had been in Will's shoes, albeit for different reasons. Being separated from the child one loved was always painful.

Will was silent for a long time after that, thinking, brooding. Each of them knew it would have played out differently if Hotch hadn't been there to influence and witness it. But, in the end, Will acquiesced.

"All right. I'll move out. I'll get a hotel room. But I want to see Henry, JJ."

"Is Sunday all right? He's got a birthday party tomorrow." JJ was the keeper of the family schedule. She prayed Will would agree. She wanted to keep things as normal for Henry as possible.

"Damn it, you're right." Will rose and started for the bedroom to pack a bag. He turned around to respond, "I'll see him on Sunday. All day."

He was determined to save face. JJ felt for him. She couldn't live with his insecurities, but she knew they were hard for him to bear as well. Twenty minutes later, he emerged with his bag. JJ and Hotch had been silent the whole time, each lost in thought.

"Well, I guess this is it. I'll let you know where I end up. Don't know that there's much available on a Friday night."

JJ recognized the attempt at imposing guilt, and ignored it.

"I can reach you on your cell, wherever you are."

He started for the door, then turned and faced her again.

"What will you tell Henry?"

JJ flushed. She hadn't figured that out yet. Praying the words would come to her, she started.

"I'll tell him that we both love him, and that from now on, he'll have two places to call home."

She realized the inadequacy of the answer, and so did Will. There would never be an adequate answer for a child whose whole life was about to change.

* * *

JJ sank back to the sofa after she heard the door slam. Slowly, she raised her eyes to her boss.

"Thank you. That was…it was…..so...hard. I'm glad you were with me."

Hotch was still concerned. "JJ, you've got a very long way to go before this is over. That was just the first of many, many steps."

"I know, Hotch. But it was the hardest step. And you were right, what you said before. I'm looking back at it now."

"You are. But make sure you call Richard and let him know what happened."

She'd settled on one of his recommendations for a divorce attorney, and made contact this afternoon.

"I will. We've got an appointment on Monday. Thanks again, Hotch." JJ saw him to the door and bid him goodbye.

She'd ignored a text notification earlier, and now looked at her phone. As expected, it was from Spence.

 OKAY?

OKAY.

* * *

 

Henry was used to Will being gone for overnight shifts, so JJ didn't have need to explain his absence this night. She cuddled with her son, reading stories and listening to tales of preschool.

"And then Miss Amy said, "Where's the turtle?" and we looked, and Timmy was gone! So Miss Amy made us all a 'mergency team and said, "Look all over. Under your desks, in the closet." She even told us to look in our pockets, Mommy!"

Henry laughed at the sheer preposterousness of it. A turtle crawling into a pocket!

"And then Joey found him! He was hiding in Jenna's cubby!"

It warmed her heart so see her son happy, and troubled her that her choices might change that. But, for now, she enjoyed being close, and holding him, inhaling the scent of him. Eau de little boy.

Under strict orders from Hotch and Reid, JJ had the locks changed on Saturday morning. She and Henry spent Saturday afternoon at a birthday party, and then settled in at home for the night. Now that it had been 24 hours without his dad, Henry was starting to be curious.

"Mommy, when's Daddy coming home?"

She'd been stirring a pot on the stove. Without leaving her post, not wanting to make it seem like a big deal, JJ responded.

"Honey, Daddy and I made a decision together."

"Huh?"

"We decided that it would be better if we had two places to live, one for him and one for me. And that you can have both of them. You can take turns between the places."

He was young, and innocent, and didn't know yet that love can fail. Henry didn't see the answer for what it was. For which JJ was profoundly grateful.

"Two places? But what about my toys?"

She hadn't thought of that. Leave it to Henry to be practical.

"Hmm. Your toys. Well, let's think. Could we leave half of them in one house, and half in the other?"

Fractions meant little to a four year old. "Yeah, Mommy! That way I can play with them at both of our houses!"

JJ knew he didn't understand at all, but it was new to her, too. She didn't have it in her to force the realization on Henry right now. She let him believe what he would.

After dinner, after the latest 'Buddies" movie, after his prayers, JJ left him to his dreams. She settled in front of the fire with a glass of wine. She hadn't gotten through half of it when she leaned to her side and fell asleep. Breaking up a marriage was as physically exhausting as it was emotionally exhausting.

She didn't know what time it was when she bolted awake. She only knew there was a pounding on the door, and shouting. It sounded drunk….and threatening. JJ grabbed her phone, and wished her gun wasn't in its safe.

* * *

Having been assured by JJ that all had gone well on Friday night, and having secured her promise to change the locks, Reid settled into what had become his weekend routine. Chores on Saturday, followed by ineffectual attempts at reading while his mind constantly wandered to the conversation he would have on Sunday. He thought of all the things he wanted to tell her, and all the things he wanted to ask her.

Reid long ago realized he'd fallen in love with her mind, and then with her character.

_Does that mean I'm in love with_ her _? Even if we've never met?_

He knew it was strange. He didn't need anyone else's reaction to tell him that. But it also felt pure, and real _._

_Why do I need to see her? To meet her? Why isn't it enough that she's in my life at all? That she cares about me. That she loves me._

He still hadn't said it to her. Hadn't told her he loved her. Something was holding him back.

_Is it that? Is it because I've never seen her? Because, if I met her accidentally, I might not know it? But wouldn't I recognize the ideas? The hopes? The longings? The things that make her 'Maeve'? What does it say about love if you need to see someone to feel it?_

He knew he would recognize her voice, and all that it expressed. But, as much as he loved all that he knew about her, and as much as the idea intimidated him, Reid did have a desire to see her. To meet her in person. To touch her. He might be an intellectual powerhouse, but he was also a human male. Who loved a human female. And wanted to be with her. To love her, in every sense of the word.

_But I have to free her, first._  

Having had some success with JJ, Reid was determined to convince Maeve to let him help her. That would be the focus of his conversation this week. He would try to make her see how much she'd helped him to help his friend. And beg her to let him help her now.

Reid shut off his reading light and put away the latest great author he'd ignored for reverie. He retired to dreams of Maeve, in which she was always, frustratingly, just out of reach.

Hours later, he awakened with a start. His cell was sounding. He didn't need his contacts to make out "JJ" on the screen. Heart pounding, Reid answered.

"JJ?"

Her voice was frightened, broken, small. "Spence?"


	16. Chapter 16

**Transitions**

**Chapter 16**

He watched out the window until he saw her pull in, then met her at the car. They didn't speak at all as he reached in and unbuckled Henry. He lifted the dead weight of his sleeping godson and carried him back to the apartment. JJ carried the one duffle bag she'd been able to put together so hurriedly.

Reid laid Henry in the bed and JJ tucked the blankets around him. She placed Brownie in his hand, hoping the little dog would make this somehow feel more normal. They left the door slightly ajar so they would be able to hear him if he stirred.

Reid ushered her to the kitchen, where he had a kettle of water simmering on the stove. He poured it over some herbal tea and handed her the mug. The hand she took it with was trembling. Reid couldn't help but notice the tear tracks on her cheeks, outlined in mascara.

"Did they arrest him?"

She'd been staring at her mug, now flashed him a disgusted look.

"Are you kidding? The brotherhood? He's a DC cop, Spence, they would never arrest him. In fact, they told me I could be in trouble for changing the locks. We don't have a legal separation yet, so it's still considered his home. They said I didn't have a right to lock him out."

It shouldn't have surprised him. He should have realized. Of course Will would be granted an extraordinary degree of slack from his fellow officers. But that put JJ in a completely untenable position.

Reid knew about legality, but he also knew about reality. "You did the right thing, JJ. Thank God you changed the locks. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't?"

She buried her face in her hands, reliving it. He'd been too drunk to do anything more than pound on the door. But he'd been armed.

"He could have shot through the window!" Her voice was trembling. "Henry woke up and came out to the living room. He was terrified. And he could have shot him. He could have shot his own son! It's just by the grace of God that he didn't."

Reid squatted beside her. "You did the right thing, calling the police."

She shook her head. "It didn't do me any good. They'll write it up like it was nothing. Oh, God, what did I start?"

Reid took her hands down from her face and turned her in the chair so that she was looking at him.

"You didn't start anything. You took necessary steps to get you and Henry out of a very bad situation. JJ, you weren't safe in that house. I think you know that."

She closed her eyes as more tears made their way down her face. "I just can't see an end to this. What if he doesn't stop? What do I do? And what about Henry?"

She looked weary, and frail. She'd been living in an emotional prison for months, and now having taken steps to escape, she'd been terrified for her life, and that of her son. JJ looked broken.

Reid stood and lifted her with him. He pulled her close and put his arms around her, resting her head against his shoulder. He could feel her sag, the adrenalin rush of the earlier evening gone. When he could feel the crying ease, he brought her into the living room and settled her on the sofa.

"You'll stay here until we get this taken care of." Purposely using the "we". JJ had felt far too isolated, for far too long. She needed to know she wouldn't be carrying this burden alone.

"As long as there's a police report of any sort, we should be able to get a protective order on Monday. We'll check with Hotch tomorrow."

JJ gasped. "Tomorrow! I told Will he could have Henry on Sunday. Spence, I can't. I can't let that happen. Not until we get past this. What if he drinks again?"

Although Will had been drunk tonight, it wasn't a habit for him. But their current circumstance might make it more likely, and JJ couldn't afford to take that kind of chance with Henry.

"We'll call Hotch in the morning. He'll be able to tell us what legal avenues are open to us."

He tried to get her to smile. "You look terrible."

It worked. "I bet." Her smile was brief. "Spence, thank you for this. For taking us in at all hours of the night. I don't know what else I would have done."

"I'm glad you called me. I would have come and gotten you."

"The police stayed while I packed the bag. By then, Will was passed out on the couch."

Her voice was trailing off, and Reid recognized it as a sign of exhaustion.

"JJ, why don't you go to bed and try to get some sleep? It's very late."

She shook her head. "You go, Spence. It's all right. I'm exhausted, yes, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep. I'll just sit here for a bit, if that's okay with you."

He studied her, wanting to do the right thing. "Would you rather be alone, or would it be okay if I sat up with you?"

"I think I might have to cry this out of me, Spence. I don't want to scare you."

She hadn't told him to go away…so he made his decision.

"I don't scare that easily."

He got comfortable against a pillow and then raised his arm in invitation. JJ scooted over and fit herself against him. She leaned her head back against his chest and closed her eyes. After the tension of the recent months, and weeks, and days, and especially the tension of the past few hours, she felt release. Being able to lean, being held, being allowed to abdicate the burden for even a short time, made her feel weightless, like she was floating. In the arms of Spencer Reid, for the first time in a very long time, she felt peace.

* * *

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Reid woke up to the sensation of something sticking into his upper arm. He could still feel the weight of JJ against him. Opening his eyes, he realized she wasn't the only blonde in the room. There was another, standing right next to him, hot breath in his face, poking with a tiny finger.

"Uncle Spence, did we have a sleepover?"

Reid tried to wake up his voice. It came out dry, and cracked.

"Henry?"

He started to get up, rousing JJ. Neither of them had gotten all that much sleep. After her initial floating off, she'd awakened several times, finding herself in tears each time. Each time, Reid had awakened with her, holding her until they both fell back to sleep. Now she slowly opened her eyes, and realized it was day.

She reached for Henry. "Hi, baby."

His eyes were wide, frightened. "Mommy, what happened to your face?"

She patted her cheeks, not understanding. Reid mimed tear tracks with his fingers, and then she realized.  _I must be covered in mascara._

"Nothing, honey, just some makeup that I forgot to wash off. I'll do it now, okay?"

She headed to the bathroom as Reid opened his arms to Henry. The little boy climbed into his godfather's lap.

"To answer your question, yes, I guess we did kind of have a sleepover."

"Oh."

Reid recognized the four year old pensiveness. Henry was thinking, but not talking. Which was highly unusual for him.

"Henry, do you remember anything about last night?"

Long pause. "Yeah."

"What, Henry? What do you remember?"

Reid knew how bright the boy was. He was certain they'd have to find a way to explain things to him. Henry wouldn't be put off with half truths.

"That the policemans came to our house."

Behind him, JJ was returning from the bathroom. Realizing the topic, she stopped her progress and stood, listening, and silently praying.

"Why did they come to your house, Henry? Do you know?"

"Mommy called them. She told me to get under the couch, and she called the policemans. It was scary, Uncle Spence. I was scared."

"You're okay now, Henry. You and Mommy are both okay. No more scary stuff, okay?"

Henry didn't answer. He just reached little arms around Reid's neck and hugged him.

"Henry, do you remember anything else?"

Releasing his godfather, Henry sat back. "There was a bad man, and he was yelling things. He was yelling at Mommy."

"Do you remember what he said?"

"He said, "Open the door, JJ!" Henry mimicked the yelling. "He said some bad words too, but I'm not 'lowed to say them."

Reid nodded. Squinting his next question at Henry, he knew the answer he prayed he would hear.

"Do you know who the man was, Henry?"

"Nope. Mommy thought it sounded like Daddy, 'cause she said, "Go away, Will!". But Daddy wouldn't do that, right Uncle Spence? It was just somebody fooling us." Although the sentence was declarative, it sounded like a question.

Neither of the adults could read this. Did Henry know? Was he unable to bring himself to say it? Or did he really not understand that he'd been frightened of his own father?

JJ ended the conversation by coming back to the sofa. She showed her face to Henry.

"Better?"

"Pretty, Mommy! Isn't Mommy pretty, Uncle Spence?"

He smiled at both of them. "Beautiful, as always."

* * *

Reid's kitchen wasn't always well stocked, but they found enough to put together a reasonable breakfast feast for all of them. Afterwards, they set Henry in front of the television so they could call Hotch.

"Give him some 'Tom and Jerry', and he's mesmerized." JJ still managed to chuckle at her son.

They reached their superior as he came in from an early morning soccer game with Jack. Reid quickly explained what had happened, knowing that it would take too much out of JJ to go over all of it again.

"So we need some advice. Can she get a protective order? Can she legally get him out of the house, and keep him out?"

There was a long pause, and then a sigh. "It's a mixed picture. If this were typical behavior for him, or if he'd made a specific threat, then the court would support an order of protection. But it doesn't sound like that happened. Did it, JJ?"

Hotch couldn't see the dejection on her face, but Reid could. He put a supportive arm around her.

"No. No, he didn't make any threats. He just demanded to be let in. It was me. I was the one who thought it was dangerous."

Hotch's voice held regret. "Then I'm afraid there's not a way to legally keep him from the premises. At least not for a little while. If he's got a reasonable attorney, he'll be advised to cooperate with you about the house, and about Henry. But then he'll have to choose to take the advice. If he does, you can have the attorneys draw up an agreement."

"Hotch, what do I do now?"

"Stay put for now. Stay with Reid. Call Richard today and meet with him tomorrow morning. He'll get in touch with Will and his attorney. If they can get Will to agree to leave, they'll draw up an agreement. If he breaks it, then he'll be in violation and you can call the police. But you'll need to give him time to clear out his things. Normally courts allow a week for that."

"So, if he agrees, and signs an agreement, I might be able to move back home in a week?"

JJ was looking directly at Reid as she spoke, eyeing an apology for staying so long, and thanks that he would allow it.

"Yes. And then, hopefully, things can be more civil. JJ, I'm sorry this happened. I'd hoped for better when we met with him."

"I think he was trying to please you more than he was me that day, Hotch. But I also know that what I saw last night wasn't Will. It was the alcohol. Will's much too subtle for that. I can hope it won't happen again." 

_But I'm not taking the chance. I'm not going home again until he's gone._

"And I hope you're right. Get some rest, both of you. Reid, I'll see you tomorrow. JJ, take care of what you need to do tomorrow, and don't worry about coming in."

They both thanked their boss and rang off. JJ stood with her eyes closed for so long that Reid asked if she was okay.

"I'm just trying to visualize that day when I'll be looking back on all of this, like it was a bad dream. I can't wait to get to that day."

* * *

She didn't hear from Will that day. No phone calls or texts demanding to see Henry. JJ was fairly certain he would know where she'd gone, but he didn't show up to harass her. 

_He's either still hung over, or he's sober now. And, hopefully, ashamed._

They'd retrieved enough of Henry's 'traveling toys' from the car that the youngster was kept busy most of the morning. JJ put him down for a nap afterwards, to words of protest.

"I don't take naps any more, Mommy! I'm a big boy, 'member?"

"You're a big boy who didn't get enough sleep last night, 'member?" She mimicked him as she tucked him in. Despite his protest, he was out cold in just a few minutes.

Reid was in his favorite reading chair, making a futile attempt at getting involved with a book. JJ plopped on the sofa across from him.

"What about you? Do you need a nap too? I kept you up half the night."

He looked cautious. "Actually, I have to go out in a little while."

She was immediately apologetic. "Oh, Spence, are we keeping you from something? I'm so sorry, I never thought to ask."

He assured her, "It's just a phone call."

"That you have to go out to make?" Then she realized. "Oh, Maeve. This is the day you call Maeve."

The night he'd told her about the woman in his life, he'd explained how and why they'd never met. She hadn't laughed, hadn't rolled her eyes, hadn't questioned his sanity. She'd just been happy for him, and the woman who made him happy. He loved her for that.

"Yeah. I'll just be gone for about an hour or so. Will you be okay?"

Both of them were thinking the same thing, without either of them saying it aloud. She was an FBI Supervisory Special Agent, who'd stared down some of the most threatening people in the nation. No one would think of asking her if she would be okay in that context. But here, today, in his apartment, she was a mother, and a wife, a member of a family in tatters. It was the most reasonable question in the world.

"We'll be fine. Henry will sleep for a long time, I think. Maybe I'll join him." She was quiet a moment, then curious.

"Do you think you'll ever meet her, Spence?"

He closed his book, no longer trying. "I hope so, I guess. But I feel like maybe that's too superficial, you know? Like, I already know her so well. I know what she thinks, and  _how_ she thinks. I know what she loves and what she doesn't. I know what inspires her, what she hopes for. And yet, I also know there's so much more to each of those things that I  _don't_  know. So much more depth. She fascinates me. And there doesn't seem to be an end to it."

JJ had a wistful smile on her face, but she was fighting back tears.  _This_  was the love she wished she had in her life. The man who could find the person she was so rich and deep that he would only want to explore her forever. Instead she got the man who looked just beyond the surface, and found everything he wanted to change.

Reid was still talking. "So it seems superficial to need to meet her. I already think she's beautiful. Her mind. Her soul. Why do I need to see her face?"

A tear had escaped. "JJ?"

She brushed it away. "I'm all right. It's just….beautiful, hearing you talk about Maeve. It's the way every relationship should be. And I don't think it's superficial at all to want to meet her. It's just human, Spence. We are  _whole_  human beings. Not just mind, not just spirit and not just body. You won't love her more, or less, if you meet her. You'll just be able to love her in yet another way. That's the way love is, isn't it? It makes you feel so full, at the same time that it makes you want more."

Even as she said it, JJ wondered where the wisdom was coming from. She'd not had that sense of love in her relationship with Will. But she  _had_  known it with Henry.

"A paradox." Reid was considering her words.

"Whatever it is, I'm glad you have it in your life, Spence. And even though neither of us has ever met her, I think I love Maeve Donovan for giving it to you."

He gave her his shy smile. "Some day, I'll introduce you. I know she'll love you, too. Who wouldn't?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Transitions**

**Chapter 17**

It happened every time. Every single time he punched in the numbers and then hung up the receiver, his whole body tensed. What if she didn't call back? What if something had happened to her? How would he know? How would he ever know? What if this was that time?

And then, after what always seemed an eternity, the phone would ring, and he would leap at it. And it would be her. He would hear her voice, and relax.

This time was no different. When the phone finally rang, and he heard her voice, Reid breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"Spencer? Is everything all right?"

When listening was all you had, you became expert at it. Maeve was able to pick up on every nuance of her conversations with Reid.

"Everything's fine, Maeve. I was just relieved to hear your voice, that's all." He'd long ago given up trying to employ any kind of artifice with her.

"How did your case go?"

He'd almost forgotten. It seemed like so much had happened, and yet it had all happened in this same week. Even though she'd helped him with the case, he could answer only in vague terms.

"Actually, it was kind of a first for us. We got all the victims back alive."

"And yet I sense a sadness in your voice."

"There was a family member of the unsub who was very, very ill. It's not clear he'll survive. At least, not intact."

She could tell he'd somehow bonded with this victim. "I'm sorry, Spencer."

He knew she meant it. It wasn't just a polite statement. He'd come to understand that she felt it when he was hurting, or unhappy. But he wasn't used to being so deeply probed. On some level, he was still struggling to become accustomed to the kind of sharing that so many others took for granted.

He tried to shift the focus of the conversation. "How was the rest of your week?"

"Blissfully uneventful."

He hoped that meant what he thought it did. "No more contact? No e-mails? No letters?"

There was a smile in her voice. "None."

"Maeve, have there been any calls? Any hang-ups?" She'd been dismissive of these before, but he wasn't so sure she should be.

Pause. Then, "Just one."

His heart sank. It had sounded so promising.

She tried to downplay it. "But that's all, Spencer. And it may not have been him. Anyone can dial a wrong number."

"Still, Maeve. I need to ask you again. Won't you let me help you?"

They'd been over this so many times. Clinging to the idea that an unsuccessful stalker would eventually lose interest and move on, Maeve resisted any offers of help. She was convinced her stalker would become aware of any investigation, and realize his success in frightening her. She was convinced an investigation would prolong her situation.

"Spencer, I know you're impatient. But it's almost over. I can feel it. Can't we give it a few more weeks?"

Faced with no other choice, he relented. They were in danger of this becoming their only topic of conversation, and he treasured their talks too much to let that happen.

They went back and forth for a bit on his latest field of study, philosophy. Each of them was opening up the other to a different world view, a new way of experiencing all that surrounded them, and they both relished it.

Finally, they turned to a subject that had been a source of common interest for a long time.

"So, did you finish reading it?"

"Yesterday. I'll bet you finished by dinner time last week." Instead of irritating her, it amused Maeve that it could take her so long to read what Spencer could digest in an hour.

"And?"

"And I think it's revealing of the relationship between them. Look at how Watson virtually celebrates being shot, because it brings out the caring in Holmes. Sherlock was so reluctant to express it otherwise."

Partly because of their unique way of communicating, partly because he was a profiler, Reid was always attuned to both the text and the subtext of what Maeve said. They'd joked many times about her being Watson to his Holmes. Was she saying something here? Was it because she'd said, "Love you," and he'd not yet reciprocated?

"I don't know, Maeve, that seems pretty extreme on Watson's part."  _And don't you dare follow his example._  "But I don't disagree that Holmes felt deeply for Watson."

She couldn't see him gulp, trying to get up the courage. He was about to say it to her. If only he could get his mouth to move. But it was suddenly so dry…..

Maeve picked up on his struggle. She knew, from what he'd shared of his life, that he'd been shielded from love more often than he'd been shown it. Rather than being upset with him for not expressing it, Maeve marveled that he was able to know it at all. She sympathized with him, and rescued him by changing the subject.

"So, how is it going with JJ?"

Amazingly, for almost the entire the time he'd been speaking with Maeve, he hadn't thought about it. Such was her power over him. Now, he told her the whole story, ending with the fact that JJ and Henry would stay with him until it was safe for them to return home.

"Oh, Spencer, I'm so sorry for all that's happened to them. I pray it will be over quickly. But I know you'll love having your little godson with you."

It was true. Even in the few hours he'd been awake, Henry had made the apartment seem so much more alive. He'd filled it with four year old vivacity, bringing color and life to everything around him. Reid couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be surrounded by it all the time.

"Hotch thinks the lawyers may be able to work out something that would allow them to stay at the house without interference from Will, but, of course, that's all dependent on him cooperating."

"Is that likely? He sounds like someone who likes the upper hand. Why would he cooperate?"

"It's all show, Maeve. Guys like Will are mostly insecure. They're very dependent on the opinions of others, especially authority figures. So, in public, they tend to want to make a favorable impression. It's when they're behind closed doors that they compensate by trying to dominate in the household. It's likely Will will cooperate. And, once they're past this crisis stage, and if he stays sober, they won't be in any physical danger."

"But?" She could hear it.

"But he's also a master manipulator. He'll play it well enough to be allowed time with Henry. And then he'll use Henry to get back at JJ."

"Oh, no, not poor little Henry!" Even though she'd never met him, Reid had provided her with vivid pictures of Henry and his antics. But, mostly, she knew how much Spencer loved the little boy, so she loved him too. "What do you think he would do?"

"I have no idea. That's why I have to be alert to anything. I'm not sure JJ can distance herself enough to see it."

"Is there anything I can do, Spencer? Anything at all?" She hated to hear the frustration in his voice.

"I guess you can pray, Maeve. Neither Henry nor JJ deserve this.  _Somebody_  has to help them."

"Then I shall pray that  _you_  will be able to help them. Or that it will turn out they don't need your help."

He decided to try one more time. "I sure do wish I could help someone else….."

"I'm praying that you won't need to do that either, Spencer. But I am so grateful that you want to."

"Say the word, and I'm there." Realizing he didn't know where 'there' was.

"Actually, I was thinking that I might be able to come to you. Or maybe we could meet. You know, if this really is the end. If he's really gone away."

He gulped. Wanting to meet Maeve was one thing, but actually having it happen, exposing himself to her measure, was another.

"O-okay." He couldn't see it, but she was smiling. She could hear the anxiety in his voice. Her hero FBI agent, nervous to meet her.

"So maybe this week we can both be thinking about where we'd like to meet. And maybe, in a few weeks, or a month, it will become a reality."

He'd recovered himself. "I hope so, Maeve." Mostly, he wanted her free of her stalker. He wanted her free to live her life as she pleased.

"Until then, Spencer, please be careful. And, if you like, tell Henry and his mother that I am rooting for them."

"I will, Maeve. And I want you to be careful, too. And, if anything happens, if he contacts you again…. _please_  call me. Please consider letting me and my team help you."

"I will, Spencer. Consider it, that is. Goodbye, until next time. Love you."

Oops. She hadn't meant to let it out again, since she knew he was having so much trouble reciprocating. But she  _did_  love him, and it had just slipped by her. She hung up quickly, to ease the dilemma she knew she'd just put him in.

* * *

He came home to a most unusual circumstance. There was a delicious aroma emanating from his kitchen. Reid actually knew how to cook, had learned it as a child, since his mother so often forgot about meals. But he rarely took the time.

"Mmmmm…I smell something incredible. What is it?"

"It's your favorite, Uncle Spence! Apricot chicken!"

He looked at JJ. "I had all this stuff?" He couldn't believe he'd owned the ingredients of such delicious fare.

"Henry woke up, so we took a little run to the grocery store. You were probably gone a little longer than you thought." She grinned at him.

Reid looked at his watch. He was surprised to see that he'd been talking to Maeve for almost two hours. The time had flown.

"Sorry, JJ, I didn't mean to leave you alone for so long. Were there any calls?" They needed to speak in code in front of Henry.

"A text." When she saw Reid's brows go up, she added, "I'll tell you about it later."

Henry grabbed Reid's hand and dragged him to the living room. There was something he wanted to know.

"What's this, Uncle Spence?"

Reid smiled. He'd harbored hopes that he would be able to share this with Henry in the years to come.

"That's a chessboard. And these," he picked up a figure, " are the players."

Henry was familiar with checkers. But all of those playing pieces looked the same. "But these are all different, Uncle Spence. Why?"

"Well, Henry, that's because they all do different things. But all of them try to protect this one, the king." He was holding that figure, and now put it down to pick up another. "This one, for instance, is a pawn. It goes out and explores what's going on, and sometimes it has to let itself be captured."

"Captured?" That didn't sound like fun.

"So the king will be safe. And the queen."

Henry knew about kings and queens from the fairy tales his mom would read him. He knew they were important.

"What's this one, Uncle Spence?" Henry was holding what looked like a little black horse.

"That's the knight. The knight protects the king and the queen."

Henry had heard of knights before, too. "Does he save them, Uncle Spence?"

"He does his best, Henry."

"When I grow up, I'm gonna be a knight. I'm gonna save people. Just like you, Uncle Spence."

That caught him unaware. "Like me?"

"Mommy says you always try to save everybody, even the bad guys, she says. Uncle Spence, why do you try to save the bad guys?"

Reid sent his gaze toward the kitchen, but JJ was out of sight.

"Mommy told you that?"

"Mm-hmm. She said it when I was mad at Toby."

The genius felt like he was bobbing in an ocean, out of his depth.

"I don't understand, Henry. What does Toby have to do with it?"

Henry just stared at him, as though Reid was trying the patience of the four year old.

"She said I shouldn't be mad at him. Because sometimes people are bad because they're sad. And she said you always know when the bad guys are sad."

"She did? Hmm." Then he remembered that Henry was telling him a story. "And you think Toby was sad?"

"Yeah, when he broke my lunch box."

"When he broke your lunch box." Reid made a face at him. "I still don't understand, Henry."

A loud, dramatic sigh. "He wanted to take my cookies, and I wouldn't let him, so he took my lunch box and throwed it on the floor. And it broke."

Reid had a glimmer of understanding. "So he was acting like a bad guy?"

Henry nodded. Finally his godfather was following the conversation.

"And Mommy said maybe he was having a bad day. She said maybe he was sad."

Something told Reid to ask. "Why would he be sad, Henry?"

A very small voice responded. Reid regretted recognizing the wisdom behind it. Henry shouldn't have had to know about these things.

"He was sad because his mommy and daddy didn't want to live in the same house any more. Mommy said."

Reid looked again toward the kitchen. Now, JJ was standing in the doorway, leaning on the jamb, listening. He had trouble reading her expression as she explained.

"Toby told him that his mommy and daddy were mad at each other, and were yelling at each other all the time. Right, Henry?"

Her son nodded vigorously, glad to have his mom take over the task of making his Uncle Spence understand.

"So they decided to live apart. And Toby was upset about it. And instead of telling anybody how sad he was, he started doing mean things. Is that about right, Henry?"

The little blonde head nodded again.

"But it would have been better if he'd told someone, right?"

No reaction.

"Right, Henry?"

"I guess."

Reid stepped in, performing a godfatherly duty.

"Henry, if  _you_  are ever upset about something, or even if you're just wondering about something, you know you can talk to me about it, don't you?"

Again, no reaction.

"Henry?"

"Even if I'm mad?"

Reid squinted at him. JJ watched intently. Like so many moments in life, this one had crept up on them, yet seemed so important.

The wisdom Reid was praying for came to him. " _Especially_  when you're mad, Henry. Or sad. It's okay to be mad, you know. We all get mad sometimes, even if we think we shouldn't. It's just how we feel. But it doesn't feel very good to stay mad, does it?"

Small voice. "No."

"So it's good to talk about it, because sometimes that helps it to get better."

Reid watched JJ's hand hold her heart as Henry responded. "But am I 'lowed to be mad at grown ups? Am I 'lowed to be mad at my mommy and daddy?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Transitions**

**Chapter 18**

JJ held her breath, watching and waiting for what would come next. This time, Reid didn't look at her at all. He was completely focused on his godson.

"Are you mad at Mommy and Daddy, Henry?"

Henry's eyes were on his mother. Her heart broke for her son, but she had to let him get it out.

"It's all right, Henry. You can tell Uncle Spence. I'm sorry if you're mad at me, but it's okay. And it's okay to tell him."

Henry ran to his mother and hugged her legs. "I love you, Mommy!"

That almost undid JJ completely. She had to swallow before she could speak. Bending down, she hugged her son. "I love you too, Henry. And I'm so sorry if I made you upset. But I want you to talk about it, okay?"

He pulled back from her. "Can I tell Uncle Spence?"

JJ looked from one of her 'boys' to the other. Reid gave her a subtle nod and an encouraging smile.

"Of course, baby. How about I go and finish making dinner, and you guys can talk in here?" With another squeeze, she left godfather and godson alone together.

Reid pulled Henry up onto the sofa with him. "Okay, little man, let's have it. What is it you're mad at your parents about?" He ruffled Henry's hair as he asked.

"I don't want to be bad like Toby. When his mom and dad didn't live in the same house, he got so sad and he did those bad things. He got in trouble all the time. Mommy said Daddy's gonna live in a 'nother house from now on. And I'm scared that I'll get sad too. I'm scared that I'll be bad."

Reid sat back, his arm around Henry. He wasn't sure what to do with this. Henry wasn't saying he  _was_  sad per se, he was saying he was  _afraid_  it would happen. And he was afraid of what it would do to him. There was both an innocence and a sophistication to what his godson was telling him that completely confounded Reid. _Help!_

Praying he wouldn't fail the trust JJ had put in him, Reid asked, "Henry, are you sad right now?"

The blonde head nodded.

"Why?"

"Because I made Mommy sad."

Reid squinted at him. "Just now? You think you made Mommy sad just now?"

"She  _was_  sad. I could tell."

Reid shifted to look at Henry straight on. "Henry, she was only worried about you. She wasn't really sad. She would only be sad if  _you_  were sad. So, are you? Sad? Are you sad about your mom and dad not living in the same house any more?"

Henry was visibly thinking it over. "I'm s'posed to be. Right, Uncle Spence?"

Reid gave him a small smile. "You don't have to be, Henry. There aren't any rules about it. It's not always a sad thing. A lot of times, it's okay, and everybody's happy."

"Really, Uncle Spence?"

"Really."

"Okay."

And he climbed down from the sofa and got to work with his toys. Reid just sat there, at a loss. Here, he'd been ready for a deep, heart-to-heart talk with his godson, and it had just ended abruptly. All it had taken was for Henry to be given permission to react as he was inclined to, and not to mimic his classmate. 

_Next time I'm getting ready to call myself a genius, I'll remember this conversation with a four year old and keep my mouth shut._

But somehow he knew this wasn't the last time they'd be talking about this subject.

Reid made his way to the kitchen, where JJ was tossing a salad.

"Well?" She was sniffling.

"He's fine. He's not even upset about you and Will not being together, at least not that he could say. It was that he thought he would start acting like his pal Toby, and he was upset with you for making that happen. But I told him it wasn't necessarily so, and he was happy. He's playing now."

"That's it? He's not mad at me for leaving Will? Not mad at Will for last night?" Both of them were sure Henry knew it had actually been his father banging on the door.

Reid shook his head. "Not that he can say. At least, not yet." But it was early in the process, and much could change.

JJ sagged into a chair. "Thank you, God."

Reid studied her for a few moments. "How are you holding up? You barely got any rest last night, and now you're cooking up a feast. You must be exhausted."

She smiled her thanks to him. "I  _am_  tired, physically and emotionally. But," she said as she reached for her cell phone, "I think I'll be able to sleep tonight."

She showed him the text she'd gotten from Will.

'I'm sorry. I was drunk. It will never happen again. I'll talk to the lawyer and sign anything you want me to. Please don't take Henry from me.'

Reid moved his eyes from the text to JJ. "Do you believe him?"

She nodded. "I think I do. He drinks, but he doesn't get drunk. I don't think he'll do anything like last night again."

"But do you believe him about signing an agreement?"

She sighed. "My best guess is that his buddies on the force talked to him. They certainly would never arrest him, but they'd let him know that his behavior would put him at a disadvantage when it comes to custody. Enough of them have been through it to know that. And while they might not be willing to support a statement from  _me_ , there are plenty of neighbors who heard him that night. Will's mistake was acting out in public."

Reid still wasn't sure he felt comfortable with this. "So, are you thinking about staying at the house if he signs an agreement to leave you alone?"

"What choice do I have, Spence?"

She was right. It wasn't realistic to think of them staying with him indefinitely. They needed a home. But  _he_  needed them safe.

"Well...I guess. If you think you can trust him on it."

"I don't have a choice about that either, Spence. You heard Hotch. There's nothing specific that he's said or done that puts us at risk, and I can't keep him from his son. Part of me doesn't  _want_  to keep Will and Henry apart, because I know they love each other. It's just..."

He finished for her. "It's just that it might not be the healthiest kind of love."

She was tearing up again. "I have so royally screwed up my life, haven't I? And Henry's too."

Reid took her hand across the table. "You've done no such thing. Henry is an amazing, brilliant, kind, loving kid. And that didn't happen by accident."

She squeezed his hand in thanks. "I hope he stays that way."

"He will. He's just like his mom."

Now she gave him her full smile. "Enough about me and my woes. How did your talk with Maeve go?"

JJ got a kick out of watching the smile come to Reid's face.  _He's got it bad._

_"_ Fine. She said to wish you and Henry well, by the way."

JJ looked surprised. "You talk about us?"

He couldn't tell if she was upset about it. "Well...yes. Is that okay? It was Maeve who helped me to see how trapped you were. She knew, from her own experience."

JJ had to think about that for a moment. She'd heard from Reid about Maeve's problem with her former boyfriend, but hadn't related her own situation to it.

"So she helped you to help me?"

He nodded. "At first, she told me that I shouldn't push you, that you had to see it for yourself, and do something on your own. But then she said she thought you might not be able to, because of Henry. Because you would feel guilty about taking him away from Will."

JJ just stared at him, impressed with the insight he was reporting. "Boy, did she have my number. That's exactly how I felt."

_Whew!_  He was relieved. JJ didn't sound upset with him for discussing her with Maeve. In fact…..

"You know, Spence, I think I'd like to meet her some day. Maeve sounds like a pretty amazing woman. After  _you_  meet her, of course." Her smile told him she was teasing him now.

"Very funny. It will happen some day. Although I don't know if I'll be ready."

"You'll be fine, Spence. Don't be afraid of meeting her. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

Shy smile. "I don't know, I may need some moral support."

"What you'll need is some fashion advice. But I'll be happy to dress you up."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm kidding about the fashion advice, Spence."  _Not really_. "But I'm serious about getting you ready. Any time."

"I may take you up on that."

* * *

All three inhabitants of Reid's apartment slept soundly, and long, that evening. In the morning, Reid left for the BAU while JJ got Henry off to preschool and then went to an appointment with her attorney, Richard Cartwright. Although they'd had several conversations by phone, this was the first time they were meeting in person.

"How's Aaron?" Ushering her to a seat.

"He sends his regards. Thank you for making time for me so quickly."

"Aaron made it sound like some things were coming to a head. I like my clients all in one piece. Hard to get paid otherwise."

JJ wasn't so sure she was fond of legal humor.

He continued. "Tell me everything again, and then I'll probably have some additional questions for you. Then we can start negotiating. I'm assuming he has an attorney?"

"I think he's contacting someone today."

"Great. Let's get started..."

JJ told the whole story from her point of view. Her sense of fairness caused her to try to represent Will's perspective as well, but Cartwright discouraged her.

"That's for his attorney to do."

"Mr. Cartwright…Richard….I don't want this to be adversarial. We have a young son together, and I don't want him hurt by this. No more than is absolutely necessary."

Cartwright studied her. He'd had this conversation with a great many of his clients. Only a few succeeded.

* * *

She knew Reid would be upset with her for going to the house alone, but JJ knew Will's schedule and was confident he wouldn't be there. And she needed to gather more of their things. They'd left so quickly on Saturday that she'd packed only enough for a day or two. And it was now that day or two later.

His car was nowhere in sight, so JJ parked and made her way to the house. She fumbled with her key chain, now laden with her new house keys and a key to Reid's apartment as well. The police had advised her to give Will a set of keys to the new locks when they'd responded the other night. As they'd informed her, she had no right to lock him out. 

_That was a waste of time and money._

She entered the house cautiously, not certain what she would find. Without being consciously aware of it, she was using the state of the interior as a measure of Will's behavior. Was he angry and resentful enough to cause damage? Or was he truly remorseful?

"Will? Is anybody home?" If he  _was_  there, she wanted to draw him out. "It's JJ."

No answer. No sound at all except the ticking of the wall clock. The house was empty. And intact.

JJ made her way to their bedroom and started packing. This time, she would take enough for a week. She paused and stared thoughtfully at the side of the closet that held Will's clothes, remembering the day they'd moved everything in there. He'd joked with her about how his 'side' was only about a quarter of the closet. It had been a good day, and they'd been excited for their future together. 

_How did it all so go so wrong?_

Moving next to Henry's room, JJ packed a combination of clothes (optional) and toys (necessities). She had to bite back tears as she thought of the disruption his parents' failure to love one another was bringing to her son's life. 

_But we'll be back in a week. It will be okay, s_ he did her best to convince herself.

* * *

For the second day in a row, Reid followed his nose into his home. There was another wonderful aroma coming from his kitchen.

"JJ, you don't have to cook, you know."

His words were belied by his actions when he went directly to the stove and lifted the lid on the pot simmering there, closing his eyes and wafting in the scent of it.

"I know I don't have to, but I was home, and you weren't, so….."

He patted his midsection. "I think I might put on ten pounds this week."

JJ backhanded him in the same area. "Good. Then I'll have fulfilled my mission."

"Ha, ha. How did it go today?"

She hesitated. "Okay, I guess. It's so odd, telling a complete stranger about such private things. Hard, you know? But I did it, and it's over."

"Any word from Will?"

She nodded. "He's got an attorney, and his attorney and mine are going to talk. Then they'll 'get back to us'."  Making finger quotes. "It's so strange, Spence. These people who don't even know us are going to come up with a plan for our lives. I just don't like how it feels."

His face showed her his regret. "I don't think anything about this is going to feel good, JJ. I'm sorry."

She smiled her thanks, and changed the subject.

"I stopped by the house and picked up some more things. Clothes, a bunch of Henry's toys. They're kind of all over the floor in there. But, don't worry, we'll get it all cleaned up before we go. You won't even be able to tell we were here."

He wasn't used to sharing his private space, and it  _was_  requiring him to make some adjustments. But he already knew he wouldn't ever want to forget the time he'd shared his home with them. Instead, he thought he might come to treasure it.

But all he said was, "I don't mind."

"Uncle Spence!" Henry had been in the bedroom, and hadn't realized Reid was home. He hugged his godfather's knees.

"Henry, my man! How was your day?"

JJ had been trying to signal him not to ask, but it was too late. Henry launched into a lengthy, play-by-play commentary on his day, complete with the occasional dramatic reenactment.

"And then Mommy came and got me, and we came home. Well, we came home here, to your house. And my toys were here!"

Now JJ was standing behind Henry, laughing at the series of expressions on Reid's face. They'd passed from rapt attention, to amusement, to horror at someone's bad behavior, and around again. When Henry got to the part about his toys being in the apartment, the youngster remembered that he wanted to play with them. He ended his story abruptly and ran from the kitchen.

JJ'd had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep her laugh from escaping. Reid just looked at her.

"Is it always like that?"

"Every day," she giggled. "But I get most of it in the car, if I pick him up."

"Wow."

"Just in case you need to use it, I find a more directed question is better. Like, 'what did you do in circle time', or 'what story did you read'. He doesn't tend to go on as long if you do that."

Reid was still recovering. "Wow." He thought about it a minute more, smiled. "I don't mind. I think I could listen to that every day."

She loved him for that. For being so enchanted by her little boy.  _Will may not have agreed, but I was right about asking him to be Henry's godfather._

They both ran when they heard a sudden crash in the hallway.

"Henry, what happened?"

His back end was sticking out of a closet. "Nothing."

The adults looked at each other and laughed.

"That was a pretty loud 'nothing', Henry. Did something fall?" Reid pulled the door all the way open.

"My car went in there. Under the door. I was just looking for it, Uncle Spence."

"No worries, Henry. Nothing's broken." He pulled out a large box to make room for them to look for the car.

"Spence, is that what the box says? Is that a keyboard? Do you play?" She hadn't known.

"I play a little. But it takes up space, so I put it away to make some room."

"Can I play with it, Uncle Spence?"

"Henry, it's not a toy. Uncle Spence plays music on it."

"He can play it, JJ. But," turning his attention to the little boy, "we have to play softly. The neighbors might not like it if it's loud."

"I'm never loud, Uncle Spence!" he yelled.

* * *

After dinner, Reid set up the keyboard and Henry pounded on it for a while. Tiring of it, he went back to his cars. JJ had been reading, but now turned to Spence.

"Will you play for me? Anything you want."

She expected him to be shy and refuse, but he surprised her by complying. When he sat down, she made a mental prediction that she'd hear a classical piece. But it wasn't. It was something light, and sweet, and airy.

"That's beautiful, Spence. I'm so surprised that I didn't know this about you. Have you always played?"

He told her about how he'd learned after having his experience with their young witness with autism. How the music had been the boy's main means of expression.

"That, and his drawings."

She already knew Reid liked to draw, even if his renderings were 'interpretive' at best.

"So you just picked it up, that quickly." She was impressed, then realized that maybe she should have expected it. He was, after all, a genius.

"Well, it's mostly math. And manual dexterity. Years of doing magic helped with that."

"Well, it was beautiful. What was it?"

"Oh, just something I messed around with."

Now she was even more impressed. "You composed that?"

Realizing her reaction, he was shy. "Sort of, yes."

JJ shook her head in an expression of amazement. But she also realized he was becoming uncomfortable, so she didn't comment further. "Play some more. Please?"

He did. And JJ sat, and listened, and marveled at what he was expressing in his music. He was usually so serious and reserved, sometimes even with her. But this music was lilting, and free _._

_How is it I feel I know you so well, and yet I keep learning more and more about you. Such are the depths of Spencer Reid, I guess._

* * *

As much as people can in the space of a week, they fell into a routine. Fortunately, they weren't called away, so Henry's life didn't suffer further upheaval. Reid shooed JJ out of the kitchen one night, surprising her with a delightful pasta creation that even Henry enjoyed. But she insisted on doing most of the cooking, as her contribution to the household. Unknown to Reid, she was also stocking his freezer with meals created from their leftovers.

The rest of the pieces of JJ's life were settling into their new places. Karen, the sitter, proved a godsend when she agreed to pick Henry up after school, and even to take him for overnights when JJ was away. Will was true to his word, and moved his things out of the house by the end of the week. He promised not to return uninvited. In turn, JJ was asked to allow him joint custody of Henry, pending the final, legal decision by the court. For now, Will would contribute to the household expenses so that Henry wouldn't be uprooted. But he hadn't made any permanent commitment on that. It would, apparently, be decided in court.

By Saturday, JJ and Henry were ready to move back home. Reid wasn't entirely sure he trusted Will at his word, but he agreed with JJ that they had to let it play out. As he helped them pack everything up, he was surprised at how empty his apartment was already looking, absent Henry's toys everywhere. He could only imagine how it would feel when it was also absent Henry, and his mother.

He went with them back to the house, and saw them settled in. JJ walked him to the door after they'd gotten Henry down for the night.

"Thank you, Spence, for everything. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"It's what you do for the people you love, right? Isn't that what you told me? You know, when I got shot and you had to bring me groceries?"

"Guilty. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to tell you how grateful I am. Really, Spence, you made all the difference for us. All of it."

He was flustered, not used to this. She saw it, and rescued him.

"Say 'hi' to Maeve for me. And tell her 'thank you' for the advice she gave you. And tell her I said  _she_  should take _your_  advice." JJ had been able to tell Reid was already getting excited about his weekly phone call.

Reid wondered how he'd come to this predicament. He may have loved them differently, but the two women in his life had started having a conversation with each other, through him. Giving new meaning to the term 'middle man'.

"Maybe I should just bring you with me, and the two of you can talk to each other."

"Someday we will, Spence. I hope."

He did too. Until he realized they'd both be talking to each other, _about him_.


	19. Chapter 19

**Transitions**

**Chapter 19**

If life for the BAU could ever be said to be quiet, it was just that for the next few months. There had been a handful of away cases, most of which Karen had covered for JJ. But then there came one when Will had vacation time, and JJ couldn't reasonably keep him from looking after Henry.

"Why don't you stay at the house, Will? Henry can sleep in his own bed, and have his toys. It would just be easier."

"Are you sure, Cher?" Will reminded JJ of their former intimacy whenever he got the chance.

She wasn't, but she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.

"It's for Henry, Will. It just makes sense. And besides, I won't be there. That's the whole point, isn't it?"

"Just sayin'. If you don't want me there, I don't have to be there."

She began to wonder if he was pursuing some legal technicality at the suggestion of his attorney, and made a mental note to call Richard Cartwright.

"Well, to be clear then, I would prefer you not be there when I'm home, but when I'm away, it's okay for you to take care of Henry in his own home."

"It's  _our_ home, JJ. I just don't live there anymore."

She was even more suspicious that he was making some legal point.  _For all I know, he's recording our conversation._

"You're right, Will. We both owe on the mortgage. But you agreed to have Henry stay there with me while we worked through the divorce. Correct?"

He realized he'd pushed her too far. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Now she was convinced he was recording. Will only apologized for public consumption.

She told him what he needed to know about the preschool and the current state of Henry's daily routine. Closing her phone, JJ headed to the plane.

* * *

"You don't look happy." Reid had brought her tea while they were waiting for takeoff. They'd be briefed in the air.

She told him about her conversation with Will. "I didn't have time to call Richard, but I will tonight."

"What do you think he's trying to prove?"

"I haven't the foggiest. That's why I need to call Richard. I can only tell that he's up to something, but I can't tell what."

Reid had a different concern. "JJ, this is the first extended time he's had alone with Henry since you separated, isn't it?"

She nodded. "I know what you're thinking, Spence. But I didn't feel like I could insist Henry stay with Karen. Not with Will available full time. I can just imagine what his lawyer would have done with  _that_  if I had."

"I know. I know you didn't have any choice. It's just that…I'm worried about Henry."

They'd already been close. But in Will's absence, Reid had become something of a fixture in JJ's household. He'd missed them terribly when they went back home, and had accepted JJ's frequent invitations to dinner. Henry was coming to count on seeing his Uncle Spence often.

Reid continued. "He's a bright kid, but he's only four. And he's emotionally invested in his father. I worry about Will taking advantage of that."

She'd watched her husband do it in the past, so she knew he was capable. Reid was right in worrying. But she'd been advised by her lawyer not to give Will ammunition for court. At this point in the process, she didn't have many choices.

"I know you're right, Spence. But what else can I do? If it's at all possible, I'll make a point of calling in when Henry's back from school, and I'll call again at bedtime. I think I'll be able to pick up on it if anything's going on."

Reid knew the constraints she was operating under, and didn't want to stress her further. "We can always ask Garcia to make a godmotherly visit."

JJ brightened at that. "Great idea! Let me call her now, before we're in the air."

* * *

It would be a short flight. They were headed to Philadelphia.

"Good morning, crimefighters. Well, I guess it's not very good, is it?" Garcia began with her usual chatter.

"Philly police think they've got a brand new serial on their hands. The first body was found a week ago. They thought they were looking at a mugging gone bad until a second body turned up early this morning. And now they think they may have a related missing persons report."

She directed them to their tablets.

"Victim number one was identified as Stacey Fitzgerald. She was a twenty-six year old fourth year medical student. Her body was found in a dumpster not far from where her car was parked outside the hospital. She'd finished a shift and left after she'd signed out her patients. She never returned home, but her roommate said that wasn't unusual. She often spent the night with her boyfriend, also a medical student."

They held their questions until she gave them the information on the other victims.

"Victim number two was Judy Littleton, age forty-three, an administrative assistant for a two man accounting firm. She was found early this morning, behind a dumpster. This one was also near a hospital, but apparently that's not hard to accomplish in Philadelphia. There are something like thirty of them."

"Forty-one, but that includes the specialty hospitals," offered Reid.

"Yeah. So there are a lot of them. So they don't feel like they can be sure whether the hospital locations are just a coincidence or not."

"Garcia, did you say there was a third potential victim?" Alex wanted all the information available before she began positing connections.

"Blake gets the prize for 'best listener' this morning. Yes, there is a third potential victim. This one definitely has a hospital connection. Marina Glower is a fourth year resident in ob/gyn, age thirty-one. She was expected home this morning after having stayed overnight in the hospital to deliver a baby. But she never returned. Her husband called the police after he couldn't track her down at the hospital. He went over there and saw her car still parked in the lot. But they can't locate her."

Rossi needed clarification. "How many hospitals might we be talking about, Garcia?"

"Three. All clustered in the city, all in, shall we say, 'challenged' neighborhoods."

"Meaning there are high crime rates there?" JJ asked her good friend.

"High rates of everything that we associate with cities. Crime, violence, poverty."

Reid wasn't surprised. "Many hospitals, and especially teaching hospitals, are in needy areas. It helps the training, and it helps the neighborhood. Usually it's a win-win situation."

"Except when things like this happen to the people trying to help," observed Morgan. "Baby Girl, it sounds like the police are hedging their bets, but I'd say there's a definite connection with the hospitals."

"But we've only got one definite victim with a connection. We don't even know that the most recent one is a victim yet. And the second victim didn't seem to have anything to do with health care." Alex wanted to be cautious in her thinking.

Hotch moved things along. "Cause of death, Garcia?"

"Strangulation, both of them. They each had some fresh bruises, like maybe they'd put up a fight. And hand imprints on the cheeks of each."

"Are the police thinking they were killed where they were found? Or were these dump sites?" JJ knew that, when serial killers were involved, dumpsters were usually used for exactly what they sounded like.

"They're not sure. It looks like the bodies were located where it was expected the women might have recently been, but then….they're dumpsters."

They were already prepping for landing, so Hotch made his assignments.

"Blake and Reid, you'll go to the ME. Morgan and JJ, I want you to go the sites where each body was found." He wanted the same sets of eyes looking at both sites for similarities and differences. "Rossi, you and I will set up with the police. They've got the missing woman's husband there. We'll interview him."

They agreed to meet back at the station in two hours.

* * *

Dr. Farthing was a petite woman in her early forties, by Reid's estimation.

"I've been doing this for twelve years now, and never seen defensive wounds like these."

"On both of them?" Reid was looking for patterns already.

"Both. They were both killed by strangulation, but they've got virtually identical patterns of fresh bruises. And I'd stake my considerable reputation on the vast majority of them being defensive. These women fought like crazy."

"How do you know they're defensive wounds, Doctor?" Blake needed clarification.

"Location. See these bruises on their forearms? They're on the extensor surfaces. Except that each of them has a similar bruise on the palm of the hand. Victim number one's is on the left, number two on the right."

She had them laid out side by side so the profilers could compare the bodies.

Reid rolled the body of Stacey Fitzgerald and noticed additional markings on her back and calves. When he went to do the same with Judy Littleton, he found he was unable to lift her.

Dr. Farthing saw his dilemma. "I wasn't able to do it either. Usually I can distribute their weight enough to carry them myself, but she was over three hundred pounds."

It was true. The body habitus of the two victims was entirely incongruous. Blake and Reid were already concluding that victimology might offer little assistance to this investigation.

"But I can save you the trouble. Virtually identical, except her marks are angled in the opposite direction."

Reid was getting a mental picture of what might have happened. "So, I assume we're thinking these marks were made by some sort of weapon?"

Farthing nodded. "Something linear, and round." She pointed to a rounded indentation in the skin of Stacey Fitzgerald's forearm. "Something like a pole, or the handle of a tool like a broom or rake….or even the narrow end of a bat."

"And I suppose the police haven't turned up anything like that?" Blake was wondering.

"Not that they've asked me to compare to the wounds."

Reid moved over to Blake, wanting to experiment with something.

"Okay, I'm the assailant. I've got this pole in my hand and I'm coming after you with it." He went through the motions of swinging the pole. Blake instinctively raised her arms to fend off his attempted strike at her head. When he swung it again, she made a grab for the invisible weapon.

"The palm bruises!" Farthing was becoming impressed with the BAU.

"And I'd be willing to bet that we'll find out that Stacey Fitzgerald was left-handed, and Judy Littleton right-handed."

Alex understood that Reid was saying the women would each have grabbed for the pole with her dominant hand. "But what about the bruises on their legs and back?"

Reid shrugged. "You've got me there." There were limits to his genius, after all.

"There's one more thing I should show you." Dr. Farthing retrieved an ultraviolet light and darkened the room. She moved back and forth between the cadavers, shining her light on each of their faces.

"Do you see it?"

Reid had bent closer, and was squinting to focus better. "Yes. Virtually identical. But so light, so hard to see with the naked eye. Why, do you think?"

Alex saw what Reid did. Without the light, they were virtually invisible. But with the light, they could easily make out the imprint of a hand on the left cheek of each victim.

"My best guess? I think they happened immediately post mortem, or even while the women were dying. So the effect of bruising was minimal, because the blood flow was already so diminished."

Alex and Reid looked at each other. A post mortem assault on a victim was very telling. Either these women had something in common with their assailant, and with each other, or they were representatives of the person he  _actually_  reviled. This was one very angry unsub. And there might well be yet another woman being targeted.

* * *

They reconvened with the rest of the team and met Detective Jackson, who was leading the investigation for the Philadelphia PD.

Morgan led them off. "The dumpster where Stacey Fitzgerald was found was a block away from where she parked her car."

JJ interjected, "Parking's pretty tight for all the city hospitals, so the medical students have to fend for themselves with street parking. They've been warned about the area she was in, because there have been a number of muggings. The hospital offers an escort service from their security department, but I guess they're short staffed, so it can take a while. It sounds like Stacey told someone she wasn't going to wait for them, and thought it would be okay, since it was barely dusk."

Rossi was reaching a conclusion. "So it's a pretty good bet that she was accosted and killed right there."

Alex thought his suggestion would be consistent with the injuries and manner of death of the victim.

Morgan went on. "Judy Littleton was found behind a dumpster, but not inside it."

Reid offered his suggestion as to why that might be. After telling them about the bruises found on the victims, he told them about his inability to lift Littleton at the ME's office.

Morgan smirked at him. "That's not saying much, Pretty Boy."

Alex made a face at the brawny profiler. "She would have been over three hundred pounds of dead weight, Derek. I doubt you could have lifted her either. Reid's right. I think the only reason she wasn't in the dumpster was because the unsub couldn't lift her."

"But she would have defensive wounds?" Morgan wasn't sure he could believe that.

JJ stepped into this one. "Anyone can fight back, Derek. Being in fear of your life gives you plenty of strength, and courage."

He stood corrected. "All right, I'll give. Anyway, the dumpster was a few miles from her workplace, and even farther from her apartment. But her car was parked on the street, near the hospital."

Hotch punched in Garcia's number.

"At your service, my liege."

"Garcia, find out if Judy Littleton was registered as a patient at the hospital yesterday."

Alex added, "Check with the labs and radiology too, Garcia. They sometimes have different registration systems."

Reid was listening, but had already gotten to work on mapping homes, workplaces and crime scenes. Now he turned to Hotch and Rossi. He needed information on their potential third victim. Rossi reported for them.

"Her husband's beside himself. I guess she wasn't scheduled to be at the hospital last night, but she'd bonded with the woman who was delivering, and she wanted to be there. He was worried about her being in that neighborhood at that hour, and offered to drive her. But she insisted, since she didn't know how long the labor would be. And now he's kicking himself."

"Is there any chance she's just crashing in a call room or something?" JJ was hoping for the best, even though she knew it was unlikely.

"They're still looking. It's a pretty old building, with lots of add-ons over the years. Apparently there are little rooms tucked into nooks and crannies all over the place. It's gonna take them a while," Rossi replied.

"Guys, if this is the same unsub, wouldn't this be a break in the pattern? I mean, we don't have a history of the first victims going missing. If the pattern was the same, we'd be looking for Dr. Glower somewhere near where she left her car."

Reid was right. Maybe the missing ob/gyn resident wasn't part of the case after all.

If she was, Hotch knew, they needed  _something_  to break, and soon. He made new assignments.

"JJ, Alex, go over everything we know about the two definite victims. Reid, stay with the map and work up a geographical profile. Rossi and Morgan, go to the hospital. Turn up  _something_."

Rossi didn't comment, but smiled to himself as he left with Morgan. He would never understand how or why it worked. But whenever Hotch became frustrated and simply directed them to solve the case…..they did. He hoped they wouldn't disappoint their unit chief this time.


	20. Chapter 20

**Transitions**

**Chapter 20**

Marina Glower was nowhere to be found in the hospital. She hadn't swiped in or out, likely because she'd known she was violating her work duty hours restrictions In order to deliver her patient's baby. So the only evidence she'd been in the hospital at all were the reports of those who'd seen her in the delivery room. She'd apparently left soon after completing her work with her patient, and her colleagues had the sense that she'd intended to go straight home. That was all Morgan and Rossi could come up with. There'd been no sense that anything was wrong in either her personal or professional lives.

Alex and JJ went over victimology in detail. Two of the women were obviously in the medical field. Stacey Fitzgerald, the medical student, had been planning a career in pediatrics, and had matched to a residency in Florida. Marina Glower's field of ob/gyn was often a competing specialty for those interested in pediatrics, so perhaps there had been some similar personality traits or interests between the two women. Fitzgerald's boyfriend, also a medical student, was on overnight call in the hospital the night she was killed. Witnesses placed him in the ICU for the entire evening. He wasn't a suspect.

Judy Littleton's private life was simple. She was single, amicably divorced, no children. Her job was stable, and she'd been in her position for fifteen years.

They weren't getting anywhere until something JJ had said earlier clicked with Alex.

"Wait. Remember before, you told Morgan that anyone could learn to fight back. What if they had?"

"What if they had what?"

"Learned to fight back. What if they had taken defense training?"

Ironically, JJ had done exactly that, with Morgan. Except she'd also learned how to be on the offensive as well.

Blake walked them to the far side of the room, where Reid was working the maps.

"Spencer, you saw the defensive injuries to the victims. What do you think? Could the similarities be explained by defense training?"

Both women watched as Reid went into thinking mode. JJ was familiar with the back-and-forth of his eyes as he visualized what Blake was suggesting. Finally, he looked at them.

"You know what…that might even explain the bruising on their backs and legs. Think about it," he was getting excited, "if they'd learned to take out the attacker's legs with a sweep of the foot, the attacker would have struck them with the pole, right in the calf. And then he could have gotten them on the back…."

Blake was excited now, too. She'd seen the injuries as well. "Of course, and that's why their injuries are mirror images. Not everyone has a dominant foot, but when they do, it's often the same side as the hand." They had already confirmed Reid's suspicion about the handedness of each of the known victims.

JJ had her phone out. Before she hit Garcia's button, she noticed the time. Henry would be home from school by now, but there was simply no time to call him. She vowed to find time in the evening.

"Pen, we need you to look into whether Stacey Fitzgerald and Judy Littleton had ever taken self-defense classes. And while you're at it, check on Marina Glower as well."

They could hear rapid typing in the background. "Bingo! Or bullseye! Or…whatever. They both took lessons at a branch of the Philadelphia YWCA two years ago. I don't see Marina Glower's name there, though."

Reid added the location of the Y to his map. So far, the only geographic commonality was the proximity to hospitals. He was becoming convinced that this was not an unsub operating randomly within a comfort zone. This was someone making targeted attacks. There  _had_  to be something in the victimology.

Hotch sent Blake and JJ to meet with the director of the YWCA. Perhaps they'd be able to dislodge a memory connecting the dead women. He and Reid would meet with the family members of the two known victims.

* * *

Nothing. They'd turned up nothing further. There was still a young woman missing, possibly part of their case, hopefully still alive. Hotch knew that exhaustion wouldn't do anything to help them, so he sent the team to the hotel. They'd rest for a few hours and get started again first thing in the morning.

JJ was closing her phone as Reid caught up to her.

"How's Henry?"

"I never got to talk to him. We were in the middle of our interview at the Y at his bedtime. I just talked to Will now, and he said they'd had a good day. He said Henry didn't even miss me."

Reid gave her a look at hearing that.  _Does she believe Will? Is he back to manipulating her?_

"You know that's not true, right? Henry misses you all the time."

"Spence, that's not exactly making me feel better."

"Sorry, but you know what I mean. Will's trying to make you feel bad by intimating that Henry could get along fine without you."

She sighed. "I know it, Spence. And I'm sure he's building a case for custody. But what's the alternative? That I prefer Henry miss me like crazy, yet I still keep traveling with this job? How does that make me look?"

She was right. There was no ideal way to handle things. He felt for her, caught in the middle of a no-win situation. With a soon-to-be-ex-husband ready to pounce on the slightest misstep.

"Do you really think he would go for full custody, JJ?" Reid was getting more concerned.

"Richard says he might, but he's certain he won't get it. Even in today's society, courts seem to favor having kids with their mothers. I'd have to be deemed unfit for it go against me. I'm hoping I can convince Will to agree to share custody."

"If he were looking out for Henry's best interests, he would." It was all Reid said, but she heard what he didn't say as well. That the only interests Will seemed to be looking out for were his own.

They'd reached their hotel rooms.

"Get some rest, JJ. And don't worry about Henry. You're too good a mom, and he loves you too much for it to come out any other way. You'll be together." He said it with such confidence that JJ couldn't help but believe him.

* * *

The next day provided both advances and frustrations to the case. Marina Glower remained missing, heightening the concern for her, while also making it less likely that she was a part of the same case as the other two women.

Rossi summed it up for the team as they met at the precinct.

"The original two women were both killed within moments to hours of having last been seen. Their bodies were found very close to their last known locations. If we're dealing with the same unsub, why was this one woman taken from her location?"

"And why is she still missing?" Morgan finished for him.

"So, are we thinking that we've actually got two different cases here?" JJ verbalized the question for all of them.

Hotch thought it unlikely, despite the disparities, but even he had to admit he was working on intuition. Reid agreed with him, but played devil's advocate.

"We may or may not have a connection with the proximity to hospitals since, as Garcia pointed out, there are so many of them. It would actually be difficult to commit a crime that  _wasn't_  near a health care facility. And only one of the known victims was actually in health care."

Alex was thinking aloud. "So, we either have an unsub who substantially changed his M.O. between victims, for unknown reasons, or we have two different crimes?"

"If the missing resident case  _is_  a crime. We just don't know." Morgan didn't like dealing with so much uncertainty in a case.

JJ's cell sounded. "The YWCA director," she explained, and left to handle the call.

Hotch called their technical analyst. "Garcia, what have you got for us?"

"Okay, I couldn't find Judy Littleton registered to be seen at any of the hospital services for yesterday. So then I wondered if maybe she'd been seen at one of the private offices in the same area."

They nodded, agreeing with her strategy. Hospitals tended to sprout offshoots in the form of physician's offices in all the surrounding areas.

"So I started checking with each of them. But there were just so many, so I..." she knew she was skirting legality here..."I may have tapped into her medical insurance to see which office was billing it."

"And? Don't keep us in the dark, Baby Girl."

"And, I may have found something. But not what I was looking for."

"Penelope..." Morgan's patience was definitely being tried today.

"Okay, okay, I'm getting to it. Judy Littleton wasn't seen in any of the offices near the hospital. In fact, it looks like her last medical visit was to an ob/gyn near her workplace, billed as an annual visit."

Alex was confused. "That doesn't sound like much."

"It isn't. But I may have just peeked a little further back at her medical history. She's had that same job and insurance for a long time. And I saw something that made me wonder."

"Garcia.." Now Hotch was impatient as well.

"Yes, sir. I saw that she'd been in the emergency department of another hospital for an assault. But it was billed as domestic violence...or technically, battered spouse."

"I thought it was a friendly divorce." Morgan wanted clarification.

"It is...was. This was a prior relationship. At least I assume so from the names."

Hotch knew his analyst well. "Can we assume that you've looked at police records, then?"

"Seen and digested. He's incarcerated for another seven years for what he did to her."

"So not on our current suspect list," observed Rossi.

Alex was trying to determine the significance of the information. "It might explain why she was in the self-defense class, but I guess it doesn't really tell us much else."

JJ had reentered the room as Alex was speaking. She had news.

"The director of the Y spoke to the rest of her staff today. A couple of them remembered Judy and Stacey from the self-defense class. But they also remembered them because they'd mentioned wanting to start a domestic violence support group there. I guess they were both involved with one somewhere else in the city, and wanted to start a branch group at the Y."

Reid remarked, "So they both knew each other even before the self-defense class."

Hotch still had Garcia on the line. He had a thought. It might be a long shot, but, "Garcia, see if there's been anyone admitted to the hospital in the past three days with the diagnosis of domestic violence. Check the emergency room and inpatient list. Maybe she was visiting a client from her group."

Reid wondered. "Do we know anything about Stacey Fitzgerald's past? I know her boyfriend isn't a suspect in her murder, but is there a history of assault in her past as well?"

Alex had some knowledge in this area. "There may be, Spencer. But it's also entirely possible that her career sensitized her to it, and made her volunteer. Many incidents of domestic violence are uncovered by pediatric clinicians."

JJ agreed with her. "At the office where I take Henry, they've got signs posted inside the women's restroom. I mentioned it one day, and the nurse told me that it happens more than you would think. That sometimes the abusers allow the women out of the house to take their kids to appointments, even when they won't allow the women out to get care for themselves."

Reid hoped he hadn't winced visibly. Given her situation, the thought that JJ had been asking about domestic violence resources during one of Henry's medical visits made him even more glad that she was proceeding in dissolving her marriage.

Garcia was back. "Three patients fit the time frame. Two were in the emergency department the same evening Judy was killed. One was an inpatient, but she went home yesterday."

"So, she could have been visiting any or all of them, and maybe telling them about the group?" Morgan posited.

"Or they may already have been group members. It's more common to be a repeat victim of domestic violence than it is to be a one time victim," Alex informed them.

Reid put out the question. "So a perpetrator against any of them could have attacked and killed our victims as a form of revenge? But why would the murders happen a week apart?"

"Maybe he was taking revenge on them, and knew where to find Stacey near her hospital. And then committed a crime of opportunity with Judy, at this hospital."

Reid spoke into Hotch's phone now. "Garcia, can you see if any of these DV victims were seen at other hospitals in the city for trauma?"

"Will do, Junior G-Man. That will take me a few. Back in a jiffy."

Hotch didn't wait for her. He split his team into three and sent them all to interview the DV victims. Perhaps one of them was attacked by the man who'd murdered the women trying to help.

* * *

By late afternoon, It felt like they were getting closer, and yet they had so little progress to show. Each of the DV victims had suffered repeated trauma at the hands of her abuser, and each had been a member of the DV support group facilitated by Judy Littleton. Stacey Fitzgerald volunteered in the process of completing a research study on the effects of DV on parenting. Each of the DV victims had been shocked to learn of the deaths of the two women who had helped them so much.

But none of them had ever seen or heard of Marina Glower. Who was still missing.

Hotch was having one of those moments of frustration again. "JJ, Reid. Go back to the hospital. Talk to her co-workers. Residents. Attendings. Nurses. Orderlies. I don't care who they are, if they ever even had a conversation with Marina Glower, talk to them. Find  _something."_

* * *

"Did you talk to him?" Reid was driving them the short distance to the hospital.

"Yes, Saturdays are always easier, since he's not in school. He's so funny, Spence. He wanted me to know that he'd eaten his vegetables last night. So he's bargaining to eat a piece of candy for each vegetable. And he ate forty nine peas!"

Reid chuckled. "Actually, that's a pretty good deal. I may have to try that myself." Reid was known for his sweet tooth, and his eschewing of most things that were good for him.

She swatted at him. "Stop! Don't you dare encourage him. When  _you_  talk to Henry about food, it should be, 'Do as I say, not as I do'."

He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. I will."

They'd arrived. Commissioned by their superior to find something helpful, the two set about re-interviewing the staff who knew Marina Glower.

Two hours later, JJ hit paydirt. A fellow resident, not present in the hospital for the prior day's interviews, remembered an event that happened in clinic.

"It was a month or so ago. Well, it started before that. But they weren't able to pull it off until about a month ago. Marina had this prenatal patient who had come in one time with some suspicious bruises. The boyfriend was with her, came to every single visit, even insisted on staying for the exam. We always get a little concerned when that happens. It usually means one of two things. Either he really is a wonderful, devoted partner. Or he's keeping an eye on her, like he's keeping her under control, you know?"

Seeing that they were following her, she continued.

"So she asked me to try to get him out of the room, to give her some time alone with her patient. I asked him to fill out a patient satisfaction survey and brought him over to a cubicle to do it. That gave Marina a chance to find out that what she suspected was true. He was definitely abusive, and she was afraid of him. Marina tried to get her to think about leaving him, but she was too scared. So she told her about this support group that met at lunchtime, when he was at work. It took a few more visits, and some creativity on my part, getting him out of the room, but Marina finally got the woman to agree to go to the group."

"Do you know where the group met, exactly?" Reid needed to confirm it was the group run by Judy Littleton. It was.

"Then, at this visit I was talking about, the one that happened last month, Marina was all excited. They'd worked out a way to get her out of the house. And they were using the clinic visit. They got the guy to go out to the waiting room. Get this...they got one of the nurses to go into the room next to where they were and start yelling, like she was in labor. And he couldn't take it. He just got up and went to the waiting room. They had him figured out that well."

"And while he was in the waiting room...?" JJ thought she knew where this was going.

"Marina and the social worker escorted the patient out the other exit and she went to a shelter. He had a fit that day, but it didn't do him any good. Security escorted him out and told him not to come back."

JJ and Reid shared a glance. This tied it all together. And tied all the victims together as well. It sounded like they might well have their unsub.

But they still didn't have Marina Glower. Where was she? Was she already lost, or could she still be saved?


	21. Chapter 21

**Transitions**

**Chapter 21**

They had no trouble getting a subpoena to allow the hospital to release the patient's information to them. Lisa Hanover had been seven months pregnant when she was last seen at the clinic. Her boyfriend's name, Joseph Davidson, was listed in her record.

"Is that common?" Morgan thought only a spouse would be specifically listed in the patient's chart.

Alex knew. "Some of them do it as a matter of course, but I think this time it was because of his behavior. The staff were all concerned about Lisa. If they couldn't convince her to leave him, they at least wanted to be able to identify him to the police. Even if it was after the fact."

Rossi was disgusted. "You know, I've been doing this a long time. There isn't much I haven't seen, including this. But this is one of the things I'll never get used to. I mean, these guys aren't necessarily even sociopaths. They don't stand out in the crowd. People would never know."

Hotch finished the thought for him. "Which is how it continues for so long. Even if the partner reports him, she isn't always believed."

Garcia rang in. She'd been tasked with tracking down Lisa Hanover. Given the urgency of the situation, she dispensed with her usual witticisms.

"Okay, so they weren't too happy that I was able to do it, but I tracked down the shelter."

"What's that about?" Morgan was now realizing he needed to learn a lot more about this subject.

JJ answered. "They don't advertise their locations, to try to protect the victims. Usually you call an 800 number or an infoline, and they meet you somewhere neutral, and then bring you to the shelter."

She felt Reid's eyes on her, but didn't return his gaze.

"JJ's right. So, they weren't happy, but I was able to track the 800 number account, and follow a couple of leads and, voila! There it was."

"So, can we talk to her?" Rossi wanted to get moving on it.

He couldn't see Garcia shaking her head. "No. It turns out that the shelter simply serves as a conduit to a more permanent relocation. And they don't keep records, just in case."

"So, how do we find her?" Alex shared Rossi's frustration.

"Well, our fearless leader may have to pull some strings, but I think it can happen. It seems she bonded with a few of the staff, and called them to tell them she'd had the baby. A little early, but healthy."

Even though they'd only just learned of her existence, there were smiles in the room at hearing of the healthy delivery.

Garcia continued. "So they have a cell number, but aren't much interested in giving it out."

Hotch was already on his phone. "I'll take care of it." He was certain they'd be able to bring influence to bear and, failing that, another subpoena.

"Okay, so why do we need her? Why don't we just go after Davidson?" Detective Jackson wanted to be practical.

"Because he may be holding Marina Glower. We need something to bargain with before we confront him." JJ explained it to the detective.

Hotch returned from his call. "We should have Lisa Hanover's phone number shortly. She may not be local, so we may only be able to use her voice."

Reid spoke up. "That should be enough. A lot of these guys just want to dominate. They don't necessarily need to be violent, so they don't need to do it in person."

"But it might have a bad effect on Lisa. It might bring it back to her, especially if he's treated her this way on the phone before. We should see if there can be someone with her."

JJ punched in Garcia's number as she spoke. She would ask Penelope to have the local shelter arrange for one near Lisa to provide support.

* * *

There was a lull in the action as the appropriate information was developed and a plan put in place. JJ took advantage of it to make a bedtime phone call to Henry.

"Mommy!"

"Hi, buddy. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Mommy."

JJ breathed a sigh that combined relief with regret. "Have you been a good boy for Daddy?"

"Yeah. We had a happy meal and I got a toy!"

JJ knew the toy was Henry's only real interest in the fast food meal. He rarely ate any of it, as he was too busy playing.

"I hope you drank your milk."

"All the way to the bottom, Mommy."

"Good boy. What did you guys do today?"

"We went to the park and played baseball! I got two home runs!"

JJ smiled at his excitement. "Good for you, little man. Are you all ready for bed now? Are your teeth brushed?"

"Yep. When are you coming home, Mommy?"

JJ closed her eyes. "I'm not sure, honey. I hope it will be tomorrow."

"Did you catch the bad guy?" This was what Henry understood of what she and Will did.

"We're trying to catch him tonight, sweetheart. If we do, I'll come home tomorrow."

"I hope you catch him, Mommy. Can I have my story now?"

Together they read "Bedtime for Little Star". It wasn't really a story, and it was much too young for Henry now, but they both held on to it. It was  _theirs._

"Goodnight, little man. Sleep tight."

"Don't let the bedbugs bite, Mommy!"

Will came on the phone.

"How's it going?"

"We've got our guy identified, but we think he has a hostage. So it will probably be a long night. I'm hoping we'll have it wrapped by tomorrow."

"Well, take your time. He's doing fine here."

In another context, she might have thought he meant to reassure her. But in their current situation, she thought he only meant it to hurt.

She didn't choose to parry. "Hopefully I'll be home tomorrow. I've already told him." She wanted to make sure Will didn't plant any other ideas in Henry's head. "Goodbye, Will."

* * *

They had the phone number. Hotch charged JJ with contacting Lisa Hanover, thinking that they were closest in age and were, now, both mothers. He gave no indication that he was also aware they'd shared something else. But he knew JJ might be able to connect with Lisa over the kinds of behaviors their men had developed.

The police had located Joseph Davidson's address, and the task force was headed there, to be met by a SWAT team. It was almost midnight. Two reconnaissance specialists surveyed the two family home where Joseph Davidson and Lisa Hanover had lived on the first floor. There was no evidence of Marina Glower's presence there, as evidenced by their glimpses through the windows. But there was a basement. Perhaps she was there.

Hotch was on the phone. "Garcia, find out who lives on the second floor. We need to call them and get them out before we do anything with Davidson."

She made short work of it. They phoned the family, gave a superficial explanation of the situation, and advised them to leave via the back porch and stairs. The young couple, frightened out of their sleep, complied quickly.

Hotch got on his phone again, now calling the number he had for Joseph Davidson. It went unanswered through five rings, but was picked up on the sixth. A slurred voice answered.

"What?"

The unit chief couldn't tell whether his target had been asleep or drinking.

"Joseph Davidson?"

"Yeah?"

"This is Aaron Hotchner of the FBI. We are looking for a missing person, and have reason to believe you may have information for us."

A long silence ensued. Hotch knew Davidson was scrambling for his response.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Wide awake now. Apparently he'd only been groggy.

"I think you do. We are looking for Dr. Marina Glower. We know you met her at the clinic."

Shorter silence this time. "I don't know anybody by that name."

"You do, Mr. Davidson. She was the ob/gyn resident caring for Lisa Hanover during her pregnancy."

No delay on this one. He was angry now. "Lisa's gone! She left me. Those bitches at the clinic sent her away!"

The crux of the matter.

"Do you know where Lisa is now, Mr. Davidson?"

"No! She won't tell me!"

"Who won't tell you?"

They thought he would hold Marina Glower until she told him where she'd sent his girlfriend. They feared he planned to kill her if she answered the question. Or if she couldn't.

Long silence again. Davidson realized he'd slipped up. Then, "Lisa…bitch left and won't tell me where she is."

"Does that mean you've spoken with Ms. Hanover since she left you?"

Another delay. Davidson felt like there was a trap here, but he couldn't make it out. Hotch tried again.

"Would you like to speak with her, Mr. Davidson?"

Still wary of a trap, Davidson couldn't restrain himself.

"Is she with you?"

"She's not here, but we know where she is. And she has agreed to speak to you if you tell us where Marina Glower is."

A very long silence now. Davidson was deliberating, which was a good sign. But to let him deliberate too long might not be a good idea. Hotch pushed him with something he knew would be irresistible.

"Did you know that Lisa had her baby?"

"No, she didn't. You're lying. She's not due for another three weeks."

"She had the baby last week. And he's perfectly healthy."

"He?!"

"You have a son, Mr. Davidson."

Brief silence this time. "Put her on the phone."

"Marina Glower first."

Longer pause. "All right. She's here. She's in the basement. But don't think about coming in for her. If you do, that will be the end of the bitch. She took my girl away from me." He thought some more. "And my son!"

"Lisa is on the line, Mr. Davidson. But I need a show of good faith. Put Marina Glower on your line."

They could hear a door opening, and then footsteps on the stairs. They heard what they guessed was duct tape being torn from her lips.

"Say something, Dr. Bitch."

"Help me! Help…"

The rest of the sentence was muffled, the phone having been pulled away from her.

"There, that's all you're getting. Now give me Lisa."

They'd been listening in on speaker. Hotch waved the SWAT team, Morgan, Reid and Rossi to the house. JJ and Alex would stay with him, supporting Lisa Hanover.

Hotch waited until they were in place. "I will put her on the line. But I need to see that Dr. Glower is not in danger. I need you to come to the window."

"I ain't coming to no goddamn window. I watch TV. I know you'll just shoot me through it."

It had been worth a try. "Then come away from her. Come back upstairs and flick the light at the front door so I'll know you're not with Dr. Glower. Then I'll put Lisa on the line."

That, he could do, thought Davidson. They could hear the footsteps on the stairs again, but didn't hear the door close. That might complicate their plan, if they were too noisy in getting her out. But they were at least relieved when Davidson flicked the porch light.

"All right, here is Lisa." Hotch conferenced her in to his call. She'd been frightened, but felt obliged to help the woman who'd helped her escape her abuser.

All of them were surprised with how Davidson started the call.

"Hey, baby. How's my girl? I miss you." None of the anger they'd expected. Instead, he seemed to be flirting with her.

"Joey."

"Hey, baby. It's time for you to come home now. I want you to come home."

"I'm not coming home, Joey. I have a new home now."

"Baby, you have to come home. I need you here. I need my son here."

"No, Joey, you don't need me. You just  _want_  me. And I don't want to be with you any more."

"You bring my son here! I'm telling you, if you don't bring my son…."

It went on like that, escalating in tone and expletive content, for a long while. JJ was glad they'd gotten support to stand by Lisa at her new location. She thought she might have withered under such a vicious verbal assault. The good thing was that his volume had increased. He was yelling too loudly to hear what was going on in the basement.

The SWAT team was able to quietly punch out a pane of glass and give them access through the doorway. Along with the BAU representatives, they slipped into the basement and freed Marina Glower. They could hear Joey Davidson yelling from upstairs. With the door having been left open, it was easy business to ascend the stairs and catch him, mid-tirade, unaware. Morgan signaled Hotch when they had their perpetrator in custody.

JJ took over the conversation with Lisa Hanover and talked her down. "He's in custody, and he'll be going away for a long, long time. You'll be safe from him, and so will your son. And, Lisa…you will have time to terminate his parental rights. You might want to consider it."

* * *

It was almost 4 AM by the time the team was done. The small private airport they'd used would open at 8 on a Sunday morning. Hotch sent them to get a few hours rest before takeoff.

Reid caught up with JJ as they went back to the hotel.

"How are you?"

"Me? Fine. Why?"

"Because that must have hit a little too close to home, didn't it?"

She shook her head. "It wasn't like that for us, Spence. I mean, some of it was. I could hear Will in some of what Joey was saying. At least until he got angry. Mostly Will doesn't show anger. Mostly he finds other means to get his way. But, you're right, it might have come to that one day."

"Not more than once." He'd said it so softy, virtually mumbled it, and she hadn't been able to make it out.

"What? I didn't catch that."

"Nothing. Did you talk to Henry?"

Now she smiled. "He's fine, had a great day. And he told me he misses me."

Reid smiled back at her. "I'm glad…well….well, you know what I mean."

"I do. And thanks."

He hesitated a moment, then decided to tell her.

"I made a phone call today too."

She didn't know why that might be reportable, until she saw the look on his face. Maeve.

"You called her on a Saturday?"

"Well, I didn't know how the case would turn out, and I just decided to take advantage of our couple of free moments. And, besides, I can call her any time now."

They'd arrived at their hallway. JJ brought him into her room to finish the story.

"Really, why?"

"Because she thinks the stalker is gone. She thought it was happening a couple of months ago, but there were still some random hang ups. But she hasn't had one in weeks now. So she's okay with me calling her at other times."

"But you still use the pager and the phone booth?"

He knew it seemed odd, but shrugged it off. "She's not all the way there yet, I guess."

JJ assured him. "She'll get there, Spence. And then you two can meet."

He paled. "That's the thing. She wants it now. She wants us to meet now."

JJ's brows went up as she smiled at his obvious trepidation.

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Well, yes. But what if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't like what she sees?"

JJ just stared at him.  _Does he not know?_

She blushed just a little as she said, "Spence, you're a good looking guy. She'll love you."

He blushed as well, and squirmed. "But Morgan always says I look like a professor."

_Well…_ Aloud, she said, "Spence, I told you, if you want me to help you with an outfit, I will."

He'd been hoping she would offer again. "Will you?"

She smiled at him. "Of course. When's the big date?"

"Thursday."


	22. Chapter 22

**A.N.** **As has already been apparent (and will be more so in this and upcoming chapters), this story flirts with, and skirts, canon. Sometimes it's just as it was on the show, and sometimes not. Hoping you'll enjoy some of the changes.**

* * *

 

**Transitions**

**Chapter 22**

The week seemed interminable to Reid. At first, he hoped they would be called out on a case, to make the time pass more quickly. But as the week progressed, he prayed they wouldn't, so he would be in town for Thursday night. For the time he would first meet Maeve.

JJ did her best to be patient with him, but it was trying. He'd taken to rambling, and was really only rambling to her, since he'd not yet shared his relationship with anyone else except Emily.  _And she's an ocean away._

"Spence, stop, please. I know you're nervous, but I need to finish these folders so I can try to get out early and get Henry from preschool. Will is working evenings this week, and I'd like to give Karen a break for a change." Will picked Henry up as often as his schedule allowed. It was one of the compromises they'd made.

He was chastised. "Sorry, JJ. I didn't realize." He turned to go back to his desk, then turned again. "It's just that I've never done this before. I don't know….."

She put her pen down. "Spence, I promise, if you'll just let me finish these, you can come to dinner and I'll talk you through it."

He looked relieved. "Deal."

* * *

"Hi, Uncle Spence! We're havin' meatloaf for dinner. I love meatloaf! Do you love meatloaf, Uncle Spence?"

Ever since JJ had told him she ground vegetables into it to sneak them into Henry, Reid had looked at meatloaf in a whole different way. 

_It's not exactly meatloaf anymore, is it?_

"He only loves it because he drowns it in ketchup." JJ handed Reid plates to set the table for them.

"Nothing wrong with that. Right, Henry?" Reid and his godson high-fived one another.

Between mouthfuls, Henry gave the adults a recap of his day at school, ending with, "and tomorrow we're gonna have a fire engine! A real one, Uncle Spence! And we can climb on it and everything! I'm gonna be a fireman when I grow up!"

Reid smiled at him. "I thought last time you said you wanted to be an astronaut."

"That was weeks ago, Spence. Then he wanted to be an FBI agent, like us. And then, last week, he wanted to be a policeman, like his dad."

Reid looked at his godson. "That's an awful lot of things, Henry. Which do you think you really want to be?"

He loved the enthusiasm Henry had for everything, and often wondered exactly what he would end up doing with his life. The future lay wide open before him.

"I want to be  _all_  of them, Uncle Spence!"

With that pronouncement, and done with his dinner, Henry scrambled down from his seat and went to play. He had a lot of pretending to do if he wanted to be good at his chosen professions.

After he'd gone, Reid observed, "Wow, the energy level in the room just plummeted. Not to mention the decibel level."

JJ laughed. "I hope he keeps up his enthusiasm for life for a long, long time. But I also hope he learns to whisper."

"He seems to be okay, doesn't he, JJ? I mean, with Will not being here."

"So far. We had some rough nights at the very beginning, but we got through them. I'm waiting to see if there's a little relapse after he spent so much time with Will last week."

Reid reached over and squeezed her hand. "You did the right thing. It will all be okay."

She squeezed back. "I know. It's just not easy getting there."

"Good thing you're strong, then."

"As long as I have good friends to lean on." A look passed between them as JJ rose.

"Go play with Henry. While he's busy pretending, see if you can make him pretend to be a millionaire who takes care of his mother in her old age."

* * *

"I think he's actually reading a little, JJ. Did you see how he was following the words in the book?"

She loved how excited Spence got every time Henry made an intellectual leap.

"He has some sight words, but I don't know that he's sounding anything out yet."

At hearing that, Reid made a mental note as to how he would spend his next Saturday morning with Henry. Reid's love of the written word was powerful, and he couldn't wait to share it with his godson.

They'd settled in the living room, on either end of the sofa. JJ picked up the glass of wine she'd poured.

"So, tomorrow's the big night."

He gulped. "I'm nervous about it. I used to worry that she might not like me, but that's not really it. She's not like that. She's sweet, and kind. She's beautiful."

JJ didn't understand. "I thought you hadn't seen her. Did she send you a picture _?" Personally, I would have googled her._

Now  _he_  was puzzled. "No, I've never seen her."

"Then how do you know she's beautiful?"

"She's beautiful on the inside, JJ. Her mind, her spirit. Nothing else matters to me. I don't need to see her to know she's the most beautiful girl in the world."

JJ's eyes filled. She'd been blessed with external beauty. Not that she could see it in herself, but she'd been told so many times. And yet, this night, she wished she possessed the kind of beauty inside that Spence saw in Maeve Donovan. It was another thing JJ couldn't see in herself.

"Well, then don't be scared, Spence. She's just a woman. You're not scared of me, are you?"

He managed to combine guilty with shy in his facial expression. "I used to be."

"What? When?"

"Before." He was uncomfortable. "Before Will."

She squinted at him, thinking back. It was true, he'd seemed much more relaxed and open with her since she'd been with Will. Before that, he'd often seemed flustered when she spoke to him about anything but work. She'd suspected he had a crush on her. But then, after she was with Will, he was different. Easier, more outgoing. Was it because he thought there was no possibility of a relationship between them? Had that finally freed him to be himself with her? The first time Spence had ever told  _her_ she was beautiful was when she was holding another man's child. Since then, he'd told her many times. Was it because the stakes were lower? Because, having lost her once, even though he'd never actually had her, he couldn't lose her again?

JJ shook her head, to clear these thoughts that were getting in the way of their conversation. They would need to be put away for another time.

"Spence, are you afraid she won't like you?"

"No, that's not it. I know she likes me. She even…." He'd not told JJ yet. Not said it aloud to anyone. That Maeve had said "'Love you."

He couldn't bring himself to tell her now, either. "I'm just afraid that I'll…disappoint her, somehow."

JJ raised her brows in surprise. "How? How could you possibly disappoint her, Spence?"

He looked down, shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe I won't live up to the image she has of me."

_Brilliant, handsome, kind, gentle, and yet he thinks he could possibly disappoint. My Spence._

"Spence. " He was still staring at the ground, lost in a vision of Maeve, eyeing him from across a crowded restaurant, and deciding not to stay. JJ waved her hand in his line of sight, to get his attention.

"Spence, there's absolutely no chance of you disappointing her. She knows who  _you_  are the same way you know who  _she_  is. And she's asking to meet you. She's already decided that she wants a relationship with you, hasn't she? Can't you see it?"

"I want to. I guess I'm just not used to seeing myself that way."

JJ put her glass down and sat back. "Well, if you're going to be in a relationship, you're going to have to learn to see yourself through someone else's eyes. "

He sat, thinking, for a while. He'd been tossing this idea around in his mind, but he had no real experience to go on.

"Is that it, JJ? Is that how it works? When you're in a relationship, do you keep the identity you've always known  _and_  become the person your partner thinks you are? Or do you lose yourself? I've been trying to figure this out. Since Maeve, I've felt different, but I haven't been able to figure out why. Is that it?"

She needed more wine. This conversation was taking her to a dangerous place. Had  _she_  been growing into some image that Will had of her? Was that why she'd felt so alienated from who she used to be? From the life she'd lived before? Had she almost lost herself? It was only recently that she'd begun to feel like herself again.

Gradually, she realized that she'd been quiet for too long. Reid was staring at her.

"JJ? Are you okay?"

She tried to make light of it. "Sorry, Spence. I'm just not used to such heavy conversation after dinner. Should we talk about what you're going to wear?"

"Wear? Oh, right. Well, I'm going right from work, so I guess I'll wear whatever I wear to work tomorrow."

JJ laughed, mostly at herself. She should have known. He'd wanted to prepare for the actual interaction, and  _she'd_  thought he wanted sartorial advice. 

_Shallow me. But I'm giving it anyway. She's a woman, she'll appreciate it._

"If I can give a little advice, then?" At his nod, she continued. "Wear something dark. Blue or gray would work well, each of them bring out the color of your eyes."

"You notice the color of my eyes?" He was astounded.

JJ blushed, just a little.  _That and so much more, Spence_.

"Is there anything else? Should I wear a sweater? Vest? Jacket?"

She felt the blush deepen, hoped he wouldn't notice.  _I might as well go all the way._

"Okay, real advice? I'd say wear the dark gray shirt with the light gray tie. Loose, like you usually do. If you wear a sweater, don't button it. You have that dark jacket though….that would work." JJ was starting to get invested in this. She was picturing her ideal 'Spence outfit' and prescribing it for him.

"Dark gray shirt, light gray tie, jacket or sweater, no buttons…" He was repeating everything she said, implanting it in his memory. Then he made a face at her. "Do you think the high tops will ruin it?"

She tried to keep from laughing. "If you were doing something formal, maybe. But mostly….I think they just add to the charm."

As entertaining as this conversation was, JJ couldn't suppress a yawn.

"Oops, I've kept you up too long. Sorry, JJ. Thanks for dinner. And thanks for the advice."

She rose with him, and walked him to the door. "You'll be great, Spence. And she'll love you. How could she not?"

He grinned at her. "I hope you're right. Good night."

* * *

Reid was already at his desk when JJ arrived to work in the morning. She could see he'd followed her advice on his outfit. When he got up for coffee, her eyes trailed him.

_He looks great. Sexy, even_. JJ's eyes widened at the thought.  _Where is your mind at, girl? It's Spence!_  

Seeing that he was about to turn around, she shot her eyes to the folder open on her desk, and kept them plastered there.

It worked, for a few minutes. But all day long, JJ found herself stealing looks in Reid's direction. Several times she caught him looking at her. Shortly before it was time to leave, she felt his presence beside her desk, and looked up.

"Ready?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should cancel….."

"Spence, relax. She'll love you. I'm sure you'll have a great time."

He was having trouble swallowing. "Do you really think so? I'm not sure I'll know what to say…"

"Spence, haven't you two been doing nothing  _but_  talking? Of course you'll know what to say. Just pretend it's a phone call."

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. That's a good idea. Thanks, JJ!"

She stood, leaned up, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Good luck, Romeo."

Blushing, he smiled at her. Then he picked up his messenger bag, slung it over his shoulder, and was on his way.

_I'm going on my first date. Ever. With Maeve._


	23. Chapter 23

**Transitions**

**Chapter 23**

_The skirt and sweater or the dress? Slacks? Hair down or up? Heels? Flats?_

She tried every permutation before finally deciding on the skirt ensemble. The flats would do. She didn't know how tall he was, and just in case….

_He sounds so young. If I hadn't seen his date of birth on the MRI, I'd never have taken him to be over thirty. But he has the wisdom of someone so much older. Maybe because of all he's seen. Or what he lived through as a boy._

He'd shared it with her, his childhood. For Reid, it had been something that was both challenging and cathartic. He'd never told the whole story, all at once, to anyone. Even with the team, even with JJ, it had come out in bits and pieces. But somehow he'd wanted Maeve to know it. He'd felt like he was telling her the worst about himself, knowing it wasn't  _actually_  the worst.  _That_  conversation had come much later. But he had, eventually, told her the worst. Told her about the drugs, and the addiction.

_He needed to test me. To see if I would run away from him, even before we'd ever met. But I didn't run, did I, Spencer? You were afraid I would hurt you. And I haven't. Now I have to pray that you won't hurt me._

She carried her past with her, too. The relationship with Bobby, and the pursuit by the stalker, had traumatized her. Millimeters at a time, she was working her way back to normalcy. But she still had so far to go. _  
_

The internal conversation brought Maeve to think about her own upbringing. Her parents were scientists, like herself. Neither rich, nor famous, but respected in their fields. And she'd followed her mother's path, into genetics. Frustrated because now, when her mother needed her the most, she was on the sidelines, not participating in research, not actively searching for the cure.

"It's all genetics, Maeve.  _Everything_  is genetics," her mother always said. And Maeve had come to agree with her. But now, when she should have been using her expert knowledge of genetics to find the way to cure her mother's cancer, she was, instead, hiding in a loft apartment rented under her parents' names.

_But it's almost over, I can feel it. I'll see Spencer tonight, and it will be okay. And that will mean I can get back to the lab. He's gone away, whoever he is, and I'm safe again._

At first she'd thought it might be Bobby. Even when the early photos from the stalker included shots of him, she'd thought it was a ruse. She'd thought he wanted her to need him.  _The man I thought I wanted to marry._  He'd so obviously needed to be needed. And she so obviously was a strong, accomplished, fully mature woman. The two had not gone together. No matter how much she loved him, Maeve had come to realize they would never be compatible enough to stay together. 

_He wants someone to protect, and I want to be someone who doesn't need protecting. I want to be someone who accomplishes._

And so, she'd broken it off. "It will only hurt more the longer it goes on," she'd told him. He'd argued, he'd cried, he'd raged, and she'd been stoic in the face of it. Finally, giving up, he'd left.

Almost immediately after the breakup, she'd come across Spencer. She'd read his article, and written to him. He'd responded, intrigued with her work, because of his headaches.  _He_  had needed  _her_. As they'd grown their relationship, letter by letter and phone call by phone call, they'd come to realize their mutual dependence and combined strength. She'd come to know him deeply and respect him. Eventually, she felt like she'd even come to love him. And she'd let it slip on more than one occasion. But she'd not heard it in return.

_What if he doesn't like me? What if I'm not who he pictured? Who he thought I was?_

_Please, please, let this go well._  She picked up the gift she'd gotten him.  _The Narrative of John Smith_. The first, long lost, work of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. She'd spent a long time deciding how to inscribe it. In the end, it had been easy. Wiser humans than she had put into words how she felt about Spencer, and their relationship. She'd borrowed their words, to tell the one she loved how she felt about him. How she felt about them, together.

Maeve checked herself in the mirror one more time. Taking a deep breath, she headed out to the waiting cab. 

_Spencer, I'm on my way._

* * *

As he drove over to the restaurant, Reid thought back to the conversation he'd had with Maeve this afternoon. Having been freed of the constraints of a weekly phone call, Reid had taken to calling her every day. He'd even used his cell for the last two calls. Maeve was feelingthat confident that her stalker had given up and fled.

"I'm really looking forward to this, Maeve."

"Oh, Spencer, you've no idea how long I've been waiting to be able to do this. I've so wanted to be with you, in person."

It was the way in which they were the most different. Reid could have gone on indefinitely, exploring her fascinating mind, her kindred spirit. But Maeve was more accustomed to relationship, more conventional in what she desired. Reid knew he was supposed to want to meet in person but, truthfully, it wasn't the same kind of ardent desire on his part.

_I hope you're right, JJ. I hope she'll like me in person as much as she does on the phone._

Now he began to obsess on how he would handle himself physically. Touching could be such a difficult thing for him. It had taken a long time, and many casual pats on the back, and ruffling of his hair, and short, friendly hugs, but JJ had broken through. It was easy for him now, with her, natural. It had even become something he could do with Emily. With Garcia, it was unavoidable, so he'd had to get used to her. But Maeve was someone new, and the stakes were high.

_Should I shake hands? Do I give her a hug? Do I kiss her?_

It suddenly occurred to him that he'd only been envisioning the beginning of the date, and not the end. It would be one thing to give Maeve a quick peck on the cheek when they met. 

_But what do I do at the end? Do I really kiss her? Will she expect it?_

He wasn't totally inexperienced with these things, having kissed the young actress, Lila Archer, in a pool. But that was, literally, the full extent of his kissing history. Reid briefly wondered if he should have asked JJ for help in that area as well. Somehow he didn't think that would have gone over so well with his best friend. He could almost hear her telling him, " _There are limits, Reid_."

He'd arrived. Grateful for having found a spot on the street, only a block away, he pulled Maeve's gift from his messenger bag and tied a ribbon around it _._

_The Narrative of John Smith._   _She'll love it. She'll especially love the quote I inscribed._

He'd used one of their joint favorites, Rainer Maria Rilke. The quote read, "Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."

_There, I've told her. I've told her that I love her. Maybe the poet said it for me, but I've told her._

He was pleased, and hoped she would be as well. He knew it might be quite some time before he could get the words to come from his own lips.

* * *

Reid went to the hostess and gave his name. Apparently, he was the first to arrive. Following the hostess to their table, he took his seat and settled himself. He took the book out of his messenger bag again and fixed the bow, just so.

As he looked up again, and started noticing the patrons in the restaurant, Reid felt eyes on him. He was drawn to the left, where there was a row of booths. A man was looking at him, head turned, watching over his shoulder. The hackles on Reid's neck stood up. This was wrong. Something was wrong. There was danger here. He had to keep Maeve away. He had to protect her.

Reid grabbed for his phone and punched her number. The one he'd only recently had permission to call.

"Hello?"

"Maeve, it's me. Don't come to the restaurant."

_What?_  "But I'm right outside, I'm already here."

It was killing him, but he had to turn her away. "Don't come in. It doesn't feel right. I think your stalker is here."

Just hearing the words made her light-headed.  _No!_

"Spencer, I told you, I haven't heard from him in weeks. He's gone."

Reid knew he was operating completely on instinct. It was something he'd rarely done before, he who was so in love with facts, and statistics. But he was also certain.

"Maeve, he's here. I know it. Don't come in. Go home!"

She wanted to cry. Finally feeling as though she'd been reclaiming her life, she was now reminded that the power resided elsewhere.

"Spencer, come outside. We'll leave together!"

He'd already considered it. But now, being so close to her stalker, it was his opportunity to put an end to her suffering. He needed to know she'd be safe, but he was staying.

"No, Maeve, I'm going to put an end to this, right now. Please go. I'll call you later."

"Spencer.."

"Maeve, go!" He broke the connection.

Frightened tears covered her face as she turned back to the cab she'd just exited, and got back in. This time, her fear wasn't for herself. She was concerned about him. About what might happen to him. About whether he would ever  _really_  know how she felt about him. Before the cab pulled away, she asked the driver to wait, for just a moment. She had something to do.

Inside, Reid kept his eyes on the man who'd been watching him, whose own face was now turned away. He rose and started across the restaurant to him. Movement in the periphery caught his eye, and he watched as a second man approached the first one. The two greeted each other, and it became clear that they'd been planning to meet at the restaurant.

_Did I get it wrong? But he was definitely looking at me. Repeatedly. But…_

Now Reid was mentally kicking himself. Had he sent Maeve away for nothing? Had he frightened her needlessly? 

_Now that she's finally feeling free of her stalker, have I brought back his presence? Needlessly? Did I hurt her?_

Briefly, he thought about calling her again, and asking her to come back. But the evening had already been ruined. He was angry with himself, too angry to show that side of himself to her _._

_Maybe I'm just not good enough for her, anyway._

As he started to gather his things to leave, the hostess came over with a bag.

"Excuse me, sir. But a woman left this package for you."

He was confused. Was she still here? Could she be outside? He looked inside the bag and pulled out what it contained. A book. Reid's lips formed a rueful smile as he read the title.  _The Narrative of John Smith._ If he'd needed any kind of confirmation about their connection, here it was. They'd gotten each other the same gift.

Reid opened the front cover and saw what she'd inscribed. A quote from another one of their favorites, Thomas Merton. "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

Someone watching might have noticed as his face became a study in contrasts, the smile on his lips, the tears in his eyes. Quickly, Reid grabbed everything and ran out of the restaurant, looking for her. But the sidewalk was empty. There was no one waiting for him.

He'd sent her away, and she had gone.

* * *

**A.N. Apologies to those who hoped this part would be changed. I'm one of those who thought the writers, and MGG, made a good dramatic, if heartbreaking, choice to have Reid and Maeve fail to meet until that fateful time. I was actually growing quite fond of Maeve, which was why I started this story in the first place. And then I felt I had to change direction because of Zugzwang. My heart was broken along with Reid's. But there is so much to be learned from our losses, as well as from our loves…**


	24. Chapter 24

**Transitions**

**Chapter 24**

It had been a virtually sleepless night. He'd picked up and put down his phone repeatedly, until it had been far too late to call her. When his land line rang at 6 AM, he ran for it, hoping. Then remembered that it couldn't possibly be her, that she only had his cell number. Even when they'd been exclusively using the phone booth system, he'd made sure she could reach his cell, so she could find him, wherever he was, whenever she needed him. It couldn't possibly be her now.

He lifted the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hey, Handsome."

_Emily_. He was surprised, as well as caffeine-deficient, and he couldn't get his mouth moving fast enough.

"Reid? Are you there?"

"Emily?"

"How are you?"

He took a beat too long to answer, causing Emily's profiler antennae to go up.

"I'm fine, how are you? Is everything okay?"

The call concerned him. They'd had a few conversations since she'd been gone, but this one was taking place at a most unusual hour.

"Me? I'm fine. Everything's fine, why…..oh, the time. Yeah, I forgot, it's like, what, 6 AM there?"

"Yep."

"Oops, sorry. I'm taking an early lunch today, that's all. I just wanted to catch up with you."

Reid's profiler antennae were up now, too. He knew exactly why she'd called.

"You've been talking to JJ, haven't you?"

A beat of silence, then, "Busted. Yeah, she told me about the big date. I was excited, you getting to meet Maeve after all this time. It's like my baby brother just went on his first date."

She heard him clearing his throat in protest, prompting her to add, "Well, you know what I mean. So, how did it go?"

Now she heard a sigh. "It didn't. I mean, it did, it started, but we had to call it off before she even got there."

She could hear the disappointment and frustration in his voice. All traces of humor were gone from hers when she responded to him.

"Reid, what happened? Are you okay? Is  _she_  okay?"

He loved Emily. Across the expanse of the Atlantic, he could feel her love and concern. He was reminded of just how acutely he missed her presence.

"We're both okay. It was just that…." And he explained about his sense of the stalker's presence, and then his frustration when he realized he'd been wrong.

"I don't know, Reid. You're usually right when you get those feelings, you know? Could the stalker have been there, but maybe just not been the guy you noticed?"

He was shaking his head. "I don't know, Emily. I don't think so. No one else seemed to fit."

"Well, could it have been him, anyway? Could he have arranged to have someone else meet him there, to throw you off? Or could there even be two of them?"

He was still disgusted with himself, and Emily could hear it in his voice. "I don't think so. I think I just blew it. Maybe I was just so worried about her, I don't know."

"Well, what does Maeve think?"

She knew from his delay in answering that he was being Reid-like about this. Bearing the responsibility, assuming the blame.

"Reid?"

"I don't know. I haven't called her since then."

"Why not?"

Now it came pouring out in an emotional tumble of words.

"Emily, I read the situation wrong, and chased her away. She thought she was free of her stalker, and I made her feel afraid of him again. All for nothing. I'm an idiot. How can I ask her to talk to me?  _I_  don't even want to talk to me!"

There was a definite disadvantage to being over 3,000 miles away. She was going to have to commission someone else to give him a hug for her. For now, she would have to settle for soothing words.

"Reid, stop. You care about the woman, right? Maybe you even love her?"

Very, very small answer. "Maybe."

So like him. Her eyes traveled all the way across the Atlantic, seeing the shy smile she knew was on his face right now.

"Well, she has to know that. She'll know you were only trying to look out for her. Call her, for God's sake. Talk to her. She'll understand. You can set up another time. This was just a little blip, it's not catastrophic. Call her. You'll work it out."

Somehow, when Emily said it, he found it almost believable. Maybe it  _could_  be all right. Maybe they could put this behind them.

"Reid?"

Big sigh. "All right, I'll call her. But I think we're probably back to using the phone booth now, so I'll have to do it on my way to work."

She was smiling as she looked out at the London rain. "Okay. That's more like it. I'll let you go now. But, Reid…call me. I want to know how it comes out. I want to know how you are. Okay?"

He smiled, wishing he could send his gratitude through the phone. "Okay, I will. Sis."

In London, after the connection had been broken, Emily just stood and stared at the phone in her hand. 

_Sis?_

* * *

He paged her, and then waited. And waited. And wai…..the phone rang!

"It's me."

"Spencer, are you all right? I was so worried."

"You were?"

"Of course! I left you behind at the restaurant…with him!"

Somehow, in the space of time between leaving his apartment and finding the phone booth, he'd forgotten she didn't know.

"He wasn't there, Maeve. I was wrong. The person I thought was him…wasn't."

"What?! How do you know?"

"He was meeting someone else for dinner. The other person came right after you…..right after I sent you away. I'm so sorry, Maeve. It's all my fault. I blew it. And I worried you for nothing."

She was silent, processing. Reid felt like he needed to fill the void.

"I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to forget about it all together."

She'd recovered, and now recognized the self-recrimination in his voice.

"Forget about it? Of course not, Spencer! I meant what I said yesterday, I can't wait until we can be together. Why can't we just plan it again? Why not tonight?"

His mood was brightening by the second. Emily had been right. Maeve understood. She forgave him. She still wanted to meet him.

"Tonight? Sure, I can make it tonight. Same place?"

"Why don't we change our location. It will feel more like starting over, won't it?"

After setting up a new time and place, Reid had one more thing to say.

"Maeve….I got your gift."

Pause. "Did you like it, Spencer?"

"I loved it. And I loved what you wrote inside it. You were right to quote Thomas Merton. Truer words were never written."

"I think I was letting him speak for me."

"Well, he spoke for me too." There, that was  _almost_  like telling her he loved her, wasn't it? Then he remembered the other way he'd planned to tell her.

Oh, and Maeve, I had a gift for you, too. I'll bring it again tonight."

He could hear the brightness in her voice. "Until tonight then, Spencer."

"Until tonight."

* * *

JJ was sitting on his desk when he arrived, a cup of coffee in her hand. She'd already poured his, and added just the right amount of sugar and cream. 

_I think I could become diabetic just from handling this much sugar._

She could tell when he spotted her as he entered the BAU. It was obvious when his step slowed just a little, and his head went down.

_Uh-oh. This doesn't look good._

He approached. "Spence, hi. I brought your coffee for you."

"So I see. Thanks."

"So…?"

He gave her a look. "You mean Emily hasn't called you yet?"

"Emily? Ohhh….sorry, I thought it was okay to talk to her, since you said she already knew. But, wait, are you saying you talked to her already today?"

"Six AM. She 'just had to know'." He used finger quotes.

"Oops. Sorry, Spence. But, since we're on the subject…..how did it go?"

He explained, watching her face fall as she realized what had happened. He loved her for that. For being so much on his side. For wanting it so much for him.

"Oh, Spence, I'm so sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to meeting her."

"It's okay, JJ, we're doing it tonight. We rescheduled."

She smiled, glad for him. Then took stock of what was now his 'date attire', and realized her sartorial advice had gone for naught. Today he was in his usual white shirt and awkward, buttoned sweater. 

_Oh, well, she may as well know from the beginning…_

It seemed like it would be a relatively quiet day for the team, all of whom got to work on the consults piled on their desks. Quiet or not, it seemed there was never a shortage of hideous crimes and serial slayings requiring their expert advice.

Around two, Morgan emerged from his office for a BAU walkabout. He'd been granted the privilege of the office when he'd briefly taken over the reins from Hotch, but he missed the camaraderie of the bullpen. He could often be found visiting his colleagues on the floor. Today, he was parked on Alex Blake's desk, across from JJ and Reid.

"So, what's up, guys? Pretty Boy, you've had a spring in your step lately." He moved over to Reid's desk. "What's her name?"

He gave a little school boy chuckle and a brows up wink to Reid, including JJ and Alex in the exchange. Despite a conversation they'd had during a case years ago, Reid often wondered if Morgan hadn't been just a little bit of a bully all those years ago.

Reid blushed and shot his eyes in JJ's direction, obviously looking for help. Both Morgan and Blake noticed, but had different reactions. Morgan was truly intrigued.

"Kid, for real? You've got someone? You've got a girlfriend?"

Alex had a prior professional relationship with Reid, who had guest lectured in her course at Georgetown any number of times. She recognized his youth, and his lack of sophistication, but she also sincerely respected both his expertise and his commitment. She'd grown fond of the young man. Now, seeing his discomfort, she came to his rescue.

"I think Reid will tell us about his personal business if and when he thinks we need to know it, Derek."

Reid was about to open his mouth when Garcia rushed up to the foursome, and brought his world crashing down.

"Sorry, crimefighters, we have a case. In Cleveland."

* * *

He had to pray she would answer a call from his cell, as there was no time for him to find a phone booth.  _Please, please, please….._

"Spencer?"

He released his breath. At least he would be able to explain. "I'm so sorry, Maeve. We'll have to try again when I get back."

He could hear the disappointment in her tone, but not in her words. "Of course, Spencer. You have to help those families. We'll have all the time in the world when you get back."

* * *

A week and a half later, it hadn't seemed so. Cleveland had gone on for five days, and then they were called directly to Memphis. Suddenly, it seemed to be the height of serial killer season, if there could be said to be such a thing. Reid began to think he would never meet Maeve.

Finally, almost two weeks after the failed date, the case in Memphis was over and they were on the plane, headed back to DC. With the team having gone directly from one case to the next, Hotch was able to successfully procure a few days off for them. Reid hoped he would finally be able to meet the woman he loved. But he'd begun to doubt the entire plan.

He was sitting at the back of the plane, rambling about it to his best friend.

"I don't know what I was thinking, JJ. How can I be in a relationship with someone when I'm called all over creation without warning? How could I expect someone to put up with that?"

Seeing the look on her face, his stomach plummeted. "I"m so sorry. I didn't mean anything by that. I didn't mean that you and Will….."

She'd held up a hand to stop him. "Forget about it, Spence. You didn't say anything that I haven't already said to myself a thousand times over. The truth is, it wasn't all Will's fault. It was unreasonable of me to expect so much of him."

Reid recognized the lingering self-doubt for what it was. "No, JJ, it wasn't. He  _knew_  what you did. He knew what he was getting into. He  _met_ you on a case, for God's sake. No, you don't own that responsibility. "

He could tell she didn't completely agree with him.

"Can I hear you say it?" He surprised himself by pushing her. But he cared too much about her to let it go.

He could tell she was surprised as well. Pleasantly surprised. With widened eyes, she said it. "I'm not responsible."

He looked at her, looked right into her brain. He'd come to know her so well. He was sure he knew what she was thinking right now. He pushed her again.

"Now, you just need to believe it."

She was sarcastic this time. "Yeah, well, that's another story."

* * *

They'd gotten in very late, so he waited until the next day to call her. He was still kicking himself over the incident in the restaurant. It had definitely stirred up her anxiety again. While she was willing to answer an identified cell call from him, she was back to preferring the pager/phone booth routine.

"Just for now, Spencer. I haven't heard anything more since that day. That makes almost a month without contact from him. No photos, or letters, or e-mails. And no phone calls."

He could still hear the uncertainty in her voice, despite the content of her speech. And it was all because of him.  _Don't blow it again, Reid._

And thus it came to be that he was on his way to a phone booth on a fine, early spring morning, enjoying the air and the promise of the cherry blossoms. He put in his coin and entered her pager number. When the signal came, he entered just the final four digits of the number to the phone booth. They'd long ago decided to break the pager message into pieces, just in case. Now, Maeve knew he was back in DC. She knew the area code, and the prefix. So when she got the final digits, she would call right back.

Reid paced a bit, enjoying the spring air, and even enjoying the anticipation. He intended for them to try again tonight. After what seemed a longer time than usual, the phone rang and he picked it up.

"Hello?"

The delay immediately concerned him, even though it was only a matter of a second or two. Was she upset? In trouble?

Finally, a voice came through the line. But it wasn't Maeve's. It sounded like an operator.

"If you will accept a collect call, please deposit two dollars."

This was new. She'd always called him back directly. Maybe she was at a phone booth as well. Had he frightened her that much, that she would add a new security measure? Reid was finding a whole new level of disgust for himself.

"Yes. Yes, just a minute." He emptied his pockets, and then turned out his messenger bag. He'd not been prepared for this.  _Will they take a credit card?_

Finally, providentially, he found the right amount of change and put it into the slots.

"Hello? Maeve?"

It wasn't Maeve's voice that came through the phone this time, either. It was mechanized, unidentifiable. The voice provided only one word, but it was enough to drive Reid's heart through his chest.

"Zugzwang."


	25. Chapter 25

**A.N. Even though I know you know what will happen, it feels like this chapter should come with a warning. So here it is, you are warned. It was hard to write. I imagine it will be hard to read.  
**

**I thought it important to present this all at once, in the same chapter, rather than breaking it up. So I hope you will understand if some things are changed, and some (minor?) details not addressed, in the interests of some degree of brevity.**

**Back in 2013, I wrote this chapter while listening to some beautiful, melancholy Irish music on St. Patrick's Day. The Irish seem to have a talent for knowing how to express both the beauties and the tragedies of life. Hoping my Irish roots show a little bit here.**

**In honor of Maeve, the Great Warrior Queen.**

* * *

**Transitions**

**Chapter 25**

"Zugzwang."

Reid's blood pressure fell. Gripping the receiver as a lifeline, he tried to calm himself enough to think.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that."

"Zug…zwang."

With that, the connection was broken. And Reid's mind was racing.

Zugzwang. It had to be about Maeve.  _But it can't be about her! Please, God, no!_

It was too much to hope it was some sort of sick coincidence. They'd used the phone booth because of her pursuit by a stalker. And now a strange, disembodied voice was responding in her stead, using an obscure chess term that few people would recognize. But  _he_  recognized it. It had been meant specifically for him.

Reid knew it made no sense, but he was desperate. He pulled out his cell and punched in the number to Maeve's. No answer. And she'd not activated her voice mail account. Not on this new phone. The one she'd just gotten, 'just in case', even though she thought her stalker was gone.

He gave up and punched in another number. When it was answered, he didn't even announce himself, didn't even say hello.

"I need to tell you something."

Aaron Hotchner was an excellent profiler. It wasn't hard for him to identify the voice on the phone. Nor was it possible to ignore the rapidity of the speech, the tremor in the voice, the sense of panic and fear.

"Meet me at the BAU. I'm on my way."

* * *

Hotch could see that Reid was already in his office when he arrived. He couldn't know that the young man had no memory of his trip to the BAU. He'd traveled by rote, unable to settle his thoughts enough to process them.

"Reid, what's wrong?"

The young agent was pacing, and his unit chief didn't try to stop him. He looked like he would virtually explode if he didn't have a way to release some of his tension.

Hotch stood and watched him. "Reid."

He stopped, turning to his superior. "There's something…..something's happened. There's something I have to tell you about. Hotch, I need help."

The unit chief started scanning his recent memory for stressors. Judging from his disheveled appearance and his behavior, Hotch felt certain Reid was about to tell him he'd relapsed. That he'd gone back to Dilaudid. But he couldn't think of what might have triggered it. He was in the habit of noticing the mental and emotional states of all of his team, and especially the young, sometimes fragile, genius. But he hadn't noticed anything.  _What did I miss?_

His thoughts drawn elsewhere, Hotch didn't understand when Reid handed him what looked like a bundle of letters. Handwritten correspondence, not business material. He took them from Reid, his heavy brow furrowed in confusion and concern.

"Her name is Maeve."

He told the story from the end, and then went back to the beginning. When he came to the end again, Hotch prodded him. There was something about that final phone call…..

"Tell me about it again. What you heard on the phone."

It was etched deeply into his brain. He'd never forget the word. He'd never forget the voice, the metallic, depersonalized tone that might very well have changed his world forever.

"Zugzwang. It's a chess term. It's used to describe the situation where a player _has_  to make a move, but any move he makes puts him at a disadvantage."

"But why?" Hotch didn't like the logic of this. Something was off.  "If the stalker's goal was Maeve, why taunt you? Are you part of this victimology?"

Reid shook his head. It wasn't making sense to him either, but at the moment, there was no sense to be made inside his brain.

"I don't know. I don't know why. But I know that the message is for me. He's telling me I can't just do nothing. I  _have_ to make a move."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the story was out and the rest of the team had been called in. Reid had required continuous refocusing, demonstrating to Hotch the addled state of his genius brain.

Hotch had only texted the team members that Reid had a problem and needed them. He was heartened when each responded with a 'be right there', even on this, their first day off in weeks. JJ called him back immediately.

"Is it Maeve?"

Obviously Reid hadn't kept Maeve a secret from the entire team. Hotch could hear the concern in JJ's voice, and the fear for her best friend.

"I'm afraid it is, yes."

"Oh,God. What happened?"

"He thinks she's been taken."

There was a pause on the line, as she absorbed that and thought about all it could mean.

"Hotch, how is he? Is he okay?"

Their unit chief was a man of few words at the best of times. Now, he answered only with, "No."

"Tell him I'm coming. I need to get a sitter, but I'm on my way."

Hotch was the only other parent on the team. And he, too, was single parenting. He knew how precious little time they had with their children. He was about to tell her to stay home with Henry, but then thought better of it. He could hear it in her voice. She needed to help. And he'd heard it in Reid's voice, too. He needed her support.

"I'll tell him."

* * *

In the end, JJ was the first to arrive. Her anxiety must have been obvious in her voice, because her sitter had come over immediately. Karen would bring Henry home with her, where he could even spend the night, if necessary. For the umpteenth time, JJ was thankful that her path had crossed with that of this most generous, kind woman, who loved Henry as her own.

She caught sight of Reid still pacing in Hotch's office and ran up the stairs.

"Spence!"

She had to restrain a gasp when he turned around and looked at her. He was pale, his eyes unfocused and yet managing to exude terror. She could see that his whole body was shaking.

JJ went to him and embraced him. She whispered into his ear, "We'll find her, Spence. It will be okay. She'll be okay. You both will."

As she released him, his hands fell to his sides. He just stood there, looking as helpless as she was sure he felt.

"Spence, remember. This is what we do. We're good at it. We'll help her."

"But I can't think, JJ. I can't get my mind to slow down. I can't even capture a single thought. How can I help her?"

She made him look at her. " _We'll_ help her, Spence. We. The whole team. We'll find her. Make yourself believe that. It will settle you. You'll be able to think."

She put an arm behind him and gently nudged him toward the door. The team was gathering below.

As they approached, Hotch and JJ exchanged a look. She shook her head gently to indicate that Reid wasn't yet up to telling the story again. Hotch would break the case for the team.

Reid stood apart, listening. It was so strange to hear his life narrated in the third person, even by someone he trusted so implicitly. It was made more strange by the problem of his uncontrollable thoughts. He really only heard and processed a smattering of what Hotch was telling the team.

He looked only at the floor, but he could feel their eyes on him. Part of him knew they were reacting with shocked disbelief at the very existence of his relationship, let alone its unusual nature. He knew how strange it had been, but it had suited him. It was his first, and he'd intended it to be his only, relationship. And now it was in jeopardy. Maybe it was already over. He had no way of knowing. His mind resumed its rapid presentation of images, and sounds, and possibilities. But it refused to show him finding Maeve, and saving her.

Suddenly he realized that Hotch had stopped speaking, and all eyes were again on him. When he finally looked up at them, he saw only caring concern in each of their expressions. Garcia was unconsciously holding her hand against her chest, in a gesture that told Reid her heart was breaking for him. JJ's hands were clasped in such a way that he could tell she'd been praying.  _JJ._

They seemed to be waiting for him to say something, so he did.

"I need your help. It may be too late already," his voice was becoming more and more choked, "but if it's not, I need your help. Please help me save her."

Morgan walked over and put his arm around Reid. "You know we will, Kid. You hang in there."

The rest murmured their assent. Garcia snuck in a hug before she went to set up their conference room. "We love you, Junior G-Man."

JJ lingered with Reid, her hand on his back. He stood slouched, eyes on the ground but staring, she knew, at some hideous vision of Maeve suffering at the hands of her abductor.

She turned him to her, and held him again. From the strength of his return embrace, she felt like he was holding on to her for sanity. When they released, she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. She wanted to replace the vision in his head.

"We'll find her, Spence. And she'll be okay. You'll be together."

He responded in a quiet voice. "I would give that up. I would give her up, if only she could be okay. If only she could have a life. I'd gladly give mine."

JJ knew he meant it sincerely. He would sacrifice his happiness, his future, even his own life, for Maeve's. Once again she was encountering the kind of selfless love she'd once thought didn't actually exist _._

_But it is real. And I'm going to do my best to see that he gets to live it out._

Hours later, she would remember what Reid had said, and realize he was about to act on it. In that moment, she would learn just how precarious a thing selfless love could be. How it could give so much, at the same time that so much was taken away.

* * *

Garcia had put everything she could find up on the smart board. It wasn't much. Pictures of Mendel University, where Maeve had worked. Pictures of the restaurant where they'd planned to meet. But no pictures of Maeve Donovan. As Reid had learned when he'd first researched her, Maeve's faculty picture was blank.

"I'm trying to trace a driver's license, but it looks like she gave hers up ten months ago."

Reid was trying desperately to focus. He needed to contribute. Garcia's comment filtered through to him.

"She gave it up when the stalker found her in two consecutive addresses. She gave up her credit cards, too. Anything that might have an ID and address that could be traced. "

"Well, I'll find her old one, but it will take me a while."

Reid didn't care about it for himself. He'd never needed a physical representation of her. He had a visceral image, a sense of her.  _Maeve._  That was enough for him. But he also knew they needed to be able to recognize her. He wouldn't try to stop Garcia from finding a photograph.

She'd not been able to track an address for Maeve. But she found one for her parents. Found _two_  for her parents, in fact.

Rossi thought he knew what it meant. "Either they're not together, or they rented the newer address for Maeve."

It only took a phone call to find out. Hotch took on the grim responsibility of calling them and telling them their worst fear had come true. The shocked couple acknowledged that the new loft apartment had been Maeve's. Hotch arranged for them to meet with him at the District FBI office while he sent others to the loft apartment.

"Reid, I want you with me." He wanted his input, but he also wanted to keep an eye on his youngest. He'd never seen Reid so lost.

* * *

 _Focus. Focus!_  He was watching through the one-way window as Hotch interviewed the Donovans. He'd declined to meet them, and Hotch agreed, recognizing that Reid's emotional state would only heighten the Donovans' distress.

As he watched, Reid found his mind trying to form a mental image of how the genes of the two senior Donovans would have combined in the person of Maeve.

 _Does she have her father's eyes? Her mother's hair? Her long, expressive fingers? His strong cheekbones?_ Reid recognized the cadence of her mother's speech, the unique expressions of her father's. They'd both been a part of Maeve.  _Maeve!_

The Donovans pointed Hotch to look at Bobby, her former fiance. They'd disliked him, and how he'd treated Maeve, long before the breakup occurred.

"She said it wasn't him, but I don't agree. He always wanted the upper hand in their relationship. When she broke it off, he had to find a new way to constrict her." The original female Dr. Donovan was sure of his guilt, and she provided Hotch with his address.

"We'll do everything we can. Thank you for your cooperation."

Hotch exited the room and had trouble keeping up with Reid, who was already headed for the SUV. He motioned to Rossi and Morgan to join them.

* * *

At Maeve's loft, JJ and Alex found signs of a struggle, but no sign of Maeve.

On her bedroom bureau, JJ found a stack of letters, bound. She recognized Reid's scrawl right away. Here were the letters he'd sent to her. She reached for them, and then stopped herself. The team would have to look at all of the evidence. They already had the letters she'd sent to him. JJ knew that would be difficult enough. But now, to have the letters  _he'd_  written, the words he'd meant to be known only in private…..

Alex came into the room and saw JJ's hand hovering over the bundle. Right away she realized her colleague's dilemma. But she also knew what they had to do.

"You have to take them, JJ. He'll get them back."

"But it's so hard for him to let anyone see inside…."

Alex was gentle. She took the letters from the bureau. "He loves her. He'll do whatever it takes, won't he?"

JJ nodded slowly. "Yes, I guess. You're right." Reluctantly, she followed Alex out of the room.

_I'm so sorry, Spence. For all of it._

* * *

Bobby's apartment door was opened by a woman. She identified herself as his girlfriend, said her name was Diane. At the sight of their badges, she granted them entrance. Almost immediately, they heard a male voice asking who was at the door. And then the male entered the room.

He made eye contact with Reid immediately. "I know you."

Hotch's brain was working much faster than Reid's on this occasion. He pushed his young agent out of the apartment. "You've  _met_  him?"

Reid explained. This was the man he'd seen at the restaurant. The one he'd thought was Maeve's stalker. Now it looked like he'd been right.

"It's him, Hotch. It's got to be. We have to make him tell us where she is!"

The whole thing wasn't holding together for the senior profiler. If her ex-fiance simply wanted the woman, why not just take her? Why taunt Reid about it? If he'd been following her so closely, he had to have known they'd never even met. Something else had to be going on here.

He sent Reid outside while they spoke with Bobby and Diane. They were given permission to search the apartment, but found nothing. It was looking like a dead end, and yet, there had to be something. The man had been in the restaurant.

Hotch and Rossi took each of the couple to a different room and interviewed them separately. Morgan took the opportunity to go down and look for Reid. He found him pacing the sidewalk in front of the building.

"Hey, Kid. Slow down, you'll wear out the pavement."

"They have to know something, Morgan. We have to get something. She's running out of time. I can feel it."

"Kid….Reid…. I know you're scared. You have a right to be. But remember, we're expert at this. We'll find her. You'll have time."

Reid was shaking his head. "Two thousand, four hundred and twelve."

"What?"

"Two thousand four hundred and twelve. That's the number of hours we were together. Except we were only together in phone calls and letters. But that's what the time added up to. One hundred days."

"A hundred and a half." Morgan smiled at Reid, hoping his one-upsmanship would garner a smile. But he knew it was only a sad reminder of how dysfunctional Reid was at the moment.

"You'll have more time, Kid. That's not all you'll get."

"What if…." Reid shook his head again.

"What if what?" Morgan could be a tease, but he could also be sincere. And a sincere Morgan always unlocked Reid.

They'd had so many conversations like this. The big brother/little brother exchange. Morgan giving advice, Reid admitting his need for it. This was no exception.

"What if I never get to tell her?"

"Tell her?" Morgan thought he knew what Reid was about to say.

"One time…..no, a couple of times now, she ended our conversation like this. "Love you." That's it, that's all she said. Just "Love you.""

Morgan watched his young friend. "And you never said it back."

Reid was shaking his head. "I couldn't. I mean, I felt it, I just couldn't get it out of my mouth. I told myself I was waiting to say it in person, but the truth is…I'm a coward. I was afraid to say it. Because saying it out loud would make it real. And if it was real….I could lose it."

His voice choked on the final words. They both knew he thought he  _had_  lost it. Morgan had to swallow before he could speak again.

He cuffed an arm around Reid. "No use thinking that way, Pretty Boy. We need you in the game. Let's find her, and then you can get your gumption up and tell her, okay?"

* * *

Bobby and Diane were both being tailed, courtesy of several phone calls from Hotch and Rossi, calling in favors. This still wasn't an official case, but there was no shortage of off duty FBI agents willing to help out a brother in need. The two senior profilers had decided on having the two of them tailed.

"They're together, and he was obviously stalking either Reid or Maeve or both in the restaurant. She may not be actively participating, but she may well be complicit." Hotch agreed with Rossi's assessment.

The team was gathered back in the round table room, reviewing the evidence. Reid sat apart from the rest, on a sofa against the wall.

They were going through his letters.  _Their_  letters. Reid knew his friends would try to be as sensitive as possible, but it still felt like a violation. The words they'd shared, meant only for the eyes of the other, were now exposed for all of them to see.

Hotch wanted to leave no possibility ignored. "Think about this from every vantage point. What if the unsub is the ex-fiance? What if it's his new girlfriend, Diane? Or what if we're dealing with someone we haven't yet identified at all?"

Alex was intrigued about the possibility of the unsub being a woman and, specifically, Diane. "You know, it could be. If Bobby is still obsessed enough with Maeve to follow her to the restaurant, Diane could be jealous. She could be feeling like she has to get Maeve out of the way."

Without any of them openly articulating it, all of them were speaking of Maeve in the present tense. It was something they always did with the missing. Speaking of them in the present tense meant they were alive, and lent urgency to the case. In this  _particular_  case, it was also meant to ease the distress of their fellow team member.

Hotch agreed with Alex's observation, but was still troubled by how Reid fit into that scenario. "If she's simply trying to remove Maeve from Bobby's life, why taunt Reid? Why not be  _glad_  that Maeve is in a relationship with someone new?"

JJ was on a different train of thought. "I don't know about that, but I'm wondering if the female unsub idea might be why she used a mechanized voice. Maybe she didn't want anyone to realize they were looking for a female."

That started a discussion of what motivated female-on-female crimes. Reid dismissed out of hand that Maeve could have been in a relationship with another woman, now scorned. He was more amenable to the idea that there might be some jealousy…either about her ex-fiance, or about her expertise in her field.

He was managing to stay seated in one spot throughout the case analysis, but his tension was tightly coiled. When he leapt up and exploded at Rossi over a casual comment, Reid immediately apologized and started to head for the door.

"I'm no good, I should go."

Morgan knew better. "Yes, you are, Kid. You've got two thousand, four hundred and twelve hours of conversations and letters with the woman in your head. You probably know something that will help."

"But I can't…."

"You can't do it alone. So pick someone to help you." Hotch knew Reid needed to get away from this. But he also knew it could be dangerous to leave the young man alone.

Reid looked at the faces around the table. JJ looked back expectantly. She was shocked when she heard his choice.

"Blake."

Alex gave him a small smile. "All right, let's get out of here, then."

* * *

He was surprised when she took him to the park and sat down at a chessboard.

"Why here?"

"Your brain is racing, right?"

He nodded. It had barely slowed since the phone call.

"This will slow it down, use up some of the energy. We'll play and talk."

She made the first move. When Reid picked up a pawn, she got him started. She knew she had to give him a focus. "Tell me something that she liked."

That was easy. "She liked Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. We talked about him all the time…."

It didn't always flow easily, but the conversation had begun. It continued from there, Reid talking and Alex listening for just the right pertinent detail….

* * *

At the BAU, JJ was in Garcia's tech room, clearly upset.

"Did I do something? I mean, he's shared so much about her with me. Why would he choose Alex?"

JJ had nothing against her fellow profiler. But she was upset that Reid might be trying to isolate himself from her, just when she knew he needed her the most.

"Jayje, I don't think that's it at all. You saw how it was for him when we were reading the letters. He felt exposed. Now he's having to share all of their private conversations. He's being flayed wide open, and he knows it. I think it's just a little easier for him to do that with someone who's not as close."

She saw the look on JJ's face.

"Doesn't that make sense? JJ?"

"Not really, but I understand it, I guess. In a weird way, I mean. I guess I just can't think of anything else to do for him, so I just want to help him  _somehow_."

Garcia have her good friend a squeeze. "You help him just by being around, girlfriend. He just needs to do this his way."

One of her computers gave Garcia an alert. "Jayje, look at this. Diane…well her parents…..her  _dead_ parents, mind you, rented a loft in the same building as Maeve. Just a month ago. Jayje, it has to be her! It's Diane!"

* * *

There was a breakthrough happening at the park as well. They'd been talking about Maeve's professional life.

"That's it!" Alex may have been listening for just the right pertinent detail, but it was Reid who heard it come out of his own mouth.

"That's it! She's so well respected in her field. There were any number of graduate students wanting to work with her. Maeve said it was so hard when they wanted it so badly, but simply didn't have the talent. It was hard to let them down easily enough without completely discouraging them. What if one of them was angry enough with her to do this?"

Their cells sounded almost simultaneously, with the news of Garcia's breakthrough. They headed immediately to join the rest of the team back at the building that held both loft apartments.

Maeve might have been only a few steps away from her home. It may as well have been light years.

* * *

The building had a security camera with an intercom system. Now, as they approached the building, they heard a voice. A female voice. Diane's.

"That's enough, Dr. Reid. And friends. You won't be wanting to storm the door. Not if you want to see your precious  _Maeve_  again. In fact, I don't think you'll be needing your weapon either, Dr. Reid. Nor your vest. Leave them outside. And come in alone. Tell him,  _Maeve_."

The way she said the name infuriated Reid, and made his blood run cold. But then he heard the more familiar voice.

"Spencer, don't come in here. She's killed Bobby, she'll kill you!" She'd gotten the words out, rapid-fire, before her voice was muffled by something.

Reid was already ripping his vest off when Hotch and JJ called out simultaneously.

"Spence!" "Reid!"

He couldn't bring himself to even look at JJ. To his boss, he said, "You heard her, Hotch, she's got Maeve. I can't leave her there. I have to go in."

It was his zugzwang. The move he had to make, even if it cost him.

JJ bit back tears and prayed furiously _._

_He's done nothing wrong. Neither of them have. Can't You give them to each other? Please, please let him be okay. Let him save her. It will save him._

* * *

She was waiting at the end of the hallway, gun in hand.

"Doctor Reid." Sarcasm dripping from the 'doctor'. It was the title she'd sought and not been able to receive.

"Diane." He took a few steps, hands up to show he was unarmed. "Diane, it's not too late. You can let her go."

He prayed that what he was saying was true. That it wasn't too late. But he'd heard her voice, and there'd been no sound of gunshots…

She allowed him to get close, and then motioned him up the stairs with the gun in her hand. He obeyed, and followed her direction through an open doorway. He had time to notice there was only one other apartment on the floor _. That's where she was, all those times we spoke. That's where I should have pictured her._

Night had fallen, and the room was dark, until Diane hit the switch that connected to a small lamp in the corner. Now Reid could see. Maeve was there, alive, strapped to a chair by plastic ties around her wrists. She'd averted her eyes when the light struck them. Now, eyes adjusted to the light, she looked up. Looked at Spencer, for the very first time. Tall, handsome, eyes that were boring into hers….

He stared at her, tried to take her in. Her hair was long, and dark. Her beauty was unique, her face somehow conveying the intelligence behind her eyes. Her eyes….

Diane shoved him into a seat opposite Maeve. It didn't matter where she pointed her gun. He knew he'd be as destroyed if a bullet pierced Maeve as he would if it hit his own heart. He wouldn't fight Diane. Not physically. Now is when he needed his brain to work with him again. They'd been in any number of high risk situations, he and his brain. It hadn't failed him in those. He begged it not to fail him now.

"Maeve."

"Spencer…..I'm so sorry I let this happen."

"You didn't do anything, Maeve." His brain was starting to realize the danger they were in. It came to his rescue.

"Diane, tell her. There was nothing she could have done to stop this, was there? You're too smart to have let her stop you."

Diane had been watching the visual exchange, and now listened to the verbal one. She fell victim to Reid's flattery.

"He's right, there was nothing you could have done. You think you're so smart. Just because you have the office, and the grants, and the title. Well, it will all be mine one day, you'll see. Everything you have will be mine. I've already taken Bobby, haven't I?"

Maeve crumpled at that. She'd resisted so much of what Diane had thrown at her today. The taunts, the accusations, even the command to kill herself by jumping from the building.

"I won't. I won't have my family, my…..I won't have them thinking I took my own life. If you want me dead,  _you_  kill me."

Diane, ever insecure in the face of authority, had backed down. It was the only reason Maeve was still alive. But the thought of what Diane had done to Bobby, how she'd coldly shot the man she'd been taking to her bed, undid Maeve. She began to cry.

Reid's heart was broken by her tears. He knew he had to find a way to end this. He tried to flatter Diane into letting Maeve go.

"Diane, you don't need her.  _We_  don't need her. You can have me. In fact, you already do. I read your thesis. I don't know what the department was thinking, it was brilliant. Maybe you were just ahead of your time. Maybe your time is  _now_. Let her go. I can help you. I can help the world to see how brilliant you are. Let her go. I'll stay. We'll make the trade, me for her."

Diane shook her head, to show him she was no fool. "No. I know they're outside. Remember, I saw them. They'll arrest me."

"No, no they won't. Not if I'm with you. They'll let you go. Just let Maeve go, and I'll stay with you. It will be all right."

She was just vain enough to want it to be true. But she wasn't sure. "Prove it. Prove that you're on my side. Tell her. Tell her you don't care about her. Show me that you care about  _me_."

Tears were still falling from Maeve's eyes. Now Reid's were filled as well. They looked at one another, deep into each other's eyes, and each saw the other's heart. What was said didn't matter. They knew.

Reid's lips moved. "I don't care about you. I care only about Diane. I love her, and I want the world to see her brilliance. Go, and leave us alone." He gathered every ounce of resolve he had to keep his voice steady as he spoke.

She swallowed, and responded. "I understand."  _My sweet Spencer. How have we been brought to this?_

Diane was still looking back and forth between them. Now she went to Reid. He wasn't physically restrained, but he forced himself to sit unmoving as she slipped a hand down the front of his shirt and caressed his chest. Maeve turned her eyes away at the sight.

Next, Diane bent to him and brought her lips to his. He'd been so anxious about the first kiss he'd hoped to share with Maeve. Now, with Diane, he felt only revulsion. He couldn't hide it. And she sensed it right away.

"Liar." Cold, factual. Almost like that robotic voice on the phone. She called him what she knew him to be.

"Liar. You don't love me. You're just trying to save her. Well, I'll show you how well that worked."

She was quickly at Maeve's side, cutting the ties with a knife. Reid saw his moment. Knew there wouldn't be  _another_ moment, if he didn't act. He stood, and went for her. Went for the gun. It went off in the struggle. And then it went off again, hitting him in the shoulder.

* * *

Outside, JJ heard the first shot fired.  _Oh, God, no! Please!_ She followed Hotch and Morgan into the building, ahead of Alex and Rossi. All of them had their guns drawn.

He heard them coming. "Stay back! Stay back!"

Diane had the gun to Maeve's chin. He didn't want her startled into shooting.

"Stay back!"

JJ heard his voice before she could see him.  _Thank You, God._ But now she could see him holding his upper arm, blood seeping between his fingers. He'd been shot.

"Stay back!" Seeing that the team was following his direction, Reid turned back to Diane and Maeve. He could see the terror in Maeve's eyes.

"Diane, it's not too late. You can still let her go. You can have me. Remember, I told you. Me for her."

"No! You're a liar! I felt it when I kissed you….you don't love me. You don't care about me at all. It was all for her. You love her. You would give yourself up for her, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

No hesitation, no thinking about it. Just the declaration. All of those in the room heard it for what it was. He loved Maeve. And he was willing to give himself for her.

"You would die for her, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

Diane was sobbing now. "It's not fair. She has  _everything_! And I have nothing! It's not fair!"

Now Maeve spoke. She could feel the tension in Diane's arms, and knew her time was short. She looked only at Spencer.

_My Spencer. My love. Please know that I love you. That I loved you._

All she said was, "Thomas Merton."

"What does that mean?" Diane demanded to know.

Maeve directed her words to her captor now. "He knows. It's ours. And it's something you'll  _never_  know. Something you can never take away from us."

Reid wanted Maeve to stop. She was taunting Diane, and it could only make things worse. But Maeve could  _feel_ Diane. She could feel the tension in her body. She knew it couldn't get any worse. It was already over. There was sorrow in her eyes as she looked at Reid now.

Diane appeared to be thinking for a moment. Then she spoke again. "Take her, then. But you'll not have me."

And she raised the gun she'd been holding to Maeve, and pressed it against her own temple. Their heads were millimeters apart.

Reid saw what would happen. In the instant it took him to say, "Wait!", Diane pulled the trigger. In that same instant, her world ended.

As did Maeve's.

As did Reid's.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Transitions**

**Chapter 26**

Blinking is a reflex. The body does it to protect the eye. To shield it from, among other things, the sudden flare of a gunshot and the particulate debris that ensues. In the instant Diane fired the gun, every member of the BAU team blinked…..save Reid, who'd given up trying to shield himself from  _anything._ He'd once described himself to Garcia as 'a blinker'. But he was a blinker no more.

His eyes, and his brain, had taken in every nanosecond of the bullet's work. His convoluted network of synapses had been able to differentiate the fall of Diane from the fall of Maeve. But it hadn't been enough. Not enough time, not enough grace, to save her. To push her out of the way. Maeve had fallen. She was gone. And now, Reid fell too.

Hotch watched as the young profiler went to his knees. He could tell from the way his body was shaking that Reid was sobbing. But he could hear nothing. He thought it was because the noise of the gunshot muted everything else. But then, suddenly, there  _was_  a sound, the guttural whoop of breath entering Reid's body. He'd simply ceased to breathe in the same instant as had Maeve. His sobs had expelled every molecule of air from his lungs until now his body, in battle with his mind, forced his inspiration.

The sound prodded Hotch to move. He took a hesitant step forward, and then let Morgan move ahead of him. Morgan, who had experience with this. Who had already once held a colleague in visceral mourning for a loved one.

Reid knelt before the incomprehensible sight of the body of the woman he loved, murdered before his eyes. Morgan came up behind him, and enveloped the younger man in his arms, sparing the injured shoulder. He said nothing, but simply held him, grounding him to the reality of the world in which he was still living. Even in those first few seconds, Morgan could tell that most of Reid was trying to go with Maeve.

JJ was still motionless, trying to take it all in. Diane had taken her own life and, by plan or not, had taken Maeve's at the same time.  _And she's taken Spence._

She knew it. She knew him too well, had heard too much of his love story. If Maeve was gone, Reid had gone with her.

She didn't even move to be with him. Instead, she watched as Morgan, and then Hotch, tried to lift him. They tried to get him to move, to put some distance between himself and the two bodies. But it was as though he was already dead weight himself. As light as he was, neither of them could get him to move.

That was when she stepped forward. She knew. She had to bring him back first. To remember that he still lived in  _this_  world. JJ moved herself in front of Reid, and knelt down before him.

He'd stopped sobbing. She could see that he was staring without really seeing. His eyes were directed at Maeve. They were conveying the image of her lying there, dead. But his brain couldn't process it. He couldn't take it in. He'd never  _known_  her by sight. He'd only known her aura, her persona, the personality inside. Looking at a dead body meant nothing to him now. He was probing for  _her_ , to reach out to the person of Maeve. And, for the first time in their relationship, she wasn't reaching back.

Morgan was still holding him when JJ extended her hand and cupped his cheek in her palm.

"Spence." Barely whispered. "Spence."

When she brought pressure against his cheek to turn his face to her, he finally moved his gaze.

"Spence. You're hurt. You've been shot. We need to get you taken care of. It's time for you to come with me. Will you do that?"

Now his eyes were on her face. She knew how he must have felt looking at Maeve, because the eyes she was looking into were lifeless.  _I've lost him._

He made no acknowledgement that he'd heard her, but he had. He wasn't capable of processing her words, but the sound of her voice connected with something deep within. A sense of trust. Without even a glimmer of recognition or volition, Reid began to follow JJ's direction.

"Spence, I need you to come with me. Let's go now. Come with me."

She reached her arms out and lifted him with her as she stood. Morgan and Hotch simultaneously released their grasps. When he was standing, JJ turned Reid gently away from Maeve and Diane. She kept a hand on his back, and one on his good arm. His left arm hung limply at his side, blood slowly seeping down and soaking into the sleeve of his shirt. He left a trail of droplets as he let her lead him outside.

Rossi had called the EMTs. A pair of them raced past JJ and Reid in the opposite direction, to perform what she knew would be a futile attempt at resuscitation. A second pair awaited them at an ambulance. JJ walked Reid over and sat him in the open rear doorway of the vehicle.

"He's been shot. He's in shock."

The EMT was confused. "It doesn't look like he's lost that much blood."

"He's not in shock from blood loss."

Seeing the look on her face, he understood. "Oh."

JJ turned to Reid. "Spence, the EMT is going to look at your arm. We need to take your shirt off, okay?" And she began to unbutton it for him, much as she would do for Henry. Reid made no move to help her.

When she'd gotten it open, she slipped his good right arm out of the sleeve, and then gently turned her attention to the left. Reid made no effort to either help or pull back, but he grimaced in pain as she maneuvered the arm.

The EMT looked at the wound. "It doesn't look like it will need surgery, but they'll have to decide about that at the hospital. I can tell it's too deep for us to take care of here."

By now, Alex had emerged from the building. JJ asked her to tell Hotch she'd be going with Reid to the hospital. She would call them later with an update.

"Are  _you_  all right?"

JJ hadn't even thought about it. Her mind was totally focused on Reid. Now that Alex had posed the question, she thought,  _I just watched my best friend lose the most important person in his life. And I think I may have lost him at the same time._

"No," she replied.

* * *

"Did you see him? Did you see his eyes?" Morgan was standing next to Hotch. "He wasn't even focusing on anything. How could he? How does somebody get past that?"

Realizing to whom he was saying this, Morgan stopped himself abruptly. "Hotch, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"He'll deal with it. He'll do it because he doesn't have a choice."

Hotch was looking into his own past as he said it. If anyone on the team could relate to what had just transpired, it was their unit chief. But evenhecouldn't know how Reid would respond. They were just too different. And he couldn't shake the thought he'd had this very morning…..even if it seemed like months ago. He'd thought Reid might have relapsed. Now, he realized the very real danger of just that.

"He'll be okay," he repeated to Morgan, mostly to convince himself.

Rossi joined the pair. He'd been with the medics who were declaring Maeve and Diane dead. Once they'd been at their victims' sides, they'd realized the futility, and made no move to resuscitate them. Both women had apparently died instantly.

"They're gone. Both of them," he said, unnecessarily. "Where's Reid?"

"JJ said to tell you she's going with him to the hospital." Alex rejoined the group. "The EMT couldn't take care of his wound here."

"Will he need surgery?" Morgan was worried about his erstwhile little brother in more ways than one.

"They'll know when the doctors look at him. But the EMT didn't think so."

"How's JJ?" Hotch knew how close his two youngest team members had grown.

"Shaken. But I don't think it's quite hit her yet. I think she's too focused on Reid." Alex thought she'd seen more than collegial concern in JJ's face. "I wonder if one of us should go to the hospital. She may need us. And she may need help with Reid."

Morgan started to move, then realized he should probably have permission. "I'm on it. If that's okay with you, Hotch?"

His superior knew there was no way to stop him. But there was also an additional task to be assigned.

"Fine, go and meet them there. If he's not released by the time we're done with the scene, we'll join you. And Morgan? Someone needs to tell Garcia."

They all winced at that, but especially so Morgan, who knew the task needed to fall to him.

"I'll call her on the way."

* * *

_For a smart person, you sure do come up with some stupid things to do._  

Morgan was ruing his decision to call Garcia as he drove to the hospital. He was having enough difficulty keeping his mind, and his eyes, on the road just thinking about the events of the evening. But then he'd punched her number. When she'd last spoken with anyone on the team, they'd all been on their on their way to the loft.

"Hey Baby Girl."

She heard it in his voice. It was bad, she knew it.

"Derek?" She virtually squeaked it. No banter, no witticisms. Penelope Garcia  _lived_  on the phone. She could hear sorrow and despair in the space of only three words. "Tell me."

"She's dead, Penelope. The goddamn unsub killed her. She put a gun to her own head and the bullet went through both of them."

She'd gasped after the first sentence, begun weeping through the rest. "Oh, my God." Pause. "Reid?"

He was silent for so long that she became terrified. Had she lost her gentle genius?

"Derek?"

"He's alive. Shot in the arm. He'll survive. That. He'll survive  _that_."

Morgan didn't even see it coming. His next sentence came with a sob, a totally unexpected, uncharacteristic reaction. Hearing it broke Garcia's heart completely.

"He's gone, Baby Girl. I could see it in his eyes. He's just not there anymore. How do you watch someone you love be murdered in front of you and come out the other side of that?"

Traditional gender roles attribute the strong, stoic personality trait to the male. But in the face of tragedy, in the face of devastating life circumstance, it is often the female who prevails. Who holds together to comfort, and heal. It was happening now with Garcia, as it was with JJ.

"He'll be okay, Derek. He  _has_  to be. He's Reid. He's our junior G-man." She wished she could really believe it.

"I hope you're right, sweetheart. I really do." Morgan was pulling into the hospital. "I'll call you later, Baby Girl."

"Give them my love, please. Both of them."

* * *

"It's deep, but not to the bone. I'll numb it up for you and wash it out, Then we'll give you a couple of layers of sutures, and you're good to go."

In unfortunately typical fashion, the resident hadn't even asked the circumstances of the shooting. He had absolutely no idea of the actual devastation that had taken place.

"Just do it." Apart from asserting that his name was, indeed, Spencer Reid, as JJ had told the admitting clerk, these were the first words Reid had spoken since…..then.

"Okay, this will sting a little." The resident held a syringe full of anesthetic in his hand. Reid quickly withdrew his arm, wincing as he did so.

"No. Just do it."

JJ was in the emergency bay with him, having won her battle with the triage nurse. The resident might not have understood what Reid was saying, but JJ did. And it frightened her.

"Spence…"

"I just want to get out of here."

"Let him numb it. It won't take but a few seconds."

He ignored her, and that concerned her even more.

"Doctor, do it now or I'm leaving."

The resident looked back and forth between the two agents until JJ gave in. "Do what he says."

"Okay….but it's gonna hurt like a son of a gun. Are you sure?"

When neither of them responded further, the resident proceeded. JJ had to turn her face away when Reid grunted his pain at the probing of his wound. 

_I know, he just wants to feel something. I should look at this as a positive, right? That he wants to feel something? Because that means he's still on the side of the living. But, oh, Spence!_

The resident tried one more time to convince Reid to let him use the local anesthetic before he sutured him, and again was refused. This time, JJ stepped outside the curtain. By now she realized that Reid wasn't just trying to feel something. He was trying to punish himself for not saving Maeve. She couldn't bring herself to watch it, but she could still hear an occasional grunt, and the sharp intake of breath.

As she waited, she spied Morgan entering. He'd badged himself right past triage and into the treatment area.

"JJ, you okay? You look pale."

She shook her head. "He wouldn't let them numb him up. He's feeling every bit of it."

Morgan's eyes went to the curtain, as though he could see through it. He had the same reaction as had JJ initially.

"Maybe that's a good sign, right? That he doesn't want to be numb? Because he sure looked like he wasn't really with us in the loft. I think he was in shock."

"He was. Maybe he still is. But I don't think he's trying to feel anymore, Derek. I think he's punishing himself."

"For not saving her? I know he tried, but I don't think it was ever really possible."

"For being alive." She was beginning to really tune in to Reid's emotions now. "For not having died with her. He's punishing himself for still being here."

Morgan understood the implication. It was one thing, maybe a positive thing, if Reid was trying to connect to his feelings. But it was another thing entirely, one with possibly dangerous consequences, if he was angry with himself for being alive. Because that fact, the fact of his being alive, was something he could change.

"JJ, do you think...?" He didn't finish the sentence.

"I don't know. But I know I'm not leaving him alone tonight."

"I can stay with him." Morgan said it hesitantly. He knew he could keep Reid from doing anything to hurt himself, but he wasn't sure he could offer the same kind of comfort that JJ could.

She looked at Morgan, her sad smile acknowledging that she knew how much he cared about Reid. "It's all right, Derek. Tonight, I think it should be me. But will you take us home?"

"You've got it, Blondie."

* * *

They were done quickly after that. Morgan called Hotch to let him know the plan. The rest of the team would finish at the crime scene and convene at the BAU tomorrow.

Reid was silent as they walked to the SUV together. He attempted to get in by himself, but with his left arm in a sling, it was difficult. Grudgingly, he let Morgan help him, and then sat meekly as JJ buckled his seat belt for him.

"Do you have something at home that you can take for the pain, Spence?" JJ had witnessed Reid refusing a prescription for narcotic pain killers. She'd uttered a prayer of thanks that his mind hadn't headed in that direction...yet.

"I don't need anything."

She had some ibuprofen with her anyway, so she didn't argue with him. He might think he wanted to embrace the pain, but she was sure it would only drain what energy he still had. She would manage to get something into him.

Reid didn't understand until they were already in his apartment that JJ intended to stay with him.

"All right, Kid. I'm gonna head out. You take care of yourself, all right? Be good for JJ." Morgan was at the door.

Reid was instantly alert.

"What do you mean?" Looking from one to the other.

"I'm going to stay with you tonight, Spence. I don't think you should be alone."

"Don't I get to say what I need and don't need?"

The snarky side of Reid had a tendency to come out when he was upset, and especially when he felt like he was being tended to. He'd had literally no control of the events that had so drastically changed his life earlier this evening. He desperately wanted to control something now.

JJ knew him so well. She knew exactly what was happening inside him. And she understood it. And how to work it.

"How about if it's what I need, Spence? Can you just let me stay with you? Please?"

Any other time, that would have worked. He'd have given in immediately. He could never refuse her anything. But tonight, he knew he needed release. And he was afraid it would be explosive. He didn't want anyone around for that.

"I want to be alone. I  _need_  to be alone."

"I'll stay out of your way, Spence. You can be alone as much as you want. But just in case you need something."  _Just in case you need someone._

Morgan chimed in. "Come on, Kid. You just got shot, you just lost..." He caught himself. He couldn't say it. Not out loud.

For a moment, none of them spoke. They'd all heard the words that hadn't been said. JJ broke the silence.

"Spence, you don't have to talk to me. You don't even have to be in the same room with me. But I should be here, just in case. I'm not leaving."

"What about Henry?" As much as he loved Henry, his comment tonight wasn't about concern for the little boy. He was trying to argue JJ out the door.

"He's staying with Karen."

He couldn't spare the emotional energy to fight her. Reid walked over to the window and kept his back to them. Morgan and JJ shared a look, and then Morgan made to leave. Before he went through the door, he turned around and made eye contact with Reid's reflection in the window. They gave each other the slightest nod of acknowledgement, and Morgan was gone.

JJ was true to her word. She went to his sofa and picked up a journal that was lying on the coffee table. The Journal of Applied Behavioral Psychology. 

_Of course. Now I have to pretend to be reading this. Why couldn't it be Cosmo?_

Reid had been watching her reflection in the window as well. Apparently she wasn't going to try to make him talk. He turned and spoke to her anyway.

"The bed is made up in the guest room. I kept it that way for you and Henry, in case..."

JJ was biting her cheeks. She'd been so focused on Spence, on keeping him grounded, that she hadn't taken the time to process her own emotions about what she'd witnessed in the loft, and in all of the hours since then. It was beginning to hit her. She'd watched an innocent woman be killed. An innocent woman who loved her best friend, and who had been loved by him in return. His pain was so acute, and so deep, that it was filling the space around both of them. JJ knew he'd wanted to be alone because he needed privacy for his release. She was feeling the same thing now.

_Two people, hurting with and for each other, and yet we're afraid to hurt together. How sad are we?_

She lifted the journal higher, trying to hide her face from him. She didn't think she'd be able to hold her features impassive any longer. With the journal obscuring her, JJ replied to him.

"Thanks. Would you like me to go in now? Do you want to be out here?"

She could hide her face, but not her voice. He could hear that she was near tears, but he didn't have it in him. He needed to isolate himself.

"I'll go in. You can stay here."

That put her immediately back into caretaker mode. She would deal with her tears later. Getting up, she said, "Spence, let me help you. You've only got one good arm. You'll have trouble getting changed."

"I don't need to get changed. It's not like I'll be sleeping."

"Well, would you at least lie down? I can help you get settled. And I'll get you some water and some ibuprofen." She put up a hand when she saw he was about to protest. "You don't have to take it. But it will be there in case you decide to, later."

She led the way into his room, and turned on the light. He followed and watched as she set up his pillows. She noticed he'd picked up a book from the coffee table before he came in. He laid it on the nightstand next to his bed.  _The Narrative of John Smith._

He looked exhausted, emotionally, physically, spiritually. As though there was nothing left to him. JJ stood aside and patted the bed.

"Sit while I get the water and pills. Then I'll help you lie down."

He did as he was told. When she came back, she found him in precisely the same position as when she'd left him. Sitting, head down, right arm resting on his leg. He looked up when she came in.

"Here, let me help you." She supported his back while he swung his legs up, careful not to let the left arm come in contact with anything. Even so, he grimaced as he turned.

"Spence, it wouldn't hurt to take these, would it?" She held out the tablets. He said nothing, but took them and swallowed them down with the water.

He was settled now, and JJ was sitting on the bed next to him. She felt like she should ask permission, but the instinct was so strong that she simply followed it. She reached out and stroked her hand through his hair, brushing it away from his face. For the first time, she spoke about it.

"I'm so sorry, Spence. So sorry. I would give anything if this hadn't happened."

He looked straight ahead, blinking rapidly. He couldn't bring himself to give her a verbal response. She knew enough not to wait for one. He'd asked to be alone, and she needed to allow him that.

JJ rose, and bent over him. She kissed the top of his head and then lifted his chin so she could kiss his forehead as well. "You know I love you. I'll be right outside in case you need me. I love you, Spence."

He caught her hand as she swept it back down, and squeezed it. It would have to suffice for thanks.

JJ kissed him once more, said "I love you," once again, and left him alone.

* * *

In the quiet of the living room, deep into the evening, JJ sat alone, the events of the day washing over her. She began to feel as though she could drown in them. Spence looking so broken when he realized Maeve had been taken. His telling her he would be willing to sacrifice himself. His trying to carry out that promise in that godforsaken loft. Hearing the gunshot, and fearing that  _she_ , JJ, had lost  _him_. Realizing that she  _had_  lost him, when Maeve was lost. Spencer Reid was in the other room, but only in body. He'd left his spirit on the floor of a loft, miles away.

_Spence, please stay here with me!_  

She knew how much he wanted to be with Maeve. It wasn't something she'd experienced in a relationship, but it was so strong coming from Reid that she could feel it herself. Her mind, and her heart, reached out to him in the other room, sending comfort, hoping not to be rebuffed. She was frightened for him, and for herself. She was frightened that he would try to join Maeve.

Despite her worry, exhaustion overtook her. She stretched out on the sofa and fell into a fitful sleep. An hour later, maybe two, she awakened. Her maternal antennae were acutely attuned to any sounds of distress in the night. Here, in Reid's apartment, they pointed her in the direction of his bedroom. She could hear him moaning, and muttering, "No, no." JJ oriented herself to her surroundings and made her way toward Reid.

In the bedroom, Reid roused abruptly from a nightmare in which he'd seen Maeve Donovan struck down by a train. They'd seen each other for the first time, and she'd been making her way across the tracks to meet him.  _Why are there train tracks? Oh, the train! Maeve, the train!_ He'd called out to her, to warn her. But she'd had her eyes only on him. She'd been crossing to him, and she'd been struck. She was dead. He'd watched her die.

Reid woke in a cold sweat, his heart racing. When he realized he was in his own bedroom, on his own bed, he felt relief.  _It was just a dream._

He was startled when someone walked into his bedroom.  _JJ_.  _Why is JJ here?_  Then realization struck him like a boulder.

"No!"

"Spence? Are you okay?"

"God, no! It's real, isn't it? You're here!"

She didn't understand, but she could see that he was panicked. JJ moved slowly to the side of the bed and sat down.

"That's right, I'm here, Spence. I'm here with you."

"But she's gone, isn't she?" He was crying now, crying hard, having realized that he'd only dreamed what had already occurred. Maeve had been taken from him.

His tears broke her down. JJ brought her hands to her mouth in an attempt to restrain her sobs, but she couldn't. Not in the face of his.

"Spence..." She could barely get it out.

They reached out for each other at the same time, burying their faces in one another. There were no more words. There was only sorrow, and brokenness, and grasping for an understanding that would not come.


	27. Chapter 27

**Transitions**

**Chapter 27**

Eventually their tears subsided, but JJ continued to hold Reid, unable to let him go. She felt like she was anchoring him. Like, if she let him go, he might forget that his place was here, in this world.

After a time, he pulled his good arm away and leaned back. She stayed close to him, cupping his face in her hand, keeping his gaze. They sat like that, looking at one another, each lost in thought.

JJ could see the pain in Reid's face. She held her hand there, wishing she could absorb some of it. 

_My Spence. How life has hurt you, yet again. It's so unfair. Please trust that it can be better. Please be willing to wait until that day._

In Reid's mind, JJ's face blended with that of Maeve. 

_I looked at her like this. Just hours ago. I looked at her for the first time. And the last time. Why?! Why is she gone?  
_

JJ thought she knew what he needed to hear. "Spence, there was nothing you could have done. That woman had already made her decision. She just wanted to hurt you more by doing it in front of you."

He broke eye contact with her. "She wanted to hurt  _Maeve_ more. It wasn't enough to take her life. She wanted her to hurt before that. She wanted Maeve to know I'd be watching."

It sounded to JJ like he was agreeing with her. That it wasn't his fault. That he couldn't have saved the woman he loved if only he'd been just a little bit smarter, a little bit more cunning. But she was wrong. He hadn't forgiven himself. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

JJ looked down at the floor as she spoke again.

"Spence…I know I'm being selfish now. I know I shouldn't ask you for anything. But I need you. I need you in my life. And Henry needs you. I  _know_  you want to be with Maeve. I can feel it. But you need to stay  _here_." She finally lifted her eyes to his. "I want you to promise me that you'll  _stay here_."

He just looked at her, bottom lip quivering.

She started to break down again. "Please, Spence. Promise me. I need you to promise me."

He swallowed thickly. He knew that she didn't really understand. That she couldn't know how badly he wanted to be with Maeve. But he also knew that he couldn't be with Maeve. Not yet. He didn't know where she was. He had to understand it first. He had to find her. Then, maybe, he could be with her. For now, he could humor JJ.

"I promise."

She eyed him. "Do you mean that? Spence, I can't leave you without knowing that you'll be safe."

"I'll be safe. I won't do anything."

He kept his eyes on hers, wanting her to believe him, but he could tell from the way that she was looking at him that she was still unsure. 

_Maybe she understands me better than I think._

* * *

He asked her to leave him by himself for the final few hours of the night. Reluctantly, JJ went to the sofa again, still wanting to be near if he should call out. When she opened her eyes again, it was to the soft light of early morning, and the smell of coffee.

"Spence," she had a tendency to sound croaky in the morning. "I thoughtI was supposed to be taking care of you."

"I couldn't sleep, and I thought you might need a cup before you go home."

She got it. She was being dismissed. Gently, perhaps, but dismissed nonetheless. This time, after exacting his promise last night, she felt like she could give him the solitude he craved.

"Well, thanks, then. Is there anything I can do for you before I go? Anything you'll have trouble doing one-handed? Maybe make you some breakfast?"

He just looked at her. "I'm not hungry, JJ. And no, I think I can manage on my own. But thank you." Pause. "For everything."

* * *

 

After coffee, she called a cab to take her back to the BAU, where her car was parked. "They'll be here in a couple of minutes. I guess I should wait outside."

Reid stood with her as she prepared to leave. Still worried, JJ went to him and took his face in her hands. "I meant it, Spence. I need you here. I love you too much to lose you."

He gave her a small, sad smile. "I love you, too."  _God, if only I could have said it to Maeve. Maeve!_

"And I'm going to call you. And if you don't answer me, I'm coming back."

He looked put out at that. "I need some time, JJ. Please give me some time."

She knew he was right, and relented. "All right. I'll restrain myself. But every morning and every night, okay? And make sure you eat something. You can't live on coffee."

"I promise I'll do my best." She recognized the attempt at semantics, but chose not to argue with him.

JJ let go of him and turned to leave. "Can I come back in a day or two? Just to check on you?"

He really only wanted to be left alone. But he would argue that point later. Maybe he would have more energy for it then. Today, he answered, "Okay."

* * *

It worked as planned for the first few days. JJ called him every morning and every night. He answered, uttered a few words, and escaped the conversation as quickly as he could. He begged off on having her come back to his place. "I'm fine, you don't need to come."

Hers were the only calls he would answer. Morgan filled his voice mail with messages, Garcia filled his hallway with gift baskets. Rossi and Blake each sent a plant and a few cards. Rossi made a generous donation to genetic cancer research in Maeve's name. Hotch left a single brief message, telling him they would talk whenever he was ready. "Take your time, Reid. It takes time."

When the ME released Maeve's body, and her services were scheduled, JJ called Reid to let him know. His noncommittal response caused her to push.

"Don't you want to go, Spence? I can pick you up. I can stay with you the whole time."

She thought he was uncomfortable at the thought of being around the Donovans, especially given the circumstance. He didn't handle any kind of new situation well, and this was easily the most challenging of his life.

"I'm not going. I don't need to see her in a casket. And I don't need to be there to say goodbye. To get 'closure'."

He virtually spat the final word, revealing the bitterness behind it. JJ's concern began to rise. She tried a different tack.

"Do you think maybe the Donovans might like to meet you?"

"Me? The man who got their daughter killed?"

Holding the phone, JJ closed her eyes. She'd expected this, but that didn't make it any easier to handle.

"Spence, you know it wasn't your fault. That woman was mentally ill. She was  _not_  controllable."

"We deal with these people every day in our jobs, JJ. I've talked them down before. Why couldn't I do it then? Why couldn't I save her?"

She could hear despair creeping into his voice.

She hesitated. "Spence, can't I come over? Can't I just stop in for a few minutes to see you?"

She knew he was dealing with his anger now, and she knew how he tended to turn it all inward. JJ wanted to see for herself what kind of state he was really in.

"You don't need to come over, JJ. I'm fine. I've answered the phone every time you've called, haven't I? Isn't that what I promised to do?"

The anger was being directed at her now. She held her tongue. It hurt, but she would rather have him pointed at her than at himself. It was far less dangerous that way.

"All right, Spence. You're right. You've done what you said you would do. I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?"

"Whatever you have to do."

* * *

When the day came, the rest of the BAU team attended the funeral for Maeve Donovan. The sky was darkly overcast, occasional downbursts wetting the streets. It felt like the heavens were crying tears for Maeve Donovan. And for the man who loved her.

In her phone call the evening before, JJ mentioned to Reid that they were going, hoping to hear him ask to join them. All he said was, "Good."

She called again in the morning, as per her routine. This time, he didn't answer. JJ hoped it meant he'd changed his mind and was planning to be there, was maybe even on his way. She scanned the congregation at the church, but didn't see the tall, lanky figure anywhere. She even started looking in the darkened corners of the sanctuary, wondering if he simply didn't want to be seen. No sign of him. Nor was he at the cemetery, for the final commitment of Maeve to her eternal rest.

At the reception following the funeral, JJ approached the Donovans. Knowing that they were both scientists, she'd expected them to be somewhat formal, even reserved. So when she introduced herself, and Mairead Donovan pulled her into an embrace, she was completely thrown.

"Jennifer Jareau….JJ. Maeve told us about you. You were always so kind to her Spencer. She was so grateful that he had you in his life. You're Henry's mother, aren't you?"

JJ's eyes widened.  _How does she know about Henry?_

Seeing her surprise, Mairead explained. "Maeve told us many stories about your boy. Spencer loved to talk to her about him."

JJ was shocked, unable to speak. She simply hadn't expected this connection between herself and Maeve, nor one between Henry and Maeve.

It was obvious the Donovans had been a close family, close enough for Maeve to have shared about people she'd only met through the ramblings of the man she loved. Whom she'd also never met, until moments before her death. JJ felt suddenly, strangely, connected to Maeve, and to her family.

When she found her voice, she told them about Reid. "He's not back to himself yet. You know he was shot…." She was hoping to have them focus on his injury as the reason for his absence.

"We know. And we understand. We know he tried to save her, Agent Hotchner told us about it. But we wonder if he might be blaming himself for not succeeding."

Maired Donovan was a very wise woman, who'd raised an equally wise daughter. She watched JJ closely. Her statement had been a test. And now she knew.

"You tell that young man that he couldn't have done anything more than he did. We've spoken with your team, and with the police. And we've spoken with the people at Maeve's lab. They knew that...that woman." She wouldn't personalize Diane by using her name.

"And they all said there was something wrong with her from the beginning. What she did to Maeve started long before Spencer knew her. He couldn't stop it. You tell him that. And tell him that we know how happy he made our daughter. The last part of her life was so hard…"

Mairead had to stop, to choke back tears. But she had a message she wanted transmitted, and she was determined to get it out.

"It was so hard, and there were times we thought we would lose her to depression. She was so isolated. But then she met Spencer. And she became the daughter we knew again. You tell him that. Tell him he gave out daughter back to us.  He didn't take her away."

Tears were on JJ's cheeks now. She hugged Mairead tightly.

"Thank you. He so needs to hear this. I'll make sure he does."

"Do. And, if he's ever ready, we would love to tell him ourselves."

* * *

Before she began the drive home, JJ tried Reid's number again. Still no answer.  _I told him. I warned him. Now, I'm going over there._

Arriving, she parked on the street and looked up toward what she knew to be Reid's window. There was a light on, and almost immediately she saw the shadow of a figure walk slowly across the room. It was unmistakably the form of Reid. She would know him anywhere. She'd had her hand on the door handle, prepared to go up to the apartment. Now, seeing that he was at least upright and moving, she thought better of it.

_This was a hard day for him, either way. Even if he didn't go. Maybe he just needs more time. But if he doesn't answer me tomorrow….._

* * *

He didn't. She called him repeatedly, left messages, then stopped leaving messages and just kept hitting redial. Hoping to annoy him into answering. Nothing.

_All right, Spence. I've given you time. I've even given you more time than I promised. But too much time alone isn't good for anyone. And especially not for you._  

She knew that his mind could bring him to places where no one else could go. And she knew some of those places could be dangerous. She might have to save him from himself.


	28. Chapter 28

**Transitions**

**Chapter 28**

She knocked and rang the bell repeatedly, to no avail.

"Spence, please open the door."

Nothing. Not even the sound of movement.  _What if I was wrong? What if I've left him alone too long? What if he's…._

More urgently now. "Spence!" Then, "Spence, did you forget? I still have a key."

She started to work through her keychain to find the right one. As she did, the door opened. But she still couldn't see him. 

JJ walked in and turned to close the door behind her. There he was, standing against the wall. He seemed to be looking at her. But then she realized he was looking right  _through_  her. As though he couldn't focus his eyes. As though they were still focused on something else.

_Someone else_ , she knew.  _And in that horrible place._

The sling was gone, and he seemed to be able to move his arm. She could tell he probably hadn't shaved since that awful day. But he'd showered and changed at least once. His hair looked like it hadn't been combed since she'd last seen him. His face was gaunt.

"Spence." Her voice came out soft, deep, laden with the sorrow she felt for him. The sight of him nearly brought her to tears.

"Spence." He still hadn't brought his eyes all the way to hers. "Spence. I'm here, it's JJ. Please look at me."

He never  _could_  refuse her anything. Reid moved his eyes in her direction, but they were still unseeing.

Worried, JJ took his arm and brought him over to the sofa, both of them stepping over obstacles on the way. She'd been so focused on Reid that she hadn't noticed the state of the apartment. But it was impossible not to notice it now. There were books… so many books, strewn everywhere. On the tables, on the desk, still spilling from the bookshelves, all over the floor. Many of them were open, and there were markers in some. She began to realize that this hadn't happened in a fit of anger or grief. Reid had been searching them, looking for something. 

_Or someone_.

She sat him down, and set herself beside him.

"Spence, please look at me. Tell me that you see me."

He brought lifeless brown eyes to hers. "I see you, JJ."

_A connection. Thank you, God._

"Spence, I'm worried about you. You stopped answering my calls. You haven't answered anyone else's calls. We're all worried about you."

With virtually no inflection to his voice, he answered her. "You don't need to worry about me, JJ. No one needs to worry about me. See, I'm here."

And he raised a hand to show her that he was still flesh, and blood.

She held her tongue, studying him. "Have you been eating?" Already sure that he hadn't.

"Have you slept at all?" She couldn't tell whether his face was drawn by fatigue or grief.

He hadn't responded to either question, and she didn't push him. Looking around again, she asked about the books.

"Spence, what happened here? What happened with your books?"

_This_ question penetrated. She could see immediately that this was a topic he was willing to address.

"I was looking for the answer. But I couldn't find it."

"Looking for the answer. The answer to what?"

"To where she went. She was there one second, and the next, she was gone. But she couldn't just be gone, could she? She had a life force, she had so many thoughts in her head, so many things she wanted to accomplish, she had a future, she had a soul. Where did it go? It was an  _energy._ It can't just cease to exist. Can it?"

The way he'd said those final two words broke JJ's heart. She knew the words he wanted to hear, but she didn't know if she could say them. She'd asked a child's version of the same questions many years ago, when her sister died. And she hadn't found the answers yet.

Instead, she asked another question. "And you were looking for the answers in your books?"

"These are learned people, JJ. Great authors, philosophers, even theologians. They've thought about this. They've written about it. But I can't find the answers. All they seem to do is ask more questions." He got a curious look on his face. "It's funny, I never noticed that before. That they don't  _have_  the answers. I guess it just didn't matter as much before."

His face carried a look of disappointment in the great minds he'd come to trust so much. They'd failed him when he needed them most.

"I don't have the answers, either, Spence. But I can tell you that there have been many times when I've felt my sister with me, long after she died. It still happens. It's a real feeling, a real sense of her, so much so that sometimes I think she really visits me. So I guess I've always thought that there is something else, something that comes after…after we die. That we don't just cease to exist. And that we still get to connect with the people we love."

He seemed to be listening intently, and JJ prayed he would find some comfort in her words. Reid yearned for her to be right. He yearned to believe that Maeve could still be present to him, even if he remained in the world, as JJ had so fervently begged of him.

For days he'd fought an internal battle. At first, he'd thought that his brain was simply refusing to process the fact that Maeve was gone from his world. Then he realized that his brain had actually done all it could do to drive that fact home. After all, it had presented him with visual images of her lying dead, it had processed the words of sympathy from his colleagues. Tellingly, it was no longer processing any verbal input from  _her_. His  _brain_  knew that Maeve was dead.

And yet, he had such a strong sense that it couldn't possibly be. That, as he'd said to JJ, her spirit, her life force, couldn't have been so inconsequential as to have been stopped by a bullet. Intellectually, he analyzed that he was simply having an emotional reaction to the situation. But it was an emotional reaction based on a very real, very vivid, life..or death…. experience. He explained it to JJ.

"When I had that experience in the shack, when I nearly died, I saw a light, and I felt a Presence. I wasn't afraid at all. But then I came back, and it was all gone. So the truth is, I  _didn't_  die. I can't know if that's what it's like to  _actually_  die."

He'd been staring in the direction of the window, even though the curtains were drawn. Now he turned to JJ.

"But I hope it's like that for her. I hope she's in the light. I hope she feels the Presence."

"God?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I never much believed in God before that time in the shack. And I've struggled with the idea ever since. But, maybe… I hope so, I guess."

He was silent for a long time after that. JJ sat with him in his silence, not knowing how to help him.

Then, she realized there  _was_  something she could do. It wouldn't ease his existential anguish, but it was the only way she knew how to help right now. And he badly needed it.

She rose and stood in front of him. Taking his hands, she pulled him up and turned him around.

"Go. Shower and change. Don't come out until you have. And then join me in the kitchen."

He was about to protest, but he didn't have the strength. It was easier to obey.

In the kitchen, JJ found stale coffee in the carafe, nothing but a single mug in the sink. There was no sign that he'd eaten at all in the past week. Surveying her options in the refrigerator, she determined what she could put together for a meal.

While she waited for him, she went back to the living room and opened the curtains, letting light into the room. She sat back on the sofa, and picked up the book on the coffee table.  _The Narrative of John Smith_. Opening it, she saw the inscription from Maeve, and nearly came to tears. Without paying attention to what she was doing, she flipped through the book, her eyes coming to rest on the final page. Now a tear did fall, creating a transparency on the page. She quickly tried to blot it up.

JJ put the book down and stared out the window without really seeing. Her mind was on Spence.

_It's the most normal I've ever seen him. Tragedy, the great equalizer. No recitation of obscure facts, no fascination with irrelevant minutiae, no incessant rambling about anything. None of that. Just silence, and staring, those faraway eyes. Just abject grief._

_I don't know what to do for him. I wish I could hurt for him. Take just a little bit of the pain away. Maybe there would be just the slightest spark in his eyes again. Maybe something he could rekindle himself with. But I can't. And he wouldn't let me anyway. He's holding on to his pain, holding it close, feeding on it. Not realizing that, really, it is consuming him._

She was exhausted herself. Between caring for Henry alone, and work, and worrying about Spence, she'd gotten too little rest. She put her head back on the cushion and closed her eyes, intending to catch a short nap. Instead, she found herself praying. For him, for Maeve, for herself, for guidance. She prayed she would be able to be to him what he needed her to be.

He didn't come out for forty-five minutes. He was taking so long that JJ almost went in after him. But, finally, he emerged, clean, dressed in jeans and a T shirt, still unshaven. His hair was wild after the shower.

"Go back and comb your hair, you'll never get it untangled." JJ felt like she was talking to Henry. Mothering Reid, the essentially motherless child.

She got busy in the kitchen, and nodded her approval when he came back. Pushing him into a chair, she laid a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of him.

"JJ, I don't think I can….."

"You can, Spence. Try, anyway. Take a few bites. Eat as much as you can." This really  _was_  like taking care of Henry.

He managed most of the plate, not realizing that she'd snuck more eggs onto it when he'd refilled his coffee cup.

She'd been sorely tempted to pick up the apartment while he was in the shower, but knew enough to wait for his permission. Now, having fed him, she asked for it.

"Can I help you put the books away?" She waved her hand at the many tomes lying everywhere.

He followed her hand, and looked around. It was as though he was noticing the mess for the first time.

"You don't have to…"

"I'll take that as permission." With that she bent, picked up a few books and headed toward the shelves.

"Wait, don't do it that way."

She turned to him.

"They were in order. By author." He looked almost embarrassed at having said it.

JJ put the books down on a table and started sorting. "Okay, we'll organize them first."

When Reid got up to help her, JJ turned away from him and smiled. The Spence she knew was still in there. She could help him come back. All she needed was time, and patience, and grace.

* * *

An hour later, they were nearly done. They would have finished sooner, but he started reading passages to her every so often. Quotes that he and Maeve had shared with one another. He'd explained how they'd been in the habit of sending each other the thoughts of famous authors and philosophers in their correspondence. JJ remembered seeing some of them in the letters the team had analyzed when Maeve was kidnapped.

Reid picked up a book with a marker in it. "Hmphh. I thought I could find the answer here. I mean, Thomas Aquinas is a famous theologian, right? But all he says is this: "To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible."

He looked at her, his frustration evident in his face. "What does that mean? Does it mean I'm without faith? Will I always be? Does it even matter?"

Without waiting for her to respond, he picked up another book, this one also with a marker. "Here's another one. Pascal. "In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadow to blind those who don't."

He shook his head. "Is it a choice, JJ? Is it as easy as that? Do I just make a choice?"

His voice was starting to get a frantic tone to it. She realized how desperate he was to understand.

"Spence, you're asking me questions that I can't answer. I don't even understand the questions. I just know that someone I hold very dear has lost someone  _he_  held very dear, and I want to be with him. Can that be enough for today?"

As she spoke, she gently took the book from his hand and put it on the shelf. Then she led him back to the sofa. After he was seated, she settled herself on the far side of it, facing him.

"Tell me about her."

"Huh?"

"Tell me about Maeve. What was she like? I know so little, but it seems like she made you so happy. Tell me about her, Spence. I want to know."

He looked at her, suddenly shy. She was asking him to tell her about the woman he loved, and why he loved her. In asking about Maeve, she was asking him to share himself with her.

She smiled at him, encouraging him. "Tell me about the first time you spoke with her."

That, he could do. And so he started. And, having started, he couldn't bring himself to stop. Talking about her was bringing her to life again, if only for the moment. Reliving their conversations helped Maeve emerge out of the past and brought her into the present.

JJ listened, and watched. Their love story was beautiful, if unique. And the expressions on Reid's face….the surprise at the beginning, the concern in the middle, the joy at being loved, the frustration at not being able to tell her….spoke eloquently of the depth of his feeling. Here was the passionate love everyone wanted to experience in their lives. Here was the passionate love  _she_  wanted.

As he wound down the story, his thoughts inevitably advanced to that moment he'd lost her, lost his future, lost hope. And he began to weep.

JJ rose and went to him, wishing she could hold him as she held Henry when her little one needed comforting. But, instead, she became like Brownie was to Henry-the little stuffed dog her son had gotten from Spence for his first Christmas. She became the one held, the faithful one who offered unconditional love and comfort in times of distress. For a long time they sat together, sometimes quiet, sometimes weeping, both battered by the losses in their lives.

Holding JJ freed him to feel. To leave the intellectualizing behind, and experience the emotion of loss. And there was so much loss. Loss off the joy of loving, and being loved. Loss of a future he'd only recently begun to imagine, and long for. Loss of hope. He'd shrunk from his emotions in the days before this, overwhelmed by the immensity of them, fearing them. Now, holding JJ provided a mooring, something that kept him in place even as he was tossed by waves of sorrow. She could feel him tighten his embrace every so often, and felt him lower his face into her hair, and knew that some memory was overtaking him. Each time, she tightened her embrace in return, and prayed he could feel some of the love, and support, and strength she was so ardently trying to send to him.

A long while later, JJ nodded toward the book on the coffee table. It was the only one that hadn't been put away.

"I hope you don't mind, Spence. I didn't realize it was special when I picked it up. But I looked through the book before, while you were in the shower. What beautiful quotes she gave you. That one at the beginning…that's what she was talking about when…" JJ flushed.  _How stupid are you, exactly, bringing that up?_

He'd felt her tense and realized she was upset with herself. "It's all right, JJ. It's not like I can forget it. And yes, you're right. Merton was a favorite of both of us."

Grateful for his understanding, she settled back into him. "I think I like the one at end just as much. It says so much about what you did for each other."

He shifted, taking his arm from around her. "What one at the end?"

"The quote she wrote at the end of the book."

He sat up quickly and grabbed for it. As he was flipping to the end, he explained. "I'd already read the book, I never thought to look through the whole thing."

And then he found it. Inscribed just after the last printed page. A quote from Albert Schweitzer.

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."

Below it, she'd written, "Thank you, dearest Spencer, for being my kindling. With all my love, Maeve"

He stared at the page for a long time before lifting his eyes to JJ. He could barely get the words out.

"Thank you. Thank you, JJ. I didn't know. I hadn't seen it." He stared off for a moment, and she could tell he was experiencing something.

He turned back to her and explained. "It feels like you've given her to me again. Thank you."

There. Just as he'd prayed for, he had his answer. He knew. He felt it. He felt  _her_. Unmistakably. He felt Maeve, just ….. _there_. Present in the words she'd written. Present in the serendipity of JJ finding them. 

_A life doesn't just end. Love doesn't just end._

JJ saw it. Just a glimmer. A tiny spark of light, coming back into his eyes. A kindling. Something she could fan back into flame.

_Thank you, Maeve._


	29. Chapter 29

**Transitions**

**Chapter 29**

Still sitting on the sofa, still trying to take in the idea that he'd gotten a final message from Maeve, Reid suddenly let out a huge yawn. JJ felt heartened, realizing that he was probably allowing some of the tension in his body to relax for the first time since the events in the loft.

"Spence, why don't you see if you can sleep a little? I can stay for a while, in case you need me.  _In case you have another nightmare._  She hadn't even asked if there had been any more since that first night. She'd seen the hauntedness in his eyes when she arrived.

He was, literally, exhausted. He'd been wound so tight from his unyielding search for answers, from the constant flashing of images of Maeve lying on the floor of the loft, from his guilt at not having saved her, from his dread of being alive without her. The very first uncoiling of the tension triggered a tidal wave of response and he suddenly felt the full physical weight of all the emotional turmoil he'd been through.

"Come on, I'll fluff your pillows for you." She said it in a teasing way as she got up and pulled him with her. He followed her to his bedroom, where she did just as she'd said. As she fluffed, she told him, "You know, you've got a bunch of people who would really like to see you, Spence. Do you think you could let them come over?"

When she saw a look of trepidation cross his face, she took pity. "Maybe just one or two at a time, then? How about Morgan and Garcia?"

Reid swallowed. He knew how much his two colleagues loved him. He'd been tripping over Garcia's baskets for days now. And, the very small part of him that was still functional missed his friends.

"Okay."

"Okay? They can come over?" She grinned at him. "Great. I'll let them know. Maybe once you've had some rest you can call them?"

He nodded. "Okay."

JJ looked at him, not sure she should push her luck. Then decided to go for it anyway.

"And, Spence?"

He looked at her expectantly.

"There's another person who'd really like to see you. And I think you might really like to see him."

He didn't think he was quite ready for that. "JJ, I don't know...I'm afraid I might scare him."

She shook her head. JJ had benefited from Henry-therapy herself. "You won't. Just let him love you, Spence. You'll be amazed."

* * *

She hadn't expected to, but JJ ended up staying hours longer. Reid seemed soundly asleep...no moans, no startles. She'd gone in to check in on him, just as she would for Henry, and seen a peaceful expression on his face, bringing a smile to hers.

While he was sleeping, she went about accomplishing a small task she'd thought might help him, taking care not to make too much noise. When she was done, she found herself perusing his bookshelves. Even when she'd stayed there with Henry, JJ had left Reid's books alone, not wanting to intrude on him even further. Now, having helped him to reshelve them, she'd become aware of the breadth and depth of their content. And she'd become curious. She went to the 'Ms", and found the autobiography of Thomas Merton. She pulled down "The Seven Storey Mountain" and began to read. Within a few minutes, she was sound asleep on the sofa.

It seemed like she'd been dreaming for only a few seconds, but it had been several hours. JJ wakened when her phone went off. Henry's sitter, wondering if she should plan on feeding Henry dinner.

"Oh, my gosh, I didn't realize the time. No, I'll pick him up. I need some time with my baby boy."

Reid stumbled out of his bedroom, having heard the last of her conversation on the phone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Spence, did the phone wake you?"

He was rubbing his eye. "You're still here? It's getting dark, JJ. It must be late."

"I fell asleep. I was reading, and I just went out."

He saw the book still tented on the sofa. "Yeah, it's a little dry at the beginning, but it gets better." Pause. "I heard you say you need to go."

She didn't know if he was asking her to stay. "I don't have to, if you need me. Henry loves to stay with Karen."

Reid shook his head. "No, JJ. You've done enough for me. And Henry needs his mom. Give him a hug for me, okay?"

She grinned. "With pleasure. Spence, remember you said you'd call Morgan and Garcia. Maybe they can come and visit you in the morning? Tomorrow's Saturday." She had a sense he'd lost track of time. "And then maybe you can come to dinner?"

He couldn't see that she had her fingers crossed.

"I'll call Morgan and Garcia. Can we talk tomorrow about dinner?" He still wasn't in a solid emotional state, and he didn't want to make a promise he might not be able to keep.

She was understanding. "We can. Spence, I want you to promise me you'll have something to eat, and then rest. Can you do that?"

Shy smile in return. "I can. Now. Thank you, JJ. I….just, thank you."

She went to him, and put her arms around his neck. His arms encircled her, holding her waist, his hand rubbing the small of her back.

JJ tiptoed up so she could whisper into his ear. "I don't think she would want you to give up on life, Spence. And not on love, either. You know she'll always be with you. Even if you love someone else someday, what you had with each other will still be with you. It will just make that new love sweeter, and deeper."

He was feeling so many conflicting emotions in the moment. Gratitude, for the woman in his arms. Grief, for the woman who never would be. Regret, for knowing that JJ was wrong. That he wouldn't ever love again. Too many emotions to express. He simply buried his face into her hair.

They stood like that, holding each other, for what seemed a long time, neither really wanting to let go. Then JJ released him, but only partially. As she stepped back down, still in his arms, she lifted her hands to his face.

"I know you can't even think about it right now. And you don't have to. But, if it should happen one day, don't run away from it, Spence. She wouldn't want that. I'm sure of it."

She meant it. JJ didn't know how she felt so connected to this woman she'd never met until the final seconds of her life, but she did. Later, much later, she would understand…. she was holding the connection in her hands.

He was caught off guard, surprised that she seemed to know what he'd been thinking. He started to open his mouth, but JJ shushed him, brushing her thumbs across his lips.

"Don't say anything, it's all right. Just take care of the man she loved, okay?"

He could do nothing but nod.

Just before she let go, and slipped out of his apartment, JJ added, "And remember you have other people who love you, too."

* * *

After she'd gone, after he'd done his best to down a bowl of soup, Reid sat on his sofa, staring into the now starlit sky. He knew he was seeing light emitted billions of years ago, just now striking his retinae.

His mind was back to trying to analyze everything.  _On the scale of time_ , he thought,  _a human lifetime isn't even a speck. So why does it seem like such an immense thing, especially when it's come to an end? How is it that we are so small and inconsequential, and yet when one person is missing, it seems like such an enormous rift has been created in the universe?_

He found he couldn't work through this without his emotions rising again. These questions wouldn't behave themselves. They wouldn't allow themselves to be handled intellectually without bringing forth waves of sorrow. They wouldn't let him  _think._ He was going to have to find another way to sort through the turmoil inside.

A flash of light, the beacon of a passing plane, brought his eyes to the right. When he brought them back in from the window, Reid noticed his keyboard set up in the corner.  _It must have been JJ._  He knew it had been in the closet.

Without understanding why, without even questioning it, the part of him that trusted in the wisdom of his best friend pushed him in the direction of the instrument. He sat, and pushed a tentative finger against a key. And then another, and another. And finally, his whole hand, and then the other. He began to play in earnest, letting his fingers, and the music, articulate what his mind could not.

In the apartment next door, Mrs. Cavanaugh could hear the sound diffusing faintly through the walls. She'd grown accustomed to the light, airy melodies he'd played in the many months prior. Now, she heard a tune in minor key, plaintive, sad, longing, sometimes echoing the lightness of before, then becoming melancholy. No matter the emotion, it evoked a sense of beauty. She wondered what had happened in the life of her young neighbor, to have so transformed his music.

Reid had long ago recognized music as his respite from incessant rumination. Now, he also realized it as a release, as a way of expressing the inexpressible. His fingers moved over the keyboard of their own volition, his thoughts quiet at last. He poured his emotion into his music as he played an elegy for Maeve.

* * *

"Baby Girl, I know you. I know you want to squeeze the life out of him. But try to restrain yourself. JJ says he's still pretty fragile." They were walking into the lobby of Reid's building.

She was miffed. "Derek, when have you ever known me to overdo?" Pause. "Okay, but not recently. Not this week, right?"

He gave her a raised brow smile. "I don't know. How many baskets did you send him, exactly?"

"Seven. But they were small. And healthful. I sent him foods with magnesium in them. It helps with depression."

They were at the top of the stairs, approaching the apartment. Morgan gave Garcia's shoulders a squeeze in understanding.

"I know you just want to take care of him, Baby Girl. Just make sure you don't smother him."

She had to smile in acknowledgement of her proclivity. "I promise, I won't. And if I start to, you'll pull me back, right?"

"Right." Morgan rang the bell. After more than a week of unresponsiveness, Reid answered right away.

"Hi guys." Shy smile.

"Pretty Boy, how you doin'?" Morgan cuffed Reid around the neck to pull him into a half-hug, and patted his back.

Garcia virtually pushed Morgan out of the way so she could get at the junior agent she loved so much.

"Reid." She pulled him into a tight embrace, but kept it short when she saw Morgan's warning look. "How's my baby genius doing?"

"I'm okay. Thanks for the baskets, by the way. Did you know that most of those foods were high in…"

"Magnesium. Yes, but I read that it works best if you sprinkle the nuts over the bran cereal and then have it with milk. The milk has.."

"Tryptophan, also good for depression, I know. Thanks, Garcia." He hugged her again.

Morgan was looking around the apartment. JJ had described to him the state of it when she'd arrived yesterday. He was pleased to see it was still in order. Apparently Reid's frantic search for answers was subsiding. 

_Or at least there are no visible signs of it._

"Can I get you guys something? I don't have much, except what was in the baskets."

"You're offering me a bowl of cereal with nuts?" Morgan teased his good friend.

In spite of himself, Reid laughed. "I guess. Maybe I can just put out the nuts."

"I'll take care of it. You guys visit for a bit." Garcia bustled to the kitchen.

The men stood, quiet, not knowing how to start. Finally, Morgan broke the silence.

"Reid, I haven't seen you since that night. And….it wasn't the right time. But I want you to know how sorry I am. It shouldn't have happened. Not to anyone, but especially not to you. I'm sorry, man. I just want you to know that."

Reid alternated between looking at Morgan and looking at the floor, composing himself. "Thanks. And thanks for…..helping me….helping JJ….that night. I'm sorry if I was….if I've been…."

"Don't, Kid. You lost somebody you love. There's nothing to be sorry about."

Garcia returned with a tray of mugs and a bowl of nuts. "Coffee will be ready in a few minutes."

They settled themselves around the coffee table. From Morgan's seat, he could see the keyboard. He nodded in its direction.

"Pretty Boy, you play?"

Reid was always shy when forced to reveal some new information about himself, even to his friends and colleagues. Now, he blushed.

"A little. Ever since we had that case where the boy with autism sort of 'talked' to me through his piano."

"Oooh, I'd love to hear you play sometime." Garcia realized she'd been borderline gushing, and pulled back. "When you're up to it, I mean."

He wasn't, just now. "Someday, maybe. But I'm not very good. You may regret it."

"Somehow I doubt that." Apart from sports, Morgan had the sense that Reid was good at anything he put his mind to.

"Oh, it's so good to see you-I've missed you so much! It's just not the same, without you there. My last batch of cookies lasted two whole days without you there to eat them!"

Both men laughed at Garcia, who'd apparently given up her avoidance of gushing.

"Do you know when you'll be back?" she added. She purposely hadn't asked 'if'. But she was afraid that it was a very real question.

Reid felt a sense of panic rising at the thought of resuming his duties. It hadn't even been a day since he'd had any sense of peace, and he knew the BAU caseload would only subject him to daily reminders of the devastation that had taken place in his own life.

Morgan saw the look on his friend's face, and read it correctly. "There's no rush, Reid. You take all the time you need. When you're ready, you're ready."

Garcia felt bad at having precipitated Reid's discomfort. "I'm sorry, my gentle genius. I didn't mean to push. It's just that I miss you. And I worry about you."

She reached a hand out and patted his leg as she spoke. Reid took her hand and squeezed it in thanks.

"I know. I know you guys just want what's best for me. I just need some time to figure it out. But I promise I won't turn you away like I have been. It's just…"

Garcia got up to get the coffee and kissed the top of Reid's head on the way. "It's just that you're human. We understand. And we still love you."

* * *

An hour later, Morgan could see that his young colleague was fading fast, both in energy and in emotional capacity. Reid clearly needed his solitude.

"Baby Girl, I think we should get going. Pretty Boy here looks like he's about to fall face first into his mug." He stood, and Garcia stood with him.

"Don't get up, Reid. Why don't you just stretch out here on the sofa? I'll fluff the pillows for you."

Reid's mind absently wondered if pillow fluffing was part of the female DNA. But he was too tired to argue. He'd gotten a few solid hours last night, the first in well over a week. But he still had a lot of catch up sleeping to do. He stood long enough to give each of them an embrace, and a promise to see them again soon. Then Garcia pushed him back to the sofa and made him lie down. She wanted to cover him with an afghan before she left.

"I'll feel better if I leave you tucked in."

Reid and Morgan both smiled.

"Guys, thanks for coming by. It was…..it was good to see you. Thanks. Just…thanks."

Morgan nodded his acknowledgement. "Likewise, Kid. It was good to see you, too. And we'll see you again, real soon."

" _Real_ soon!" Garcia echoed.

* * *

Hours later, Reid awakened to his cell going off. He looked at the caller ID display.

"Hi, JJ."

"Hey. Are we still on for dinner?"

He'd sat up slowly, was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I guess so. Can I bring something?"

"Just yourself. Come early if you want. Henry will be up from his nap soon."

"I thought he didn't take them anymore."

"He does when Mommy needs one too. I know how to wear him out."

He smiled. "Is there no end to the wisdom of Jennifer Jareau?"

She was smiling as well. "Not that you'll ever see."


	30. Chapter 30

**Transitions**

**Chapter 30**

_Please let me hold it together. Please don't let me scare him. He won't understand, and I love him too much._ _  
_

Reid put out a tentative hand and rang the bell. He could hear the patter of little feet running in his direction. A little blond head appeared in the side window, turned and bellowed, "Mommy, Uncle Spence is here! He's here!"

The ride over to JJ's had seemed so strange. In the two weeks since he'd left his apartment, everything had changed. It all looked different.  _Could the world have changed so much in that time?_  But, inside, he knew it wasn't everything else. It was  _him_. His world had shifted on its axis. And it had changed everything.

The door opened to JJ standing behind Henry, both of them smiling widely at Reid. Henry seemed to be doing some sort of dance with his feet, moving forward, and back, and forward, and back. The little boy kept looking up at his mother, and then to Reid, and back again. Reid began to wonder if something was wrong, and looked to JJ for direction.

"Is there something…"

She shook her head. "I just told him not to overwhelm you. Now I'm sorry I did."

They could both see that Henry was struggling. Reid needed to put him out of his misery. He knelt in front of his godson and opened his arms.

"Hey, buddy, do I get a hug?"

Henry literally leapt onto Reid, reaching his arms as far as they would go and squeezing with all his might. Reid bent his head as though in prayer, holding the little boy tightly. He looked up through the tears in his eyes to see them in JJ's eyes as well.

"I love you, Uncle Spence! I missed you!"

"I love you, too, Henry. And I've missed you too."

Godfather and godson held each other until Henry, done with the preliminaries, pulled away and grabbed Reid by the hand, dragging him into his bedroom. JJ smiled at the look of amusement she saw on her friend's face.  _You work fast, my little one._

"I'll just be in the kitchen, boys. You know, slaving over dinner."

The remark was lost on Henry, but Reid turned to ask if she needed help.

"And keep you from your play date? Perish the thought."

* * *

In the bedroom, Henry had already dumped literally every interlocking block he owned into the center of the floor.

"We can build the whole world, Uncle Spence! We can make a tower this big!" He was raising his hand as far as he could above his head. "Bigger than the whole house!"

Reid gave him a one-eyed squint. "If it's bigger than the whole house, what will we do when we get to the ceiling?"

Henry considered that for a moment. His mom would probably frown upon their cutting a hole in the ceiling. "Okay, we'll just make it this big then." Hand over head again.

In spite of himself, in spite of everything, Reid became immersed in Henry, immersed in his potential. He recognized the learning opportunity when it presented itself.

"So, Henry, if we don't make it that tall, what can we do with the rest of the blocks?" Waiting to see if the youngster would get it.

Henry stared at the pile on the floor, thinking. He actually stroked his chin, causing Reid to smile. Finally...

"I know, Uncle Spence! We can make it this wide!" And he held his hands apart as far as they would reach.

As if the child was a product of his own genes, Reid was consumed with pride.  _He gets it! Two dimensions! At four! My godson!_

And they proceeded to build the tallest, widest tower that Henry's room would hold, Reid lifting Henry to put the upper blocks on top. Embroiled in their building, they missed two calls to dinner.

JJ was walking down the hallway. "Guys, didn't you hear me calling you?" Then, "Oh, my gosh, what did you build? Look how tall that is!"

"Tall  _and_  wide, Mommy!"

Reid was beaming at JJ. "He figured that out all by himself!"

She loved how pleased he was at Henry's accomplishment. "Runs in the god-family, does it?"

He laughed. He actually laughed. JJ realized it before Reid did, and then watched as a sudden pall of guilt settled over his face. She understood. He wasn't supposed to be enjoying himself, or his life, if Maeve couldn't enjoy hers. She was sure that's where his mind had gone. She was going to have to help him see that Maeve wouldn't want that. But how?  _Help me, please._

Help wasn't immediately forthcoming, but it didn't matter. For now, she simply had to feed him. "Come on, guys, wash up before dinner gets cold."

"Let's go, Uncle Spence! It's biscetti and meatballs!" Henry started tugging at Reid's hand again.

"Biscetti and meatballs?"

"Well, some of us are having spaghetti. But I'm sure Henry will share, if you'd rather..."

* * *

Henry was a man who liked to immerse himself in his food. Or so it seemed to Reid, as he looked at his godson.

"Henry, you should see your face. You've got biscetti sauce everywhere!"

"Yep."

"Isn't it better if you eat it instead of wearing it?"

"Nope." And he proceeded to acquire more facial foodstuff as he slurped in another strand of pasta.

Reid looked from little boy to mother and smiled. In spite of his reaction in Henry's bedroom, Reid's mood and appetite were definitely improving. And it didn't hurt that JJ was a good cook. He was finishing a second helping of everything, and wiping his plate clean with his bread.

As he looked up from the dish, Reid could feel eyes on him. Henry was studying him carefully.

"Where's  _your_  sauce, Uncle Spence?"

"In my belly, little man. I prefer eating it to wearing it."

Henry giggled at him. "You're funny, Uncle Spence!"

"Ha, ha." JJ got up to clear the table. "Why don't you guys go back in and play some more?"

Reid stood as well and grabbed the plates from her.

"Uh-uh. You cook, we clean. Henry, clean up detail." He remembered JJ saying how tired she'd been.

"Aww, do I have to? Can't we play?"

Reid bent to him. "Little man, we have to help your mom first. She made this delicious meal for us, and we need to let her rest. Besides, I want to hear all about school. You never told me who won the race? And what happened to that turtle?"

That got the little motor mouth going. Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. Henry didn't even notice that he was drying pots and pans as he filled his godfather in on all of the adventures and intrigue of preschool.

* * *

JJ sat on the side of Henry's bed watching as Reid, stretched out next to his godson, read the boy a story. Henry caught him every time Reid tried to change a word, and it became a game between the two of them.

"It's 'toys', Uncle Spence, not 'boys'! He didn't put boys in the toybox!"

"Are you sure, Henry? Because it says right here..." Reid was pointing at the word.

Henry rolled his eyes. "Uncle Speeeeence..."

Reid squinted at the book. "Oh. You're right. It says 'toys'."

"Told you. Mommy, Uncle Spence is silly."

She smiled at two of the most important males in her life. "Yes, he is. And now my other silly boy needs to go to sleep. Prayers first. And say goodnight to Uncle Spence."

Henry reversed the order. He squeezed Reid in his arms once again.

"This was the  _best_  day, wasn't it, Uncle Spence? Can you come over again tomorrow?"

Reid gave a small snort. "We'll see, Henry. If not tomorrow, then soon. And you're right, it was the best." He hugged the little boy tightly, looking his thanks to JJ as he did so.

Settled into his bed, Henry launched into his usual set of prayers, and asked blessings on everyone, including his parents, and grandparents, and godparents. And he added a new one, one that Reid hadn't heard before. "And please bless Aunt Maeve. And tell her Uncle Spence misses her."

JJ flashed a look at Reid. She'd forgotten to warn him they'd added Maeve to the list. And she'd had no idea Henry would add his last comment.

Reid stood there, gaping at Henry, but looking touched, rather than upset. His eyes were wet. She breathed a sigh of relief, and bent to kiss her son goodnight, followed by Reid.

"Good night, little man. Thanks for playing with me today. It  _was_  the best. I love you, Henry."

* * *

There was a bottle of wine waiting for them on the coffee table, along with two wine glasses.

"I thought maybe you could stay a little while, Spence. Unless you're too tired?" She had a sense he would need to talk.

"I can stay for a while, thanks." He opened the bottle and poured the wine. Each took a glass and sat back on the sofa. Reid didn't need any prompting this time. He started with what was most immediately on his mind.

"JJ, what did you tell him about Maeve?  _When_  did you tell him about Maeve?"

"Yesterday. I told him that, when he saw you, you might be a little sad, because somebody you loved had to go to heaven, and you missed her. It was Henry's idea to pray for her."

Reid had to swallow before he could speak again. He'd encountered his godson's empathy before, but was still consistently amazed by it.

"He talks to God so easily, doesn't he?"

She nodded, smiling. "I like to think it's because he was with Him more recently than I was. That maybe I just forgot how easy it should be. But I don't know..."

"I never really learned how to pray. When I was a kid, my mom was so sick that she talked about God as some sort of 'Big Brother', spying on us all the time. Someone, or something, to be afraid of, and angry with. I never learned to ask God for anything, because I was taught I would only be disappointed."

She knew what his childhood was like. He'd shared it with her, little by little. But she'd never been able to fully realize the extent of the fallout of having a mentally ill parent. Every time Spence shared some new detail about his life as a little boy, she was surprised, sometimes shocked, almost always saddened. And uniformly amazed at the adult that was before her, given the youth he'd suffered.

"Did you believe?"

He stared off as he answered her. "At first, I really wanted to. Maybe not anything called "God", because that was who my mom was angry with. But I wanted to believe that there was something, or someone, who could save me. Who could make life better for me and Mom. So I guess I did try to pray, actually, because I asked that…..entity, I guess…to save us. But, when it didn't happen, I gave up. I didn't think there was anything that could help."

She caught his use of the past tense.

"And now?"

He thought a long time. "Now? Now I'm not sure  _what_  I believe. I told you I had that experience in the shack. I could dismiss it as a biochemical reaction, I suppose. But something in me….something strong….says it wasn't. So I guess I have to believe in something. But, God? I don't know. Is God the Presence?" He was shaking his head. "I just don't know."

She smiled a wry smile at him. "And you don't like it when you can't 'know' something, do you?"

His smile acknowledged hers. "Knowledge is important, JJ. To me, at least. It's what I have, when I don't have anything else."

He was quiet a few moments. JJ could see that he was thinking, and gave him time.

"But I sense….maybe I know…..that there  _is_  something more. Whether there's a person involved….like God…or not, I can't tell. But I know…. _I know_ …with everything that is in me….. that there's something more. That somehow, Maeve still exists somewhere, somehow. The essence of who she was...is. I can't explain how or why I'm sure of it, but I know she's not just gone."

She looked up at him, studying him. "You weren't so sure yesterday. What changed?"

"I don't know. The quote, maybe. The fact that you found it, when I hadn't. I don't know. I just know that I woke up and I had just the smallest sense of peace. A sense that  _she_  is at peace. So I should be, too." Even if he was not.

JJ felt the tears coming. "I'm so sorry, Spence. I was so excited when you told me about her, and I so wanted you to have someone in your life that way. I'm so sorry."

"Come."

He stretched his arm out to her, and she scooted close to him, leaning back against him. This was becoming a habit for the two of them. One in distress…sometimes both….holding one another, comforting one another.

"I wish you two could have known each other. I wish you could have met. Even if you  _would_  both be talking about me."

When she looked up, she could see his smile.

"Well, there's a lot to talk about."

"Like what?" He was being sincere. He found absolutely everything else interesting, but he didn't think  _he_  was interesting at all.

"Like…..like your taste in movies, and books, and how you play such beautiful music, and how you wear two different socks every day, and how you love…ugh…ComicCon…."

He'd been surprised that she noticed his socks, but then distracted by the next item. "ComicCon is  _great_ , JJ. You've just never given it a chance."

She saw it come over him again. Immediately, unexpectedly. He'd been reminded of the things that gave him pleasure, and his psyche immediately condemned him for it. This time, she confronted it.

"Spence." He was staring off, no doubt back in the loft, punishing himself for a moment of enjoyment.

"Spence." She took his chin and made him look at her. "Did Maeve love life?"

He looked at her, confused. "Did ….well, yes, she did. Until the stalker…."

"And did she want to get back to living the life she had before the stalker? Wasn't that what you told me? That she was so happy he….she…was gone, so she could enjoy things again?"

He nodded.

"En _joy_ , Spence. She wanted the bad time to end so she could find joy again. Which she did, with you. She  _did_  have joy, Spence. You gave it to her. And she would want you to have it too. Don't make her sad. Wherever she is, she would want you to be happy." Pause. "Wouldn't she?"

His mind knew the truth of what JJ was saying, but his heart wasn't cooperating. "I know, JJ, you're right. I know she would. But I can't feel it. I can't _feel_ joy."

That guidance she'd prayed for before was coming her way now. "Not even with Henry?"

He squinted at her, measuring her words. "With Henry?...Well, it's different with Henry. I love him."

"And he loves you. Which is what brings you joy. It's how Maeve brought  _you_  joy, Spence. And she still loves you, right? Isn't that what you said, that you can feel that she's still there? So she still loves you. And she still can bring you joy. And so can Henry. And so can anyone who loves you."

She'd gotten herself worked up as she spoke, and her voice was increasingly choked.

"I know it hurts, Spence. It should. When you love deeply, you hurt deeply. It's the chance you take. But it's okay. It will be okay. It hurts, but it won't annihilate you. It just shows the depth of the love you have with her. And, when the pain heals, it will be your joy that shows the depth of that love."

His emotion had risen, cutting off his words. Instead, he just held her, close, taking in all that she'd said. Taking in all that she'd done for him. Taking in JJ.

Finally, his voice reappeared. "I believe you. I don't feel it. I  _can't_  feel it. But I believe you. And, for now, I'll hold onto that. I don't feel like I have much else to hold onto, but I can hold onto you."

JJ closed her eyes, content. _Thank You._


	31. Chapter 31

**Transitions**

**Chapter 31**

Aaron Hotchner showed the young agent out of his office. Regretfully, he would advise Erin Strauss that the team should resume its full duties a man down, without Spencer Reid. The conversation he'd had with the younger man would stay with him for a long time. Not because of anything Reid had said. But because it brought the unit chief back in time, to the many weeks and months when  _he'd_ been the one feeling so lost.

"Reid, thank you for coming in."

Hotch extended his hand to indicate that his young profiler should sit. The expression on Reid's face was one of relief. He'd just barely escaped the ministrations of his colleagues down in the bullpen.

It had been his first time setting foot back in the BAU after the events in the loft, and he'd been obviously overwhelmed. Not so much by the fact of being back in his work environment, but by the reception he'd gotten. Seeing him on her home turf, Garcia had made no effort to restrain her enthusiasm. She had, indeed, tried to squeeze him to death. Or so it had seemed to Reid. Rossi and Blake made less effusive greetings, but their emotion was palpable nonetheless. Morgan's grin was wide, and his embrace tight. All of it overwhelmed Reid. He was healing, and he was definitely more emotionally steady than he had been a week ago. But he was far from ready to be back in this environment.

The one person missing was the one he most wanted to see. The one who would have sheltered him from their reactions, and his. But Henry's preschool was putting on its spring concert, and JJ would be beaming her maternal pride at her son for the next few hours.

Hotch purposely sat in a chair across from Reid, rather than behind his desk. He wanted to project a sense of support and intimacy, rather than authority.

"How are you doing?"

As solicitous as Hotch was being, Reid felt pressured, just by the very fact of being here, of remembering the last 'case' they'd been on together. Despite the innocence of Hotch's simple question, Reid felt pressured by the knowledge that he was being asked to make a decision. Was he ready to come back? Was he ready to be back among the living, and to do battle with those who caused death and destruction? Feeling the burden of the decision, he couldn't even make eye contact.

"I'm okay."

Hotch studied him. He'd expected the uninformative answer.

"Are you sleeping? Eating? Getting out?" All signs of a slow return to function. But only if they were present.

"I'm eating. JJ's making me." Small smile, returned by Hotch.

"Sleep is hard to come by. I'm still having nightmares, but not as many as before."

The unit chief remembered. If they were anything alike in this aspect, he knew the nightmares would persist for a long, long time. And then recur, unexpectedly and inexplicably, long after he had a right to expect them to be gone. But he wouldn't share this with Reid. It would be too discouraging.

"And have you been getting out?" Socialization, even if done the 'Reid way', was an important indicator.

"I've mostly just been to JJ's, and to the grocery store." Long pause, not sure if he should share it. But then realizing he was speaking with a man he trusted, and who, of all his colleagues, would most understand. "And I went to the cemetery yesterday."

Hotch's brows went up, just barely. This was news. The look on his face encouraged Reid to continue.

"I…..I... just needed something concrete. Something to force me to know it was real. And I saw the marker. They haven't put up a stone yet."

"Have you spoken with them?"

Reid shook his head. "I don't think I'm ready for that. Don't know that I ever will be. But JJ told me what they said."

At Hotch's expectant look, Reid acknowledged, "It helped."

"And the cemetery?"

Reid took a deep breath. It was hard to explain, and he wasn't sure he understood it himself.

"Until a few minutes before she died, I only had a mental image of Maeve. It wasn't even a picture really, but just a sense of her. And then, the only image I had, the only one that stayed with me, was of her lying on that floor. I just didn't have a way to translate that the person lying on that floor was her, that she was the person I'd come to know so well. I couldn't process that she was gone. But somehow, seeing her name on the marker at the cemetery makes it more concrete, more real. I don't know why, but that's what happened."

Hotch probed. "So, it was good that you went to the cemetery?"

Reid nodded. "I wish it wasn't so, but it made it real. More real than just having her not answer my pages."

Step one. But Hotch knew Reid had many more steps ahead of him.

"Reid, I want to you see someone."

He'd barely gotten the words out before the younger agent interrupted him.

"I don't need therapy, Hotch. I  _lost_  someone. A lot of us have."

"Maeve didn't just die, Reid. She was killed…murdered….in front of you. I want you to see someone."

Challenged, the snarky, defensive side of Reid showed itself.

"What, you think I have PTSD? Are you afraid I'll do something…..stupid?"  _Like the last time._

Hotch just looked at him steadily, authoritatively. "I'm not saying anything definitive. But we both know you're at risk. I want you to see someone."

He knew Hotch was right. But he feared what he would learn in therapy. What he would  _feel_  in therapy. And still, he knew. It had to be. Defeatedly, he conceded. But he wasn't at all sure that therapy would give him the direction he felt like he so desperately needed.

He looked at his superior with earnest sincerity. "Hotch, when it happened to you…..how did you do it? How did you get past it? How did you come back?"

The unit chief hesitated. He'd not shared this with anyone on the team before, including Rossi. But, sometimes, good leadership demands humility, and a willingness to show oneself as human. Now was such a time. And the bond he felt with his young genius commanded honesty.

"I saw someone."

Reid's face showed his surprise. " _You_  saw a therapist?"

"Reid, our situations are more similar to each other than they are to anything any of our colleagues has dealt with. We both lost the women we loved, despite our efforts to save them, in the most cruel and violent ways. I couldn't get past that on my own any better than you are getting past losing Maeve. If I wanted to return, and to be effective, I knew I needed help. And I had to be humble enough to accept it."

Reid stared at his boss, swallowing thickly. He implicitly trusted the man, and the counsel he was receiving. Slowly, he nodded, admitting his concession.

"All right. Okay, I'll see someone. I need to get through this. I don't know that I'll ever get past it, but I need to get through it."

Hotch had a sense he was hearing some of JJ's wisdom in those words. He was grateful for Reid's agreement, no matter the source.

"I'll set it up. We'll meet again in a week, and see where you are then." He rose to signal the end of the meeting.

"Thanks, Hotch."

The unit chief was surprised, and more than a little bit touched, when Reid turned their handshake into a quick embrace before he left the office.

* * *

On the floor of the BAU, there was a little scrum taking place at Blake's desk. Rossi and Morgan were chatting with her, surreptitiously watching Hotch's office for action. Garcia was just joining the group as Reid came down the stairs.

"Hey, Kid. Are you ready for us to slip some files into your stack?"

They all smiled as Morgan gave voice to a long practice within the BAU. It was his way of asking if the genius was returning. Reid gave him a small, regretful, smile.

"Not unless they don't need to be done for a while." He put down his messenger bag and looked around at his circle of friends. "I'm not quite ready to come back yet. Soon, I hope, but not yet."

Garcia was touched to notice that the most disappointed look was on Morgan's face. He loved his younger colleague more than he would ever admit to anyone but her.

"But you'll be back, Pretty Boy. Don't you worry about that." Morgan punched Reid's arm as he spoke, a gesture meant to diffuse the strength of his emotional reaction.

"Take your time, Reid. There's no rush. We'll all still be here whenever the time is right." Alex tried to be encouraging and sympathetic.

Rossi's Italian came out. He grasped the younger man's face and spoke earnestly to it. "This job we do is difficult in the best of times. And this isn't the best of times. You take care of yourself first and come back to us when you're ready. The work isn't going anywhere." He embraced Reid, not having had the chance before this. "I'm so sorry, my young friend."

It almost broke the young profiler, but he was determined to hold it together in public.

"Thank you. And, Rossi? Thank you for the donation. It was important to her, cancer research. Her mother has cancer, and she was trying…." His voice began to fail him. She was trying to find a way to save her mother, and now she couldn't.

"You're welcome, my friend. It was the least I could do."

Just then, Hotch stepped from his office and motioned the rest of the team into the conference room. Left alone, Reid considered waiting for JJ. She and Henry were the two brightest lights in his life right now. Even though their glows were dimmed by his sorrow, they were still providing a beacon for him to follow back to himself.

He realized she would have to go right away to join the team in their case discussion, even if she did arrive soon. So, instead, he took the two items from his messenger bag and left them on her desk, hoping she would see them before the team headed to the jet, off to the next godforsaken town afflicted by unspeakable evil.

* * *

Reid's cell sounded as he made his way home. A message, indicating he'd been appointed to see FBI psychologist, Anna Hughes, this afternoon.

He gulped. Even though he'd agreed, he'd not quite reconciled himself to it. Starting this afternoon seemed too soon. 

_But if I don't start, I'll never finish. That's what JJ would say._  

Without planning it, without realizing it, he'd begun to speak her wisdom to himself, measuring many of his decisions against what he thought she would advise. 

_So I guess I'll have to dive in._

_############_

At the BAU, JJ rushed directly to join the others in the conference room just before they broke to head to the jet. Hotch gave her a quick synopsis of the case, and then dismissed all of them to prepare for departure. She stopped by her desk before heading to the airport, and was surprised by what she saw.

Lying there, atop the clutter that was characteristic of her desktop, was a single yellow rose. And an envelope. She recognized her name written in Spence's scrawl. She was smiling as she pulled out the card within, and fighting tears a moment later.

"Another one of my favorite thinkers is Henri Nouwen. My words would pale compared with his, so I'll just steal them:

_When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand._

I don't think I would have survived the past few weeks without your warm, tender hand, JJ. Thank you."

He hadn't signed it. But he hadn't needed to.


	32. Chapter 32

**Transitions**

**Chapter 32**

He knew it didn't make any sense. It wasn't like he'd been seeing her every day anyway. She was still just a phone call away. But, somehow, he was unsettled, knowing that JJ was out of town. He'd come to rely on her so much emotionally that it was almost as though he had a cellular sense of her distance.

His neurons knew where she was, had calculated it down to the mile. He wasn't all that surprised by that. It was something he'd done often, though without JJ as the object of his calculation. It wasn't what his neurons knew that surprised him. What surprised him was what his myocytes knew. They knew, and remembered, the feel of her leaning against him, the way they'd made the fibers of his arm curl around her, how they measured the weight of her. They conspired with his neurons to remind him of how it felt when she touched his fingers, or squeezed his hand, or breathed against his neck. It all gave new meaning to the term 'muscle memory.'

Reid shook his head, trying to reclaim himself. Between the nightmares, and the empty days, and this unexpected attachment to JJ, he felt like he didn't know himself any more. He knew he'd been changed by his relationship with Maeve, and by her loss. But this felt like something different altogether. If he couldn't regroup by the time of his appointment with Anna Hughes, he was sure she would advise Hotch to find a permanent replacement for him.

He was loading his messenger bag, packing his latest philosophy text, a couple of 'filler' books, and, as had become his habit, his copy of  _The Narrative of John Smith_. He'd been carrying it with him everywhere, a talisman of sorts. Then he decided it would imply his unreadiness for duty, and took it out again. Then felt guilty about leaving behind his last concrete reminder of Maeve, and packed it again.

_Don't even tell her about this. If you do, she'll think you're crazy. And she'll probably be right._

He was nervous about the psychological evaluation. He knew Hotch was calling it therapy, but he also knew it for what it was. Evaluation. To decide if he was fit for duty. And to find him wanting.

He decided to leave early, not wanting to appear to be delaying, and thereby avoiding, the appointment. But he'd also decided he would wait outside until the appointed time, not wanting to appear anxious. Or would arriving right on time indicate a form of compulsion, another piece of evidence against him?

Before he had time to further overthink the simple act of keeping an appointment, Reid was rescued by the sounding of his cell. Without looking at the display, he pressed the 'talk' button and put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Reid? Is that you?"

It had only been a few weeks, but it seemed like a lifetime. 

_It has been. It's been Maeve's lifetime._

"Emily?"

"Reid? Oh, Reid, I'm so glad I caught you. And I'm so sorry." Pause. "I was  _so_ close to being able to come over there.  _So_  close. But then we had a terrorist threat to the underground and….well, you know."

He could hear the emotion in her voice, and loved her for it.

"Sounds like you're pretty busy over there."

"Tell me about it. But no, don't. I want to hear about you. How are you? Oh, Reid, I'm so sorry for what happened. For what you lost. For  _who_  you lost. I'm so sorry. I can't…I just can't….."

He could hear her voice breaking up. This unexpected phone call, the outpouring of sympathy, was breaking him up as well. He had to take several deep breaths before he could speak.

"Thank you. Thanks, Emily." His voice wouldn't carry him any further.

She'd gotten control. "How are you? Really, how are you?"

He struggled. She'd always been the one to notice and call him out whenever he was covering up. He doubted she could have the same power of discernment from three thousand miles away. But, then, it was Emily.

"I'm okay." Non-committal, little to challenge him on.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." Pause, knowing on some level that he'd never be able to keep things from her. "You know, considering."

"Considering." She'd said it almost to herself. "Are you eating? Sleeping?"

_Why is everybody so concerned with my bodily habits?_   But he'd gotten used to it, and gave his patent response.

"Yes, and no."

"Yes, you're eating, no, you're not sleeping?"

"It's not as often now, but it used to be that whenever I slept, I'd have a nightmare. Some version of the same thing, some horrendous way for her to die. I guess I have a bigger pool of ideas to choose from than most."

She could hear the wry, self-deprecating Reid in there somewhere, even confessing this awful circumstance. 

_I wish I could wrap you into a hug, my dear, dear friend._

"I'm sorry."  _Again._  "But you're eating?"

"JJ and Garcia are making me. If I don't show up at JJ's, she shows up here within a day or two. And I've never seen so many cookies in my life. My fridge has never been so full."

_Go, girls!_

Her days had been completely consumed with the terrorist threats, so Emily had only had minimal contact with JJ. Just enough to hear of the tragedy, and the devastation visited upon her friend. JJ herself had sounded lost, making Emily wish she could teleport herself across the oceanic expanse to take care of both of them.

She knew he hadn't returned to work yet, and her last conversation with JJ had left her with the impression that he was far from resuming his duties. The two women had commiserated over where Reid's unoccupied mind might lead him.

"You haven't gone back to work yet, have you?"

"Not yet." Not volunteering any information.

"So, what are you doing with your days?"

_Not anything you need to worry about, not that you'll ever ask._

He knew what they all feared. He'd briefly feared it too. But then he'd realized that he didn't  _want_ to feel better. He didn't  _want_  to forget. He wanted to remember her, forever. He wanted to feel the loss, because it reflected the love.

"Reading. Walking. I've been to JJ's a few times, hanging out with Henry."

Emily smiled. She knew the bond between godfather and godson. If anyone could ground Reid, it was Henry.

"I start therapy this afternoon."

She caught the flatness of his voice,and was certain it hadn't been Reid's idea. She thought she knew where it originated.

"Hotch?"

"He thinks I need to talk to someone. He thinks I won't be ready to come back unless I do."

"It sounds like maybe you don't agree." She could picture the frustration on his face.

"I don't see how talking to a therapist will change anything, Emily. I mean, she doesn't even know me. And, let's face it, I'm not like other people."

"You're not?"

"I'm weird. 'Odd', isn't that what people say? So how can she try to compare me to other people? She'll be trying to decide when I'm 'normal' enough to work, and I'll never get there. How is that supposed to help me?"

She had to admit, he had a point. But she also felt like he'd just insulted one of her closest friends.

"First of all, you're not 'weird'. Or, at least, no more so than the rest of us." She tried to say it with a smile in her voice, hoping to elicit his.  "And I'd like to think that Hotch would have chosen someone he trusted before he sent you to see her."  She'd been foundering, now felt like she knew the right tack to take with him.  "Reid, do you trust Hotch?"

She was sure she knew the answer to this one. She'd often felt that Hotch had a closeness with Reid that was unlike what he had with anyone else on the team.

"Do I trust…of course. Of course I trust Hotch."

"And do you think he's on your side with this?"

"OF course I do. I know where you're going. He wouldn't have arranged it if he didn't think it was the best thing for me."

"Righto, partner. Now promise me you'll cooperate. Don't get snarky with her, and don't hold back."

"Snarky? Me?" He gave a snort.

"Yeah, right, never." She returned his sarcasm. "That would be some other Spencer Reid who doesn't want to get back to work."

He realized the truth in her words. He  _did_  want to get back to work. He wanted anything that would occupy his mind, break through the endless loop of thoughts and images that constantly played within. And he realized that, just a few weeks ago, he couldn't have conceived of it. Couldn't have conceived of letting go of it. He couldn't have conceived of anything. He couldn't  _think_  at all. But that was then, and this was now. 

_Is this how healing starts? Is this how it feels?_

He was quiet so long that Emily became worried.

"Reid? Are you there?"

He smiled, though she couldn't see it. "I'm here. I'm going to have to go, Emily. Otherwise I'll be late for my appointment. But thank you for calling."

"I promise you, as soon as I can leave here, I'll be knocking on your door. It's just these damned terrorists…."

He laughed, causing her to do the same. "All the damned terrorists."

"Ah, you know I love you, Spencer Reid. You take care of yourself. And, you know, planes fly in this direction, too."

"Thanks, Emily. I mean it. It was ….great…so great…to talk to you. Thanks."

* * *

After all of his earlier deliberations on how to present himself, now he had to hurry not to be late to the appointment with Anna Hughes. He made it with three minutes to spare.

She contracted to the FBI, but was not an employee. Her office was small and bright, with only a single couch located in her waiting area. It appeared there was no office staff.

He could hear a door closing on the hallway as she came out of her office to escort him inside.

"Dr. Reid?" She looked to be about Emily's age, petite, dark-haired, smartly attractive. Her hand was extended toward him.

He took it. "Yes, Spencer Reid."

"I'm Anna Hughes. I'm very pleased to meet you. Have a seat, won't you?"

She gestured toward a comfortable leather chair, and took the one across from him. When she didn't immediately pick up a folder and start reading from it, he realized that she'd already prepared herself for his visit.

"I understand that you've suffered a very great, loss, Dr. Reid."

He immediately broke eye contact, stared at the floor. He could feel her eyes on him. His best intentions to cooperate had abandoned him.

"I'm so sorry for what you've been through." Pausing, as she watched him. "I can see that you're still struggling quite a bit."

He couldn't find his voice. Despite his assurances to Hotch and Emily, he didn't think he could do this. It was one thing to share Maeve with JJ. She'd been there when Maeve was alive. She'd been there for the excitement, the anticipation, the good days. But this person only wanted to know about the loss.

"Dr. Reid? Would you rather start with something else?"

Without looking at her, he nodded. He would have bolted, but he'd made promises….

"All right. Let's start with your job. Why don't you tell me about your job? And your team?"

Was this supposed to be easier? Where should he start?  _At the beginning, I guess._

He told her about being recruited for the FBI at such a young age, and the skills Jason Gideon had sought to cultivate in him. He told her about the kinds of cases they handled, summarizing the depravity they faced rather than giving her details. One had to become inured to those types of details. He told her about the loss of Gideon, and of Elle. And the loss, so brief and yet so deep, of Emily.

_Another loss. Funny Aaron didn't mention that one._

"So you've got a team of seven, is that correct? Six of you travel and handle the cases directly, and the seventh is a technical analyst?"

"Garcia. She travels with us sometimes."

"And the others….you mentioned Blake as the newest. And then there's Rossi, and Morgan. And, of course, I know Aaron Hotchner. And then there's JJ."

He was sure there was a point to naming JJ last. 

_Have I revealed something to her? What? What is she trying to say? Or did Hotch prime her?_

Then he realized that he was counter-analyzing his analyst, and willed himself to stop.

She did, indeed, have a purpose in naming JJ last. "Did you say that JJ is a profiler? Because I've heard her name before, and I thought she was a unit liaison."

Reid studied her as she studied him. If she'd heard of JJ before, perhaps she was the person Hotch had seen after Hayley had been murdered. That made Reid consider her differently. If she'd been able to help Hotch, maybe she really could help him. He became determined to give her the chance.

"She was a unit liaison, but….but she was taken away from the team for a while, and while she was gone, she qualified."

"Taken away. Interesting way to put it."

"Well, she was. She didn't want to leave, but she was forced to transfer to the Pentagon. I…we…..the team, I mean, didn't have any say in it."

"That must have been very difficult. To feel as though none of you had control of the situation."

"It was awful. She was….she's like the heart of us, you know? She's a mother, and she has this way with people, and….and when she was gone, nothing was the same."

"So you must have been very glad to have her come back."

He flashed a quick look at Anna Hughes. Did she know?

He remembered that time when JJ had come back to the team. When they almost simultaneously got her back, but lost Emily. And then, when they regained Emily, but he lost his friendship with both of them. It was one of the most painful times of his tenure with the team. One of the most painful times of his adult life.

It had called forth from him a maturity that he hadn't possessed before that time. A realization that relationships change, and that there is a constant give and take within them. And that they can still be healthy, strong connections even when they've undergone transformation. He'd never had quite the same relationship with either woman since then. But the ones they'd grown into were stronger, more stable, more steeped in the stew of love, and hurt, and forgiveness. From the perspective of time, he regretted nothing about it.

But he also didn't want to go through all of it with Anna Hughes. So he simply answered, "Yes, it was good to have her back."

The psychologist watched him. "Do you have any relationships with team members outside of work?"

He shrugged. "We socialize once in a while. And Garcia and I are godparents to Henry. He's JJ's son."

She gave him a raised brow look. "She must feel a certain closeness with you if she asked you to be godfather to her son."

"We are pretty close. Very close. We count on each other. I try to be there for her and Henry, and she's been there for me, all through this…."

"All through…..the loss? The relationship?"

He flashed her another look.

"I'd only told two people about Maeve, about how we knew each other, and loved each other. One is three thousand miles away. JJ was the other."

They were there. It was time.

"Would you tell me a little about Maeve now, Dr. Reid? It must have been a very special connection you two had with each other."

Slowly, reluctantly, but knowing this was something he had to do, he began.

They'd taken a very long, roundabout route, but finally they were on the necessary path. The one that would bring him to talk about his loss, and, eventually, to his healing.

* * *

He didn't know how or what to feel when he left. Dr. Hughes had brought out so much about his relationship with Maeve, and how it had affected them both. She'd paused from time to time, letting him hear his own words. The ones that told about the excitement, the shared interests, the anticipation of talking again, of what the future might hold. The ones that, ultimately, revealed the love she'd declared to him, and the undeclared love he returned. Anna Hughes was expert at her job. She ended the appointment with Reid focused on what had been gained from his time with Maeve, and not what had been lost. That would be for the next time.

_She's good. Hotch was right. I needed this._

He was too intelligent, too knowledgeable about the human psyche, not to be able to see where they were going. It was, after all, the reason they were meeting in the first place. But he allowed himself to wallow in the goodness that comprised his time with Maeve, before he had to inevitably turn to that time when he'd lost her.

He'd decided to walk home, despite the seven mile distance. He did his best thinking on his feet, and the exercise was doing him a world of good. He was halfway home when his cell sounded. JJ.

"Spence, hi. How are you?"

He didn't think she knew about the appointment, since he hadn't seen her before the team left.

"I'm okay. Just out for a walk."

"Oh, good! I'm glad you're getting some fresh air."

"You know, so am I."

She smiled into the phone. He was gradually sounding more and more like himself.

"Spence, I found the rose. And the card. Thank you. It was….. Well, you didn't need to do it. But thank you."

"Yes, I did. Need to do it, that is. That and so much more, JJ. It was just a token. But I meant what I said. And what Henri Nouwen said as well."

"You know I love you. I couldn't have been anywhere but by your side in this."

He was smiling as well. "Wouldn't have you anywhere else."

Short pause on the other end. Then, "Spence, I hate to do this, but I need to ask a favor."

"Anything, you know that, JJ."

"Well, it's kind of a big one. Will was supposed to stay with Henry while I'm away this time, but he's been called in for tonight. Some big event, they've called in everyone. And Garcia's play opened last night. Do you think you could possibly take Henry? Just for the one night?"

He actually laughed, that she would think taking Henry might be a burden. "Are you kidding? My buddy? Of course I'll take him."

"Whew. Now for a bigger favor. Will just now let me know about this, and preschool is out in twenty minutes. Is there any possible way you could pick him up?"

His arm was already up, hailing the next cab.

* * *

"Uncle Spence!" Henry ran from Miss Amy and into Reid's arms. The teacher smiled at them.

"Well, I guess I don't have to wonder if you're Dr. Reid. Mrs. LaMontagne called to say you'd be picking him up."

Profiler Reid was curious. "How did you know it was her?" He hoped they wouldn't let Henry leave with just anyone, based on a simple phone call.

She understood the question. "We have security questions that must be answered. And we require the person to be on the list of 'possibles' for pick up. Parents update that list annually."

It was the first time Reid realized he'd been on the 'possibles' list, and he was touched to know that he was.

"Sorry I was late. I was out, had to take a cab home so I could get the car with the car seat." Reid proudly owned his own booster seat for Henry.

"Not to worry. We have a lot of parents in unusual jobs here. It happens."

Reid signed Henry out as Miss Amy said goodbye to the youngster. "And remember what we talked about today, Henry. Talk to your mom when she gets home."

As Reid helped Henry buckle himself into the car, he inquired. "Did something happen today, Henry? That you and Miss Amy talked about?"

The little boy looked uncomfortable. "We had our show today. Mommy and Daddy came. And then Mommy had to go to work. She 'minded Daddy to get my lunch from the car. But he didn't. He told Miss Amy Mommy forgot to make it. But she didn't, Uncle Spence. Daddy forgot to get it. So I didn't have any lunch."

Reid was concerned. "You didn't eat anything all day?"

"No, Miss Amy gave me some of her lunch, and Joey shared with me too. And Missy."

"Good, that was nice of them."

Reid was finding it hard to concentrate on his conversation with Henry when his hackles were up. Was this just an innocent absent-mindedness on Will's part? Or was he trying to manipulate again? To gain advantage regarding custody?

_JJ, watch your back. And I'll watch it as well._


	33. Chapter 33

**Transitions**

**Chapter 33**

It was decided it would be easier if Reid stayed with Henry at JJ's. There was plenty of 'Henry food' available, and, importantly, his toys were there.

"The next door neighbor has a key. I'll call and let her know you're coming." JJ made a mental note to get Reid his own key as soon as she got back.

"Okay. I just need to stop back at my place to get some clothes first. Think I'll bring my partner along on the mission."

Reid was winking at Henry as he spoke, noting the little guy getting excited at the thought of going on a 'mission'.

"Spence, can you put him on for a minute, please?"

Reid handed his godson the phone, giving him a private moment with his mother. Henry's head nodded up and down a few times, and then he broke out into a huge grin.

"Okay, Mommy!" He handed the phone back to Reid.

"Whatever you said to him must have been good. You should see the smile on his face." Wishing she might say the same to him, with the same effect.

"I told him that you would read to him tonight, and get him ready for school in the morning. And I told him he could wear his 'profiler outfit' from Halloween, if he wants to."

Her words  _did_  bring a smile to Reid's face, as he remembered his godson wanting to go trick-or-treating dressed as his favorite profiler-his Uncle Spence. Not that Reid thought there was anything odd about the outfit. He'd just been happy to learn that he was Henry's favorite profiler.

"Sweet! I'll take good care of him, JJ. You just take care of yourself. Be careful, all right?" She'd explained that the unsub in this case seemed to be taunting law enforcement.

"I will. And, Spence? Thanks again. You're a life saver."

_Just returning in kind, JJ, just returning in kind._

* * *

"So, what should we have for dinner, Henry?" Reid was looking in the freezer, where there were any number of labeled meals available to them.

"We us'lly have pancakes." Said with no outward appearance of guile.

Reid raised one eyebrow at his godson. "You do, huh? They wouldn't be chocolate chip pancakes, would they?"

"Yeah!" Henry couldn't believe his good fortune. He might actually score chocolate chip pancakes for dinner!

"And I suppose we wouldn't be eating any vegetables with them, would we?"

"Nope."

"And this is what you "usually" have, you say?"

More uncertainly now, suddenly not so sure he had successfully hoodwinked his godfather.

"Well, sometimes."

"Henry, did you forget how many times I've had dinner with you and your mom lately? I don't remember seeing any chocolate chip pancakes on the menu."

Busted. Henry had the childlike grace to look chagrined, making Reid take pity on him.

"But I guess that doesn't mean there can't be a first time."

Henry had been looking dejectedly at the kitchen table. Now his eyes shot up to Reid.

"You mean it? We can have them?"

"With string beans," Reid said primly. "I'm not willing to have your mom mad at me for skipping the vegetables."

And so the two feasted, godfather and godson, on chocolate chip pancakes and string beans.

* * *

Henry actually volunteered to help Reid with washing and drying the dishes, having enjoyed their last kitchen chat when they did the same. As he dried, he completely reenacted the spring concert for his Uncle Spence.

"And then we all bowed, like this." And he demonstrated, with a flourish of the towel.

In turn, Reid clapped a cloud of suds at him, and the two broke into a giggle. And this time, Reid didn't even notice that he was laughing, when he should have been mourning. Sometimes healing creeps up on a person.

It was the first time Reid had been completely responsible for bath and bedtime. Henry cooperated (mostly), with the scrubbing, but dawdled getting into his pajamas. But Reid had his number by now.

"If you don't hurry up, we won't have time to pick out your profiler outfit for tomorrow."

Instantly-pajama-clad Henry showed his godfather where to find all the right pieces to the 'costume', including his mini-messenger bag.

"Hmm. What should you carry in this, Henry?" It had been empty the first time, to allow more room for Halloween candy.

"What's in yours, Uncle Spence?"

"Books."

Henry looked around his bedroom. He had plenty of books. He started stuffing them into the bag, until Reid stopped him.

"Henry, feel how heavy this is." The little guy couldn't lift it off the bed. "Why don't you just pick out one?"

"Okay, good idea. This one, Uncle Spence. But can you read it to me first?"

It was a book about feet. Left feet. Right feet. Henry was learning to sight read the words, and thought it his best chance to catch his godfather at cheating.

Reid started the book. This time, he didn't cheat with the words. He cheated with his feet. He started acting out the commands of the book, using the opposite foot each time.

"Uncle Spence, that's not your left foot!"

"Are you sure Henry?"

"That one's your left foot!" Pointing, and demonstrating with his own.

"Well, what about my hands? Isn't this one my left hand?" Holding up the correct limb.

"Right!"

"Right? I thought it was my left hand!"

"It  _is_  you're left hand, Uncle Spence! You're right!"

"So if it's right, is this my right foot?" Holding up the left.

"Uncle Speeennce! You're silly! Don't you know your right and left? You must be very bad at doing the hokey-pokey!"

Without prompting, Henry scrambled out of bed and gave his uncle a lesson in the popular preschool dance, then pulled Reid up and made him join in. Reid found himself hoping that the LaMontagnes had never invested in a nanny cam.

Dances and stories over, Reid called JJ so that mother and son could say goodnight to each other. He counted them lucky when she was able to take the call.

"How's it going?"

"Okay."

Her tone of voice and the lack of detail concerned him.

"Are you all okay?"

She hesitated, not wanting to contribute to his worry, then realized that the very act of hesitating was doing so.

"Morgan had a close call. It was just a small explosive charge...really more of a taunt by the unsub than an actual attempt to kill, but it went off about ten feet from him."

Reid was alarmed despite her assurance.

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine, just a couple of small cuts. He didn't even need stitches."

Reid breathed a sigh of relief, but also formed a new determination to get back to his team as soon as possible.

"Thank goodness." He turned to look at his godson.

"I've got Henry right here."

Instead of putting them on speaker, Reid gave the two some privacy by handing Henry the phone. He could hear only one half of the conversation.

"Uh-huh...uh-huh. Yes. String beans. Uh-huh...I will. Okay, Mommy. I love you, too...and don't let the bedbugs bite!" He handed the phone back to Reid.

"Thanks so much again, Spence. Sounds like you two are having some fun together. I don't know when we'll be back, but unless they call him in again, Will should be able to handle the next couple of nights."

"I don't mind at all, JJ. Henry and I can hang out every night, as far as I'm concerned." He looked down to see Henry beaming up at him.

"Hey, JJ? Be careful, okay? I mean it."

Once they'd ended the call, it was time for prayers. Henry made his usual litany of requests for blessings on his family and extended family, including Maeve. This time, it wasn't a surprise to Reid. This time, it didn't evoke a pang of bittersweet grief. This time, it felt warm, and comforting, as though Maeve was being wrapped in the seemingly boundless embrace of the young child's love.

Once again, Reid thanked..whatever...or Whomever...for the blessing of Henry in his life.

* * *

He hadn't expected to be able to fall asleep. Sleep had been so elusive, for so long, that he'd gotten accustomed to going without it, despite his exhaustion. So instead of disturbing the guest room, he settled on the sofa.

For the first time in a very long time, his thoughts were filled with something besides Maeve. His eidetic memory allowed him to relive every moment of his afternoon and evening with Henry, and he found himself smiling, even chuckling from time to time. He was happy for JJ, to have Henry in her life, even if it was only because of Will.

_I guess I'm supposed to be grateful to Will for giving her Henry, but I don't know that I can go that far. I think it's JJ's genes that make me love him._

Inevitably, his thoughts led him to wonder what might have happened if he'd been able to have a life together with Maeve. Whether they'd have had their own child... _or children, I think we might have had a bunch_...whether he'd have been a good father. He had no question about whether she would have been a good mother. 

_She'd have been great. So wise, so funny, so warm._

Remarkably, he found himself becoming sleepy, fading fast. He stretched himself out on the sofa, grateful that JJ had invested in an extra-long one. He fell asleep, with thoughts of Maeve and the family they would have had together running through his head. Paradoxically, a few tears escaped his eyes, and ran down towards where his lips had curled up into a small smile.

* * *

_She was there, just beyond his reach, smiling at him, walking towards him, arms outstretched. Again. He could see her face, and she his. Again. They moved closer and closer, just about to touch...when the sound of danger came. Again. His head shot from side to side, looking for the source_...and then he came awake, realizing instantly that this time the noise had not been in his dream. It had been in the house. At the door. Was someone breaking in?

Reid didn't have his gun. Even JJ didn't know that Hotch had insisted on holding it for him. They hadn't openly discussed why, but Reid had interpreted Hotch's request as more of an order, and complied. Now he wished he had something with which to protect Henry.

Before he could look around for an appropriate weapon, the door was flung open. Briefly, Reid wished it  _had_  been a burglar. Instead, it was Will LaMontagne standing in the doorway.

"Reid."

"Will."

"You can go now." It was two in the morning.

"I didn't expect you. JJ said you had to work."

"Four to twelve shift, they kept us over a bit. But I'm here now, so you can leave." Offering no thanks.

Reid wasn't sure what to do. He'd been entrusted by JJ with taking care of Henry. But Will was the boy's father. And, technically, this was still his home.

"I can just crash here on the sofa until the morning, and get him off to school. Let you get some sleep."

"He's my damn kid, Spencer, and I'll take care of him. Now get going."

Reid recognized the statement as representing petty jealousy rather than paternal responsibility, but he had no rights here. And Will had started to get loud, making Reid afraid of Henry waking to a showdown between his father and his godfather. Reluctantly, he gathered his book and bag, and made his way to the door. Reaching it, he turned around.

"Oh, Will?"

LaMontagne looked at him.

"I've already made Henry's lunch for him. Make sure he gets it, will you? Make sure you don't accidentally leave it in the car."

He was satisfied to see Will's eyes widen, just a little.


	34. Chapter 34

**Transitions**

**Chapter 34**

By the time of Reid's next appointment two days later, the team was on its way back to Quantico. He hadn't seen Henry again, and he hadn't spoken with Will. But he had received an apologetic phone call from JJ the morning after he'd looked after Henry.

"Spence, I'm so sorry. I'm so angry with Will right now! I just called the house to see if you and Henry were doing okay getting ready for school...sometimes he finds a zillion other things to do besides getting dressed...and Will answered the phone. He tried to tell me he'd "relieved" you last night, but when I pushed him, he admitted that it was more like he'd "dismissed" you. And at two in the morning! I'm so sorry, Spence. When you were only trying to help us, too!"

"Don't apologize, JJ, you didn't do anything. I'm sorry I left Henry, after I'd told you I would take care of him, even if Will wanted me to. But he was getting so loud, and I was afraid he would scare Henry..."

"Hmphh. If only I could get Henry's  _father_ to worry about him the same way you do. Do you know he didn't even let Henry wear the profiler outfit?"

Reid wasn't surprised, but he was now even more angry with Will. 

_Henry was looking forward to it so much. Will disappointed his own son, just to try to make a point to me._

He wasn't sure he should mention it, but he couldn't shake the idea that Will was trying to set JJ up for something.

"JJ, Henry told me about something that happened yesterday. It might be nothing, but I feel like you should know about it." And he told her the story of Henry's missing lunch. And about his own parting shot to Will the evening before, and Will's response.

"I think you should be careful. I mean, it could be nothing, just an honest mistake. Or he could be trying to set up a pattern of behavior that says you're not fit to care for Henry. Or, at least, that he is  _more_ fit."

She was silent on the other end of the line, considering his words.

"Do you think I should mention it to my attorney?"

"I would. The worst he can say is that it's nothing. And if he thinks it's something to worry about, at least you can start strategizing."

She agreed. "Okay, I will. Thanks. And, Spence, thanks for looking after Henry last night anyway. He had a ball with you."

"No thanks necessary. He's my favorite godson."

"Isn't he your  _only_ godson?"

"True. All right, then, he's my favorite little kid. And his mom is my favorite as well."

He could sense she needed cheering up, and was pleased to hear the smile in her voice when she responded.

"I'm your favorite  _what_?"

"Gotta go, JJ. Bye. Hurry home!"

* * *

He wasn't exactly lookingforward t _o_ his appointment with Anna Hughes today, but he wasn't trying to avoid it either. Reid recognized how good she was, and was grateful to Hotch for his recommendation. If he had to go through this painful process, he was glad he'd be led through it by someone he felt he could trust. And, especially after hearing about Morgan's close call, he wanted to get through things quickly and get back to helping his team.

_I guess it means something that I'm trying to get better for that reason rather than because I can't function at all. That's got to be good, right?_

Only a very small part of him realized that the fact that he wanted to get better at all, for  _any_  reason, was a good sign. He was becoming oriented toward the future again, and not mired in the incredibly painful recent past. He didn't think it had been the single session with Anna Hughes that was responsible for the change, as much as it was the affection and support he'd received from his friends, and his godson.

He arrived right on time for his appointment, without worrying if she would read anything into it. Her hand was extended, and he took it.

"It's good to see you again, Dr. Reid."

"Same here."

"If you mean that, I'll count it as progress."

"Progress is what I need, Dr. Hughes. I need to get back to work. I can't leave my team operating a man down."

She smiled. Motivation was more than half the battle in any kind of therapy.

"Then let's get to work, shall we? I have to warn you that this may be a more difficult session than our last one was."

He'd known it would be. In truth, it was still a little intimidating, but he knew he didn't have a choice but to do it. He sat once again in the leather chair, and she took her seat across from him.

Anna started in.

"We left off last session with you and Maeve planning to meet for the first time, correct?"

"Mm-hmm. We were planning to have dinner together. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant."

"Tell me about it, Dr. Reid."

This was it. The point in the story when everything turned. That fateful night when it had all started to go wrong. When the trajectory had started its downward arc. When it had moved from a new, exciting, promising thing in his life, to its greatest tragedy. Reid started his story.

Anna was skilled enough to be able to tell from the expression on his face when they were approaching the painful time, but not quite there yet. She brought him gently through the missed dinner, through the wanting, but not being able, to tell her he loved her. To the planning once again to meet. To the phone call that began, and ended, with "Zugzwang". To the end, and the beginning, and the end again, of everything.

Reid heard himself say the word.  _Zugzwang._  When he did, there was a responsive 'ping' somewhere inside his brain. Something was wrong about it. But he was immediately distracted when Anna asked him to tell the rest of the story.

As prepared as he'd tried to make himself, as determined as he was to get through this process and back to work, Reid found it overwhelming. Getting through it one moment at a time had been difficult enough. But reliving those moments, already knowing the outcome, was so much worse. Retelling his every decision, his every move, knowing that he'd failed the woman he loved in the moment that decided her life or death, was agony.

Anna Hughes had a gentle hand. She knew when to let him pause, and absorb, or regroup, and when to softly push him forward. She made sure he realized her presence, was aware that he wasn't alone in reliving the horror. And she gently prodded him away from the inevitable guilt and recrimination that surfaced in the retelling.

She asked questions that were meant to imply a need for clarification, when in reality they were meant to bring him back to a crisis point, to tell it over and over again, each time in a different way. In this, she gradually moved him from the narrative that declared him guilty, to the one that told of his selflessness in trying to save the woman he loved.

She helped him to see that Maeve had not been endangered because of him. That the danger that threatened her had  _preceded_  him, and that the ability to save her was never actually in his hands. Diane had targeted Maeve long before she'd ever heard of Spencer Reid. He'd simply become a pawn in her game, made to witness the carrying out of a maniacal plan that had been long in coming to fruition.

As the appointment moved on, there were longitudinal stains on Reid's face, evidence of the tears shed earlier in the session. He felt exhausted but, somehow, light. Unburdened. Still sad and longing for Maeve, but no longer feeling party to her death.

"So you think Diane would have done it no matter what. That she was never going to let me give myself for Maeve."

"Not from what you've told me, no. It was clear that Maeve was her target right along. You were, forgive me, simply a convenience. A way to make it harder. As you said yourself, Dr. Reid, Diane wasn't interested in hurting  _you_ by killing Maeve in your presence. She was interested in hurting Maeve _more."_

"I was a pawn." He said it reflectively, repeating a phrase she'd used earlier. "But..."

That 'ping' happened again. This time he paid attention to it.

"Zugzwang."

Anna didn't understand. Was there something he still needed to work out about that?

"What about it, Dr. Reid?"

He had that tone to his voice that always appeared when he was attempting to solve a puzzle.

"Zugzwang. To Diane, I was the  _pawn_ , not the  _player_. Zugzwang wasn't about Maeve. It couldn't have been. Zugzwang is aimed at the player. The voice wasn't Diane's. I'd always thought she used something to depersonalize her voice, but it could have been anyone. It wasn't about Maeve at all. But it  _was_  a message for me."

He rose and started to gather his things.

"Dr. Reid? We have a few minutes left..."

"I have to go, Dr. Hughes. I need to talk to Hotch. Thank you, thank you so much."

She wasn't going to argue with him. She could see that he was on a mission...a  _work_  mission. And she wasn't about to interfere with what looked like success. But she also didn't want him to take on too much, too soon.

"I think we should schedule at least one more appointment, Dr. Reid. Would you be willing?"

"What?" His mind was racing. "Oh, yes, of course. Can I call you?"

She smiled at him. "Any time, Dr. Reid."

* * *

Hotch agreed to wait for him at the BAU. The rest of the team was already dispersed to home after a long several days away. Both men remembered the last time they'd met like this, alone in the office, after hours. 'Zugzwang' had precipitated that meeting as well.

"Reid, you said it was urgent, What happened?"

"Hotch, 'Zugzwang' wasn't about Maeve. It  _couldn't_  have been. It wasn't Diane. It was a message for me, but it wasn't about Maeve. It was about  _me_. Or us. The team."

Hotch stared at him with mixed emotions. It was clear to the unit chief that he was beginning to get his genius back. It was obvious the young profiler was starting to recover from the devastating event in his life. For that, the older man was profoundly grateful. But Reid's deduction jelled with the misgiving Hotch had experienced when he'd first heard about the oddly threatening phone call. It hadn't made sense to him that Reid would be targeted by Maeve's stalker. And now it wasn't making sense to Reid either. It could only mean one thing. His  _team_  was being threatened.

"Hotch, I need to come back. I need to get back to work."

The unit chief recognized the need in Reid's voice. And he recognized  _his_  need to have the young genius back. His team was under siege. They needed to face it with a unified front.

He nodded at the younger man. "I'll put the paperwork through. Be here in the morning."

* * *

"Pretty Boy! You back?" Morgan was beaming.

Reid had made it a point to arrive early. He knew it would be easier to greet them one by one as they came in, rather than to walk in to a fully assembled team.

"Starting today." He grinned back at Morgan, touched by how excited his friend seemed to be.

Morgan gave him a quick embrace. "It's good to have you back, Kid. I mean that."

"Thanks."

Morgan was followed by Rossi and Blake, who each gave him similar greetings. Garcia had gone directly to her lair, but caught wind of Reid's presence and rushed down to the bullpen.

"Welcome back, my gentle genius! It's sooo good to see you!" She squeezed the breath from him and then stepped back, giving him a little punch in the arm.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back today? I would have baked cookies!"

"Well, I didn't know…."

He was interrupted by JJ's arrival. Her mouth fell open when she realized he was in the center of the group, and she broke into a wide smile as she stepped up to hug him. Only Reid was close enough to see that her eyes were red.

As they embraced, he whispered into her ear, "What's wrong?"

She whispered back. "I'll tell you later."

Hotch was hurrying from his office and motioning the rest into the round table room. They each grabbed a mug of coffee and followed his direction.

The unit chief had been in earlier than any of them. He'd already prepared the case presentation. As they sat down around the table, he brought it up on the smart board. Only Reid and Rossi had any inkling of what the photographs were showing them.

Hotch began. "Since late summer, there have been a series of killings, each reported to the FBI because of its unusual nature."

They saw slides of victims with their mouths sewn shut, victims with their limbs amputated, and unmatched limbs attached, victims with their heads removed.

Morgan recovered first. "These are our cases. Ones we've solved already. But they're not our victims. In every case, it's the same MO, but a new victim."

He turned to his superior. "What does this mean, Hotch? Were there victims we didn't know about in  _every_  one of these cases?" Even as he asked the question, he knew it would be virtually impossible.

Hotch shook his head. "They're unique murders, Morgan. Not related to the cases we solved, except by the method of killing. They happened in different cities, each time."

Rossi understood. "If these slides don't represent additional victims from each of the unsubs we've caught..."

Reid finished for him. "They're replicated. Someone is replicating the method of killing of each of the cases we've solved. There's a Replicator out there. And I think he may have called me."


	35. Chapter 35

**Transitions**

**Chapter 35**

"You don't think the phone call was about Maeve?" Morgan was directing his remark to Reid.

"It couldn't have been. I couldn't see it then, I was too caught up in worrying about her being taken."

Blake was still trying to puzzle things out. "But wasn't the phone call what made you worried about Maeve in the first place? Wasn't it  _how_  you knew she'd been taken?"

In Reid's brain, once the first block fell into place, all the rest followed easily. But he realized that wasn't true for most people, even those as intelligent as his fellow team members. He was accustomed to having to explain how he knew what he knew. He just wasn't accustomed to anyone wanting to take the time to listen to it. But the stakes were high now, and all ears were focused on him.

"Guys, I think the person who's copying the murders….the Replicator, I guess I'd call him….has been surveilling us. He knows too much detail about the killings he's copying. He might even be surveilling us individually. So I think he may have seen Maeve the night we were supposed to meet up at the restaurant, and started following her as well. If he  _was_  watching her, he may have seen her taken. He definitely had some kind of access to her pager, because that was the only way she knew when to call me."

JJ's hands were at her face, trying to cover her emotional turmoil. So many feelings were washing over her in the one moment. Outrage, that someone might have seen Reid's love kidnapped, and done nothing to help her, leading to such a devastating outcome. Anxiety about the unknown purpose of the Replicator. Fear for her son, now exposed for the second time to unnecessary danger as a result of the work she chose to do. She voiced the latter.

"So you think he's moving from following us to following the people we care about? Do you think they're in danger too?"

They could hear it in her voice. She was terrified for her son. Rossi reached his hand over to squeeze JJ's.

Hotch was ahead of her on this. "I've asked for security details at all of our residences." He directed his glance specifically at JJ. "And at Henry's and Jack's schools."

She took minimal comfort in that. Hayley had been killed while being serviced by a security detail. And the fact of Hotch requesting them answered her unspoken question about whether he and Reid thought  _any_  of them were safe. The answer was an obvious, unequivocal, 'no'.

Morgan spoke up. "Hotch, we have to take ourselves out of rotation. We need to focus on this full time."

He watched as his superior exchanged a glance with Rossi.

"It's been requested…..and turned down."

"What?" "Are you kidding?" "Whose bright idea was that?" The others simultaneously expressed their disagreement.

Hotch looked around the table, catching each team member's eye individually. "I'm told the decision was made much further up the line, but it was delivered by Section Chief Strauss."

Out of deference to Rossi and his prior relationship with the woman, the team had fallen into the habit of holding their tongues regarding their sometimes openly hostile section chief. Rossi silently thanked them for doing so today as well. He would take it upon himself to approach her later. He'd found he could be persuasive when he had her undivided attention.

Hotch continued. "For now, we'll continue to take new cases. But we'll continue working this one at the same time."

He looked around the table at six unhappy faces. "I'm not any more pleased about this than the rest of you. But I also recognize it as an opportunity. If we go out of rotation, the Replicator may go dormant. But if we're active, we may be able to draw him out."

Rossi saw the wisdom of it. "if nothing else, we'll be able to establish more of a pattern for him."

The rest were beginning to come around. Hotch was pleased at the level of professionalism displayed by each of them, that allowed them to accept the increased personal risk for the sake of putting away yet another predator.

"All right, people, let's get back to work. There's a sizable stack of files on each of our desks."

The meeting broke.

* * *

Reid noticed JJ heading to the coffee bay, for an uncharacteristic second cup, and rose to follow her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Do you want to tell me why you were crying?"

"I wasn't crying." Looking at him, not able to keep up the pretense. "Well, okay, I was crying in the car. But I was together here, wasn't I?"

JJ's privacy was very important to her, even among the team. She'd rarely let any of them see her get overly emotional. That privilege belonged to Reid.

He smiled, recognizing her pride, and admiring her for it, yet again. "Okay, what were you crying about in the car?"

She could feel herself filling up again, and willed it back down. "I don't think I can talk about it here, Spence. Maybe later, after work."

"Are you inviting me to dinner?" He was hopeful.

She gave him a rueful smile back. "Sure, but don't get too excited. It's Friday, and it's Will's weekend. Henry won't be there."

He was disappointed, but only a little bit. And he wasn't about to let even that little bit show to her when she was already upset.

"Not a problem. It will give us time for some grown up talk." He was about to ask what was for dinner when he realized they didn't need to include Henry's palate in their decision making. Which might be looked upon as an opportunity...

"JJ, why don't we go out? You don't have to worry about what Henry will or won't eat, and you won't have to cook."

She brightened. "Wow, I haven't been out to eat in like…...forever! Sure, let's do it. It's a date!"

With that she headed back to her desk, leaving Reid holding his coffee and wondering. He knew it was just a figure of speech, but…...a date?

* * *

They dropped JJ's car at her house, and headed out together. He left the choice of restaurants to her and, much to his chagrin, she chose Chinese.

_Great, now the secret will be out_.

Ever since that embarrassing dinner in New York so many years ago, he'd managed to avoid the issue of chopsticks. None of them knew he had yet to master the skill. But then he remembered that JJ was the only one who hadn't teased him that night, but instead tried to help him. 

_Even then._

They found a small but popular place on the outskirts of the city, and followed their waiter to a table in the corner. After perusing the all-Chinese menu, they ordered several dishes to share, and settled back into the booth. Reid's curiosity about what had upset JJ this morning was tugging at him, but he sensed he should let her relax before probing. So he attempted to make small talk, and then realized that nothing in either of their lives lately lent itself to casual chatting.

JJ saw him shaking his head and asked what he was thinking. He told her, prompting a bitter laugh.

"You're not kidding." She sighed deeply. "Spence, when did life get to be so hard? I mean, weren't we young and carefree just…..yesterday?"

Having never been entirely care-free, he couldn't actually relate, but he knew what she was trying to say. And he was sorry she was feeling it as much as he was.

"It will get better. Isn't that what they say? That when things get so bad, they can't help but get better?"

She gave him a wry smile, but said nothing. He decided to go for it.

"What's so bad today, JJ? What upset you this morning? Do you want to tell me now?"

She seemed about to launch into the story when the waiter returned with their food. JJ put Reid off with, "Let's just enjoy our meal first, okay? Then we can talk. I promise."

For once, he was actually grateful to be awkward. He started trying to eat with the chopsticks and, as had happened every time before, dropped most of his food before it got to his mouth. This time, JJ did laugh at him. But it was an affectionate laugh, and he didn't mind at all. He'd gotten her mind off her troubles, if only for the moment.

"Spence, you still haven't gotten them down?"

"Believe me, it's not for lack of trying. I brought a set home one time and have practiced in private, but I think it's just something I'll never get. Don't we all have something like that?"

"Not Spencer Reid. He's the smartest person I know. Here, let me help you."

She slid over to him in the booth and took his implements in her hand. "Put your hand over mine, and feel how my fingers are."

Once upon a time, it would have been beyond him, to sit so close to a woman, even JJ…. _especially JJ, not all that long ago_ …..and to touch her hand. But they'd grown so close, in so many ways, that it almost came naturally to him. Almost. He could do it now, but he still felt every nerve ending in his fingers as they made contact with hers.

"Okay, now see how I've got them angled, one over the other? And see how I use my finger to lever this one when I pick up the food?"

His eyes were on the sticks, and the plate…and their hands, working together. His brain was reacquainting itself with an old sensation, the one he'd always gotten when he was around her. At least, when he was around her BW…before Will. So much life….and death….had happened in the intervening time that he didn't quite recognize the sensation when it presented itself this time. Only that it seemed familiar, and pleasant, and somehow uplifting.

If JJ had any idea what was going on inside Reid, she didn't show it. She continued her lesson in the use of the chopsticks by placing them into his hand and positioning them on his fingers. Then she gently placed her fingers over his, to guide him.

"Okay, see? Now tip this finger…" He could feel the pressure of her finger pushing against his to guide him. "…and then hold it tight… ..keep it tight…."

She guided his hand to his mouth. For the first time, he got a full helping of food into his mouth with a set of chopsticks. JJ watched his eyes go wide in surprise and she giggled.

"Seriously, was that the first time? Ever?"

"Ever." More to keep her amused than anything else, he added, "I think I just need you to feed me."

She sniffed as she slid back to her place to resume her meal.

"You sound just like your godson. I was trying to teach him how to tie his shoes, and he decided it would be easier if I just did it for him all the time. I'm going to tell you what I told him….practice, practice, practice."

And so he did, with varying success, until finally JJ relented and let him ask the waiter for a fork.

"As long as you promise to practice at home."

"Yes, ma'am."

They fell back into a comfortable silence as they finished eating. Reid broke it with, "Tell me another story about Henry. I haven't seen my little man in days, and I miss him."

He watched her smile come back, and then was alarmed when he saw her eyes fill almost immediately afterward. He admired her resolve when he saw her will the tears back down. But now he knew.  _It's Henry. Something about Henry._

JJ cleared her throat so she could speak. "He misses you, too. He was asking me last night about when you could come over again. He wants you to have a sleepover with him."

Her voice had become tremulous with the last few words. Henry had been excited to have Reid sleep over a few days ago, and been unhappily surprised to find that his Uncle Spence was gone by the time he awakened the next day. And that had all been Will's doing.

It was clear to Reid that there was something JJ needed to get out, and equally clear that it wasn't going to happen inside the restaurant. He hurried them through the rest of the meal, and didn't even consult her when he turned down dessert for both of them.

"Let's walk. If you want something else, we'll get ice cream, okay?"

She nodded and gathered her things. Outside, they found one of those clear, crisp early spring nights that seemed made for stargazing. But there wouldn't be any stars to be seen unless they got away from the lights. Reid took JJ's elbow to guide her in the direction of a small park nearby.

Walking along, his hand on her arm, he kept his eyes straight ahead.

"So, what was it? Why were you upset this morning?"

She was ready now. "Because of Henry. And the job. You. The others."

He didn't understand, but he could see that it was hard for her. She was already welling up again. He tried to tease it out of her.

"You know, I like to think I'm a pretty good profiler. A pretty good judge of human nature. And sometimes I can actually rival Alex in linguistics. But, even with all of those skills, I still have no idea what you were just trying to say."

He was rewarded with the small laugh he'd hoped to hear.

"Stumped Dr. Spencer Reid, have I?"

He didn't want her to deflect him, so he became serious again.

"JJ, really, tell me. You had obviously been crying this morning. What happened?"

She flashed him a look, and then turned her gaze ahead again.

"I spoke with Richard yesterday. My attorney, you remember?"

Reid nodded.

"I told him about the lunch, and a couple of other little things I'd been trying to ignore. I told him that you were suspicious Will was trying to set me up."

"And?" He still had his hand on her arm, and could feel her tensing up.

"And he said…he said that he thought you were right. That Will is probably operating on the advice of his lawyer. Not that the lawyer is telling him to lie about things, but he thinks the lawyer told him to look for things that would make  _him_  look like a good parent, and  _me_  like a bad one."

Now Reid was bitter. "And Will decided it meant he should  _manufacture_  those things."

"I don't know. It sounds like it. Maybe.."

Reid felt like JJ was bending over backwards to be fair to Will, not wanting to leap to a conclusion. But he also felt like Will was taking advantage of his wife's nature.

"So, did Richard give you advice about it?"

Silence, then a very shaky "Yes."

He could hear her distress. Reid stopped walking and used his hand on her arm to turn JJ to him. His dark eyes held hers.

"What did he say, JJ?"

She broke her eyes away, gathered herself.

"He said I should make sure Will has nothing to work with. That I should think about giving up my job with the BAU, and move to one with regular hours and no travel. He said it's no longer uncommon for children to be placed with their fathers instead of their mothers. And if Will can make a case that he's more prepared, and more available, the judge just might rule in his favor."

Tears were running down her face now. "I can't lose him, Spence. I can't lose Henry. He's…he's my whole life. He's my heart. I can't…..I can't lose him!"

_This can't be right. She can't be asked to make this kind of choice, can she?_

He brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

"You're not going to lose him, JJ. We'll find a way."

She wasn't reassured. "How? By losing all of you? By leaving the team? I may as well have stayed with Will then."

Another thought struck her. "And what about what happened today? Hotch had to put a security detail on Henry's  _school_  because of my job! Don't think Will won't take advantage of that!"

She stalked off, trying to release some energy, and Reid had to double step to keep up with her. She was still working through all of the fallout from the new complication with the BAU.

"And how can I ask anyone to look after Henry, if it might put them at risk? But how can I  _not_  work with the team to find this….this….Replicator? It will take all of us, and if I'm not part of it….well, it will just go on longer. And one of you could get hurt. And how would I protect Henry on my own?"

At first he didn't know what she meant, but then his thoughts followed hers to the same conclusion. "Because if you're not with the team, the FBI might not provide protection. Not unless they can say you are targeted in particular."

She nodded. "And so far, the Replicator's only contacted you."

He guided her to a bench. He needed to think this through without calisthenics. He was nearly as panicked about not having Henry in his life as was JJ. And the situation was complicated, fraught with danger from all sides.

"Okay, so admittedly, we've got a problem. But no problem is insurmountable. We'll figure it out. And we're  _not_  losing Henry."

He took her chin and turned her face to him. "I mean it. Henry's not going anywhere."  _He can't._  "Tell me you believe me."

She almost could, he was so adamant. "I want to. But, Spence…."

"No 'buts', JJ. Henry belongs with you.  _We_  both know it, and Henry knows it. I think  _Will_ even knows it. He's being petty and angry right now. But maybe someday he'll grow up enough to see that a father needs to do what's best for his son. We have some time, don't we? Nothing's going to happen right away, right?"

She nodded. The next meeting of all the parties involved was three weeks away.

"So that's a good amount of time to show that you've got a strong support system. And, if we're lucky, maybe we can get the Replicator out of the way. That leaves Will without ammunition."

"Except for the minor fact of an FBI security detail twenty four hours a day."

"Conceded. But anyone can come under a threat, JJ. Look at all the cases we've had. Most of those victims had no idea they were being targeted. They had no opportunity to defend themselves. At least we're aware, and are doing something about it. Just look at it that way."

She had to give a small laugh. "Okay, spinmeister. Maybe I should bring you to the next attorneys' meeting with me."

His own sarcastic laugh answered hers. "Oh, yeah, I'm just who Will would like to see walking in the door."

JJ heaved a great sigh, expelling some of the tension she'd been carrying all day. She sat and looked at Spence, wondering how it was he always made her feel better. Nothing had really changed in the space of their conversation, and yet she felt calmer, more assured. 

_Just to be sharing the load, I guess._   _To not feel so alone._

Deep inside, a part of her realized it was more than that. If she'd simply wanted to unburden herself, she could have done it with anyone. But she'd only felt safe doing it with Spence. With the one person she knew would protect her heart as much as he would her honor.

Reid had turned his eyes to the night sky, watching the stars. For a brief second, one of them seemed to twinkle more brightly than the rest. The left side of his brain observed that there must have been a solar flare on that distant star some six billion years ago…more or less.

The right side of his brain took a far more unexpected turn. It saw the twinkling as a message of sorts. In the instant that he saw it, he realized that it had been hours since he'd last thought of Maeve. He'd gotten out of the perpetual mental loop of loss and guilt by focusing on someone else…the someone sitting next to him. But he felt guilty, as though it meant he was letting go of Maeve, letting her fall into his past, diminishing what she'd been in his life.

The star told him otherwise. It felt like permission. It told him that the past….even six billion years of it….could still illuminate the present. That it could still bring delight, and wonder, and remain undiminished even as time….and life….moved forward. It felt like Maeve. It held her wisdom. It told him that it was all right to remember, but also to love, and to live.

* * *

**A.N. This story was begun before we knew about the Replicator, and so, I had no intention of including that character in it.  But as I spent much time thinking about the whole 'Zugzwang' thing in order to write about that episode, it became more and more obvious that the fateful phone call** _**had** _ **to be about something else. So there was no way to write Reid getting healthy without having him figure it out too. The canon (aka 'TV') Replicator didn't quite fit into my storyline, so I had to go off script with that role, as you will see, down the road.**


	36. Chapter 36

**Transitions**

**Chapter 36**

Without any of them having said it aloud, each member of the team was wishing for a quiet week. To be able to stay at the BAU, and find a way to launch an investigation into a seemingly unrelated series of murders, occurring across the expanse of the United States, that were somehow strung together to send a message to them. But they had no idea of the message, no idea where the unsub might strike next, no idea  _when_  the unsub might strike next.

"But we might be able to figure out  _how_  the unsub might strike next."

Morgan understood that Reid was referencing the sequence of murder techniques the Replicator was following, but he wasn't convinced. "How would that be helpful? We'd have to know  _where_ to look, wouldn't we?"

"And when." Alex pointed out the obvious.

"Well, the 'when' will be given to us when the murder gets reported, won't it?" Rossi was practical. They all knew they wouldn't be able to prevent this particular murder.

Reid was still sure he was on to something. "But it's always taken a while for us to find out, hasn't it? Because most of the Replicator's killings aren't seen as serials, except by us. The Replicator is mostly executing a single murder, replicating a method used in one of our serial cases. We've come across them by happenstance up until recently." He flashed a look at his unit chief, acknowledging the older man's early recognition of the pattern.

Hotch's nod was barely perceptible. "You will all remember that a few months ago there was a murder that mimicked the work of the Silencer. After that, I kept an eye out for other murders that might have used the same technique, without being serial. There weren't any. But there  _were_  those murders that mimicked other unsubs' techniques, as we demonstrated yesterday."

It was the first time that most of the team realized they'd only become aware of the Replicator because Hotch had been keeping watch. He'd shared it only with Rossi and, just two days ago, with Reid. Each of them realized a deepened respect for the skills of their unit chief.

Reid resumed his observation. "So, now that we know he's out there, we can put our FBI field offices on alert. He seems to be replicating the murder techniques in the same order that we were involved in the original cases. So we can alert the offices to look out for murders using the next specific MO. It should give us a huge jump on tracking him."

"Unless we're off on another case." Morgan was still frustrated that the team hadn't been taken out of rotation.

"It is what it is, Morgan, for better or worse. We'll have to work with what we've got." Hotch played along for the sake of the team, but he was as determined as ever to continue his battle with the hierarchy. "Right now, we're here. Let's take advantage."

Rossi's long years of experience told him Hotch was right in his approach. He took up the cause.

"Okay, let's look at what we've got. Or, more to the point, what we  _haven't_  got."

JJ spoke up for the first time during the meeting. Reid had noticed her silence, and realized she was still struggling with the burden of her home situation. But she'd seemed calmer when he'd left her at her door last night. He remembered their conversation on the front porch.

#####

"Thanks, Spence. It feels good to know that I have someone with me in this. Especially when that someone is my very best friend in all the world." She'd patted his chest as she said it.

"You don't deserve any of this, JJ. You're a great mom, and you're doing your best. We just have to make sure the court can see it."

"Just."

He caught her discouragement returning. "Just. In a good way. JJ, you've got a lot more than me behind you in this. You know the whole team will back you up, and Karen. I even got the sense that Henry's teacher wasn't falling for Will's nonsense."

"Miss Amy is a very wise soul. You have to be, to teach a room full of preschoolers."

"Well, then, don't worry. Will can try all the manipulation he can think of, it's not going to work. And I'm not going to lose you. I mean,  _we're_  not going to lose you."

#####

Reid realized he'd missed the first part of JJ's thought. He tuned himself back in for the rest.

"Well, we don't have any idea why he's doing this. I mean, it looks like he's trying to send us a message of some sort. But it's not exactly a threat, is it? Or I guess I should say it's not a direct threat to  _us_."

Reid agreed. "JJ's right. Technically, we seem to be the common factor among the killings, but he hasn't exactly threatened us. The only direct contact he made was with me, with the phone call. Zugzwang."

He was amazed that he was able to keep his voice steady as he said it. The word was so tied up, in his mind, with the death of Maeve. But it may actually have had nothing to do with her.

Going along with the theme, Alex added, "We don't know how he's been able to know the details of the cases, or how he's been able to follow us. Nearly every case has been an away case."

"Importantly, we don't know how he managed to intercept the page Reid sent to Maeve." Morgan watched Reid's face for a reaction, concerned that he would be bringing up the painful recent memory.

Reid had steeled himself for this conversation, knowing it was inevitable. He was ready to discuss it.

"I've thought a lot about that. I was thinking the same thing, that he'd intercepted the page. But now I wonder if he was simply following me. He might have been able to figure out that there was a pattern of me paging, and someone calling back. So all he had to do was to follow me to the phone booth and carry out the pattern."

"But how would he know the number to that particular phone?" Alex asked the logical question.

"See, the thing is, I would try to use a different phone booth each time, so there would be no pattern showing up on her phone history. But there are only a limited number of public phones available these days. I'd used almost all of them in a five mile radius from my home. If the unsub was determined enough, he'd have been able to take down the numbers and use a process of elimination to limit the pool that was left."

Rossi wasn't sure he agreed. "Wouldn't you have noticed the delay, if he'd been trying multiple numbers before finding the right one?"

Reid shook his head. "No. There weren't that many options still left. And, besides, Maeve sometimes delayed a few moments before she answered my pages. I was used to waiting a couple of minutes."

Morgan tried to summarize. "So, we think there's an unsub….a Replicator….copying specific murder methods of cases we've been involved with, in the order of our involvement. And he's no longer satisfied with just doing that and hoping we notice. He's stepped out to draw attention to himself by calling Reid and giving him a message. Zugzwang."

Rossi took it up. "But he's not threatened any of us directly. And he's only contacted Reid. So maybe it's only directed at him?"

JJ's heart flipped as her head shot in Reid's direction. They were so used to working as a team that they'd ignored the fact that the contact had only been made with him. Was he in specific danger?

Hotch had considered all of the possibilities, and been unable to reach a conclusion. He needed the rest of their minds on it as well.

"Reid, tell us again what the word means."

Reid knew exactly which word his superior was referencing. "Zugzwang. It's a chess term. It refers to the situation where a player is forced to make a move, even though any move he makes puts him in jeopardy."

JJ noticed him swallow thickly, and knew how hard this was for him. She'd known him to be selfless so many times before, for the sake of a victim, or an unsub...and for Maeve. And now he was doing it for the team. She sent a silent bolus of love and admiration his way.

"I'd thought it was about her abduction. About when Diane gave me the choice between watching her kill Maeve and telling Maeve I didn't love her. But that was never really a zugzwang at all. There  _was_  no move for me to make. Diane was going to kill her anyway."

Even so many weeks later, it was difficult for all of them to hear the words said aloud. But JJ had a mixed reaction to it. She'd just heard Reid say, effectively, that he realized he'd not been responsible. That it had never been possible for him to change the outcome. She prayed that  _he_  realized what he'd said as well.

There'd been a brief silence in the conversation, as each of them absorbed Reid's words. None of them could have known it, but five silent prayers went up for the continued recovery of the traumatized young man in their midst. And additional prayers that this unsub was not, in fact, planning to traumatize him further.

Rossi was the first to resume the exchange. "Let's stick with our first assumption, that he's directing his statements….the murders….at the team. How would that create a 'zugzwang' for us?"

The team started to brainstorm, with Morgan putting out the first possibility.

"It would tell us that every solved case would lead to another one, with the same MO."

Alex took up the thought. "So, essentially, it would mean that, for every killing solved, another life would be lost."

Rossi nodded. "In the unsub's mind, we're supposed to feel guilty about that. Like we're causing the new murders."

"That's pretty twisted." JJ was the newest to the profession, and still had difficulty with this aspect of the work. She could have academic knowledge of how the unsub psychology worked, but couldn't immerse herself in it. She still always kept it at a healthy distance. It was something she'd been trying to overcome, but she'd been discouraged from doing so by Reid. "Healthy distance is just that, JJ. Healthy. For you, and for your family. Don't lose that."

Hotch agreed with Rossi. "So, let's go with that. What do we do about it?"

Reid sounded so much like his old self as he offered the obvious reply. "Stop solving murders?"

Morgan snorted. "Right, Pretty Boy. That'll teach him." They all shared a humorless chuckle.

Rossi knew Reid was being sarcastic. But he also thought he might be right.

"You know, Reid might be on to something. What if we kept it out of the news? What if we squelched the publicity?"

Hotch had already thought of that. "Well, there's an up side and a down side to that. If we give him nothing more to work with, we may lose the opportunity to make him show himself."

"But do we think he might stop? If he had no more murders to copy?" Alex wasn't sure what to think.

Hotch responded, shaking his head. "It's unlikely these are his only kills."

Rossi agreed. "They're just the ones that are part of the game."

Morgan was getting discouraged. "So, if we continue to work as we are, he continues to copy the killers. And if we keep it hidden, he goes underground, still killing. It's an impossible situation."

Reid said it for all of them. "Zugzwang."


	37. Chapter 37

**Transitions**

**Chapter 37**

The team set Garcia with the task of scanning their prior caseload for any commonalities...locations, methods, demographics of the victims, families and perpetrators, law enforcement, absolutely anything that could be found. They had her throw a wide net, hoping to reel in  _something_ , any kind of pattern that might help them find a direction for their investigation of the Replicator. The task was so broad, and so uncharacteristically unfocused, that their technical analyst felt her resources being stretched beyond anything she could remember. She was virtually...and literally...sputtering about it.

"This...this...this is the day I dreaded. The day my beloved crimefighters would give me the insurmountable task."

JJ was sympathetic with her good friend. "Do what you can, Pen. We know you're not a miracle worker."

It hadn't been meant as an insult, but JJ had inadvertently stumbled upon the appellation Garcia used when she referenced herself. She  _did_ think of herself as a miracle worker, and relished the role. With JJ's comment, she redoubled her efforts.

"It may take me a few days….you understand I have to make each query separately…..but I'll find something. Trust me on this. Your technological trailfinder won't disappoint you."

Morgan appreciated how hard the task was. "We know you'll try, Baby Girl. Just do your best."

She wasn't placated. "I'll do better than my best. I'm going to find us something.  _Something_."

* * *

But she was wrong. Or, at least, delayed. All of them realized it that same afternoon, when Garcia summoned them to the round table.

"I'm even more sorry than usual to say this, boys and girls." They might earn their living doing this, but she knew that each of them viewed each new case as bad news. "We have a case.  _Another_  case."

Morgan groaned audibly. Despite any advantage a new case might bring them in determining a pattern for the Replicator, each intervening case also meant more time when the team would be living under siege. More time with the tension, and the fear.

The rest were resigned.

"Go ahead, Garcia." Hotch nodded his head at her. He'd already been briefed.

She hit the remote. "This is Angelina DeSimone. Or, it  _was_  Angelina DeSimone."

Garcia kept her back to the smartboard, but the rest of the team was looking at the remains of a dark-haired woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties.

"She was a thirty four year old mother of two young children, who went missing in Sacramento in April of 2011. Her body was found almost a month later. It was found…" She paused to take a deep breath, alerting the rest that the information to follow would be significant. "….it was found next to the dumpster of a child care center."

"By whom?" Alex was inquiring.

"By the workers at the center. They found it on a Monday morning, and the dumpster had last been emptied the Friday before. No one was at the center over the weekend. And, by the way…..the weekend in question was Mother's Day weekend."

Rossi narrowed his eyes. "A statement?"

JJ found this case, like so many of the ones they investigated, hitting close to home. She wondered aloud, "Were her children enrolled at that day care?"

"No, that's the thing," responded Garcia. "She was a stay-at-home mom, never used a day care."

Reid asked a practical question. "Garcia, if this happened in 2011, why are we getting it now?"

She lifted the remote again as she answered him. "Ah, thank you, junior G-man. I wasn't actually finished."

Garcia clicked, and a second image came up. "This is Christina Romano. Her body was found in Rancho Cordova,  _also_  outside a day care center,  _also_  the day after Mother's Day, last year, in 2012. The location is about fifteen miles from where the first body was found. She'd been missing for two weeks when her body was found."

"This is sounding vaguely familiar," voiced Alex. "I think I remember reading about it in the newspaper last year. From the story, I'd assumed it had already become a BAU case, but obviously not." It had taken place before she'd joined the team.

Hotch shook his head. "We weren't asked in. Strauss told me she tried to offer services, but was declined."

"So why are they asking us now?" Morgan was always annoyed when bureaucracy got in the way of good sense. "It's almost a year later."

Rossi was sure he knew. "They've got another missing."

Hotch nodded and indicated that Garcia should continue. She clicked her remote once again.

"This is Francesca O'Toole, age thirty eight, mother of three children. She went missing two days ago from a town called Antelope, about twenty miles or so from Sacramento."

"There's actually a place called Antelope?" Morgan sounded incredulous.

"Not only is there a place called Antelope, but we're headed there. Wheels up in thirty."

* * *

Reid caught JJ before they left the BAU.

"You seem a little better today."

She gave him a small smile. "Mom."

"Mom?"

"She called me last night, after you left. She said she had a feeling that I needed her. Mothers just seem to know, you know?"

Oddly, considering the state of his own mother, he did. Even with her illness, she seemed to have insight into her son in a way that he couldn't explain.

"So, she made you feel better?"

"She made everything better. She's coming down to stay with us. She'll be at home when I'm not, and can take care of Henry. She can't do it forever, at least not yet, because she's got too many responsibilities at home. But she can come long enough for me to demonstrate a good support system. And she's willing to permanently relocate, if that's what it takes. She'll be here by the time he gets out of school today."

JJ's eyes glistened with the gratitude she felt for what her mother was offering.

Reid was relieved as well. He'd felt her tension last night, and shared it, as he realized the very real threat of Will fighting for, and possibly winning, custody of Henry. The thought of the little boy being subjected to the unmitigated influence of his father's personality was both alarming and infuriating. Now, it sounded like JJ's mother was offering a lifeline to her grandson. He didn't know her well but, in that moment, Reid loved Sandy Jareau.

"That's great, JJ. Thank God. I was worried."

She smiled at him, and reached out to touch his cheek. "I know you were. It means so much to me that you love Henry so much, Spence. More than I can say."

"He's easy to love, JJ." When she'd moved a little ahead of him, he added, too softly for her to hear, "Runs in the family."

* * *

It turned out that Antelope, California was a colorfully named community served by the Sacramento County Sheriff's Department. The sheriff was both astute and humble enough to call in the FBI when his citizen went missing, recognizing the temporal relationship to the prior regional killings.

"They all went missing in April, and turned up in May. Even the local newspaper was calling them "The Mommy Murders". I don't know why those other two clowns didn't call you in." Sheriff Lowney was referencing the recently-replaced chiefs of police of Sacramento and Rancho Cordova.

"It was about time those two retired, anyway. The new guys are much more collaborative. They've agreed to give you full cooperation in each bailiwick."

"Thank you, Sheriff." Hotch realized the man he was speaking with had run interference for the BAU team, and was truly grateful for it. Their work was difficult enough without the politics that so often infiltrated it.

He'd sent Rossi and JJ to interview the family of Francesca O'Toole, while Morgan and Blake visited the dump sites of the two women killed in 2011 and 2012. He had Reid first setting up a geographic profile, and then reviewing the mounds of reports that comprised the two prior murder books. Reid's speed reading was the only way they would get through the material quickly enough to be helpful.

Hotch was about to interview the two detectives who'd led each prior murder investigation.

* * *

Two hours later, Reid was distracted from the case files when Rossi and JJ returned. She looked drawn, and practically fell into a chair at the far end of the table. Rossi continued on to the seat next to Reid.

"She okay?" Reid whispered.

"Young kid, about her son's age. Cried the whole time, missing his mother. Took a lot out of her."

Reid pushed back his chair, detoured to the refreshment alcove, and went to JJ with a cup of tea. He knew it was her afternoon routine, whenever they were in town.

"Here, you look like you could use this."

She looked up at him, clearly upset, but trying desperately to find some good humor. "Does that mean there's whiskey in there?"

He smiled. "Just earl grey, the way you like it."

She reached up and touched his hand as she took the tea from him. "Thanks, Spence. You take such good care of me."

He sat with her. "Rossi said it was pretty hard out there. Are you okay?"

She stared off for a moment before she answered. "Her youngest son was just a little younger than Henry. All he did was cry for his mother. Mr. O'Toole did his best to comfort him, but the poor thing just wailed for his mom. He finally crawled up into my lap and fell asleep there. It was the only way we could hear each other to do the interview."

It sounded like she was feeling a need to explain why she'd held the child, as though it had been unprofessional. Reid knew better.

"You brought him a moment of comfort, JJ. A moment of peace. There's no need to be apologetic about it."

She tried to bring a smile to her face, but succeeded only in minimizing her frown. "It's what I'd want for Henry, if he were separated from me. Someone to comfort him, even if just for a moment."

He put a hand over hers. "Let's see if we can do better than that. Let's see if we can bring his mom home."

* * *

The others returned another hour later. Morgan called Garcia up on speaker, and they put together all that they'd learned.

Reid started them off, providing information gleaned from the case reports.

"The two prior victims each disappeared between the hours of nine and three pm. Each was supposed to pick their kids up from school, and failed to show. They both had cell phones, neither of which have been found, and neither of which were used after 11 AM on the day they went missing."

"Where were the final calls made to? Or from?" Blake was hoping for a clue.

Reid knew he would disappoint her. "The first victim called her hairdresser, to make an appointment for the following week. The second victim's last call out was to her daughter's piano teacher, cancelling the lesson for the same day. There was a conflict with a scouting activity."

Hotch confirmed what Reid said. He'd spent most of the day with the two lead detectives on the murders. They'd each become emotionally invested in solving the cases, and were entirely cooperative with the FBI.

"They'd hoped to be able to use GPS to track the phones, even without call activity. But it looked like both of them were turned completely off sometime between 11 AM and 1 PM on the days the women disappeared."

"I suppose there's nothing in any of their backgrounds that would give us any help? Discord? Arguments? Relationships?"  Frustration was evident in Morgan's tone.

Garcia chimed in now. "Alas, my chocolate cherub, there's nothing. Both were in apparently happy marriages, both college graduates who left administrative jobs to stay at home with their kids, both active church members, no debt, no rumors, no nothing. Nada."

Rossi was more cynical. "Church-going doesn't exactly mean sinless, does it? Garcia, any commonalities? Any places where they might have met one another?"

"Not that I can find so far. Rancho Cordova isn't all that far from Sacramento, but it's a pretty self-sufficient community in terms of services and shopping and what all. So they could easily not have known one another. So far, I've got nothing with schools, churches, gyms, hairdressers, kid's afterschool activities. But I'm still looking."

"Garcia, have you already added Francesca O'Toole to the mix?" Like geographic triangulation, Reid often found that the third victim's relationship to one or more of the others was key.

"I have. Nothing. Sorry, my gentle genius."

Hotch turned to Morgan and Blake. "What can you tell us about the dump sites?"

Morgan was already shaking his head. "Nothing there. Local, independently owned centers, no relationship between the two. Both bodies were dumped in the back, just next to the dumpsters."

"But not  _in_  the dumpsters?" Hotch wanted to be sure.

Rossi knew where he was going. "Were they too large to lift?"

Blake took that one. "Not according to the pictures we saw, remember? He could have lifted them, unless they were too stiff."

Reid broke into the discussion. "The ME reports indicate that each woman suffocated. Livor mortis was in the feet and legs, so they were likely upright when they were suffocated. And then each had a fractured sternum a ribs, as though the unsub had attempted CPR."

"Upright?" JJ was recovered enough to join in.

"Well, no. The ME thought the unsub might have attempted CPR long after they were already dead."

"Remorse," offered Alex.

Rossi nodded. "That's probably what the dump site shows us, too. Not that he couldn't lift them into the dumpster. Just that he couldn't bring himself to put them in there."

"But why at the day care centers?" wondered Reid. "Their own kids had nothing to do with them."

"He was giving them children. And giving them _back_  to children, even if he couldn't...or wouldn't….give them back to their  _own_  children." JJ couldn't have said why she was so certain….but she was.

Hotch wanted a timeline. "Reid, was there anything in the reports that indicated how long the women were held before they were killed?"

"The ME thought they were both dead less than 24 hours when they were found. That would mean they were both killed on Mother's Day."

Hotch was silent for a few moments, considering. It was well past midnight on east coast time, and his team was exhausted.

"All right, everyone. Get some rest tonight. Tomorrow we hit the ground running. Reid, JJ and I will interview the families of the first two victims. Morgan, Rossi and Blake, retrace their steps. Find some commonality. Find  _something_."

* * *

Their rooms were across the hall from one another. JJ started to bid Reid goodnight after she'd gotten her door open, but he interrupted her.

"Talk for a few minutes?"

It was his first away case since Maeve, and she wasn't about to refuse him.

"Sure, Spence. Come on in."

He settled into a chair while she stretched out on her side across the bed.

"How are you doing? It's your first time since…."

"It's not me I'm worried about. I want to know how  _you_  are doing."

JJ shrugged. She knew what he meant, but felt like he had enough on his plate. "It's not the first time a case has hit close to home, Spence, and I'm sure it won't be the last, either. I keep trying to not let it get to me, or to not let it show, anyway. I  _thought_  I was getting a little better at that, but I guess not, huh?"

His gaze penetrated hers. "Maybe for the others, but not for me. I know you too well, remember? If you need a break from this…especially tomorrow, when we talk to the families….I want you to take it." 

_And even if I just think you need a break, I'm going to see that you get it._

She looked at him, grateful for his caring. "I'm probably just tired, you know? I didn't get much sleep the last couple of nights."

_Tired, and scared to death of losing Henry, and of Henry losing you._

Aloud, he said. "Then I'm not helping you at all, right now, am I? It's late and you need to rest." He rose to leave. "Goodnight, JJ."

She rose with him. "Goodnight, Spence. And remember, I'm here for you, too. If you need me. Any time."

He smiled. "Always."


	38. Chapter 38

**Transitions**

**Chapter 38**

It was as though they'd reversed roles overnight. And maybe bodies. JJ awakened early and went for a run before going down to breakfast. She felt energized, relieved of the stress of worrying about the situation with Henry. She looked up from her cereal as Reid stumbled over for coffee.

"'Morning," he mumbled.

She could see he'd not slept well, and felt bad for him. But the sight of him stumbling around was almost comical.

"Want me to pour that coffee for you, Spence? It will probably do you more good if you can drink it instead of wear it."

He didn't even have the energy to give her a sarcastic 'ha,ha'. Instead, he just handed over his mug for her ministrations.

She got serious for a moment, as she poured and fixed his coffee. "You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?"

He deflected. "I'll be all right. I'm used to it. I just need to get some coffee in me." He reached for the mug and began to gulp it down.

She wasn't so easy to deflect. "Have you been sleeping at all, Spence? Even at home?"

His shoulders slumped. He didn't have the energy to fight her this morning. "Sometimes. Never through the night. Last night was just a little worse than most, that's all."

She wasn't done. "Are you still having nightmares?"

"Not as much as before, because…"

"Because you're not sleeping. Spence, maybe you should have taken more time….."

"There _is_  no more time, JJ. We have someone after us, and we need to figure out who it is and what he wants."

She was about to say that maybe he could have stayed behind, and rested, and still worked on the Replicator. But then she realized that it would mean he'd be alone, and off his game. He'd be at far more risk at home alone.

"Well, okay then. But I'm going to make sure you rest whenever we get a chance. Even for you, it's got to be hard to think when you're so sleep-deprived."

Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Rossi, Morgan and Blake. Hotch had apparently been up before any of them, and was already at the sheriff's office. The rest of the team joined him after a quick breakfast.

Hotch repeated the assignments he'd made the day before. "Rossi, Morgan, Blake….you'll retrace the routes the first two victims took on the days they were abducted. And add on any routine sites that were a regular part of their lives. Reid, JJ….you'll come with me. We'll be interviewing their families."

He'd made his assignments with several specific purposes in mind. He needed JJ's insights as a young mother, but he also realized how vulnerable the case was making her feel. Reid was along for her support….and also because his unit chief wanted to keep an eye on him. He was glad to have the young agent back with the team, but realized that he still wasn't fully recovered from his trauma. Despite the chronologic impossibility, Hotch was feeling paternal concern for his two youngest agents this day.

* * *

Hotch made the introductions to Edward DeSimone. "We're very sorry for your loss. We're hoping that we can ask you a few questions that might help to catch the person responsible."

DeSimone had come a long way in the past two years, but he couldn't hide a residual bitterness.

"Let's hope you do better than our esteemed city police department." The air went out of him immediately afterward, revealing the gentle persona inside.

"I know Detective Farraday did his best. I could see the toll it was taking on him, as well as on us. But the chief of police was too bullheaded to admit failure, and wouldn't let Farraday call for reinforcements. I think he would have wanted you here two years ago."

Hotch had formed the same impression. "Detective Farraday met with me yesterday. He was only too willing to share everything he knows and thinks about the case. I think you had a good man at your side, Mr. DeSimone."

"Agreed." The widowed father of two escorted them into the family room, where the three could see the unmistakable signs of a household containing young children. A playhouse was set up in the corner, and there were blocks and puzzle pieces scattered in various locations around the room. Reid went to sit on the sofa, and had to reach under the cushion to pull out a small truck..…and a partially eaten cookie…. before he could get comfortable.

"Here, I'll take that." DeSimone reached for the remains of the cookie. He brought it to the kitchen for disposal, and returned with a baby wipe for Reid to use to clean his hands.

"How old are your children, Mr. DeSimone?" JJ started the inquiry gently.

"They're five and two. Two and a half. Rocco was only six months old when…..when… it….happened."

"Do you have help taking care of them?"

"Angelina's sister came and stayed with us for a while, afterward. But she's married now. I've got the kids in day care….Josh is in kindergarten, and goes to the day care afterward….and I've got a pretty reliable sitter. But I've had to change my job. Couldn't afford to be out of town as much as I was before."

Hotch caught the similarity between his own circumstance, with Jessica coming to help with Jack after Hayley was killed, and silently blessed his former sister-in-law once again for her selfless sacrifice. He'd also caught the implications of Edward DeSimone's statement.

"Were you away a lot when the children were younger? Before your wife was killed?"

DeSimone nodded. "I traveled pretty much every other week, for two to three days at a time. Angie was a saint for putting up with it."

"Did  _she_  have any help, Mr. DeSimone? When you were away?" Reid asked the question innocently, not even realizing it could be seen as an accusation.

He was slightly defensive. "Angie didn't _need_  any help. She was born to be a mom. She was the one who did all the care even when I  _was_  home. I never really learned how to do most of it, until we lost her."

JJ reflected on how much her job had affected  _her_  parenting choices. Before returning from maternity leave, she'd made sure Will was skilled in every task related to Henry's care.  _Not just because I needed help, but because I knew how dangerous both of our jobs were. Are. I knew either one of us could be left to parent him alone._  It was a large part of what had contributed to her emotional reaction on the day she'd almost lost them both. Will had gone along with her, sharing the hands on care, until after they were married. Then he wanted to revert to what he considered to be the 'traditional' roles. She'd been parenting Henry alone ever since, with Will assuming the role of babysitter.

She felt Reid nudge her, and realized she'd been distracted from the conversation at hand. Her teammate subtly recapped for her benefit.

"So, Mr. DeSimone, you said your wife was running errands without the kids on the day she disappeared?"

"Call me Eddie, please. It feels strange enough to be talking about this again. The formalities make it worse." He shifted in his seat. "Yes, she'd left them at her friend Charla's. Josh's birthday was coming up, and she wanted to be able to shop for him without a million questions."

"And you never heard from her?" Hotch wanted clarification.

"She called me right after she'd dropped them off, said she was going to run a bunch of errands. The shopping for Josh's birthday…..and, it was my guess, for our anniversary. It's on…. _was_  on….May 15."

The words resonated with Reid. He sympathized with this man, not much older than he, who'd also lost his great love. He could hear the difficulty of pushing the present into the past….and then wondering if it was even necessary, or right.  _Maybe everything is just an eternal 'present'._

Now JJ rescued Reid from  _his_  reverie.

"I understand the minivan was found in a landfill?"

Eddie was nodding. "A week later. Still with the car seats, the toys, everything. Except Angie."

His voice broke at the last, indicating the depth of pain that lingered. "Charla called me that afternoon, because she had to go and get her kids from school, and Angie still hadn't come back. Hadn't answered any of her calls. I tried calling then too, but it went to voice mail."

"The police never did find her phone, did they?" It was part of the record, and had been recounted by the detectives yesterday. Neither cell phone had been found. They'd wondered if the phones had been discarded, or if they'd become trophies.

"Never did. And I would give anything to have it back. We'd taken the kids to the park the weekend before, and I got some great photos of them with Angie, playing on the swings. We used her phone because mine was running low on juice. They would have been the last pictures I had of her."

"How are the boys doing with this, Eddie?" JJ was using her low, soothing voice.

"They're back to a pretty even keel. Josh had nightmares and tantrums for months afterwards. Now I think he would barely remember her without my showing him pictures and video. The pediatrician says it's because he doesn't have enough stored memory of her. So she says I should keep Angie present for him, 'til he's old enough to remember her on his own. And Rocco….." DeSimone's voice became completely choked. "I don't think he'll even realize that he  _had_ a mom. He watches the video with us, but it's like watching a TV show. He has no sense of relationship to her. His own mom…"

Reid watched JJ out of the corner of his eye, and saw her purposefully swallow down tears. She was almost always composed on the job, but this case, and this interview in particular, was challenging that composure in a big way. Hotch realized it as well. He brought the interview back to the facts of the disappearance and what had preceded it.

"Eddie, the police said Angie kept a family calendar hanging in the kitchen. I understand they returned it to you after the investigation. I'd like to review it with you."

When DeSimone left to get the calendar, Hotch turned to the other two. "Go out and check in with Garcia and the others. We should know if they've come up with anything we should investigate here, before we head to see Mr. Romano."

He noticed when JJ briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath at the mention of the next interview. It was as though she felt a need to gird herself for another ordeal. It was a very telling gesture as to how deeply she'd been affected by  _this_  interview.

"JJ, if you'd rather sit the next one out…"

She shook her head vigorously. "It's my job, Hotch. These men lost their wives….and these kids lost their mothers. The least I can do is see that it doesn't happen to yet another family."

Reid tried to contain the pride he thought might be visibly exuding from him as he followed her out to the SUV.

* * *

"Have I ever mentioned to you that you're amazing?"

"What does that mean?" She had her cell out, prepared to call Garcia.

"It means, I could see how hard that was for you, and yet you went ahead and did what you had to, for the sake of the case."

"And you didn't?" She saw his reaction. "What, you think I didn't notice?"

"No….not exactly. I guess I just didn't realize you were watching."

"Well, whether you want me to be or not, Spence, I'm still worried about you. So, yes, I was watching. And I noticed. It was hard for you when he mentioned the anniversary."

He swallowed. "I'll get past it. I have to, right?"

She looked at him, while her brain searched in vain for the right words. She had to settle for whatever came.

"Maybe not 'past' it, Spence. But you'll learn to live with it. With the things that remind you of your own life. Mostly, I've been able to do that. But, right now, with all the recent stuff about Henry…..well, I think my defenses are down."

He squeezed her shoulders. "That's why you have me!" He'd tried to say it lightly, almost as a joke, but she knew the truth behind it.

She laughed. "What a pair we are. Let's call the real reinforcements."

She got Garcia on the phone first. "Anything, Pen?"

"Well, yes and no. According to their credit statements, they both shopped in the same mall. But it's also the largest mall in a fifty mile radius, so that might not mean anything."

"Same stores?" Reid didn't want to dismiss it prematurely.

"Some, but those were mostly the maternity and kids' clothing stores. There aren't all that many of either in the mall."

JJ was with Reid on this. "Still, we should probably check it out. I'll talk to Hotch about it."

"Anything else, Garcia? On this case….or the other one?"  _The one that threatens us._  Reid's voice rose in pitch with the second phrase.

Now she sounded annoyed…but not with him. "I've got queries running in the background, but this new case has pretty much been taking up all of my time, my love. But don't you worry. Penelope Garcia will come through. I always do, don't I?"

"Always!" came back to her, in stereo.

* * *

The interview with Christopher Romano was similar in many ways to the one with Eddie DeSimone. He'd been a more hands-on father from the beginning, putting him at a slight advantage when he suddenly had to single-parent three children under six years of age. But he'd still been completely overwhelmed by the task, and the grief that surrounded it.

"My mom moved in with us, thank God. I don't think I could do this without her." The elder Mrs. Romano had taken the younger children to a playground while the BAU team interviewed their father.

"Tina was the best mom, ever. She said it was all she'd wanted to do since she was a little girl. And the kids were happy, and well-adjusted...before. After, they all went through a tough time, even the baby. We're starting to get back on an even keel, but Kyle….he's our six year old….he remembers that it happened around this time of year, around Mother's Day. He'd made something for Tina with his class at school. And they're starting to talk about making something for the moms this year as well. He was crying about it just a couple of nights ago. He remembers her best, you know?"

He'd kept his voice steady until the end. Realizing the pain his son was experiencing….would possibly experience for a long, long time….brought back his own.

They went through the rest of the information quickly, looking for both unique information and any similarities with either of the other two families' stories. JJ had been present for all three interviews, making her observations vital to the process.

When they were finished, and heading back to the sheriff's office, Hotch asked for her opinion.

"Well, there are a  _lot_ of similarities. They were all younger women, in their thirties. All of them were full time moms. And, according to each of their husbands, each of them was 'the best mom ever'."

Reid had an additional observation. "All of their children were young, no older than six at the time they went missing. They all live in middle class areas…upper middle, maybe."

"All right then," Hotch said. "Let's look for differences. We need a leverage point to get started here."

Reid was still recounting similarities. "I think all of the women were of Italian heritage. The two murder victims' husbands names are Italian, and the women's first names go along with that. And even Francesca O'Toole is, well...Francesca."

"Angie DeSimone was blonde, but that doesn't have to mean anything. There are blonde Italians, I think. And, besides, her last call was to her hairdresser."

"So, maybe not a phenotype in common, but maybe a heritage?" Reid wondered how someone came to learn another's heritage in casual contact.

"Someone looking for a good Italian mother?" Even JJ wasn't sure if she should be serious about this?

"Something to bring back to the rest of the team," declared Hotch. "If that's the commonality, how would the unsub find them. How would he  _look_  for them? Where does a woman show off her maternal skills?"

* * *

Once they'd gathered back at the sheriff's office, Hotch put the questions to the whole team. Without any discussion, each of them turned and looked directly at Rossi.

"What? I'm Italian, but do I look like a mother to you?"

"Well, you  _had_  one, didn't you?" Blake spoke for the rest of them.

"Yes, but I didn't pick her out. She came with the package."

Hotch stepped in to rescue his old friend. "Let's stick to the 'mother' theme for now. We can worry about whether or not she has to be Italian later."

"All right, then." Morgan was ready to move on as well. "They were all mothers, all described as 'great' mothers, all killed on Mother's Day. So mothering definitely has to mean something to the unsub."

Blake took it up. "So, maybe the unsub has a grudge against his own mother, and is transferring his anger."

JJ wondered if the opposite might also be true. "Could he have lost his mother? Maybe he's trying to replace her by taking the women?"

"Why would he kill them then?" Rossi wasn't so sure about JJ's idea.

"Maybe it's not intentional." Reid was speaking with the voice that said the idea was still hatching in his brain. "Think about it. It looks like the victims were suffocated, and then given CPR. Maybe he didn't mean to kill them."

"What, Pretty Boy, you think he accidentally hugged them to death? C'mon now." Morgan had his own doubts about this line of thinking.

Morgan's response raised a question in Blake. "Could the chest injuries have come from something besides CPR?"

Hotch was paying attention. "What are you thinking, Blake?"

"I'm wondering if both the suffocation and the injuries to the ribs and sternum could have been caused by the same crushing process. Whether accidental or not."

Reid had seen the medical examiners' reports. "My guess is that they would say it could be consistent."

Rossi felt like they'd gone around in a circle. "Great. The deaths might have been accidental….or not. The chest injuries might be from CPR….or not. Our unsub might be showing remorse…..or not."

Morgan finished for him. "And he may be targeting mothers because he's angry at his own...or not."

Hotch recognized the sound of fatigue when he heard it. Despite the circular thinking, they'd made some headway in the case. They were a day closer to Mothers' Day, but it wouldn't do their case any good to have his profilers trying to solve it when they were exhausted. He dismissed the team for the night.

"We'll get an early start tomorrow. Sleep on it. Come back with fresh ideas. Tomorrow, let's find Francesca O'Toole."

* * *

The team shared a light supper together at the town's diner. Morgan left the table early, in search of a gym. JJ and Reid followed soon afterwards, and walked together to the hotel.

"Will you be able to sleep tonight, Spence?"

"As much as I ever can, I guess. It's just that, as soon as I lay down, my mind goes on overdrive. I can't stop thinking..."

JJ couldn't even begin to imagine what it might be like when this particular mind was on overdrive. "I'm calling Henry to say good night. Would you like to speak with him? He's always a pretty good distraction, isn't he?"

Reid chuckled. "My little buddy. Sure, let's call him."

She followed Reid into his room and took out her phone. She kept the first part of the call private. Reid tried to busy himself with his book, so he wouldn't appear to be eavesdropping.

"Hi, Mom...No, not yet...It's going okay, I guess...Mom, you know I can't really tell you about it. I just called to see how you and Henry made out today...He did? Great! That's my son!...Oh, right, yes..and your grandson. Hey Mom, can you put him on? Spence and I want to say goodnight to him...at the hotel...No, why would you think?...Okay."

She hit the 'speaker' button and motioned to Reid to join her. "Hi, Buddy, how are you? I have Uncle Spence with me."

"Hi, Henry! Are you being good for your grandmother?"

"Hi, Mommy! Hi, Uncle Spence! Mommy, I was the best reader in school today! I got all the words right!" This was the news Sandy had shared with JJ a few minutes ago. The class was sight-reading, and Henry had embraced the process. Hearing the news, Reid turned to JJ with a big grin on his face and proudly tapped his own chest, mouthing the words, "My godson!". Aloud, he shouted, "Go Henry!"

JJ smiled at her son's accomplishment and the enthusiasm it had been met with. They proceeded with a three way conversation that ended with JJ 'reading' Henry a story, and Henry returning one to her. Finally, his "Meme" joined them for prayers and goodnights.

JJ was still smiling as she ended the call and turned to Reid. "Okay, I've put one of my boys to bed. Time for the other one."

He was flustered. "Huh?"

"Get changed. I have an idea."

He eyed her warily as he backed into the bathroom with his sweats and T shirt. He might not know what she was up to, but he did know enough to obey.

When he emerged again, she'd drawn the curtains and the room was lit only by a single dim light.

"Lay down."

"What?"

"Lay down. You don't sleep standing up, do you?"

Again, he obeyed. JJ picked up one of the books he'd had lying on the desk. She'd reached out and chosen it randomly, then saw that it was the Merton book, _The Seven Storey Mountain_. The one that she'd found so dry when she'd tried reading it at his apartment.  _Great._

Reid was watching her, and saw what she meant to do. She was going to read him to sleep.  _Like she used to do for Henry. I remember._

He noticed the expression on her face as she recognized the book. "Go to chapter seven. It will be better."

It was. He'd always found the sound of her voice soothing. Tonight, it soothed him into a deep sleep, his first in well over a month. JJ saw that he was out within the first twenty minutes. But she continued to read, silently. He was right. It  _was_  better.


	39. Chapter 39

**Transitions**

**Chapter 39**

_The moon was a mere sliver, creating a night that was so very, very dark. The air was chilly, and he shivered, sitting alone on the bench. Then he turned to the person next to him. He couldn't really see her at all, but he knew she was there. He could sense her presence. Her essence._

" _Hi." Something about talking to her felt so good. So familiar, and yet not. Like something he hadn't done in a very long time._

" _Hi." She reached out long fingers and placed them over his._

_He didn't recognize the touch. But it thrilled him._

" _Can you stay?"_

" _I have to go. But I'll visit you again."_

" _Stay." He couldn't actually hear his voice, but, still, he knew he was pleading._

_She said only two words._  " _The book."_

_He didn't understand. He understood even less when the scene shifted, and it was day. Bright, blinding daylight. He was sitting at a chessboard, moving figures, alone. Playing against himself. The sunlight was blinding, blinding…._

Reid woke slowly, the sun falling on his face through the slit in the curtains.  _Full_  sun. His gaze flashed to the digital clock at his bedside. Ten-thirteen. AM! His eyes flew wide and he leapt from the bed, fumbling for his phone. No messages. No missed calls. No one had been trying to reach him, to find out why he'd not shown up to the morning meeting. He punched Hotch's number and, once the connection was made, didn't even wait for his superior to speak.

"Hotch? Hotch, I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. I completely slept through. I'm so, so sorry!"

Had he been able to see, he would have been surprised at the smile on the unit chief's face. Reid was mortified, but his boss was pleased. He'd had Morgan check on the genius to verify that he was just sleeping, and then allowed the younger man to stay in his much needed repose.

"It's all right, Reid. Just get here as soon as you can." He couldn't resist adding. "We have coffee."

Ten minutes later, Spencer Reid literally ran through the door of the sheriff's office, unshaven, hair wet from the shower. JJ looked sweetly innocent as she handed him a mug of liquid stimulant.

Reid laid down his messenger bag and took the cup from her. "You're dangerous."

She smiled knowingly and patted his chest as she moved past him to take a seat at the table. "You slept, didn't you?"

Hotch was the only other team member there. In response to Reid's unasked question, he provided, "They're at the scene. Francesca O'Toole's car was found this morning. Wooded area off the highway. We wanted to see the site before it was processed."

Reid moved directly to his map to plot the location as JJ read out the coordinates. Christina Romano's vehicle had yet to be found, a year after her abduction. He was only able to mark the two.

"This is almost twenty miles from where Angelina DeSimone's van was found. And since we don't know exactly where any of the women were when they were taken, it may not help us that much." He stood back from the map and squinted at it until something clicked.

"You know, the child care center where Angie DeSimone's body was found is at least five miles from the nearest major highway. No matter where he took her, he would have had to travel local roads to get to the dump spot."

"Making it difficult to go completely without being noticed…" Hotch was following Reid's train of thought.

"Why would anybody notice him? Couldn't he just have put her in the trunk of his car?" JJ didn't understand what they were getting at.

Reid had consumed enough coffee to be more alert by now. "Because she'd only been dead less than a day. Rigor mortis would have made it hard for him to place her in the trunk. It's much more likely he had his own van or truck."

Hotch had his phone out. He knew this would require luck….but it had worked in police investigations in the past. It was worth a shot.

"Garcia, look for any traffic violations, parking violations, anything related to motor vehicles, within 24 hours of the victims being found. Look in the vicinity of the dump sites. And in the areas where the two vehicles were found. Look at everything, but focus on vans, trucks, and SUVs."

He shrugged at Reid as he gave the order. He knew they were reaching.

"Worked for Son of Sam," the genius remarked.

Garcia could already be heard furiously typing. "Got it, my liege. Back in a snap."

Next, Hotch filled Reid in on the rest of the morning recon. "Blake spoke with both MEs again this morning. They're both certain that the women suffocated from pressure to the chest area. And they're adamant that the amount of pressure required is unlikely to have been accomplished by a human. Not in the upright position. They think it was somehow mechanical."

He could see Reid's eyes moving, reflecting the cognitive activity already in motion, as he continued.

"We've called ahead to the local university. The two of you will meet with the heads of their departments of engineering and physics. We need something solid to go on. Some sense of what kind of machine could have done this."

"With them upright, there's probably not much. Maybe something the unsub configured?"

Reid was energized by the assignment, JJ simply resigned _. A whole morning of physics and engineering ecstasy._   _This might be worse than ComicCon._

Hotch was about to brighten her prospective day. "The university is only a few miles from the mall where both of the murder victims shopped. It looks like Francesca O'Toole had been to the maternity and children's shops there as well. Stop by on your way back, find out what you can."

It was Reid's turn to cringe. Malls were his nemesis. He turned to JJ as he refilled his mug before leaving. "Remember, we stick together. I'll have your back if you'll have mine."

* * *

"Seriously, JJ, I know you meant well, but I'm trying to prove to Hotch that I should be back with the team. I can't be sleeping through work like that."

She was driving this time, looked over at him in the passenger seat. "It was Hotch who stopped me from calling you. He could see you hadn't been sleeping, and he was glad you were finally able to."

She could tell he still wasn't happy, and guessed the reason. "Spence, it's not that he thinks we can get along without you. It's just the opposite. We  _all_ know we need you on the team. We want you back at your best. If that takes sleeping in for just one day, so be it."

He realized he'd sounded ungrateful. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be difficult about it. I just….well, anyway, thank you. I haven't slept like that in…..forever."

"Obviously you needed it. So I'm glad. Now, I need you to wake up all the way, because I am most definitely not carrying on a conversation about physics and engineering. With anyone."

Now that she'd reminded him of their task, he was enthused. "I'm looking forward to it, actually. Really. This might almost be as much fun as…."

"Ugh. ComicCon. I know."

* * *

Drs. Helstrom and Chiang were waiting for them together, in Chiang's office. After introductions, they sat together at a small conference table, and Reid began the inquiry. There was still the question of whether the sternum had been fractured in the act of killing or the act of resuscitating. He began by pursuing the latter.

"Dr. Chiang, from the perspective of a physicist, how much pressure would it take to suffocate someone without breaking any bones?" Reid was sure he knew the answer to this already.

"It would depend on the surface area of the compression. If more of the torso is compressed, it will require much less compression to prevent the person from taking a breath."

Dr. Helstrom, the engineer, added, "It would be easier to compress without breaking bones if a large surface area was involved. With a small surface area, the compression pressure would have to be greater, making it more likely that a break would occur."

In spite of her determination to leave the discussion to Reid, JJ was curious. "Are we talking the breastbone….the sternum? Or ribs?"

"Or vertebrae," added Reid.

"Any of them," advised Dr. Helstrom, "depending on where the pressure was applied."

"So, it would be difficult for a person to accomplish this by crushing his opponent, correct? Because he would be compressing only a small surface area, and would need more compression force?" Reid knew this was what the MEs had concluded. Now he wanted the physical scientists' impression.

"Correct, Dr. Reid." Dr. Chiang spoke up. "However, a lower level of force exerted over a longer period of time could have the same effect. I believe it would be less likely to result in a bony fracture, but it would accomplish the suffocation."

Reid nodded his understanding. This might well have been a person-to-person event. But he wanted to explore all avenues of possibility.

"Dr. Helstrom, is there any device you can think of that might accomplish this mechanically?"

"I've been thinking about that since Agent Hotchner called earlier. Most compression machines are designed to crush from above, using gravity as part of their force. There's very little that would accomplish a lateral compression as you've described has been found on the bodies. And even less that would accomplish a circumferential compression. But I suppose anyone can make a python."

JJ's eyes widened as she caught Reid's gaze. They both turned back to Helstrom.

"A python?" inquired JJ.

"Yes. A python. Or a boa constrictor. They both kill by encircling their prey and suffocating them, slowly, a breath at a time. I suppose someone could construct a device that did the same with rubber tubing and air compression."

Reid was anxious to go now. "Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Helstrom. And Dr. Chiang. You've both been very helpful."

* * *

"A python! Spence, you don't really think he unleashed a python on them." Hoping he really didn't.

"Think about it, JJ. It fits. It could suffocate a person and then crush her sternum."

She couldn't suppress a shiver. "Couldn't it just have been that he created the tubing thing? With the air compression? Why does it have to be a snake?"

He was driving now, and looked over at her with a surprised grin on his face. This was something he hadn't known about her. It always tickled him when he learned something new.

"Woods… _.and_  snakes?"

"And cemeteries. And don't give me a hard time about it, "Mister I'm-Afraid-of–the-Dark". I just don't like them, all right?"

It felt good to banter with her. Felt almost like his old life, his life 'before'. He kept it up.

"That's " _Doctor_  I'm-Afraid-of-the-Dark" to you, Miss."

She laughed and punched his arm. It felt easy, and free, and both of them relished it. It seemed like it had been a lifetime ago since they'd been able to joke with each other.

Maybe because it had been.  

* * *

The mall was huge. Then again, to Reid,  _any_ mall looked huge. He favored small, neighborhood stores, even for his grocery shopping. Anything bigger, and he was immediately overstimulated. Before, when he'd had the migraines, this kind of experience had been a trigger. He remembered that as he meekly followed JJ into the entrance, and suddenly realized that the headaches had not returned, even with the loss of Maeve. 

_They said it was the stress and decompression cycle that did it to me. Maybe I haven't decompressed yet._

Without even looking at a map of the mall, JJ instinctively turned left. Reid hurried to follow her, asking, "How do you know where you're going? Have you been here before?"

"Mall psychology."

"Mall psychology?"

"The maternity shops and kids' stores are always near the rest rooms. And they're always in the middle of the mall."

"Oh." Catching on to the theme, he posited, "Mightn't they also be near the food court?"

"Nope, that's for teens. Arcades, media stores, you know."

"Where would the book stores be? Do you think they have any in this mall?" He was going to volunteer to make inquiry there while she handled the rest.

"Bookstores are disappearing, Spence. Everything's done on line now. Even the books are virtual."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she proclaimed the blasphemy, and had to suppress a smile when the color left his face.

They'd arrived at the maternity clothing and supplies shop. Reid's eye was immediately drawn to a corner of the store that seemed to contain electric gadgets. He headed over to satisfy his curiosity, and then quickly turned back around, a deep blush creeping up his face, when he realized what the 'gadgets' were for.

JJ couldn't suppress her laugh this time. "Never seen a breast pump before?"

"No. They're strange, aren't they?" He was clearly embarrassed.

"They're lifesavers. Trust me."

As close as they were, as much as they'd shared, this felt like too intimate a conversation to be having with JJ. Reid looked around for something to use to change the subject, then blushed even more deeply when his eyes settled on the section devoted to nursing bras.

"Can't I just wait for you outside?"

"Hey, I just went to the geek soiree with you, the least you can do is stay and ask a few questions."

The sales clerk finished with her customer and came over to greet them. "Welcome, how can I help you? Are you shopping for yourselves or someone else today?" Her gaze wandered to JJ's abdomen as she spoke.

"Actually," began JJ, "we're from the FBI."

Reid flashed his badge as JJ went on to explain about the missing and murdered women, and their common purchases from the shop.

"Oh, my God, yes, I remember the second one. I'd been working here for about a year when it happened. I  _thought_  her picture looked familiar! Oh, my God, I  _knew_  her!"

Her words didn't sound as promising as they would have liked. It appeared the clerk didn't actually know all that much about Christina Romano. Reid pushed for more.

"Is there anyone who might have been working here longer than you? Someone who might remember the first victim as well?"

The young woman thought about that and then snapped her fingers. "Tammy! She's next door now, at the kids' shop. It's the same owner, and she moved Tammy over there to manage. She's been here for about five years, I think."

They thanked her and headed out of the store, Reid breathing a sigh of relief as he did so. The children's shop was, indeed, right next to the maternity store. Their luck held, as Tammy was on shift and available to speak with them.

JJ took the lead on explaining their mission. Tammy gasped when JJ mentioned the missing Francesca O'Toole.

"Oh, my God, I didn't know! I'm just back from vacation, and I haven't caught up on the news. Francesca's missing?"

"It sounds like you know her pretty well," observed Reid.

"I do. Did. Do. Oh, my God, please don't let her be dead!"

JJ put a calming hand on Tammy's arm. "How do you know her so well?"

"We go to the same gym. I used to see her every morning, until she got too far along. Then I would see her here. She'd started back to the gym months ago. Oh, my God!"

Reid put on his quiet voice. "Tammy, we need to know if there's anything…..or anyone…that links the three women. We know they were all young mothers….. _great_  mothers…..but we haven't been able to tell if they knew each other in any way, or if they had someone or something in common."

The quiet voice served to calm the young store manager. She thought for a long time, but ended up shaking her head. "I can't remember the others as well as I do Francesca. And I can't remember if any of them would have met the others. Did you check at the gym?"

JJ responded. "Our technical analyst checked on that, and any other obvious connections. There was nothing. It would have to be less obvious, something that wouldn't show up on line or on, for example, a credit card."

Tammy's eyes widened. JJ had shaken loose a memory.

"There  _was_ something. Or, someone. There was a guy who stopped by the store…both stores, actually….to leave his cards. He did birthday parties for kids. I wouldn't have remembered it, but he started talking with one woman, and they got into it. He wanted some kind of deposit, and she didn't have any cash with her, but he wouldn't take her credit card. I'm pretty sure a lot of women took the cards. It sounded like a fun party for little kids-balloons, clowns, even a little portable petting zoo."

The two FBI profilers looked at each other. "Do you know anything about the petting zoo, Tammy?" Reid's brain was leaping several steps ahead.

"His card mentions rabbits and ferrets, stuff like that."

"Not snakes?" JJ wanted to clarify.

Reid was already beyond that. "Things that can be  _fed_  to snakes."

JJ's brows went up. She turned back to Tammy. "Do you have any more of those cards?"


	40. Chapter 40

**Transitions**

**Chapter 40**

They phoned the information ahead to Hotch, as they returned to the sheriff's office to meet up with the full team. When they arrived, Reid ran through their discussion with the scientists, while JJ gave them the information they'd learned at the mall.

"A python?" Rossi's face belied his disgust at the idea.

"Seriously, Pretty Boy?" Morgan watched the faces of his two colleagues, as though waiting for them to reveal the punchline.

Blake's reaction surprised them all. "I saw someone who'd been crushed by a python once. I was visiting my husband at his medical camp in Cambodia and a group of people actually ran in with the man on a makeshift pallet. They'd chopped off the head of the snake, but it was still wrapped around him. Even with the python dead, it took all pf our strength to unwrap it."

All eyes were on the newest team member, and the five others found a new respect for Alex. JJ still couldn't suppress a shiver every time the giant snake was mentioned. Morgan noticed and started to tease her.

"Hey, Blondie, what's wrong? Have a thing about snakes?"

She was about to respond when she was preempted.

"Everybody's got something, Morgan. Like, I don't know…..say...elevators….maybe?" Reid caught JJ's eye with a look that said, "I've got your back." She couldn't help but smile, both at the chivalry, and at Reid's rag at Morgan.

Hotch had let the non-productive exchange go on longer than usual, pleased to see that his team members were, for the most part, back on track. The two youngest still had a long way to go to recover from their respective traumas, but there were signs of recovery all around. Now, he had to call them back to order.

"All right, people. We still have a case to solve, and a missing woman to find."

The reminder of Francesca O'Toole's status was immediately sobering, and the group got back to work.

"Reid, what have we got?" Hotch was looking for a summary statement.

"We have a possible mechanism of death….several, actually…..and a possible link between the three women." He turned his attention to JJ. "Anything yet?"

"Still waiting for the husbands to call me back. I think it's pickup time for school."

She'd made an inquiry as to whether the women had used, or even considered using, the male party organizer.

Reid continued. "We have two of the vehicles, each recovered in a remote area, 19.6 miles apart. Angie DeSimone's van was found seven miles from where her body was dumped. Francesca O'Toole's car was found in a remote area thirteen miles from her home, but we don't have another reference point for it yet."

All of them realizing that gaining another reference point would mean having lost the victim.

Rossi continued for him. "We have a pretty clear connection with the fact that they were mothers…..and notably good mothers, at that. And, unfortunately, we have a deadline. Mother's Day is three days away."

Garcia buzzed in. She'd been given several new tasks in the past half hour.

"Okay, boys and girls, I have news. Good news, and bad news. Which do you want first?"

"Hey, Baby Girl, any kind of news helps. What have you got?"

"What I  _haven't_  got is any good news about traffic violations involving the kinds of vehicles we're interested in. So we'll have to hope that the name you gave me pans out, because it's the only name we've got."

There had been only a name and a contact phone number on the business card given to JJ.

Hotch was impatient. "Go ahead, Garcia. What about him?"

They could hear her taking a deep breath before she launched into it. "'Dennis Lavalette lives at 4224 Anaconda in Sacramento. He's been in business as 'D-Party's D-Thing' for the past nine years. Before that, he worked as an assistant to an assistant feeder at the Sacramento Zoo."

"Let me guess, the reptile exhibit?" Rossi's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"The very thing. He was dismissed pretty quickly though, only lasted there about six months."

"Do we know why he was fired, Garcia?" JJ was curious.

"It looks like…."they could hear her keyboarding in the background….."he missed too many days. Absenteeism."

"Any hints as to why, Baby Girl?"

"Maybe….if I can just….there, got it. The employment records were protected."

The six in the room looked at each other and smiled.  _Nothing_  was protected from Penelope Garcia.

"There's a notation, scanned in. I can barely read the handwriting, but I think it says "un….undocumented family illness"."

"Does it say who was ill, Pen?" JJ knew they all thought it would be his mother, but she wanted confirmation.

They could hear the rapid strike of her fingers against the keys.

"It doesn't say who, but…let me try something...Bingo! His mother, Mary Lavalette, died eight years ago, four months after he was terminated."

"Garcia, can you find medical records on her? Or a death certificate?" If Dennis was their unsub, Rossi wondered if his mother might have been his first victim.

More typing.

"She…..died at home….of….cancer."

There was silence for a moment, as they all thought about what that might mean.

"So, he didn't kill her." JJ finally voiced it for the group.

"So, maybe he didn't hate her, but was triggered by her loss?" Alex knew there was a big hole in that theory, even as she spoke.

Morgan voiced it. "Then why the delay? Why wasn't he triggered until two years ago?"

"No weapon? Maybe he didn't have access to the python….or the machine….until then." Rossi was being practical.

Hotch had another idea. "Maybe…" He was thinking aloud….."Garcia, can you look for any other women who went missing within a month of Mother's Day, or who were found within a day of Mother's Day? Open up the area."

"How wide, Sir?"

"Go nationwide, Garcia. We need to be sure. Maybe he  _didn't_  wait six years."

While she was looking, the others continued their discussion.

"Say it's him, how do we approach him?" Morgan was in planning mode. "We need to assume he's still got Francesca O'Toole."

Hotch turned to Reid, who was standing at the map. "What does the location look like?"

"4224 Anaconda is on the outskirts of Sacramento. It doesn't look like there's much besides residential properties in the area."

JJ pulled it up on her tablet. "Here's an aerial view. It looks pretty wooded, might give him enough cover…"

"And enough insulation. It looks like there could be a lot of noise coming from this place, and the nearest neighbor could easily not have heard a thing," added Morgan.

"We'll need a distraction. We need to pull him away from the property." Reid was thinking aloud again.

Rossi agreed with him. And he thought he knew a way. "What if we sent him to meet another customer? Someone who wanted to give a birthday party for her young child?"

Without planning, all of them turned to look at JJ, who did her best to appear nonplussed.

"Me? I guess I could. If it would help bring Francesca O'Toole back to her family."

Reid kept his eyes on her as the team began to plan how she would approach Lavalette. The others seemed to have forgotten her fear of snakes, but he hadn't.

"I don't think JJ should meet him alone."

She flashed her best friend a look that was inscrutable. It seemed to say, 'I can take care of myself' at the same time that it said 'thank you'.

Hotch heard the concern in Reid's voice. He may not have shared it, but he knew enough to pay attention to it.

"Reid may be right." He saw that JJ was about to declare her capability, and he raised his hand to put her off. "I think he may use these initial visits to select his prey. I doubt he takes them right away. If he did, we'd have seen the consultations in the schedules of the victims on the days they disappeared."

He watched as the others took that in, and began to nod their heads. Then he continued.

"But there's no need for us to take any chances. Reid, you'll be with JJ. You can meet him as a couple."

The two young profilers glanced at each other. Reid could see the continued protest in JJ's eyes competing with her relief at not having to face the potential unsub…..and his snakes….alone.

* * *

"I have to bring my husband to the airport. Could we meet at the coffee shop on highway 16?"

Reid watched JJ's expression as she listened to Dennis Lavalette's response on the phone. She nodded to indicate he'd agreed.

"Great. We'll meet you at 4 then, after your party. Thanks for being so accommodating."

She turned to Hotch. "He's just getting ready to wrap up a party, so it sounds like he's already out of the house. We should be able to keep him busy for another hour or so. Will that be enough time?"

"It will have to be. Morgan, ask the sheriff to round up any available hands. We need to head out there now." Hotch turned to his two youngest. "You'd better get going as well. Be careful."

"My middle name," muttered Reid.

* * *

"Can I fix it myself?" Reid had long ago learned that the baristas didn't actually believe him when he told them how much sugar he wanted in his coffee. He'd become accustomed to getting it black and making his own alterations. This barista relented.

Reid started to slide in the side of the booth across from JJ, then remembered that they should both be positioned to watch their potential unsub.

"Scoot over." He sat next to JJ and turned to look at her. "Was that Richard on the phone before?"

She nodded. "He's been in contact with Will's lawyer. They talked about my mom's plan to be available for me. Both of them think the court wouldn't consider giving Will full custody as long as I've got a decent plan in place. So the other attorney is going to see if he can get Will to agree to joint custody."

Reid's eyes tracked back and forth across her face, looking for a sign. But she wasn't giving it away. He was going to have to ask.

"How do you feel about that? Joint custody?"

She heaved a sigh. "I think I _have_  to be okay about it. I do worry about how Will is sometimes, but I really don't have any reason to try to keep him from his son. And Henry does love him."

Reid studied her a moment longer, looking for any attempt at masking her consternation. He found nothing. "Well, if you're okay with it, then I'm all for it too."

She smiled at him and put her hand on his forearm. "I know you worry about us, Spence. I almost count on it. But I think this will be okay. And I don't see that there is any other way."

He laid his other hand over hers. "Just so you know that, if you ever think differently….."

"I can come to you. I  _do_  know. Thank you." She leaned over and kissed his cheek just as they were approached by a middle aged man.

"Mr. and Mrs. Morgan?"

JJ recovered first and put out her hand. "You must be Mr. Lavalette."

"Dennis Lavalette. Pleased to meet you." He shook JJ's hand, and then Reid's. "You wanted to talk about a party?"

* * *

At 4224 Anaconda, the search party spread itself out over the three acre property. There was a home, a detached garage, and several outbuildings, all scattered across a wooded area. Morgan, Rossi and a contingent from the sheriff's office made short work of the main house. Nothing. Just the expected décor of an aging bachelor. No sign of the victim, no evidence that any of the petting zoo animals had been in the house either.

Hotch and Blake took the garage, including a small apartment above it. There were signs of fairly recent habitation, but it was otherwise empty. They rejoined their colleagues and several officers from the sheriff's office to begin a search of the outbuildings.

As they approached the first of several small cabins, Morgan remarked to Hotch, "You know, there's nothing says he's kept them here. He could be the right guy, but he's got them somewhere else."

Hotch knew his colleague was right. "Let's worry about that when and if we have to. We've got three more buildings to check on this property first."

Alex overheard them talking. "If we're going to find any snakes…and especially a python…..it will be somewhere where he was able to provide enough heat for it. Almost definitely it will have to have a power supply."

That limited the options immediately. The lines in from the road were above ground. Unless their potential unsub had run underground wires himself, there was only one cabin that would qualify to host a python. Hotch pulled his team in that direction.

* * *

"So, what kind of party did you have in mind?"

"Well, our son loves animals, so we were particularly interested in the petting zoo, right, Henry?"

Reid took JJ's cue. "Emily's right. But, tell me again, what kinds of animals do you bring? We don't want anything too exotic."

"I just bring a small assortment of animals that kids can actually hold. Mostly rabbits, ferrets, hamsters. I do have a small goat that I can bring If he'd like that."

Reid decided to try something. "He loves all animals. But, for some reason, he  _really_  loves reptiles. We bring him to the zoo, and we can't keep him out of the reptile house. Give him a snake, and he's in heaven." He squinted at Dennis Lavalette. "You don't happen to have any snakes, do you?"

JJ had her hand on Reid's arm throughout the conversation. At the mention of the snakes, she squeezed with an iron grip. Lavalette noticed.

"Snakes make you nervous, ma'am?"

JJ didn't have to do any acting for this one. "I love little Alex with all my heart, but I don't know that I can have a snake at my house."

Reid put his arm around JJ and addressed Lavalette. "She's the best mom in the world, the absolute best?" Then he turned to look at JJ. "You wouldn't have to be near it. You'd do it for Alex, wouldn't you?"

She reluctantly agreed, as planned. "You're right. I shouldn't let my own fears get in the way of making him happy." Turning back to Lavalette, she said, "All right. But just a small snake, okay?"

Reid squeezed her and smiled at Lavalette. "See, I told you. Best mom in the world!" He tried to read the expression that crossed Lavalette's face at hearing those words, but couldn't.

Lavalette started to rise from his seat. "As a matter of fact, I have a bunch of the animals in my van right now. Would you like to step out and take a look?"

* * *

The sheriff's squad made short work of the two cabins without an external power source, finding nothing. At the same time, the BAU team surrounded the one electric-powered cabin. Morgan led the way, kicking in the door.

"FBI!"

They burst through, one following quickly upon the other. Inside, the cabin was lined with cages of various sizes and shapes, all of them empty. Notably, there was what looked like a fish tank, also empty of both water and fish.

"I think that's where he keeps the snake." Rossi reached the logical conclusion.

"Hotch! Over here!" Morgan had found something. They all moved in his direction, and could see that he'd found a hatchway. He unlatched it and raised the hatch. Shining his flashlight into the darkness below, he called out.

"Is anyone down there?"


	41. Chapter 41

**Transitions**

**Chapter 41**

Lavalette's minivan was white, with a magnetic business sign attached to each side. He brought JJ and Reid around to the back and opened the door.

"Just came from a party for a little boy who sounds a lot like your little guy. Kid was wild about snakes."

He pulled the door open, and they could see several small cages inside, with two of each kind of animal. Two rabbits, two ferrets, two hamsters. But the aquarium seemed to hold far more than two snakes.

"Would you like to hold anything?" He'd directed the comment to JJ. She wasn't really interested in playing with the animals, but knew they needed to buy more time for the search effort.

"Sure. How about one of the rabbits?"

Lavalette opened the cage and then handed them each a rabbit. Reid realized that neither of them had a free hand now, and became uneasy. He made a mental plan about how quickly he could drop the rabbit and reach for the gun that was stuck into the rear of his belt.

JJ was equally aware, but made a show of being enchanted by the animals. She spent time petting, and soothing, and then exchanged rabbits with Reid and did the same with the other animals as well.

Both profilers had noticed Lavalette's reaction to JJ's designation as a great mother. It put her in the same category as the women who'd been taken, including those who'd been killed. They felt certain Lavalette would do anything to keep her engaged. JJ took advantage of it by slowly working her way through each of the mammals, holding, petting, asking questions, exchanging with Reid and doing the same all over again. Lavalette looked like he was beginning to feel impatient, but his ultimate plan required him to react patiently, and he did so.

When they'd exhausted all of the other animals, and only the snakes were left, Reid caught JJ's eye.  _You don't have to do this._

He watched her take a deep breath in and expel it. Her return gaze answered him.  _Yes, I do._

He loved her. When she'd been inaccessible, he'd loved her. When they'd fallen into deep friendship, he'd loved her. When his heart had been broken, she'd loved him, and he'd loved her. And just now, when she was determined to overcome a deep-seated fear for the sake of someone they didn't even know, he loved her.

She turned to Lavalette. "I guess there's no time like the present. I may as well give it a try, right?"

Lavalette smiled at her, a show of teeth that raised their profilers' hackles. "Are you sure you want to hold a snake?"

When she slowly nodded, he unlocked the lid on the aquarium and slid it open.

* * *

A muffled sound met Morgan's shout. He moved cautiously down the stairs, followed closely by Hotch, Blake and Rossi. The beams of their flashlights were quickly swallowed up by the darkness of the windowless cavern. Morgan couldn't help but wonder if he was hearing the sound of slithering.

They formed a circle, back to back, and moved out in an expanding ring to look into every section of the room. Suddenly, they heard a panicked "What the…. God!" from Rossi, and each of them turned their beams in the same direction. He was standing ten feet from what looked like at least ten feet of coiled snake. His brain did the mental calculation, and he leaped backwards.

Morgan recovered first, and seeing that the snake had remained coiled, turned his flashlight back to the nether reaches of the basement. He kept it trained near the floor, just in case Rossi hadn't found the  _only_  snake present.

Swinging his torch quickly in an arc from left to right, he almost missed it. He swung back again, more slowly this time. There, a board, up against one of the upright supports, facing away from him. He ran the light upward along the board and spotted a small piece of white fabric, just visible, at the edge.

"Hotch, I think I found something."

The unit chief left Blake and Rossi to watch the snake…..from what they now all hoped was a healthy distance….and joined Morgan. Their lights showed no sign of any type of animal life within a radius around the upright support as they moved very slowly in its direction. Finally, Morgan was able to see around the board.

Frightened eyes met his.

"Got her! It's all right, ma'am. We're from the FBI. Everything's all right." As he spoke, he removed the duct tape from her mouth. Hotch was already working on the tape that attached the rest of her body to the board, and the board to the pole.

"The snake! There's a snake!"

Morgan tried to soothe her as he worked to free her. "We know, ma'am. We're watching it. It doesn't seem to be moving right now."

"It will! He warned me! It senses motion! When it needs to be fed, it moves very quickly. He hasn't fed it in three weeks…..and…and….he said if I moved, it would find me!"

The profilers worked more furiously at the tape, but there was a lot of it, and it was sturdy. Hotch was even having trouble working his knife through it.

"Guys?" There was an edge to Rossi's voice. "It's moving a little."

"Can't you just shoot it?" Morgan's frustration was coming through.

"Where? The head is buried under one of the coils!"

Francesca O'Toole was becoming frantic. "Hurry! Can't you hurry?"

"Please try to relax, ma'am. We'll be able to loosen these faster if your muscles aren't so tensed." Hotch knew he was requesting the impossible.

Standing next to him, Alex touched Rossi's arm to get his attention. She indicated she wanted to help Hotch and Morgan, but wouldn't leave him if he wanted her there. Resignedly, Rossi motioned her to go. As much as he didn't like the idea of guarding the snake alone, he knew their chances of getting out of the basement quickly were better if she helped their colleagues.

"It's cooler here in the basement. That would probably slow it down a little." Alex offered the encouragement before she moved away.

"Probably?" said Rossi, as he watched her go and then quickly returned his eyes to the reptile.

Alex moved over to where the two men were frantically trying to free the captive woman. She knew her contribution would come, not from tearing at the tape, but from connecting with their victim.

"Francesca, " she soothed, using the familiar name to gain the confidence of the woman, "your husband and your children are waiting for you. They're fine, they just want to get you home. What stands between that and this basement is loosening these bonds. Now, work with me. Close your eyes. That's right, close your eyes. Picture yourself with them. Holding your children again, embracing your husband.  _Get there._  Do whatever it takes. Relax your fingers, relax your toes."

Alex's voice was quiet, soft, almost hypnotic. She continued.

"Okay? Good. Now relax your arms, start with your forearms. Do your best to take a deep breath…" Knowing that the tape constricting her torso might make that difficult. "Good. Now relax your shoulders….."

The men were making progress, now that they could reach their hands into the space between her limbs and the tape. Within a minute, they had her torso loose.

"How are we doing over there?" Rossi couldn't afford to take his eyes from the snake long enough to turn around and look. "My friend here makes a little move every twenty seconds or so."

"Getting there, Rossi. Should only be another minute or two." Hotch tried to sound more sure of it than he actually was.

Alex resumed talking Francesca O'Toole down. It became easier, once the woman saw the success the process had produced with freeing her upper body. She wanted nothing more than to be with her children again. A mother could do  _anything_  to make that happen. It was what Alex had counted on.

Finally, the last of the tape was loosed, and Francesca literally fell away from the board.

"Can you walk?" asked Alex.

"I can't feel my feet. The tape was so tight…"

Morgan lifted her into his arms and ran for the stairs, following Hotch's flashlight. Alex ran behind them, calling to Rossi.

"David! It's time…she's free!"

He didn't need to be told twice. With the commotion toward the stairs, the snake had become more active and was now actively uncoiling. Rossi bounded up the stairs after the others. He slammed the door behind him and then found some towels to stuff into the spaces above and below.

Hotch was already calling for the EMTs to see to Francesca O'Toole. When he'd done so, he walked over to his old friend and slapped him on the back. "First drink's on me."

* * *

The lid was off the aquarium. Lavalette pulled out a small snake and dangled it in front of JJ. Reid stepped between them and took the snake into his own hands.

"Here, Emily, why don't I hold it and you can just pet it."

JJ's back was to Lavalette. He couldn't see her mouth "Thank you" to Reid. She reached out tentatively and lifted her fingers to the snake. Reid watched the trembling digits as they lowered and touched the snakeskin. He saw a shiver run through her body.

"Just take your time. He can't reach you, I've got him. Just feel his skin."

JJ recognized Reid's use of his soft victim/unsub voice, and realized how effective it was. She felt calmer just listening to him. She stroked the snake's skin and recoiled a bit when it moved in response to the contact.

Lavalette watched the scene. He was sure he'd found his next victim. But Mother's Day was already accounted for, this year. She would have to be groomed for next year. He decided to challenge her, and lifted a second snake from the aquarium. The removal of the first two had aroused the other six snakes. Now that they weren't made sleepy in the air conditioning, they were all moving about.

"Here, you can hold one too." He swung the snake in JJ's direction. She startled back, and Reid threw Lavalette an angry look.

"She's getting used to it, man. Why did you do that?" As he was speaking, he could hear his phone vibrating. He grabbed it from his pocket and quickly read…

VICTIM SAFE.  IT'S HIM.

Reid flashed a look and a subtle nod to JJ, who was still recoiled from the snake Lavalette was holding. Reid dropped his snake back into the aquarium and moved toward Lavalette, who rounded back until he was standing next to the aquarium again.

Reid reached behind him to pull out his gun, while JJ pulled out her badge and announced it to him, glad to have the upper hand again.

"FBI! Dennis Lavalette, you are under arrest!"

Lavalette quickly put his hand back into the aquarium. They were in the confined space of the minivan, which was parked in a busy public parking lot, making it impossible for Reid to shoot. Lavalette's hand came back up, this time with a handful of snakes. He threw them at JJ, who screamed in spite of herself. Two of the snakes landed on her, one on a shoulder and another on the top of her head. Reid's attention was momentarily with his colleague, and Lavalette took advantage of the distraction to leap past the FBI agent and into the parking lot.

JJ was virtually paralyzed by the snakes until Reid stepped over and plucked them from her. Both of them jumped down from the van and ran after Lavalette, who was headed for the highway. JJ was a runner, and very fast. She outpaced Reid and nearly caught up with Lavalette as he leapt the guardrail. She followed after him, and called for him to stop. He looked back to gauge her distance. When he turned around again, still running full out, he was in the path of large semi. JJ cringed as she saw him hit. His body flew at least fifty feet, where it landed in the road and was struck by two more pieces of unsuspecting oncoming traffic.

Reid caught up to JJ and saw what had happened. She stood at the side of the road, trying to catch her breath.

"You okay?"

She nodded, huffing. Reid took his phone out again, and called it in.

* * *

The plane ride home was unusual. None of them slept, each too afraid of the nightmare they were sure would ensue.

Morgan broke the silence. "How did he even get started with that?"

Reid had generated a theory, after having speed-read parts of a journal they'd found in Lavalette's computer.

"He had a love/hate relationship with his mother. She'd be overprotective one minute, and disapproving the next. He felt like he could never be what she wanted him to be. He could never earn her love, and she made him think that he never showed her enough love. So he would create ways to show affection. Gifts, flowers, physical signs. He wrote that, when he was a boy, he couldn't hug her hard enough. Not hard enough for him, and not hard enough for her. And then he learned about pythons. He ignored that they constricted enough to kill, and focused on the idea that they could give the ultimate 'hug'."

Shivers ran up and down several spines as they listened. Garcia was listening in by computer, and shivered in her tech room.

"But it wasn't clear from his writing if he targeted the victims because he wanted to give them the ultimate hug as a gift, or whether he was punishing them with it. I don't know that we'll ever know."

JJ spoke up. "I'm so glad her little boy has Francesca back. He broke my heart when he fell asleep on me that day."

That reminded Garcia of something. "Oh, Jayje, that reminds me. Your mom wants you to call her. Something about a school social?"

Reid noticed as JJ rolled her eyes. "Okay, thanks, Pen. I'll do it when we land."

The others busied themselves with files, or reading, or music. Reid had his books at the ready, but was curious. "They have socials in preschool?"

JJ closed her eyes and shook her head. "Twice a year they have socials for the parents. So they can get to know one another, set up carpools, feel comfortable making playdates. Things like that."

"So why the reaction?"

For reasons she didn't entirely understand, she was uncomfortable telling him, but she did so anyway.

"I guess the word is out. About me, I mean. And Will. The fact that we're not together anymore. A couple of the single dads have been hovering, and one of them seems to be thinking of this as an opportunity for a date."

For reasons he didn't entirely understand, Reid's stomach plummeted. He simply hadn't considered this at all. That, with the end of her marriage to Will, JJ would be dating again. That there would be other men in her life. He had to swallow before he could respond.

"And you don't want it?". Knowing what he hoped he'd hear.

"I'm not ready, Spence. I don't know that I ever will be-once bitten, you know? Maybe, some day. But I'm not ready to do all that work of getting to know someone new and going through the whole dating thing again.  Not now."

He felt relieved, and then felt guilty for it. Being well acquainted with loneliness, he knew he shouldn't want it for JJ.  _Still_...

"Don't go, then."

She shook her head again. "I have to. I can't be the only parent who doesn't show up."

"What about Will?"

She thought he'd meant to suggest that Will accompany her. But Will was away for the week, so he wasn't an option. But that did give her an idea...

"Will's gone for the week." She hesitated, not sure if she should say it. Then decided she had nothing to lose.

"Spence, I know it's a lot to ask, but…do you think you could go with me?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Transitions**

**Chapter 42**

_The ringing wouldn't stop. He'd taken the receiver from its nest, repeatedly spoken into it, waiting for a response that wouldn't come. He began to shout into the phone. "Maeve! Maeve!" But there was no response, and the phone continued to ring. Maybe…..He took his cell from his pocket and shouted into it. Again, no response, and no end to the ringing. He threw the phone in frustration, and began to shout aloud, in the middle of the park. "Maeve! Maeve!"_

_A figure he didn't recognize approached him._

" _Why didn't you answer her?"_

" _What? Who are you?"_

" _Why didn't you answer her?"_

" _I tried! I tried, but she wasn't there!"_

_"Spencer. Why are you here all alone?"_

_"I'm not alone, am I?"_

_"You're right, you're not alone. Why can't you see that?"_

He awakened, heart pounding in frustration, surprised to find that he was in his own apartment, stretched out on the couch. The late afternoon sun slanted through the blinds, creating a pattern on the floor and walls. Reid rubbed his eyes, trying to erase the dream. He'd had some variation of it each day for the past three days.

* * *

Later, the receiver was in his hand again, as he waited for the party he'd called to come to the phone. He'd been alerted she was having one of her good days.

"Spencer?"

"Hi, Mom. Happy Mother's Day."

"Spencer, you know I don't celebrate any of these made-up holidays."

He paused to sigh. "I know, Mom. I just thought….well, I just wanted to wish you a happy day, that's all."

On her good days, days such as this one, she realized her errors. "You just…..well, thank you, Spencer, it was very nice of you."

"You're welcome. Mom, how are you, really?"

Whenever the nurses announced a 'good day', he took advantage to have a more meaningful conversation. Now, he was trying to be sure she was happy with her care.

"I'm fine, Spencer," she assured him.

But she thought she'd heard something in  _his_  voice. For Diana, motherhood trumped mental illness. She was always able to tell when her son was troubled, but not always able to act on her concern. Today, she heard, and, having clarity, she mothered.

"You don't sound quite yourself, Spencer. Is something wrong?"

The question brought him back to a day many weeks ago.

###########

He hadn't told his mother about Maeve. Not in detail. Not in any kind of truth. In his daily correspondence, he'd mentioned a 'new friend', but not the nature of the friendship.

Then, when he'd lost Maeve, and lost his ability to function for days on end, he'd not maintained that correspondence. He'd not written his letters to Diana. His mind had been so consumed with trying to understand Maeve's disappearance into death that he'd completely forgotten everything else. That disruption in their routine had aroused Diana's maternal instinct. For the first time in a very long time….really, the first time since the dilaudid… _she'd_  written to  _him_. The letter had been found by JJ, in an unattended pile of mail, during one of the visits she'd forced upon Reid. He'd been having up days and down, and this had been a  _very_ down day.

"Spence, it looks like this is from your mother." When he didn't make a response, she pushed him. "Don't you think you should open it?"

He shrugged. "Why? It won't make any sense. It never does."

It was the first time JJ had ever heard him express defeat about his mother's illness. His emotions were so unfettered during this period that she wondered if maybe she was finally seeing things the way they really were. He'd never expressed resentment about Diana's situation before, but it was oozing from him now.

As much as JJ cared about Reid, she was also a mother. She loved her friend dearly, but she also identified and related with Diana. She knew that, if it were Henry…..

"Spence, I think you should open it. She's probably worried about you. You haven't written her at all in the past few weeks, have you?"

He just looked at her with those faraway eyes. Watching him, she prayed for the day when he would stay fully present with her. For now, she was going to have to do her best to lure him back.

"Would you like me to read it to you?" Indirectly asking permission to open it.

She decided to interpret his shrug as assent, and tore through the envelope.

She began to read aloud. "It says, 'Dear Spencer, You haven't written me for four days now. I'm worried. Dr. Norman says you're just busy, that you have an important job. But I have a mother's instinct. I've told you before, we  _know_ things. I know something's wrong. Please write to me, Spencer. Or please call me. I'm your mother. Sincerely, Diana Reid."

JJ's voice was choked by the time she reached the final line. Her heart broke for the broken Diana, so ill, and so stilted, but so worried with the heart of a mother. And her heart broke all over again for Reid, as she gained an even deeper understanding of how he'd been raised. Of how the young Spencer must have longed for nurturing, even while in the presence of his mother. And she understood, on a new level, the depth and devastation of the loss of Maeve. For the first time in his life, he'd tasted untainted, unconditional love, and it had been brutally ripped from him.

He was standing by the window, his back to the beauty of the sun framed against the clouds. He'd begun to unconsciously eschew beauty these days. He was a shadowed figure, with the stance of someone defeated by life. For a fleeting instant, she actually  _felt_  his loneliness. She walked slowly over to him, arms outstretched. He just stood there, not resisting, but not responding.

JJ put her arms around him and hugged him close. "I love you, Spence.  _I_  love you. And Henry does too. You have people in this world, Spence. I know it feels like you lost the only person who matters. Maybe you did. But I need you to know that we love you. Henry and I love you. And I think your mother loves you too, in the only ways she knows how."

She'd thought she hadn't gotten through to him, because he just stood there, unresponsive. And then, ever so slowly, he lifted his arms and put them around her, settling his chin against her shoulder. She held him like that for a full minute. When she released him, she could see the tears running from his eyes.

"I love you, too."

##############

Now, on the phone, his mother was asking him. She knew something was wrong,  _had_ known it all those weeks ago. He could hear the clarity in her voice, and knew he needed to answer her. He felt that this time he could reach out for maternal comfort, as he had so longed to do in his younger years. Knowing that, and so desperately needing the comfort, he told her.

"It's just I've lost someone close to me, Mom. You remember, I told you I had a new friend? And now she's died…..she…..she was killed."

"She?" Diana's voice hung on the word. Seconds passed before she spoke again. "Was she special to you, Spencer? Was she a special girl?"

It was such an odd phrase, and yet he knew what she meant.

"Yeah, she was. She was…..we were close. We were getting very close."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "Oh, my baby boy. My poor baby. I'm so sorry, Spencer. So sorry."

If he'd been having this conversation a few weeks ago, he wouldn't have been able to respond to her. He would have been too lost himself. Now, he could hear it in her voice. When Diana had her moments of clarity, she could interface with the world in much the same way as anyone else could. But the clarity also gave her an awareness of her illness. He could hear the anguish in the tone of her voice. And now she put it into words.

"God damn this disease! I should have been there for you. I should have comforted you. Can I do it now, baby? Can you come to see me? Can I love you?"

In these all too rare moments, he knew what it was for a son to love his mother. Not the  _image_  of what his mother  _might_  be, or could have been. But the real person, the one who gave life to him, and who, in this moment, would have given her life for him.

"Mom…..thank you. Thanks for that. It means a lot to me that you want to. But I'm back to work now, and I can't get time off, because..." 

_Because there's someone after us_. But he couldn't tell her that. Instead, he tried to give her comfort by telling her the source of his.

"My friends have been really good to me. Garcia, and Morgan, Rossi, Blake, Hotch…all of them. And, you remember JJ…." He knew she wouldn't, even though the two had met once. But he'd written of her often enough….

"JJ's been really good to me. I've spent a lot of time with her and Henry….he's my godson, you remember." Hoping she did. "I'm okay, Mom. Or, I will be."  _So they say._

She was placated, but only for the moment. "Well, the minute you can, you come out and see your mother, you hear?"

He smiled at her, through the phone. "I will, Mom. I love you. Happy Mother's Day." Oops, he hadn't meant to bring up the 'made up holiday' again.

But Diana was in full out maternal mode. She wasn't going to let a commercially-inspired celebration come between her and her son.

"Thank you, Spencer. I love you."

* * *

Monday morning dawned gloomy and overcast, matching Reid's mood. He'd had the dream again last night. The frustration of not being able to reach her, of not being able to answer her call. The combination of the dream and the weather made him irritable.

"Hey, Pretty Boy, how was your weekend?"

"Peachy. I'll bet yours was "outstanding"….isn't that what you usually say?"

The older agent hesitated a moment before responding. "It was good. I'm sorry if yours wasn't."

Normally, Morgan would have given it right back to him. But he was sensitive to Reid's loss, and watched his words. That irritated Reid, too.

JJ arrived, looking exhausted.

"Whoa, Pennsylvania Petite….what happened to you?" Morgan wasn't mincing his words for his female colleague.

She headed straight for the coffee bay, calling over her shoulder, "You wouldn't believe…"

Reid waited for her at her desk. "Wouldn't believe what? What happened?"

She fell into her chair and started sipping her coffee. "Well, I had a perfectly lovely Mother's Day. Henry made me a card, and this little…..thing…..a pottery thing….that they made in school. And he brought me breakfast in bed….."

Morgan was surprised. "He cooks?!"

She chuckled. "No, he pours cereal, and only under his grandmother's supervision. But he made me breakfast in bed anyway."

She was watching Reid as she spoke, seeing the storm clouds in his eyes.

"Everything okay, Spence?"

He looked startled. "Me? Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Just asking." She kept her gaze on him as she turned her body towards Morgan. "Anyway, I had a nice breakfast in bed, and then we took my mom out for lunch. It was a great day."

"So why the upset?" Morgan encouraged her in the story.

She was still watching Reid as she spoke. "Because I had a call from the lawyer last night. Will's gotten the hearing moved up, to Thursday. He didn't even speak with me about it."

Reid hadn't been making eye contact with either of his colleagues, but his response made it clear that he'd been listening.

"He's trying to catch you off guard. And he doesn't want to give you enough time to establish that you've got a support system in place. It's strategy." Now he met JJ's eyes.

She looked back at him. "Do you think it will work?"

He could see how much she needed reassurance. So, whether he believed them or not, he spoke the words she needed to hear.

"Absolutely not."

* * *

She caught up with him later in the day.

"You don't look happy, Spence. Did something happen?"

"Nothing new." He hadn't even looked up from his file. JJ leaned in to put her face in front of his, forcing his attention.

"Okay, so what 'old' thing is on your mind today?"

She reminded him so much of Henry in that moment, of how the four year old's face was always just inches away from his when he wanted his godfather's attention. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What? What's funny?"

"You. And Henry. You are definitely mother and son."

It took her a moment to realize what he was talking about, and then she laughed too.

"Touche. But really, Spence, is there something you want to talk about?"

He closed the file and pushed his chair back so he could see her better. "It's just this dream. I keep having it….four days in a row now. Some variation on it, anyway. I feel like it's trying to tell me something, but I can't figure it out."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

He did. He ran through the several variations, and the common theme of not being able to answer Maeve's call. He was shaking his head as he concluded.

"I don't know what it's supposed to mean. Is it that I can't speak with her again? I already know that, why do I need to dream about it? Is there something she never got to tell me, and still won't? I don't know, and I can't figure it out. And it won't go away."

JJ was quiet for a few moments, thinking. Then she shook her head as well.

"Don't know. But aren't you supposed to see Anna Hughes again? Maybe she can help you sort through it."

He recognized her not-so-subtle reminder that his therapy wasn't over. "Yeah, I know. I'm supposed to go tomorrow afternoon. But I'll be through in time to pick you up for the preschool thing."

"Thank God. It's actually a pretty helpful thing…..it's how I got to know some of the mothers of Henry's friends, especially since I'm not usually there for pick up time. But my new "available" status," she was making finger quotes, "puts a whole new spin on it. You're a lifesaver, Spence."

"Just doing my job, ma'am."

She'd started to fill him in on some of the personalities he would meet when Garcia approached them with a bouquet of flowers.

"For you, JJ. It seems you have an admirer." She set the vase on Reid's desk.

JJ rolled her eyes. "You see? This is why I need you with me tomorrow night, Spence." She took the card from the envelope to see which of the single dads had sent them.

Reid, watching her, made sure he had a smile on his face, despite his feelings about her being pursued by a new suitor. That smile turned to concern when he saw her recoil from the card in her hand.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Zugzwang."

For a split second, he didn't understand, but the word hit him with almost physical impact. He grabbed the card from her. "Let me see that."

He stared at it for a moment, and then pushed all three of them back from the bouquet. "We need to have it analyzed. Don't let anyone near it. Garcia, you need to get checked out."

She'd had the flowers in her hands, right under her nose.

Morgan's office overlooked the bullpen. He was a restless paper pusher at best, and had a habit of making a visual sweep of the BAU after every few pages of reading. He'd noticed the small group of his colleagues gathered around Reid's desk. He watched as all of their facial expressions simultaneously took on a look of grave concern, and he started to rise. When he saw Reid move them all away from the flowers, he went out to the railing.

"Guys, what's going on?"

Reid responded. "Morgan, we need to get Garcia to a doctor. And we need to isolate this area."

At the news about Penelope, Morgan leapt down the stairs. Once Reid explained the situation, Morgan started to escort their protesting technical analyst to their medical division.

"I'm fine, Derek. Really, I feel fine."

"Baby Girl, if you don't come with me willingly, I will carry you there myself."

Despite the situation, Reid and JJ couldn't help but chuckle when it looked like Garcia was seriously considering her options.

"Go on, Pen. I'll come down and check on you later." JJ wanted to get to work on finding out who'd arranged for the delivery.

"Oh, all right. But you two were near the flowers, too. If it turns out there's a problem, make sure you get checked out yourselves."

With that, she allowed Morgan to bring her for evaluation.

JJ turned frightened eyes to Reid. "What does it mean, Spence?"

That word. Zugzwang. The word that had preceded the attack on Maeve, and the near loss of Reid as a result. Were the ones  _she_  loved in the crosshairs now? She thought of her mother at home with Henry.  _Henry!_

Reid didn't have to be inside her head to follow her train of thought. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed.

"We'll find a way to keep them safe, JJ. We have to."


	43. Chapter 43

**Transitions**

**Chapter 43**

"I'm sorry. I've done what I can to make your case to the deputy director. He's not convinced you have enough new information to divert your attention from the cases at hand."

David Rossi squinted at his old friend and lover as she gave the disappointing news to the BAU team. He had no doubt the words she'd spoken were true…but he also had to wonder how much she'd influenced them. Many years of experience had taught him not to underestimate Erin Strauss. Nor to make any assumptions about her agenda.

Reid could feel JJ twitch in the seat next to him, readying herself to confront her section chief. He put himself into the virtual space between them, hoping to preserve JJ's employment with the FBI.

"Ma'am, with all due respect…we've had a second threat made against a member of our team."

"Have you, Agent Reid? It's my understanding that Agent Jareau received a bouquet of flowers that have since proven to be totally innocuous. The card contained only a single word. A chess term, correct? How can the FBI be expected to interpret that as a threat?"

Morgan felt like he was about to explode. He wished that Prentiss was there to perform her usual subtle calming maneuvers on him. In her absence, he would have to find his own way to verbal restraint.

"Ma'am, there's nothing innocent about that word . It was said to Reid just before the events that led to Maeve Donovan's death."

Strauss didn't pick up on the silence that ensued, but the others in the room heard it. Morgan's statement had just objectified something that had been emotionally charged for the entire team. He'd mentioned Maeve's death, and put it firmly into their past. JJ's eyes flashed sideways to Reid, looking for a reaction. She was surprised to see that he was still fully engaged with the conversation.

Strauss responded to Morgan. "I'm aware of that, Agent Morgan. But I am also aware of the team's belief that the words weren't spoken by the person who took Dr. Donovan's life. Am I not correct, Aaron?"

_In fact, but not in truth_. "You are correct that we believe the unsub who gave Reid the 'zugzwang' message was not directly involved with Maeve Donovan's kidnapping." He wasn't about to mention the murder again. "But we also believe that the unsub…the person behind 'zugzwang'….particularly targeted Reid because he'd become aware that Dr. Donovan had been taken. We believe he  _wanted_ us to believe he was directly involved."

"He wanted to sound malevolent." Reid's voice was flat, emotionless. It was the only way he could deal with this objectification of Maeve's ordeal. "And he succeeded."

JJ was too worried about Henry to care what Strauss thought. "And now he's threatened my family. Ma'am, we  _can't_  ignore this!"

Strauss turned sympathetic eyes to the young female agent. "I sympathize, Agent Jareau. I am a mother as well, and I know what it's like to worry about your child."

Mother Bear JJ wasn't about to relent. As much as he worried about her continued employment, Reid admired the fire in her eyes.

"Ma'am, do you? Do you know what it's like to worry that your child is being targeted by a ruthless killer?"

Strauss had the grace to look uncomfortable for a moment. Then she remembered her position of superiority and exercised it.

"That's enough, Agent Jareau. The Bureau's decision is firm on this. There is simply not enough evidence to justify the devotion of a whole team's efforts to the case. Nor, I'm afraid, is there enough evidence to justify providing full time protection without a specific threat. We will maintain surveillance on all of your households, but I'm afraid that's the most we can do."

It felt like she was casually dismissing the serious threat to all those he loved...all those still alive, at least. Suddenly, Reid was in need of someone to save  _his_ job. He had his mouth open and was about to rebut Strauss when he felt JJ's hand on his arm. She shook her head at him.  _No._

The non-productive gathering ended when Strauss rose, charged them all to get back to their official work, and left the room. Hotch made certain to have a moment of eye contact with each of them, and then followed her. The rest rose slowly and exited back to their respective offices or desks in silence.

Soon afterwards, as he was hurrying out of the BAU to keep his appointment with Anna Hughes, Reid looked his apology at JJ. He knew she would need to vent about the meeting with Strauss, but he simply had no time right now. She understood, and waved him an 'I'll see you later.' He would be having dinner with her family, and then escorting her to the preschool social this evening. She hoped his session with the therapist wouldn't leave him in emotional turmoil.

* * *

"Dr. Reid, come in. It's good to see you again."

He shook her extended hand and sat down in the same leather chair he'd occupied the last time. Again, she sat across from him. He could see her visually taking stock of his mood.

"You look like you've got more energy now, Dr. Reid. Did going back to work help with that?"

"Yes, I guess so."  _But not as much as being under attack_.

Anna Hughes was good. She was aware he'd just had an internal conversation, but chose not to confront him on it. She was confident it would come out eventually.

"How has the work been going? Have you been able to concentrate?"

"Yes, mostly. We've just had the one away case, and I think I was able to contribute to its resolution."

"Mostly?"

He nodded as he spoke. "I still wasn't sleeping all that well, so I wasn't quite as sharp as usual. But JJ helped me with that."

"With being sharp?"

"With sleeping. She read me to sleep one night, and I slept right through the next morning's meeting. But it helped a lot. I'm sleeping better now, although…"

She caught his hesitation. "What is it, Dr. Reid? Something about the sleeping?" She saw the truth on his face. "A dream, maybe?"

It was a common enough circumstance, they'd both known it might come up.

"Well….yes, I've been having dreams. JJ thinks I should tell you about them."

"Does that mean you've told  _her_  about them?"

He nodded again. "I pretty much tell her about everything. Even when I don't plan to, she manages to get it out of me."

He seemed befuddled by JJ's skill, making Anna smile. "Sounds like she knows how to make you feel comfortable, and …."

"Secure. She makes me feel secure. Like I can tell her anything, and she'll just listen, and not judge me. Like she'll support me, no matter what."

"A good friend, then?"

"A _very_  good friend."

Anna sensed something more to the relationship, but didn't think it the right time to bring it up to Reid. Instead, she pursued the original subject.

"Do you want to tell me about the dream, Dr. Reid?"

"Well, it's not just one dream. Not the  _same_  dream, anyway. But there's a common theme, I think."

"Tell me, please."

"It's always about me trying to communicate with Maeve. Sometimes I've tried to page her, and she calls me back, but I can't answer the phone. Or I get to the phone, but she's not there. The only time I actually heard her say something in the dream…well, I t _hink_  it was her, I couldn't see her, I could just feel her there with me…..that time, all she said was "The book." That was it."

Anna had been leaning forward, and now sat back, studying her patient.

"Does it surprise you to be having dreams where you try to communicate with the person you've just lost?" The expected answer was obviously contained within the question.

"No, of course not. I'd imagine it's a pretty common thing. But there's more to this. I mean, I can just  _sense_  it. I  _know_  it means something beyond the obvious."

She decided to go with it. "Any ideas what it might mean, then?"

He shook his head in frustration. "No. No, I even went though the entire book…..' _The Narrative of John Smith'_ , the book she gave me. I went through it page by page to see if she'd written anything else, or highlighted something. I'd completely missed the second inscription she put in it until JJ found it. I thought maybe there was something else, and she was trying to get me to look at it. But I haven't found a thing."

Anna leaned forward and put her hand on Reid's knee. "Be patient, Dr. Reid. These things take time. Be patient, and let the meaning come to you when you're ready."

"When I'm ready?"

"Yes. It's been my experience that these kinds of recurrent dreams are messages that only become obvious when the patient has enough distance to see it from a different perspective. You may be too close to it now. Be patient, and let time do its job, Dr. Reid."

He was disturbed. This wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted the answer  _now_. He  _needed_ the answer now. He felt trapped. He needed the answer to move on, and yet Dr. Hughes was telling him that only moving on would bring him the answer he sought.

He started to open his mouth to make a snarky remark when the words she'd said hit him. The idea that he was too close, and couldn't see. That he needed distance to gain perspective. It was what Maeve had said about not being able to see her own situation with Bobby, what she'd said about JJ not being able to see her situation with Will. He'd trusted it from Maeve. Now he felt challenged to trust it from Anna Hughes.

Maybe he really  _was_  too close. Maybe he  _would_ just have to wait, and live his life, and have faith.

* * *

"Uncle Spence, you're late!" Henry tried to imitate his mother's 'stern' look as he opened the door to his godfather.

"Sorry, Henry, I got held up. Are you hungry?"

"Yep! Meme made lemon chicken! Mmm…" The little guy comically rubbed his stomach and licked his lips as he spoke.

Reid followed him back to the kitchen. "Lemon chicken, huh? Is your grandmother as good a cook as your mom is?"

JJ and Sandy were both smiling at the remark, JJ for the compliment and Sandy that it had been said of her daughter. Although….

"Where do you think Jennifer got it from, Spencer?"

They'd met a number of times, and she'd always been friendly. Tonight, she was maternal. JJ had told her all about Reid's recent loss. Sandy put her arms out and wrapped him in a hug.

"It's good to see you, Spencer. I'm so sorry for your loss. And so grateful for all you've done for my daughter and grandson."

The hug felt warm, and assuring…and awkward. He stepped back quickly, but was gracious with his words.

"Anything I've done for them is nothing compared with what they've done for me."

It was a serious exchange, and JJ gave it a proper moment, but then decided to lighten the conversation before dinner.

"Who has clean hands?" She looked meaningfully at Henry as she asked the question.

"I washed my hands, Mommy. Before."

"Before when?"

"Before, after we fingerpainted at school." He held up palms still stained with green and purple paint.

JJ just pointed to the bathroom.

"Aww, Mommy."

Reid held up his index finger to signal to JJ.  _I've got this one._

"Hey, little buddy, did you ever hear about the Germonster?"

He gently prodded Henry toward the bathroom with a hand to his back.

"No? Well, let me tell you about him. He's invisible. You can only see him with a magic machine called a microscope. Like a telescope, only different. And just when you think he's not there, you look through the microscope, and…..arrgghh!"

Henry laughed at the expression of horror on his godfather's face. He didn't even notice that he was washing his hands as Reid continued the tale.

"The Germonster is big, and dark, and ugly, and he has these tentacles…" Reid used his long fingers to grab at Henry's sides….."and they latch onto you and they get you!"

Henry laughed as he was tickled. "Make him stop, Uncle Spence!"

"You already did, Henry. He hides on dirty things, and especially on dirty hands. And you can get rid of him just by using soap and water. Now, make way, my man. I don't want that Germonster getting me either."

* * *

Dinner was delicious. Afterwards, Sandy shooed JJ and Reid from the kitchen.

"Go, I can take care of this. Enjoy yourselves. You deserve it."

Neither of them had been particularly thinking of the preschool social as anything but an obligation, but they followed Sandy's direction nevertheless. Reid was sorry to have to leave before Henry's bedtime ritual. He'd come to love those times when he could read a story to his godson and then listen in on his conversation with God. His regret must have been written on his face….or else JJ knew him  _very_ well….because she laid a hand on his arm, and whispered, "Next time."

The school wasn't far away, leaving them only a few minutes to talk. Reid checked in on JJ's concern for her family.

"Did you say anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm not sure if I should. I don't want her to be unprepared, but….exactly how  _would_ she prepare for it? And I don't want to scare her. Really, Spence, I'm thinking of asking her to go back home. It's my problem, I don't want my mom hurt by it."

"Would she take Henry?" Knowing it might be safest for the boy, but dreading the thought of him being so far away.

She took in a deep breath, and blew it out. "My best guess is that it's Henry the unsub wants to threaten. I'm thinking my mom would be okay if he wasn't with her."

Reid shot her a look. She was speaking so calmly about the fact that her son's life was in danger. How?

"But what about Henry?"

"I think we'd just have to do what we're doing. Keep living life, going to school. We may not have full protection, but we've got surveillance. I don't know what else to do, Spence."

Neither did he. "What about Will? What will he say?"

"Hmmph. Well, he doesn't know about the flowers, and I wasn't planning on telling him. We have the hearing on Thursday. I won't make any changes before that, and I don't need to mention any possible change of plans until they become a reality. Mom was going to have to go home for a couple of charity events soon anyway, and Will knows that. So do the lawyers, and they don't seem to be concerned about it. So I don't think her leaving will have any immediate impact. It's just whether she comes back or not…"

"And you don't need to address that right away." He understood. "Okay, that gives us some time. We just need to find the Replicator before your mom's being away becomes an issue."  _And before he hurts you and Henry._

"Just."

"Just." They shared a grim smile.

* * *

"This is Spencer Reid." JJ introduced him to yet another couple. All of the faces and all of the names were beginning to blend together for him. He would have done better to have read and memorized a roster before the social. As they were speaking with Mr. and Mrs. XXXX, another man joined their small group.

"Jennifer LaMontagne, it's so good to see you!" He leaned in to buss her cheek.

JJ stepped back, putting some distance between them. Reid thought she looked uncomfortable and his protection antennae went up.

"Hello, Stuart. Stuart, this is Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Stuart Rand…Toby's dad."

The son's name rang a bell. Toby was Henry's friend with the parents who'd separated. The one whose experience had made Henry afraid about his own parents' separation.

Reid and Stuart nodded their acknowledgements of each other. The married couple drifted off, leaving the three singletons together. Stuart stepped sideways, inserting himself between Reid and JJ.

"Can I get you something to drink?" He put a hand on her back, planning to escort her to the refreshment table. Reid saw the look on her face and managed to move closer to her, crowding Stuart out. He answered in her stead.

"We're fine, thanks. We just finished dinner. Together."

There was an awkward silence, broken by JJ. "Stu, I think Miss Amy is trying to catch your attention, isn't she?" The teacher was, indeed, waving in their direction. JJ knew that Toby was still acting out at school and imagined Miss Amy might have a few things to discuss with his father.

"Oh, yeah. Okay, I'll be back. Don't go anywhere, now." He started across the room.

Reid followed him with his eyes, commenting to JJ. "That was bold."

"That's why I needed you with me. Come on, let's go ahead and get something to drink." She linked her arm through his and headed for the punchbowl.

"JJ, how are you!" It was Julia, Joey's mom, and JJ's best friend among the other parents. "And who is this with you?"

JJ introduced Reid, who added, "I'm Henry's godfather."

"Oh, yes, 'Uncle Spence'. You do magic, don't you?" Henry and Joey had frequent playdates, and Reid was a frequent topic of their conversation.

"I dabble. Henry likes it."

"Well, I know Joey is dying to see you do some of it. You should come to the classroom someday. I'll bet Miss Amy would love it. In fact...JJ, let's go and talk with her about it now." She took off, leading the way through the crowd, JJ in tow.

At the refreshments table, Reid was now alone….and unprotected. He was sipping his punch and surveying the crowd when he was approached by a striking redhead.

"Are you with Henry?" she asked him.

"Excuse me?"

"Are you part of Henry LaMontagne's family?" She seemed to realize she'd spoken out of context, and explained. "I saw you with Jennifer, Henry's mom. I'm Toby's mom, Madelyn. The boys are good friends."

"Oh, yes. I think I met your….um...uh...….before."  _Husband? Ex?_  He wasn't sure.

She understood. "Actually he's more like my 'ugh'. Yes, you met Stuart, I saw him ogling Jennifer. But you're with her now, aren't you?"

"Uh, well, I'm  _here_  with her. I'm Henry's godfather, Spencer Reid."

"Oh." She seemed to take that in slowly. "Oooh. So you're not a couple." She not so subtly looked him up and down. "If you ask me, she's crazy. But lucky for the rest of us."

The blush started at his toes and reached the top of his head in record time.

* * *

Across the room, JJ and Julia were pitching the magician idea to Miss Amy, Stuart Rand hovering nearby. JJ turned to point Reid out and spied the attractive Madelyn Rand practically on top of him. She saw the blush on his face, but also noticed that he didn't seem to be trying to escape her.

JJ could feel herself reacting to what she was seeing, but couldn't quite put a name to it. It wasn't until much later that she recognized it as jealousy. Tonight, she only chided herself. 

_What did you expect? He's the best looking guy in the place, it's only a wonder it took this long for them to start coming after him._

Reid felt her stare all the way across the room. He made his excuses to Madelyn, and headed in JJ's direction. As he approached, Miss Amy addressed him.

"Ah, Uncle Spence, we meet again." She remembered how excited Henry had been to have Reid pick him up after school. "I understand you have a talent that our preschoolers might like to see."

He was blushing again, shy as always. "I guess. I do a little magic now and then."

"He does  _great_  magic," JJ interjected. "Spence, it sounds like they've got an opening for you to come in next week. What do you think?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Madelyn Rand approaching them. She shifted so that she was right next to Reid.

He shrugged. "Sure, if we're not traveling."

Miss Amy nodded. "Jennifer explained how it is with your jobs. Let's make a date, and if you're on the road, we'll just reschedule. You sound too amazing to pass up."

JJ grinned. "He  _is_  amazing. That's my Spence."

She smiled at Miss Amy, and Julia...and Madelyn...as she linked her arm with Reid's.

* * *

"What did she want?"

"Who?" He knew who she meant. He was just surprised that she'd noticed.

"Madelyn Rand. She was all over you at the refreshments table."

"No, she wasn't. We were just chatting." He didn't see a need to mention what Madelyn had said.

"Hmm. Well, I'm sorry if it was awkward. I didn't even think about it. I was so concerned about the single dads being after me that it never even occurred to me that the single moms might be after you. But of course they would."

"Of course?"


	44. Chapter 44

**Transitions**

**Chapter 44**

It was still early, and they wanted to talk privately, so the two young profilers headed to Reid's apartment after they left the social. Reid noticed JJ's eyes wandering around the rooms, looking for signs of his emotional state. What she saw apparently pleased her.

"No more mess. I'm trying to keep things straightened up."

"So I see. Good. And if I look in the fridge, will I see food? Have you been eating right when you're at home?"

"Yes, Mom. I can even fix us a snack."

"We just ate…twice. Do we really need a snack?"

He smiled. "Just something to go with the wine."

"Ooh, wine. Now you're talking." The punch at the social had done nothing to take the edge off the day.

She went to the kitchen with him to help. He popped the cork and handed her the bottle while he put together a tray of cheese, crackers and nuts.

"Are those the nuts Garcia sent? That was months ago, Spence."

"She sent a  _lot_  of baskets, JJ. I couldn't get through it all in a year."

He followed her back into the living room. They clinked their glasses together, as JJ said, "Well, here's to better times ahead. All we have to do is get there."

Her words sounded so much like those of Anna Hughes this afternoon. All they had to do was to keep putting one foot in front of the other and trudge ahead to some distant future, somehow trusting that things would be better. He didn't know if he had enough faith for that.

JJ noticed his keyboard still set up in the corner and commented on it. "Have you been playing?"

"Yeah, it helps me, especially when I'm restless….you know, when I can't concentrate."

She reached a hand out to rub his arm. "Still having trouble?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes, a lot. Sometimes, not so much. It depends on the day. Or the hour."

"It will get better, Spence. It's a little better already, isn't it?" She watched for his reaction. He'd once told her how it made him feel guilty whenever he realized he was having a moment of enjoyment, however fleeting.

He knew she was recalling that conversation. "It is. And it's okay. I'm not all the way there yet, but I'm  _getting_ okay with it."

She leaned back, relaxing against the sofa. Her eyes fell on the keyboard again.

"Play something for me?"

He thought she was remembering the uplifting melody he'd played when she and Henry were staying with him. He didn't have that kind of music inside him anymore.

"I don't know that you'll like it, JJ. My music has kind of changed."

She was undeterred. "Play it anyway. Anything you want. I just want to listen."

He put down his wine glass and moved to the keyboard. For weeks it had served as a means of articulating his mourning for Maeve. For weeks he'd played the only melody that would come to him, the one he'd come to think of as "Maeve's Elegy".

He hesitated now, not sure if he wanted to keep it private. But his fingers decided for him, and began to move over the keys. The soft minor chords blended with the melancholic succession of notes to create a melody that touched JJ's heart. She watched him as he played, eyes closed, a peaceful expression on his face. When he was done, he looked over at her. She smiled at him through the tears brimming her eyes.

"That was for Maeve, wasn't it?"

"The first time I sat here after she died, it just came out. And it's been the only thing I've been able to get out ever since."

"It was beautiful, Spence. I'm sure she loves it."

She'd purposely used the present tense. She fully believed that her own lost loved one watched over her, and she wanted Reid to believe it about Maeve. She knew from experience that it brought much needed comfort.

He rejoined her on the sofa. "I hope she does."

It was the first time she'd heard him say anything that made it sound like he might still have that sense of Maeve. For so long, he'd frantically tried to resolve the question of how her presence could so suddenly have been lost. Now it seemed as though he was finding that presence again.

"Do you mean that? That you think she might know about it?"

He shrugged his shoulders in the process of taking a deep breath.

"I don't know. But I guess I'm starting to understand what you've been telling me all along. That she didn't just disappear. That she'll always have some kind of presence in my life, even if only in my dreams."

"I really do mean that, Spence. I wasn't just saying it to make you feel better. I really believe we carry each other in our hearts, somehow. I even think we do it when we're alive. I know I have Henry in  _my_  heart. I even carry you there."

For a moment, his gaze was so intense that she felt like she could literally feel it. Like he was looking inside her, trying to see her heart. Trying to find himself there.

"I think I understand what you mean," he said. "I think I've got you in mine as well."

Without thinking, she reached out and laid her hand upon his chest. "Right here."

He lifted his own hand and covered hers, holding it against him. The moment felt intense, and intimate, and important…..and unexpected, and enigmatic. It felt as though they'd each become caught up in a moment out of time….and then plopped right back into it. They both dropped their hands, still staring at one another.

JJ blinked, and came back to herself first, remembering that they'd come here to talk about the events of the past few days. She started that conversation.

"Did you want to talk about your session with Anna Hughes?" Knowing that it was confidential, and that he might want to keep it that way.

"It was…..I don't know. It was productive, I guess. But…."

"But?"

"But basically she said I just need to wait it out. That it will get better, that I'll understand the dreams….all if I wait. But the waiting is what's making it so hard. And yet….." His voice dropped off.

She stared off for a minute, remembering back. Seeing the child she'd been so many years ago.

"You know, Spence, when I was a girl….when I lost my sister….I remember people telling me the same thing. To give it time. To just wait for it to get better. And I remember thinking that I couldn't wait for the time to pass, because I so desperately needed to feel better. But I also didn't want time to pass, because I'd be so much farther away from Roz…..from when she was alive. I felt like I was pushing her away, just to feel better."

His eyes widened, ever so slightly. That was it. She'd just articulated that thing that had been escaping him all this time.

"JJ….I think that's exactly how I've been feeling. I just wasn't connected with it enough to realize. How did you ever do that as a child?"

She gave a cynical snort. "I lost that part of my childhood, Spence. Having someone you love purposely leave you will make you grow up in a hurry."

He knew about that. He hadn't lost the person he'd loved in the same way, but he'd grown up very quickly after his father had abandoned him.

"So, how do you reconcile it? How do you deal with the guilt of wanting to feel better? Of wanting the time to pass?"

She heard the hurt that was still in his voice. "You grow into it. They're right, Spence. It doesn't feel better…..until it does. And  _when_  it does, you realize that you  _can_  move on, without forgetting. That you don't have to hurt so much just to honor a memory. Because you can honor it by living life well, and being happy, and productive."

He squinted at her. "You learned all that at eleven?"

She chuckled. "No, that came much later. As a kid, I just lived. Period. As an adult, I looked back. And that's what I came up with."

He was quiet, thinking, absently stroking his chin. "I don't know. I don't know that I can really have enough faith to trust the future. But it's clear I can't live in the past. So I guess maybe I'll just have to stay in the present. You know? To just live in the day. Day after day."

"Isn't that the motto? One day at a time?"

He smiled and nodded. It was supposed to be  _his_  motto.

JJ continued. "Well, it works for everything, doesn't it? Live in the present, one day at a time. And, before you know it…."

"You're in that future, and it doesn't look as scary." 

_I_ _guess perspective can work both ways._

"Right." JJ shifted. "But we need to talk about the present as well, don't we? Because that's pretty scary right at the moment."

He knew she was talking about the Replicator.

"I don't like the idea of you and Henry being alone, JJ. Even with the surveillance team. Taking care of him is distracting, and you need to be on alert." 

_Not to mention that they might use him to leverage you._  The thought frightened him so much that he couldn't utter it aloud.

"My mom will be here until next week, and then Will has a few days off, so if we're traveling…"

"But what about when it's just you and Henry? I don't like it."

"What would you have me do, Spence? It's bad enough  _we're_  at risk. I don't want to put my mom in harm's way as well."

"You could come here again."

He'd said it so quickly that she realized he'd already had it planned. It made sense that they try to do this together, but it seemed such an imposition, when he was still trying to heal. Maybe….

"Okay, I get that it might be good for both of us to be with Henry, but this is your private space, Spence. And we've already crowded in on you once…."

"I didn't mind that, JJ, I told you. And I meant it." He remembered how much he'd missed them after they'd gone.

She thought a while. "Okay, what about this? After next week, after Will's gone back to work, maybe you could come and stay with us? That way, if you wanted some time alone, you could still get away to here. You could still have some privacy. Believe me, it's a hard commodity to come by with a four year old in the house."

He considered it. She might be right. He still had some pretty bad days, and nights, and he didn't want to scare either of them.

"All right. Settled. If we haven't gotten the Replicator by the end of next week, I'll move in with you."


	45. Chapter 45

**Transitions**

**Chapter 45**

He did his best to bury himself in some case files but, of course, the bad thing about being able to read 20,000 words per minute, and retain every single one of them, was that none of the files took him very long to finish. Most of them were fairly straightforward, at least as profiling cases go, and it didn't take him long to produce his advice. Consequently, time moved  _very_  slowly as Reid waited for JJ to get back from court.

From the next desk, Blake noticed the frequent flicks of his wrist to check his watch.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Huh?"

"You keep checking your watch. Do you have to leave?"

"Oh. No, I'm just waiting for JJ to get back from court. The hearing was scheduled for three hours ago. I thought she'd be here by now."

"Is this just a custody hearing, or is it about all of the terms of the divorce?" The whole team was aware of the developing changes in JJ's status.

"It's about all of it. I guess that can take longer, huh?"

"It would be my guess."

Alex had married later in life, and was still very much in love with her husband, even if he was half a world away. Her knowledge about divorce was rudimentary.

"I just hope she's all right. I hope the judge saw things her way."

"She was only asking for joint custody, right?"

"Yeah, but with Henry living primarily with her. I guess there's a difference between the decision-making power…..you know, medical decisions and such…..and actually sharing the kids physically, splitting the week. JJ thinks Henry is too young for that. She thinks it would confuse him. But she's not sure Will agrees, even if his lawyer does."

"Oh."

Blake was still pretty reserved with the team. This already felt like too much personal information for her. She picked up a file and opened it, effectively ending the conversation, and leaving Reid to try to distract himself once again. When the files proved to be as ineffective as before, he decided a trip to Garcia's lair was in order. She was always up for a visit and some conversation.

The door was ajar, so he knocked on the jamb before entering.

"Come in, random person."

It seemed Morgan had been struggling with his concentration as well. He was seated next to Garcia, throwing three-pointers into the wastebasket across the room.

"Hey, Pretty Boy, what's up?"

"Nothing."

He squirmed under their stares. "All right, I'm worried about JJ. She's not back yet."

Morgan sat up. "Worried as in you're not sure how the case is going or worried as in you think something happened to her?"

Reid gulped. He hadn't thought about something happening to her at all. But considering their situation with the Replicator, he should have. He mentally kicked himself for not having insisted on going with her.

"I…..I was just thinking that the hearing was taking too long. That maybe it wasn't going in her favor."

Garcia saw the concern on his face and took pity. "Relax, Reid. I texted her a little bit ago. I….we…were worried, too." She made a face at Morgan. "She just replied. Court's out, and she's on her way here."

Reid fell into a chair, seriously relieved. "Did she say how it went?"

"I didn't ask. She'll tell us when she gets here, I'm sure. Here, Sugar, have a cookie. You look like you could use it."

Morgan eyed him. "Kid, relax. At least you know it was just the court case holding her up."

"Yeah, but I don't see why it had to take so long. Richard told her it was practically certain that she'd get what she wanted, since her mother's volunteered to help out. Something had to have gone wrong."

"Well, worrying about it isn't going to change anything. Come on, let's get out of Penelope's hair and get back to work."

Garcia reached out to him. "For the record, I'm worried too. But my godmotherly antennae aren't sending me any bad vibes, so I think it'll be okay."

Reid couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, well, if the antennae say it's okay…..that's different."

"Call me when she gets here!" trailed after the two men as they left the tech analyst to her toys.

* * *

Reid sat, watching her cross the room. He studied JJ's face for a hint of how things had gone, but she was obviously in 'professional mode'. Which wasn't necessarily a good sign. He waited until she'd gotten to her desk before he rolled his chair over.

"How did it go?"

"I need coffee." She headed in the direction of the refreshment bay, Reid following close behind her.

"JJ, how did it go?"

She stood with her back to him, and closed her eyes.  _It's not him you're angry with, JJ._

She turned and leaned on the counter while he poured coffee for both of them.

"He fought it. Every last thing. Even when his attorney had advised him not to."

Reid wasvery concerned now. "And? Did he win?"

"No…..and, maybe. The judge gave me physical custody of Henry, with generous visitation for Will. He agreed with me that it would be better for Henry to have one primary home instead of being split down the middle. He even said he thought Will should stay with Henry at the house whenever he watched him during our away cases. But Will can take him to his apartment every other weekend, and for four weeks a year. And we'll split the holidays."

"So, that sounds pretty much like what you were looking for. What didn't go right?"

She heaved a sigh. "Will's fighting the child support, and the alimony. I could just make it without the alimony-I mean, I could make the mortgage. But kids are expensive, Spence. I can't keep the house if I don't have the child support. And Will knows that. Henry would lose his home, even if he stayed with me."

"How can he fight child support if you have primary physical custody? Don't you have the most expense?"

"Of course I do. But he made the argument that I'm away a lot, and he would be paying for those times he was watching Henry, and might have to pay a babysitter to help out, and he would spend money on the weekends. You name it, he went for it."

"Just to be difficult."

"Yep. And he succeeded. Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Richard thinks the judge will rule in our favor, but he needed to give Will time to put together some documents. So we reconvene in three weeks."

He knew how much this court date had been weighing on her. Now another one loomed in the distance.

"I don't see how the judge can rule any other way, JJ. It will be all right. And three weeks isn't all that far away."

"I guess. It was just so maddening. And I could see that look on his face. That he was glad he'd made it difficult for me, even if he knows he won't win in the end."

He rubbed her back. "Just hold on. He  _won't_  win in the end, and this will be behind you."

" _He_  won't be behind me for another fourteen years, Spence."

"You know what I mean. Once this is done, he can't hurt you anymore."

He meant to see to it.

"I hope you're right, Spence. I just hope you're right."

* * *

"Watch, Meme!" The little blonde tucked a scarf up the sleeve of his sweater. She could see the bulge inside the opposite sleeve, and amusedly anticipated the next part of the trick.

"Now, ask me," the little apprentice directed his grandmother.

She obeyed. "Where did the scarf go, Henry?"

"Right here!" And he reached up the opposite sleeve and pulled out an identical scarf. And another. And another.

Sandy and JJ clapped. "That was amazing!"

Henry beamed at them and at his godfather. Reid laughed. "It works a little better with a stiff sleeve. But," he high-fived his godson, "Go, Henry! Great job!"

It was Sandy's last night before she needed to head home. She'd offered to find a replacement for her fundraisers, but JJ had been adamant.

"Mom, you chaired these things. You've done so much work. Of course you need to be there." 

_And of course I need you to be safe._ She hadn't told her mother about the bouquet sent by the Replicator.

"Well, I'll be back as soon as things settle down. I want to show that judge that I meant what I said when I offered to care for Henry."

She planned to return to town before the next court date.

"Thanks, Mom. You are absolutely the best. Isn't she, Henry?"

He ran over and threw his arms around his grandmother. "The best!"

Sandy spoke to her daughter over Henry's shoulder. "Jennifer, are you sure you don't want me to try to get someone to cover me? You already know you'll have to be away tomorrow."

"It's okay, Mom. Will has a few days off. He's going to come here and stay with Henry. I should be back soon. This is just additional casework relating to an old one, so it should be shorter. We don't have to investigate it from scratch."

"What if it does go longer?"

"Pen will come, or he'll stay with Karen. We'll manage, Mom, really. But thanks so much for offering."

She felt guilty about impacting her mother's life like this. But she didn't see another choice. Not with Will being so obstinate.

Reid offered Sandy his own form of compliment. "Well I, for one, can't wait for you to come back. That pork roast was the best thing I've ever tasted."

Sandy beamed at him. She'd decided to make a personal project of fattening up Henry's godfather.

"Just wait until you taste my chicken piccata!"

* * *

"Henry, you be a good boy for your dad, okay? He'll be picking you up after school today and you guys will have a great time together until I get back home."

JJ was squatting in front of her son just outside of the preschool classroom.

"Okay, Mommy. You're gonna catch the bad guy?"

It was the most graphic either of the parents had ever gotten with their son. He wouldn't be ready to hear what they  _really_  did for many more years.

"Yep, we're gonna catch the bad guy."

"And Uncle Spence?"

"Uncle Spence and I will catch the bad guy together. All of us will, little man."

"Okay, Mommy. I'll be good. Daddy said we're gonna have lots and lots of fun while you're gone!"

_Of course_. "Well, just make sure that your 'fun' includes brushing your teeth and getting to bed on time, little man." She knew enough not to hope they would eat healthy as well. "I'll be back before you know it."

He threw his arms around her neck. "I love you, Mommy!"

"I love you too, Baby."

* * *

"Everything all right?" Hotch settled himself into the seat across from JJ on the plane.

"Yeah. It's just…..it's always hard to leave him, you know? But now, with all of this going on…it's especially hard."

Hotch's eyes were sympathetic. He'd had the same difficulty leaving Jack. The situation now couldn't help but remind him of when the Reaper had threatened them. He'd been terrified for Jack and Haley then, and rightly so.

"He's with Will, isn't he?"

"Yes. At least I get to leave him with a cop. That makes me feel a little better."

"Let's hope this case wraps quickly. I'll have you and Alex re-interview the family of the last victim. They won't know Alex, but they'll remember you. As I recall, you had a pretty good rapport going."

"We bonded, yes. I think I reminded them of their daughter."

Hotch nodded. "Rossi and I will take the latest victim's family. Reid and Morgan can go to the site where the vehicle was found, and then I'd like to get Reid going on a geographic profile. He was close when we were out here before, a couple of years ago."

"I remember. He had a strong suspicion, but he needed another point for triangulation."

They both smiled at JJ's having learned part of Reid's lingo.

"How is he, JJ, really? He seems to be functioning, but….is he?"

Hotch knew his two youngest profilers had grown quite close.

"He's getting there, Hotch. He has his good days and his bad days, but there are more good than bad now. I think he might have turned a corner. He's got a long way to go, of course, but he's headed in the right direction."

"Good."

It was all the senior profiler said. In his thoughts, he traveled back to that time in his life when he'd been the one in mourning.  He'd been lost for a long time after that, no matter what it had looked like from the outside. He hoped JJ was right about Reid. He hoped she was glimpsing the inner man, and not the façade.

* * *

"Mr. and Mrs. Banfield, thank you for agreeing to see us. This is my colleague, Alex Blake."

All four of them shook hands and went to the rear porch, where Mrs. Banfield had set up a tray of lemonade and cookies. She spoke as she poured.

"You're looking well, Agent Jareau. It appears motherhood agrees with you." They'd last met four years ago, when JJ had been newly returned from maternity leave. Having just lost her only daughter, Mrs. Banfield had commented on the irony of JJ's having just become a mother, while she herself had just ceased being one. It was such a telling sign of the woman's grief and loss, and it had stayed with JJ for a very long time.

"Henry is four now. It's a great age. Too young to get into too much trouble, but old enough to be excited by the world."

"You must miss him tremendously when you're away like this. I don't know how you can do it."

JJ recognized the remark as arising from the woman's grief, but it struck her nonetheless.  _We never know what life has in store for us. We assume we'll have tomorrow, but we never know._  She made a vow to herself to treasure every minute of Henry's life.

"He's with his dad. We manage, between us." No need to mention the state of their marriage.

Alex spoke up. "Mr. and Mrs. Banfield, I'm sure you've heard the news. Another young woman has disappeared, in much the same way as Heather did. And as Jessica Sanchez did, two years before Heather. We're hoping you can help us try to find her by telling the story once again. We realize it's painful, but we also still have hope that we'll be able to bring Ashley Brinks back to her family."

Mr. Banfield spoke up. "It's been four years. It was only two between Jessica and our Heather. What makes you think this is the same person?"

"The circumstances. Just as with Heather and Jessica, Ashley's car was found with her work clothes neatly folded inside her workout bag," Alex explained.

JJ added, "All three of them had put in a full day's work and then failed to show up to an evening appointment. We think the unsub….the person responsible…..may have met them at or near the gym."

"Is it the same gym?" Mr. Banfield voiced the obvious question.

Alex shook her head. "Different each time. But the pattern is the same."

Mrs. Banfield demonstrated the resolve that had engendered JJ's respect four years ago.

"It's been so difficult, as I'm sure you can appreciate. We still have our bad days, but we're learning how to live with them. We try not to dwell on it. But if it will help keep another family from having to go through what we did, we'll help. We'll tell the story again."

* * *

"They are amazingly steadfast in this, aren't they?" Alex was commenting to JJ as they entered the conference room.

"I don't know how they do it. I think they just have a really strong relationship between them."

"So many relationships fall apart under that kind of stress. I really admire them." Alex poured coffee for both of them.

Reid was standing in front of the map, so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed the women returning. JJ waited him out until, finally, he turned around, surprised to see her.

"You're back."

"Five minutes already. You must see something there, Spence. What is it?"

He turned around again, marker in hand. "Well, now that we've got a third set of coordinates, it's much easier to see a pattern. See, here is the cluster of points relating to Jessica Sanchez…..her home, her work, the gym she went to, and the location where her car was found. And here….." he arced the marker to a more distant spot….."is where her body was found."

Alex was intrigued. She walked closer to the map, sipping her coffee. "There are already markings on that part of the map."

"Correct. That's the cluster that belongs to Heather Banfield."

JJ had heard this part of the story already, four years ago. "Yes, Jessica's body was found very near the area where Heather lived and worked."

Alex wondered. "Was there a connection in the timeline? Did he dump one and take another right away?"

Reid shook his head. "No. Jessica's body was found two weeks after she disappeared. Heather wasn't taken for another twenty three months after that. But there  _was_  a pattern between her disappearance and the finding of her body. It was also two weeks."

Morgan had been on the phone outside, now reentered the room and joined the conversation.

"Both of them had been dead under three days when they were found, so we think he holds them for a while before he kills them."

"Ashley's only been gone two days now, so there's hope that she's still alive." JJ finished what they knew, and turned back to Reid. "Spence, you said you'd noticed something?"

He drew their attention back to the map. "Four years ago, I thought that a next victim might be targeted in the area where Heather Banfield's body was found. It would have given us a triangulation point. But nothing happened. There was only that two year interval between the first and the second killings, but now it's been four years."

"Maybe there was another one that wasn't recognized," Morgan offered.

"No, I don't think so." Reid disagreed. "Because then the next disappearance wouldn't have happened in the area where the last body was found. He would have moved on to a different area by now. But look, Ashley Brinks  _was_  taken from the area where Heather Banfield's body was found. It's the right location, but the wrong timeline. No, I think something got in his way. Something delayed him for two years. But I think he's living somewhere in this area." He shaded in the space formed by the triangulation.

Hotch and Rossi returned from their interview of Ashley Brinks' parents and were quickly brought up to speed.

"Anything with the parents?" asked Morgan.

Rossi had heard it all before. "Great kid, hard worker, no trouble. Until she disappeared. Same as all the others."

Hotch added a few details. "She'd belonged to the gym for only two months, but went four times a week. We stopped by there. No one saw anything, no one remembers anything."

"I suppose we've already checked for overlapping gym memberships from all three sites." Alex had learned not to assume anything.

Hotch nodded. "We also had Garcia run a visual recognition program over the photo IDs of the members. Nothing."

"And we ran it on all of the gym employees as well," offered Morgan.

"And the employees from each of their workplaces," added Rossi.

Alex understood their frustration. They had a pattern, they'd narrowed down a search area…but they couldn't find the hook. They couldn't put it all together.

"So, it looks like the gym is the common theme. But it doesn't play out that there's a member or a worker in common. Could this be a team?"

Morgan shook his head. "Same DNA on both victims. Not in the system. Everything else was wiped down."

Rossi pointed out their task. "We need to figure out what might connect these gyms beyond the members and the staff. There's got to be  _something."_

JJ's eyes widened as an idea came to her. "I think I might know!"


	46. Chapter 46

**Transitions**

**Chapter 46**

"What are you thinking, JJ?" Hotch encouraged her.

"We've only looked at gym members and gym personnel. But what if it's someone who services the equipment?"

Morgan seized on the idea. "Or the pools, or the saunas….they need treatment and cleaning regularly."

JJ chastised herself. "I don't know why I didn't think about this four years ago."

"You were just coming back from maternity leave, weren't you?" offered Rossi.

"Yes, but I still should have…oh. Right."

"What?" Reid prodded her.

"It's like Rossi says. I was just coming back from maternity leave. I was still trying to lose the baby weight, and I was feeling sluggish. Not that feeding Henry in the middle of the night might not have had something to do with my energy level."

There was a small wave of chuckles among the team. JJ had been exhausted for months after returning to work.

"So," she continued, "I joined a gym. I'd only been to our FBI gym on site before that, but I needed one closer to home so Will and I could work it into our schedules. We tried out three or four gyms before deciding on one. And I ran into the same guy at two of them, calibrating the resistance machines."

"That didn't happen until after we'd been out on this case though, right? So it's not your fault that you didn't think of it before."

Reid didn't want her carrying around any unnecessary guilt.

Hotch brought the conversation back to the issue at hand by calling Garcia.

"At your service, Fearless Leader."

"Garcia, look for common service companies among the gyms. Equipment, pools, saunas, hot tubs.."

JJ extended the list. "Pen, also look for common vending machine companies, cleaning companies, locksmiths…"

"Locksmiths?" asked Alex.

"Sure," Morgan answered. "People lock their keys in the car, or they lose their locker key, or forget their combination. Happens all the time."

Garcia's fingers were fleet on her keyboard. "Gonna wave my magic wand over this, be back in a jif. Poof!"

* * *

It wasn't exactly a 'jif', but Garcia had results for them within the hour.

"Okay, Crimefighters, listen up. There's a lot here. First, what's  _not_  here. The three gyms have three different hot tub and pool services and three different cleaning companies. And, before you ask, no, there's not been a common employee among the three.  _But,_  all three use the same calibration service and food vendors. The locksmiths are more complicated."

"How, Baby Girl?"

"Well, none of them use just one service. If a patron needs a locksmith, they give them a list of names to call. It's usually an emergency service call, so the patron goes with whichever can respond first."

"How many different companies are we talking about, Garcia?" Reid wondered how complex this would get.

"They really don't have a clue, Sweet Cheeks. There are thirty seven locksmith services in the city."

JJ smiled at Reid's blush. Almost every conversation with Garcia resulted in at least a mild change of color. Then she remembered another common requirement among the gyms she'd visited.

"You know, they usually make anyone who comes in sign the ledger at the desk. That includes vendors."

Alex saw where she was going. "Do you think they would have kept the books that long?"

Reid knew. "They made copies for the case files. I saw them in the murder books."

Rossi was following as well. "I get that we're thinking to look for common names in the books around the times the women went missing. But why wouldn't the police have done that?"

"Because sometimes the vendors only sign in under the company name. You know, Ace Lock Company. They don't necessarily write their own names. It's fairly lax."

Morgan was familiar with gyms as well.

"So, we need to look for any vendor that was at any of the gyms during the time period and then cross reference the employees…." Began Alex.

"And then look for whoever lives in this area." Reid pointed to the area he'd shaded in on the map.

"Baby Girl…." Morgan didn't get anything more out before she replied.

"Those copies they made for the murder books…I don't suppose they were scanned in?"

Reid understood. "I'll go through them and get you a list, Garcia." He headed out to find the lead detective.

"Baby Girl, we'll call you back when he's done."

"'Til next time, my love."

* * *

The other vendors didn't pan out, but they couldn't be sure about the locksmiths. There were four locksmith call-outs in the twenty four hours preceding the first kidnapping, three preceding the second and four preceding the current incident. There was an overlap of one company between the first and second cases, but none with the third. Reid gave Garcia all of the information and set her the task of looking for employees in common.

"Look for someone with a home address in the area we're targeting. It doesn't matter where the company is. He's got to have a home base if he's keeping them for almost two weeks after he takes them."

Hotch added, "Look at all of their addresses going back four years, to the Sanchez case. He wouldn't be a recent arrival to the area."

As Garcia did her research, JJ pulled up a satellite version of the map so that they could see the kind of vegetation and terrain they would be dealing with once Garcia had an address. When an unsub kept a victim alive for an extended period of time, it was usually in a remote, lightly populated area.

Hotch's phone buzzed.

"Go ahead, Garcia."

"I'm a genius among geniuses. Really, we  _are_  a super team. You were spot on. There's only one person who meets all of our criteria. Gilbert Rappe currently works for SecurLock. He lives at 231 Frontage Road. Rented, not owned. Been there five years, but, oddly, with an interruption. Rented to him, then, about three years ago, another tenant for about a year, then rented to Mr. Rappe again."

"Sounds like he liked it. Wonder why?" Rossi had that feeling. They had their man, he was sure of it.

Reid and JJ located the address on the satellite map. "It looks like a larger lot, and there's a shed in the yard."

Hotch joined them in looking at the tablet. "It's heavily wooded." That was both good and bad. The trees would offer cover to the team, should they need it. But they also offered cover to the unsub. "We'll need to try to keep him in the open. Let's go."

Hotch directed the team to split between the two SUVs. He drove one of them while he had JJ, in the passenger seat, call the number for SecurLock.

"I'd like to speak with Gilbert Rappe, please."… "No, he helped me when I locked myself out of my car. Now my friend's done the same, and I thought I would ask for him again."….."Oh, no, thank you anyway. Her boyfriend just got here with an extra key."

She turned to Hotch. "He's on a call, and then he's done for the day."

Reid was in the back seat. "Let's hope we beat him home, then."

* * *

They cut the sirens two miles from the address, and Morgan drove his SUV casually past the long driveway. No luck on beating Rappe home.

"The locksmith van is parked there. And I think I saw some movement back by the shed." Rossi was riding shotgun with him, passing the information to those in the other SUV.

It was decided that Rossi, Morgan and JJ would approach the shed through the surrounding woods, while Hotch, Blake and Reid made a noisy arrival in their SUV, hoping to distract Rappe. If he was in the shed, they had to assume he was near the victim. It would be safer for her if they separated the two before trying to arrest him. The team met up and reassorted the members to set the plan in motion.

Once the others were situated in the trees just beyond the clearing, Hotch hit his siren and turned into the driveway. He was pleased to see Rappe framed in the doorway of the shed, looking out. As Rappe realized what was happening, he moved to close the door of the shed...but was pulled out by Morgan, who'd raced across the clearing to catch him off guard. Morgan had the advantage of surprise, but Rappe was strong. But not strong enough, it turned out. He tried to push the profiler away, and found himself wrapped in an iron grip. Rappe was buff, but Morgan was….buffer.

"Oh no, you don't!" Morgan threw the man on the ground and put a knee to his back while JJ and Rossi rushed the cabin. Ashley Brinks was bound and gagged, terrified by the commotion.

"It's all right, you're all right, we're from the FBI," soothed JJ as Rossi loosed the woman's bindings. Once freed, she clung to JJ, who supported her as she slowly walked her outside. Passing Hotch, JJ smiled. It was always good to bring one home.

* * *

"So, why did he do it? And why the gap in time?" Blake had been on her weekly video chat with her husband and hadn't heard the case summary.

"Turns out he had a little side business going at the gyms...steroids. Great place to find customers. But, like most drug dealers, he started using them himself." Rossi started the story.

"I noticed he looked pretty filled out," Blake acknowledged.

Morgan took it up. "Steroids can really mess you up. Make you crazy. And sick. He was both." He settled into the seat next to Blake to before he continued.

"He had a little psychotic episode three years ago, and was hospitalized for three months. That's apparently what threw off his schedule. And he'd become impotent. Put that together with the psychosis, it's a dangerous mix. Just needed to 'prove himself' by taking and assaulting the women, repeatedly. Except he had to use his other 'tools' to assault them. Then the psychosis would break, and he'd realize what he'd done….and kill them, so they couldn't talk."

"All in the name of 'health'." Rossi was more inclined to secure his health status with a good red wine.

* * *

In the back of the plane, Reid and JJ were discussing their upcoming changes in living arrangements.

"Have you told Will about this?"

"It's not really his business, Spence."

"I'll take that as a 'no'. But …don't get me wrong, you know what I think of him….but he's Henry's father. Shouldn't he know if I'm staying there?"

"We stayed together once before, remember? Courtesy of his bad behavior?"

Her bitterness over Will's lack of cooperation in the divorce hearing was still strong. Reid understood, and supported her. But he didn't want to give Will any ammunition.

"Still, I think we should tell him. So he understands."

"Well, you can tell him tonight, if you'd like. It's early enough."

Reid thought about that. "Will he leave then, do you think? If you're home early?"

"I'm not giving him another option. He hasn't stayed overnight when I've been there. Not yet...and I'm not about to let him start now."

"So you and Henry will be alone tonight?"

"One night, Spence. We'll be okay."

He wasn't convinced. "I have my go bag. Why don't I come home with you, and stay the night. I...or both of us, don't you think?...can talk to Will. Then I can stop by my place tomorrow and gather up what I need."

He was rarely insistent with her, but she could tell from the look on his face that he would be insistent now.

"All right. It's a plan."

* * *

They got to the house at 8:37 PM. Reid's eidetic memory marked the time from the digital clock on his dashboard. It would stay in his memory for a very long time.

He followed JJ through the front door and into the living room, not especially looking forward to what he was sure would be a confrontation.

"Will?" JJ expected to see him asleep on the sofa, but it was empty. The television was on, tuned to children's programming.

She turned to Reid, smiling.

"This can only mean one of two things. Either they realized we were here and that Henry was up too late…so they made a mad dash for the bed, trying to fool me...or, Will fell asleep reading to Henry. He used to do it all the time."

Reid smiled back at her. "I'll let you handle that. I'll wait out here."

He put down his bags and sat down, recognizing the program on the TV as one he'd first watched as a kid. He could hear JJ's voice coming from Henry's bedroom. She was speaking so softly that he surmised Henry must be asleep. He tried to give his attention back to the program, but was too distracted by trying to prepare for the upcoming conversation with Will. Gradually, he realized that he'd not heard the deep tones of Will's voice responding to JJ. He thought it odd, and although he didn't want to invade their privacy, his curiosity won out. He muted the television so he could hear better.

That's when he realized that JJ wasn't having a conversation at all. He could hear her now. So softly.

Repeating, over and over and over again, "Oh, my God...oh, my God...oh, my God..."


	47. Chapter 47

**Transitions**

**Chapter 47**

The remote clattered to the floor as Reid raced for Henry's room, his heart pounding. Even though she was repeating only the three words, he could hear the despair in JJ's voice. He rushed through the doorway to see her standing in the middle of the room, frantically pushing at her cell phone. She was alone.

Reid's reaction was almost identical to hers as he took it in. "Oh, God."

Henry's bed was unmade, the indentation from his little body still visible in the Superman sheets. There were pieces of clothing strewn about the room, but many of his toys, and a large swath of clothes from his closet, were gone. And so was the little boy.

JJ's mantra switched from "Oh, my God", to "'Answer, damn it!" as she hit the 'call' button repeatedly, trying to reach Will. She stopped only when Reid put a hand on her arm.

"JJ, listen..." In the ensuing silence, they both heard it. The sound of something vibrating. Reid followed the sound out to the kitchen, and felt his heart sink when he saw a cell phone on the counter. He picked it up and looked at the caller ID, which read 'JJ'. It was obviously Will's phone.

She'd followed him out to the kitchen and recognized the phone right away. "Why would he leave..."

She stopped herself. There were too many possible answers to that question, none of them good.  _Calm down, JJ._   _Think this through._

She began to do so aloud.

"Maybe Henry was sick, and he took him to the hospital. He might have forgotten the phone."

She remembered when Henry'd had that febrile seizure a couple of years ago. But the dread in the pit of her stomach told her that it was an unlikely possibility, given what she'd seen of the state of her son's room.

Reid just looked at her, knowing she didn't really believe what she was saying. His stare forced her to voice what she really thought. In a much quieter tone, she said, "Or maybe he's taken him, and doesn't want to be found."

She closed her eyes as she said it, tears beginning to fall. Reid took her in his arms and held her close. He actually  _hoped_ that Henry was with Will. Because he knew there was an even more dire possibility.

* * *

Hotch was the first of the team members to be alerted, and he was the first to arrive, ready to do battle with the police about jurisdiction. Most of the time he was conciliatory with local law enforcement, but this situation was entirely different. The police were usually given charge of cases of domestic child custody disputes until such time as the non-custodial parent was thought to have crossed state lines. But, in this case, that  _joint_ -custodial parent worked for the DC Metro Police, and Hotch was determined to see that the case was investigated fairly.

And, especially in this case, where there was a presumed preexisting threat to the family from an unknown subject, the expertise of the FBI, and of the BAU in particular, was crucial. Hotch feared there would be an emphasis on the 'presumed' nature of the threat that would give his hierarchy the option to decline an aggressive investigation. And he was further concerned that, even if an investigation was opened,  _his_  BAU team would be considered 'too close' to it, and thereby prohibited from taking the case. He arrived to the LaMontagne household in full administrative armor, prepared to fight for the case, and the right to pursue it.

He badged himself past one uniformed officer in the street, and another at the front door. As he entered, he could see that JJ and Reid had been separated, and were being interviewed by two different detectives, JJ in the living room and Reid in the kitchen. He made his way to his former unit liaison's side. She looked up as she saw him approach and tried to stand, but swayed on her feet. He took her arm to steady her.

"JJ..."

"Hotch...he's gone. We came home….. and they were both gone." Tear stains on her cheeks, voice gone flat.

He sat her back down, and took the seat next to her as he introduced himself to the detective.

"Why the big turnout?" He'd expected to see only a pair of uniforms for what the police would assume was a simple domestic dispute.

JJ understood what he meant. "Spence found blood. Just a smear, on the bathroom floor."

That changed things completely. Or not. Could one of them simply have sustained a cut? Or was this a sign of violence? Of resistance?

"Only in the one area?" Hotch was asking both JJ and the detective.

"That's all….so far," responded Detective Kiernan. "We've got a team on the way."

Hotch wanted to be able to sort through the investigative issues with the police, and then he very much needed to talk with his own team, the rest of whom were on their way. He turned to address Kiernan.

"Are you nearly done?" The two men shared a meaningful look. The detective understood what Hotch wanted.

"I can be done. I'll get my partner. We can talk outside."

JJ realized she was being excluded from the jurisdiction-related conversation, but was too distraught to care. She watched as the detective went to the kitchen doorway and signaled for his partner to join him. Reid followed the man out of the kitchen and almost ran into Hotch. He'd been looking only at JJ.

Now he turned haunted eyes to his unit chief. "Hotch...the Rep….." He was interrupted by Hotch's upheld palm.

His boss first passed him a nonverbal message, and then spoke. "Let's hope it's just Will. Stay with her, I need to meet with the police outside."

Hotch exited with the two detectives as Reid made his way over to JJ. She looked up at him as he approached, her eyes pleading with him to make this all go away. He sat and took her hand in his, using his other hand to smooth her hair, and then drew her over to lean against him. He was terrified for both mother and son, the two people still in his life who meant the most to him, and to each other. He prayed without real hope for a response. He'd long ago concluded that Spencer Reid's prayers usually went unanswered.

_But it's not for me. It's for them. Please bring him back to her. Please let him be okay. Please don't let her lose hope. Please. Please.  
_

In short order, Morgan, Rossi and Blake arrived, each a few minutes apart. They pulled together chairs and huddled around JJ and Reid.

"Penelope wants you to know that it's killing her not to be here, but I dropped her off at the BAU. She can do more good there than here." Morgan's failure to use a sobriquet served to mark the seriousness of the circumstance.

JJ sniffed and nodded her thanks. Reid tightened his grip on her shoulder as Hotch came back into the house with Detective Kiernan.

"The police will investigate this as a possible domestic incident, with consultation from the BAU because of the ….unique circumstances. Detective Kiernan will be our liaison with DC Metro."

The detective addressed JJ. "I promise you we'll do everything we can, Agent Jareau. Even if it's a domestic, even if he's on the job….we'll get you your son back." He looked uncomfortable as he added, "We have a full crime scene unit coming, considering the blood. It would be best if you weren't around for it."

Reid could feel her tense up, and knew she was about to protest. He understood her need to be aware of every possible fact, but he also knew the process of evidence-gathering was not kind to the families of the victims. Especially if there turned out to be evidence of hidden blood, or presumed violence…..he didn't want her there.

"It's okay, JJ. We can leave and come back later. They'll share whatever they learn with the BAU." Turning to Kiernan, he added, "Won't you, Detective?"

The man nodded. "You'll know what we know, when we know it."

Hotch spoke up now. "Detective?" He'd already secured an agreement to have some time alone with his team.

Kiernan nodded at him. "We'll be outside."

Once the house was emptied of all but the team, Hotch pulled them in close. He needed to keep his voice low.

"I may have misrepresented the FBI's stance in this to Detective Kiernan. I've convinced him to have DC Metro call us in, but I still have to convince Strauss to give it to our unit."

Hearing that, Rossi made a silent plan to exert whatever influence he could on Erin Strauss' decision. Their relationship in the past may not have been smooth, but it had been important….and he intended to remind her of that, if it proved necessary.

Hotch was still speaking. "Regardless of her decision, we're on it. We'll have to be on stand down anyway….." He didn't say it aloud, but he may as well have.  _Since we have two traumatized agents_. "….and I have no qualms about using any of the resources available to us."

He turned to JJ now, putting his hand out to touch her knee. Before he spoke, he flashed a look to Reid. The younger agent understood. Hotch was about to say it, to make it real. He pulled JJ closer.

"JJ….you know that this is probably Will. But…." He could see her fill up. She'd known, but had been trying to push the idea far from her mind. Now Hotch was going to force her to face it. "…it may also  _not_  be him. We know we're being surveilled, even taunted. You received those flowers only a few days ago…JJ, it's possible that this is the Replicator. He might have them both."

She nodded, unable to speak. She couldn't meet his eyes, didn't want to see what she knew would be there. Pity, sympathy for her loss. The idea made her angry.  _I haven't lost him yet!_

Reid  _was_  looking at Hotch's eyes. There was no pity in them. Instead, they reflected a fierce determination. He jostled JJ to get her to look. He wanted her to see what he saw. There was hope, and purpose. 

_We'll get him back._

* * *

The team reconvened at the BAU, where Garcia virtually erupted into the round table room to enfold JJ into her tight embrace.

"You're my girl and I love you, and I love that little boy too. Don't you think for a minute that we're not getting him back!"

JJ melted into Garcia's comforting arms. Reid, watching, was grateful that she could find some measure of relief with her good friend. He smiled his thanks to Garcia as the team took their seats around the table. It took all of his willpower not to roll his chair right next to JJ's. They needed to keep some semblance of normalcy if they were going to be able to function.

Hotch wanted to lay out the case first. "All right, what do we know?"

Rossi started off, purposely keeping things as impersonal as possible. "We've got a child and his father, last known to be together…..when?" He turned to JJ.

She'd gotten control of her voice by keeping it low. "I spoke to them both last night, at Henry's bedtime. I didn't call again today. We were so busy….and I knew we'd be home tonight….." For JJ, there was no way to keep this impersonal. It was about Henry, and Will.

Blake came to her rescue. "Perfectly reasonable. Okay, so did you call on his cell, or was it the landline?"

"His cell. We pretty much always use them, because we always carry them with us."

Morgan analyzed what that told them. "Okay, so if it had been the landline, we'd know that they were definitely at the house when the call took place. With the cell, we can't be sure. But since his cell was at the house tonight, we know that he was at the house sometime between then and now."

Hotch turned to his technical analyst, who'd been working the whole time the team had been at JJ's.

"Garcia, what can you tell us about his cell phone use in the past 24 hours? No, make that 48 hours."

Hotch knew they couldn't assume anything. The team had been gone for two days. Anything could have happened during that time.

"Sir, he took JJ's call last night, and then nothing until earlier today. It looks like he called a number that reaches Henry's school about eight in the morning, and then he called a number that reaches his attorney at two in the afternoon. After that, nothing. I'll have to go back and look at the day prior."

It was sounding more like this was all Will's doing. Had he called Henry out from preschool? Had he made an arrangement with his attorney? As likely as it sounded, none of them were willing to make the assumption.

Morgan continued the review of facts. "We know said father was unhappy about the outcome of a divorce and child custody hearing, and was fighting the monetary support."

JJ was briefly surprised to hear that Morgan knew, but took in the embarrassment on Garcia's face and knew how he'd found out.

Blake recounted, "We know that many of the child's clothes and toys are gone. What about the father's things? Did he still have some at the house, or would there have been a bag?"

JJ surprised Reid with her answer. "He'd left some things for when he stayed over with Henry. He probably didn't need to bring a bag."

Reid hadn't realized there was a remnant of Will left in the house. Not having the time to try to analyze why that made him react, he moved the conversation in a different direction.

"We know that JJ received flowers with the message 'Zugzwang'. The same message I got when Maeve was taken."

Morgan continued in the same vein. "And we know that we've got someone surveilling us. Presumably that same someone is replicating killings from cases we've already solved."

Rossi finished. "And we  _think_  that the same person has done all three….sent the 'Zugzwang' messages, surveilled us, and done the killings. But we have no proof of any of that. Best not to presume anything."

JJ reentered the conversation, her voice completely toneless. It was the only way she could get it out.

"And we know that there was blood."

Reid gave up trying to pretend this was a typical case. He brought his chair next to JJ and covered her hand with his. He could feel her trembling.

Hotch tried to assure her. "So far, we only know of a smear in the bathroom, which isn't all that unusual in a household with a young boy."

He gave her a grim smile, which she tried to return.

He went on. "Thankfully the police are considering the home a crime scene, and not simply the site of a parental interference with custody. We should have substantially more information about who was in the house, and what might have gone on there, in a day or two."

JJ had never realized how agonizingly long 'a day or two' could sound until she heard it referenced in this context. She'd said it so often, to so many family members. Now, to have it said to her…she understood why it offered no comfort. Instead, it meant the loved one was in danger, perhaps in pain, for one or two days more, and it felt intolerable.

Blake wondered, "Will we get NCMEC involved?"

"NCMEC?" echoed Garcia.

"The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children," explained Morgan. "They issue amber alerts, assist families, can even help with investigations."

"Should I put out an amber alert?" Garcia was itching for something concrete to contribute.

"It doesn't qualify. Will had the right to be with Henry, and we have no proof that he's done anything wrong...so far."

Even if it  _had_  met the criteria, Hotch was reluctant to issue the alert. Somehow it seemed like it might play into the Replicator's game…..should it turn out they were dealing with the Replicator.

"It's been seven hours since we found they were missing," Reid pointed out. "I don't think this is going to turn out to have been just a mistake, or a miscommunication. They're gone."

"And we're gonna find them." Rossi reached over and squeezed JJ's free hand as he pushed back his chair. "Time to get to work."

* * *

As the team dispersed to their desks, Reid followed his unit chief back to his office.

"Hotch, I think we need to consider something else."

The senior agent turned around to listen. Clearly Reid hadn't wanted JJ to hear what he had to say.

"The Replicator didn't take Maeve. But he knew that Diane had her. He was obviously watching Maeve as well as me."

Hotch knew enough to wait Reid out. His genius had that look about him.

"The clothes, the toys…..they make it look like Will took Henry, and maybe he did. But that doesn't mean the Replicator isn't involved. Think about it. He sent JJ those flowers, and then this happens. I think he was watching them. I'll bet anything he knows where they are."

Hotch nodded, absorbing the idea. And then grimaced, following the concept to its logical conclusion.

He confirmed it with the young agent.

"Reid, what does your gut tell you?"

What his gut told him terrified Reid.

"I can't be sure, but...JJ and I are the only two of us he's contacted specifically. And we know what happened after he contacted me. I think...God, I hope I'm wrong, but...he's a replicator, Hotch. He might try to replicate it. What happened to Maeve. Only, now he's threatening Henry."

Hotch added, "And making Will disposable, like Bobby." Neither voiced it, but both had the same thought.  _And planning to force JJ to watch._

The younger man's eyes were filled as he spoke.

"I can't let her go through what I did, Hotch. We have to find them." He choked on his own words. "We can't lose Henry. We'll lose her too. And I can't lose either of them."

It was the first time he'd acknowledged the re-igniting of those feelings for JJ, even to himself, but it didn't surprise his unit chief.

Hotch knew how high the stakes were. If this should come to pass, if the Replicator succeeded in his plan, they would  _all_  be lost.


	48. Chapter 48

**Transitions**

**Chapter 48**

Hotch assigned Rossi, Morgan and Blake to resume their work on the Replicator. He, JJ and Reid would start working on tracking Will. The three made their own profile of the missing father.

"From his behavior this past year, I think we can conclude that he's got a dependent personality." Reid started them off.

"He's that…and he's narcissistic. All those times he tried to manipulate me to satisfy whatever  _he_  wanted." JJ was quiet for a moment. "But he does love Henry." 

_I just hope he loves him enough._

Hotch had been witness to enough of Will's behavior to agree with both of them.

"It's likely the dependency will lead him home, where he might be able to draw upon a network."

They all knew that 'home' for Will was not DC, but New Orleans. His roots there ran deep, with an intricately intersecting network. If his old friends decided to help him hide, they could have a very hard time finding him.

JJ provided them with a list of names to start with, and they each hit their phones. They needed to proceed cautiously, because of the totality of the circumstance. The process of locating the pair would be affected by the possibility of the Replicator tracking them as well.

While they hadn't activated an amber alert, Detective Kiernan had put out a regional BOLO for Will's vehicle, and disseminated pictures of both father and son. It was a compromise move. Hotch was concerned about too much publicity, fearing to feed the Replicator's agenda. But they needed to have eyes everywhere if they were going to find Will and Henry. Tracking someone with knowledge of law enforcement techniques was inherently difficult.

The others had each managed a few hours of sleep on the sofas in the conference room, but Hotch, JJ and Reid had gone non-stop. Rossi dropped by his friend's office to encourage him to take a break. He waited for Hotch to finish a phone call.

"Thank you."..."Yes, it will help us tremendously to have another mind on this. And, you're right, it will help me run interference with the director." ..."Exactly, there's a belief that we're too close to the case. They're wanting to take it from us unless we bring someone else in."….."Yes, I understand." ..."Tomorrow."…"Great."…."Thanks." He ended the call.

"Calling in reinforcements?"

"We need to have some outside eyes on this, to satisfy the Director. Strauss is on board with it. I can tell you pulled some strings there, Dave. Thanks. But she's getting pressure up the line."

"So she said. I'm glad we'll have help, if it will keep us on the case."

Rossi studied his old friend.

"You're exhausted, and this Replicator character is sharp. We need to be at our best when we find him, Aaron. Get some sleep. I'll hold down the fort."

The unit chief's first inclination was to decline, but he realized the wisdom in his friend's advice. And last night, when Reid had called him, he'd had to call Jessica over to stay with Jack. He  _really_  needed to see his son today.

He threw the file he'd been holding onto his desk. "All right, you're right." He looked at his watch. "Jack will be getting out of school in thirty minutes. Maybe I can get there in time to give him a ride home."

Rossi gave him a small smile. "That is an excellent idea, my friend. Now I just have to get our two young people to agree to get some rest as well." He looked out through the window, down into the bullpen. JJ and Reid were each at their desks, each on the phone. "I know they may not sleep, but their bodies need rest."

Hotch grabbed his briefcase and walked past Rossi to go out the door. "I'll make it an order."

After he was out of earshot, Rossi opined, "Oh, yeah, that'll work."

* * *

It did, but only because it jived with JJ's agenda.

She insisted on going home. Reid was concerned about how the crime scene team might have left it, and encouraged her to let him bring her to his place instead.

"I want to go home, Spence. I  _need_  to go home."

When they got there, he understood why. She walked right past the chaos in the living room, right past the fingerprint dust scattered everywhere, right past the spare can of luminol that someone had forgotten to pick up. She went straight to Henry's bedroom. His sheets had been taken, in the hope of finding foreign DNA. But his pillow was there, inside its Superman pillowcase. JJ sat down on the bed and lifted the pillow to her face. She inhaled deeply through her nose, breathing in the scent of her son.

It almost broke Reid. He'd buried his concern as deeply as he could, knowing he needed to preserve his focus for the case, and his emotional reserve for JJ. But the sight of her desperately trying to find her lost son in the scent of his pillow nearly did him in. And then he watched as JJ lifted her head and sat, perfectly still, staring straight ahead. When her facial expression changed, he could see that she was entering a very dark place, and he needed to turn her away from it. He knew what was in her mind's eye. They'd both seen it before.

"Don't go there."

She could only shake her head.

"JJ, he'll be all right. We'll find him." Said forcefully, trying to get her to believe. Trying to believe it himself.

"But what if…."

"No 'what ifs'. We'll get him back. He'll be all right."

It wasn't enough. His assurance couldn't overcome all that she knew could happen to children who were taken. What they went through before... She knew that, even if he was with Will, he wouldn't be all right. He'd know. He'd realize that something was wrong. Henry was too bright for even his father to fool him for very long.

It spilled out of her. "But he must be so scared… _.so_  scared. He won't know what's happening, he won't know I'm trying to find him. He'll be afraid, and he'll need me, and I won't be there. Oh, God. Please, God." She closed her eyes, vainly trying to hide the image that was in her head. "Oh, Henry, please be strong, Baby. Mommy loves you." She squeezed the pillow to her chest in place of her absent son.

Saying it aloud made it all too real. It overwhelmed her in the moment. JJ put her face into the pillow and started sobbing. The grief washed over her in waves, shaking her very foundation. The sound of her grief was so powerful and so alien that it frightened Reid. He moved behind her and wrapped his long arms all the way around her, trying to help her contain it. His body shook with hers.

Purposely, he focused his entire mind on JJ, on providing whatever she needed. He tried to keep his thoughts away from Henry, lest he fall into the same pit of fear and anxiety as had the woman in his arms. He knew it was there, deep inside him, but he couldn't afford to connect with it. They both needed him, and he was determined to be there for them.

He held her, resting his head on hers. Murmuring sounds of comfort.

"I've got you... I've got you... Let it out... Let it all out... It's all right, let it all out and leave it here."

He repeated the sentiments, over and over. Finally, she began to settle. He thought it was probably more from exhaustion than anything else, but he also knew whom he was holding. When she needed to, she could be as tough as leather. And he knew she was slowly connecting with that person within.

He moved around to squat in front of her, and lifted her face from the pillow.

"Look at me."

When she did, he was taken aback. He'd known he would see the sorrow, but he hadn't expected the hopelessness. He'd fallen into those eyes more times than he could count, but today they were just bottomless pools of despair.

He took her face in his hands. "JJ, you have to believe. Think about all of those kids we've given back to their families."  _And not those we've lost._  "We're good at what we do. And we're going to bring Henry back."

She was still hiccoughing with sobs. "I want to believe, but…." But she was looking at the man who'd lost the woman he loved, in front of the whole team. "I want to...but…..oh God, Spence…"

This time she fell forward into his embrace, burying her face into his shoulder. He pulled the pillow out from between them and held her, and rocked her, until both of them were spent. He unfolded himself stiffly and stood, drawing her up with him.

"You need to rest. We both do. If we're going to help the team at all, we need to get some sleep."

He could see her preparing to protest, and cut her off by walking her to her bedroom.

"Even if you don't think you can sleep, I want you to lie down. Just rest your body if your mind won't let you sleep." He was all too familiar with the strategy, still having to employ it from time to time. "I'll be out on the sofa."

The remnant of the professional profiler still functioning in her knew he was right. JJ let him bring her to the bed, and didn't protest when he lifted her legs and removed her shoes. He sat down beside her on the coverlet.

"Just lie down, that's right." She turned on her side, away from him, as he stroked her head and ran his hands through her hair. When she felt the bed move, and realized he was leaving, she reached her hand back behind her.

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay with me. Lie down with me. You need to rest, too. Stay with me, Spence."

In any other circumstance, it would have thrown him completely. But today his focus was only on her, and her anguish, and in doing whatever he could to ease it. He wasn't self-conscious at all as he joined her in lying atop the bed. He turned on his side behind her, and draped his arm over her, spooning her. She moved herself backward to fit into him and grasped his hand in both of hers, holding tightly.

He whispered into her ear. "Try to sleep, JJ. Close your eyes."

"I can't."

"Try. Just close your eyes. Take deep breaths. Come on, we'll take them together. Breathe in…..breathe out….in….out…in….."

He would never know which of them fell off first, but both of them slept.

* * *

It was after midnight when she woke. The space next to her was empty, and she could hear movement elsewhere in the house. JJ rose from the bed and followed the sounds.

The living room had been put to rights, and it looked like the blood had been cleaned from the bathroom. As she entered the kitchen, she found Reid wiping down the counters.

"You got up." Her voice was still thick with sleep.

"I don't need that much sleep. I thought I'd clean up some of…..you know."

_Some of the evidence that a crime was committed here._

"Did you sleep at all?"

"I've only been up for about an hour." He changed the subject, anticipating what she would want to know.

"I called the BAU. They're taking turns having someone be physically available there, and the rest are getting some sleep too. It was Blake's turn. She didn't have much, but she said Detective Kiernan had the crime lab prioritize the case. We should have something from them tomorrow."

This was actually  _good_  news. Cases were given priority when those investigating them thought they could still save the victim.

"Did she say anything about the blood? What did the luminol show?"

"She didn't know. We'll have to get that from Kiernan in the morning. We're meeting at the BAU at 7. He'll phone in as soon as he has something."

She fell into a chair and watched as he continued wiping away the fingerprint dust, not even thinking to try to help him. When he was finished, he turned and took her in. Her face was smeared with mascara, her hair disheveled and uncombed, her complexion pale. And still, she was beautiful.

"Let me make you something to eat."

She shook her head. "Oh, no, I couldn't even think about eating."

"Something to drink, then."

"Spence, you don't have to take care of me."

He sat down across from her and held her gaze. "JJ, I  _want_  to take care of you. Please let me do it. You're going to need all of your strength to get through this. We both are. Neither of us will be able to help find Henry if we're falling to pieces."

He was satisfied that he saw a glimmer of acknowledgement in her eyes, and stood, bringing her up with him.

"Now, go, take a shower, get cleaned up. You'll feel better. I'll make us some eggs and toast. That should go down okay."  _It worked when you did it for me._

She knew he was right, and she didn't have the energy to fight him anyway.

"Okay."

* * *

He hadn't been entirely honest with her. He'd been up much longer than an hour. Only a few hours after they'd fallen off, he'd bolted awake, escaping a bombardment of dream images.

_JJ…Henry…Maeve…JJ and Henry playing soccer…..JJ and Henry cheering him on in softball…..Henry performing magic…..Maeve restrained in a chair….JJ running after an unsub…..Henry running to him after preschool…..Maeve standing next to Diane…..JJ standing next to Will at the altar…..JJ in tears at his apartment…Maeve inscribing his book….. Maeve on the ground….blood….Henry…..blood…..JJ restrained….Henry restrained…..blood..._

His eyes had flown open, his breath coming in short gasps. It had taken him a few moments to realize where he was, and that it was JJ next to him on the bed. He slowly released his arm from her grasp and slid away. He made his way out to the darkened living room. The sun had not yet set when they'd gone in to lie down, but there was only moonlight outside now.

Reid sat in that dim moonlight, shaken by his plotless dream. His efforts to keep his mind on the task, and not the terrible possibilities, had been thwarted in sleep. Now his mind wouldn't admit any other thought. It was filled with thoughts of Henry, and fear for what might happen to him...what might already be happening to him...

_Please, please, God, let him be with Will. It will give us time to find them before the Replicator….and maybe he won't realize it's anything but a road trip with his dad. Please don't let him be afraid...  
_

He remembered what had so shattered JJ, the thought of a frightened Henry reaching out and finding no one. That same thought threatened to shatter him.

_God, if You're listening at all, if You're even there at all…Henry is just a little kid. The best boy in the world. And he doesn't deserve this. And neither does she. I know You get this all the time, but….even if we're just like grains of sand to You…..please, please help us. I don't think we can do it alone. Please don't let Henry feel like he's alone. Please don't let JJ feel that way either. Please help me to do what they need me to do. To be who they need me to be. Please, please let us bring him home._

Something occurred to him. He almost dismissed it, but _...it's worth a try._ He addressed his next prayer elsewhere.

_Maeve...Maeve, if you're there...and I think I really do believe you are...I told you about Henry. You know how much I love him. You probably already know what's happened to him. Be with him. Let him know that he's not alone. Keep him safe. Don't let him be scared. Help us find him._

He'd sat for a long time after that, wanting desperately to be able to feel some sort of answer, but nothing came. 

_Maybe it doesn't work like that._

Eventually he realized one way he  _could_  help, and he started cleaning, trying to make the house look like nothing had happened. But he didn't touch anything in Henry's room, sensing that it was a task for JJ. An hour later, he heard her stir in the bedroom.

* * *

She came out in sweats, her wet hair pulled back into a ponytail.

"Feel better?"

"Cleaner. And like I could try some food." It was already on the table. She tried to smile at him as she sat.

Each of them took a few forkfuls of egg along with a few bites of toast before defaulting to the coffee Reid had also made.

"At least you tried. Something is better than nothing." He took their plates to the sink.

"I did as well as you did." She got up and pushed him away from the sink. "Your turn in the shower." She started on the dishes as he went to wash up.

He was in and out in ten minutes, and found her sitting in the living room, staring at a paid advertisement on the television.

"You're not watching that."

"I'm not?"

"An ad for treating baldness? What, are you planning ahead?"

Even with the most difficult cases, humor often served as a relief valve for the team. Now, when they were playing the roles of both victim and investigator, it seemed almost inappropriate. But the fact that they'd fallen back into their usual pattern of behavior gave them a moment of relative normalcy and, however briefly, it felt good.

She gave a wry snort. "You're right, I wasn't watching it. I guess I just wanted to get something else in my head, you know?"

"Bad dream?"

"The worst." He'd told her about his dream the night Maeve was killed. She knew he would understand what she meant about her dream tonight.

"Me too." He took the remote from her. "Let's see if we can find something that will work better."

There wasn't much on in the middle of the night save a selection of paid programs for various ailments and 'must have' products. Reid clicked through until he found an old black and white movie from the forties.

"How about this?"

She nodded. "I might even be able to fall asleep to it."

"That's what I was thinking. We have a few hours left before the meeting and we should try to go in fresh. As much as we can, anyway."

He lifted his arm in invitation and she moved over to fit against him. "Comfortable?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Okay." He pulled an afghan over them. "No talking. Just watch." 

_And sleep_.

* * *

The team was fully assembled by 6:45. For a seven AM callout, that was almost unheard of. But so were these circumstances.

Garcia embraced JJ when the two youngest profilers arrived. "Honey, did you get any rest?"

JJ nodded and threw a smile at Reid. "I rested, and I ate, and I slept. I had a very good caretaker."

Garcia flashed Reid a smile as well. "That's my gentle genius."

Hotch called them together. He began by asking Blake to report any overnight developments before she left for her rest period.

"Nothing from the police yet, but I believe Detective Kiernan is phoning in at 7:30. Nothing from the BOLOs yet, nothing on Will's credit card. We did find out that he made a substantial cash withdrawal from his bank four days ago."

"Right after the court hearing." JJ wondered if Will had already been planning for the possibility of the hearing not going his way.

"All right, thank you, Blake. Stay for the rest of the briefing and then go home and get some sleep." Hotch was ready to move on.

"I don't want to leave you shorthanded. I can just rest in here…."

"No, that won't be necessary. We'll have help." He directed the rest of his remarks to the whole team.

"Item number one of the briefing is our status with the Bureau."

There was much shifting of position, readying to do battle with the hierarchy. They were expecting to be told they'd been taken off the case. Morgan voiced it for the rest.

"Don't tell me. They can't!"

"Relax, Morgan. They haven't." Hotch reassured his most hotheaded team member. "I've had a number of discussions, as has Chief Strauss. She's had to go to bat for us, and I think we should be grateful for what she's done. They've agreed to let us stay on the case as long as we have outside consultation. She's convinced them that we are the best positioned for every aspect of it. We know Will, and we know the cases the Replicator is trying to imitate. Any other team would be starting from scratch."

"Got that right." "Finally, some logic!" "Amen." Remarks came from around the table.

Hotch had his hand up to silence them. "But they are also concerned about our ability to be objective. So she's convinced them to allow us to bring in assistance from another agency. They should be joining us imminently."

Morgan wasn't happy with the idea of an outsider working with the team, but he had to acknowledge it as a reasonable compromise. "Which other agency, Hotch?"

"Well, considering we don't know the identity of the Replicator, we thought we should cast a wide net. Our help will be coming from the international community."

Morgan's eyes grew wide as he looked through the window of the conference room and spied someone approaching.

"Emily!"


	49. Chapter 49

 

 

 

**Transitions**

**Chapter 49**

All heads turned in the direction Morgan was looking when he called out her name. There, indeed, was Emily Prentiss, now standing in the doorway. She hesitated for a moment, taking in the welcome sight of her old friends, and then made her way directly to JJ and pulled her up into a hug. JJ melted into it. If Garcia's hugs meant love and support, Emily's meant strength. Even surrounded by the rest of the team, JJ felt better knowing that Emily was with her.

Hotch cleared his throat.

"Prentiss, it's good to have you back." He gave her a small smile and a nod of welcome before turning to the others. "I know it's been a while, but we'll have to catch up with one another later. Right now, we've got a lot of work to accomplish."

As she took her seat at the table, Emily smiled and acknowledged each of the others, resting her gaze on Reid, taking the measure of him. She'd heard he was regaining some of his weight, but he still looked gaunt to her. And frayed, like he was trying very hard not to unravel. She made a personal vow to get him alone, as Hotch continued.

"I've briefed Prentiss on what we know about the Replicator, and the disappearance of Will and Henry LaMontagne. She'll bring the resources of Interpol to the investigation."

Emily spoke up. "I've had a conversation with Section Chief Strauss as well. As you probably know, Interpol doesn't actually investigate cases. We coordinate information among law enforcement agencies internationally. In this case, we are looking at anyone involved in any way….unsubs, victims, even law enforcement…..listed in the case reports of the BAU going back to the time Hotch joined the unit."

Rossi had a thought about that. "I had the same idea you apparently did. But I've reconsidered it. I know it looks like its personal, against this particular team. And I haven't been a part of  _this_  team for as long as Hotch has. But I  _was_  part of an earlier team. I think we need to go back to the BAU's inception."

Hotch had already formed the same opinion. "Dave's right. It could be that he's targeting the members of our current team as symbolic of a team from the past. We need to go back to the beginning of the BAU."

Garcia pushed her chair back. "Sir, if that's the case, may I be excused? The earliest BAU cases have been scanned in, but they're not truly electronic. I'll have a lot of work to do."

Hotch nodded. "Go ahead, Garcia. Get some help….Kevin Lynch, maybe?"

She looked uncertain for a moment, but then agreed. Anything for the team, no matter how awkward it was for her, now that Kevin was seeing someone else.

"I'll help too, Garcia, any spare moment." Reid knew his speed reading might be invaluable for this task. The technical analyst smiled her thanks as she left to get started.

Emily spoke up again. "As I was saying, the primary role of Interpol is to help facilitate the exchange of information. However, for this case, Section Chief Strauss has secured clearance for me to help with all aspects of the case, including the investigation."

Rossi let out a whistle. "Go, Erin." Sometimes he really  _could_  remember why he'd loved her.

"Glad to have you back, Princess." Morgan smiled at his oft-time partner.

She flashed him a wide grin. Despite the grim circumstances, it felt  _very_  good to be back with her old team.

Hotch went around the table for updates. "JJ?"

"Will has a brother in New Orleans. I explained about what happened, and the legal risk for Will, and about the Replicator, but…"

"But he thought you were exaggerating just to get him to report on Will." Emily finished it for her.

JJ nodded. "And I spoke with a few of Will's old unit as well. They pretty much gave the same impression. They  _said_  the right things, but the tone was….uncooperative, at best." She hadn't been surprised, knowing how close Will had been with some of his colleagues. The NOPD roots went several generations deep for many of the people Will had worked with before.

"So then I spoke with the chief there. I had the sense that he, at least, was listening."

"JJ, do you know if our field office in New Orleans is on good terms with NOPD?" Alex inquired. "Maybe they'd be able to move things in the right direction."

Every FBI office had previously been alerted to look for possible Replicator cases, and now they'd also been notified about the missing father and child. The FBI was taking the disappearances very seriously. Hopefully they could help convince NOPD to do the same.

"That's a good idea. I'll call them right after we break."

"Good." Hotch continued around the table. "Reid?"

"I made the same kinds of calls to Will's unit at DC Metro, and to his captain there. I got pretty much the same response that JJ did from his colleagues, but his captain is on board. And I think Detective Kiernan has made some noise there as well."

"He should be calling in soon, shouldn't he?" Rossi was looking at his watch. It was already 7:45. He hoped that the delay in Kiernan's briefing meant there was some breaking news.

Reid continued his report. "We're assuming Will's driving, since they haven't shown up on any flight manifests. Although if he's used cash to buy train or bus tickets, it would be virtually impossible for us to know. So, assuming he's driving...It's roughly 1100 miles from here to New Orleans. That's almost 17 hours of straight driving. And that would be assuming he took a direct route. And," he looked at JJ and smiled, "Henry isn't exactly a great traveler in the car."

In spite of herself, she had to laugh. Whenever she took him to visit her mother in Pennsylvania, it was necessary to let Henry get out and run around almost hourly. He wouldn't be any less antsy with Will.

"And they have to eat some time. So it would probably take them between 20 and 24 hours to make it to New Orleans by car." It was unusual for Reid to be so inexact in his calculations, but there were simply too many unknowns.

JJ spoke up. "He would have stopped….Will. He doesn't like to drive tired. Even now, even with this, I think he'd have stopped for the night."

"Maybe not, JJ. He might not have wanted to risk having some desk clerk report a father and child traveling together. He'd know we'd have a BOLO out." Morgan wasn't sure he agreed with his teammate.

"He wouldn't have to let them know about Henry. You know how it is at these motels, Morgan. They don't exactly escort you to your room." Rossi thought it was still a viable possibility.

Blake wanted to make sure they'd considered every possibility. "Could they have camped, JJ? On their own, or even at a campground?"

The blond profiler nodded. "Will camped a lot in New Orleans, but he hadn't gotten that into it up here. Still, it's possible. Although, with Henry, I think it would be difficult."

Acknowledging even more uncertainty, Reid continued his analysis of the presumed road trip. "Well, we know he signed Henry out of preschool after lunch yester…...actually, it was two days ago." With such disrupted days and nights, it was hard to remember.

"So he might have gotten there as early as midday yesterday, but most likely they arrived today." Rossi looked to JJ for confirmation. She nodded.

"So, should we relocate?" Alex wasn't sure how the team was thinking. "Should we go to New Orleans?"

Hotch took control. "I think we need some indication that they're there before we make a move. Will is a police officer. He might very well anticipate our train of thought. He might have gone in a different direction."

JJ felt strongly otherwise. "I really don't think he would try to do this on his own, Hotch. I can't see him  _not_ going to friends."

"Well, just to ask the obvious, JJ….does he  _have_  any other friends? Anywhere else at all he could go?"

Morgan had his own opinion about Will LaMontagne. And Will's having a wide circle of friends didn't jive with it.

JJ shook her head. "He has friends, sure. But "Southern friends" are different, or so he always told me. The people who've known him since he was a kid are like family to him. And so are those cops who were on the force with him since the beginning. No, I really think he's headed to New Orleans."

Emily and Reid exchanged a glance with each other, and with Hotch. They each understood the situation to be much more complicated. Emily started to explain.

"Actually….we don't even know that Will has done this. We don't know that the Replicator didn't…"she threw a glance at JJ, who now knew exactly what her friend was about to say. "…do something to Will..and then take Henry."

All of them cringed internally. They'd known it was a possibility, but hearing Emily voice it was sobering.

She continued, following her line of logic. "So we need to think like the Replicator, as much as we need to think like Will. And that makes this a lot harder."

Reid had been staring at the table. Now he lifted his head and followed her train of thought.

"Even if Henry is with Will, we still need to think like the Replicator. He's probably been watching them the whole time. He could catch up with them anywhere along the way."

It was the first time he'd said it aloud to anyone but Hotch. He caught the look of shock on JJ's face. She'd been thinking of it as an 'either/or', and now Spence was saying that it was probably 'both'. And he thought she looked upset with him for not having told her.

He continued. "I still think New Orleans is our best bet. JJ is sure that it's where Will would go….and I think it would feed into the Replicator's game for things to go down there."

JJ closed her eyes, stricken with thoughts of what 'go down' might mean for her four year old son.

Reid was firm in his opinion. "I think we need to go to New Orleans."

Hotch spent a few moments considering, and then decided. "All right. Agreed. The plane is standing by. Wheels up in thirty."

As the meeting broke up, Reid leaned close to JJ and whispered.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was thinking before this. It's just that...well, I know how bad this is for you. It felt like I'd be making it worse."

She held him with a steady gaze, not angry, but not exactly happy with him, either.

"I understand you had good intentions, Spence. But you were wrong. I don't need to be shielded from anything concerning my son. I  _do_ need to know that you'll be honest with me, about everything. No matter what. Please don't be holding anything back."

Reid returned her gaze, appropriately chastised. "I'm sorry. And, I promise."

While they were speaking, Emily resumed her greeting of the team, hugging Morgan, Rossi and Hotch in turn. Blake received a more reserved handshake, but a sincere smile. Reid lingered in the background as the rest each made their way out to get ready for departure.

When it was only the two of them left, they stood, six feet apart, looking at each other, each face bearing a small, sad smile. Too much had happened since they'd last been together, and too much was threatening them now. It wasn't appropriate to celebrate their reunion. But it  _was_  appropriate to acknowledge their love, and their grief, and the many years of friendship that bonded them.

Emily held her arms opened wide, and Reid slowly closed the distance between them. He walked into her embrace and simply stood there, holding her, and allowing himself to be held, for well over a minute. He buried his face in her shoulder, breathing in Emily.

She kept him close, trying to convey so much that needed to be said, that should have already been said, in a single embrace. And then, without even thinking about it, she fell back into her old pattern of interaction with him.

"You're skinny."

She felt him stiffen in her arms, and then heard him snort.

"I'm skinny?" As if he'd ever been anything but.

"You're _too_  skinny. Didn't I hear that you were eating better?" It was an acknowledgement of her keeping tabs on him.

He stepped back from her and they caught each other's hands.

"I  _am_  gaining weight now. I was skinnier before JJ and her mother made me their special project."

Emily's brows went up at that. She and JJ had spoken often in the time following Maeve's death, but not as much in the past two weeks. "JJ and her mother?"

"Her mother's a  _really_  good cook." He realized his mistake at once. "Not that JJ's not a good cook. too. She's great, actually."

Emily slowly nodded at him as she observed, "Been eating her cooking a lot, have you?"

Now he blushed. "Well, she was worried about me. I had a hard time….you know…"

The banter was broken. They couldn't simply slip back into the relationship they'd had before without acknowledging how much his life had changed.

Emily reached up and took his face in her hands. "I'm so, so sorry for what you've been through. For what you've lost. I wish to God I'd been able to come then."

He covered her hands with his, using his eyes to convey his gratitude for her love.

"It's okay, Emily. I knew you wanted to, and I knew you cared. To tell you the truth, it's probably better that you didn't. I wasn't fit company for anyone then. Just ask JJ."

She studied him again. Despite her many conversations with JJ at the time, she was picking up something new from Reid. Something JJ hadn't mentioned.

_Could it be that she doesn't realize? Or is she just holding it to herself? Maybe she's just being cautious after Will. But….Wow!_

Aloud, she said, "So, JJ helped you a lot after you lost Maeve?"

He nodded. "I wasn't…I couldn't…well, she broke through it. I honestly don't think I would be back with the BAU if not for her." 

_Maybe not even alive._

Emily felt like she might be more aware of the status of things between her two good friends than they were. 

_Apparently, perspective offers great wisdom._

"Reid, how is she, really? JJ?"

His face immediately bore a look of concern. "She kind of lost it last night. Who can blame her? I mean, how can anyone think about their child….. about  _Henry_...and what could be happening to him? I don't know how she's even standing, Emily. I'm barely holding it together myself."

She could hear the anguish in his voice.  She leaned back from him, taking stock.

"And yet, you are. Holding it together, I mean. How, Reid? How, after….everything?"

He shrugged. "She needs me."

Emily squinted at him. "She does, doesn't she?"

It was lost on him.

"She's so scared, Emily. She's scared about Henry, and I think she even scared herself last night, losing control. To tell you the truth, she kind of scared  _me_. But I know that she needs me, and I'm going to be there for her."

_Yes, you are, aren't you?_ Her smile was genuine as she pulled him back into a hug.

"Oh, it's so good to see you! Let's put this Replicator nonsense behind us so we can have a proper reunion, shall we?"

* * *

They were in the air thirty minutes later. Detective Kiernan had missed his phone window, and ended up making the report shortly after take off.

"Okay, I've got good news, 'eh' news, and….maybe bad news." He'd been made aware of the complexities of the case.

Rossi, sitting with Blake, was his usual sardonic self. "Oh, please, let's hear the good news first."

"Okay, first, the luminol."

Reid was next to JJ, and laid a hand on her arm as she listened.

"The only blood was on the floor, as you saw, Dr. Reid, and a small amount in the sink. Nothing in the tub, on the floors or walls…anywhere in the house. It looks like this might have been just a simple accidental cut or scrape."

JJ expelled a held breath and sat back. Reid squeezed her arm in acknowledgement. Perhaps nothing violent had happened in the home.

Kiernan continued. "No prints other than the family's anywhere that we could find. DNA will take longer, so we can't be 100% sure no one else was there. But it seems unlikely."

The BAU members were all familiar with the cunning of some of their unsubs, and knew that the absence of fingerprints wasn't necessarily reassuring.

"That was the 'eh' news. The bad news….there were a couple of impressions in the soil outside the boy's bedroom window. Very slight, not much pressure exerted. But they were there."

JJ felt her heart race. She knew this was 'good news' because it might offer them a lead. But the idea that someone….and especially someone as vile and dangerous as the Replicator….had been looking in the window at Henry sent a chill up and down her spine. She unsuccessfully tried to stifle a shiver.

Morgan had a question. "What do we know from the prints?"

"Size eleven, right foot impression a little deeper than the left, off label pattern."

Reid analyzed the information. "The shoes would fit an average male between five foot nine and six feet tall.  _If_  he had average feet. And that would put his average weight at 175 pounds…"

" _If_  he's of average weight and build." Rossi hated it when a clue went virtually nowhere. "Do you have anything solid?"

Kiernan responded to him. "Nothing on the BOLOs, he hasn't used a credit card, and he hasn't tried to make another ATM withdrawal. Not that trying would help him."

All of Will's accounts, including his residual joint account with JJ, had been frozen, with the idea of hindering any forward progress on his part. His credit card had been left open in the hope of tracking its use. Now, Emily thought they needed a change in strategy.

"There's probably no point in keeping him from getting cash. If he's in New Orleans, he won't need it because friends and family will help. And, if he's not, if he's still on the road somewhere else, it's probably better for him to keep moving. If the Replicator's following them, they'll be at greatest risk when they stop."

There were sounds of assent from the others on the plane.

"We should restore it. I hear you, Agent...?" Kiernan had not yet been introduced to Emily.

"Emily Prentiss. I'm with Interpol."

"Interpol? Hmm.." Kiernan couldn't wait for this case to be over. To be working side by side with both the FBI and Interpol was too impressive not to be able to share.

Hotch spoke up. "Detective Kiernan, we need to secure cooperation with NOPD. As you know. Will LaMontagne was a long time member of the force there, as was his father before him. We're sensing some…..resistance."

Kiernan's image on the screen was nodding. "I get you. I've got an old training buddy there. Let me see what I can do."

Although Will was now a fellow member of DC Metro, Kiernan had too many years of experience to allow false loyalty to trump good police work. He would follow his own counsel on this case. At this time, that counsel was telling him to work in alliance with the FBI. He signed off with his promise to contact NOPD.

* * *

Just before they landed, they had an urgent call from Garcia.

"Peeps, we've got something. It looks like the BOLO just paid off, in a roundabout way. Actually, it paid off yesterday, but we didn't know. There's still nothing from the police, but there was a trucker listening in on the police band. He noticed an SUV with Will's plates parked at a diner off I-59 just outside Tuscaloosa. Called it in yesterday, but the info just made its way through channels."

JJ was anxious. "Did they say anything about Henry? Was there a child with him?"

Garcia knew she was about to disappoint her good friend. "Sorry, Jayje, they only reported about the vehicle."

Hotch tried to reassure his young agent. "It's a lead, JJ. At least it sounds like we're on the right track. We know where he's heading. And I'm willing to bet that it also means that Will has Henry."

Reid was partially relieved at that.  _But we still have to find them. And we need to make sure the Replicator doesn't get to them first._


	50. Chapter 50

**For better or worse, I decided to make a change in the Replicator's identity. While I enjoyed the show, and thought the actor actually did a great job in the role, that version of the Replicator doesn't really fit into this story. So, it's off-canon we go.**

* * *

 

**Transitions**

**Chapter 50**

"If they were in Tuscaloosa yesterday, they've got to be in New Orleans by now."

JJ was disappointed. Once Will got to New Orleans, he'd have the benefit of his network of friends and relatives. They might have had a better chance to catch up with him on the road. But maybe it would help protect them from the Replicator somehow. Or not.

Reid read the look on her face and tried to cheer her. "This is the best of our scenarios, JJ. That Will has Henry."

"Maybe. No one actually saw Henry."

He could hear her outlook becoming more grim with each word. "He's got to have Henry, JJ. They were together at the house, he would know that Henry is gone. If Will doesn't have him, he would have asked for help by now, wouldn't he?"

He had a point. JJ nodded, feeling a little better. "True."

"So we've had a sighting, and we know that we're on the right path, and we're already getting ready to land. That's all good, isn't it?"

He tried to keep his voice positive, not wanting to belie his own concern about the Replicator possibly having found Will as well. Because the Replicator seemed to have an inside knowledge that  _replicated_  what the FBI knew. Somehow.

She flashed him a look and gave him the smile he was so desperately trying to elicit.

"All right. Yes, you're right. It's a good development."

He smiled back, satisfied. "And we're going to find Henry." He'd decided to push.

She knew. He wanted it to be a mantra. "And we're going to find Henry."  _Please, God, let us find Henry._

* * *

They set up shop quickly in the NO field office of the FBI. The office chief, SSA Charles, greeted Hotch warmly.

"Aaron, it's good to see you again. It's been a long time."

Hotch shook the man's hand as he made introductions. "It has. And it's good to see you again as well, Greg. You'll understand if we have to get right to work. Have you had any luck with NOPD?"

Greg Charles shrugged. "It's a good old boy network, all right…..makes it tough. They're good at what they do, but they are fiercely loyal to one another. Most of them weren't much interested in talking to us about Will LaMontagne."

Reid caught it. "Most?"

"Most. Thank God for equal rights. There are a lot more women on the force now than in the past, a lot of them mothers. They were more than willing to listen."

"And?" JJ was understandably anxious.

"And, they agreed to keep their eyes and ears open. On the down side, most of them are newer to the force. They don't actually know your husband."

JJ knew what that meant. "So he wouldn't have reached out to them."

SSA Charles nodded. "Right. But they'll pass along anything they do hear."

Hotch knew that was disappointing news to JJ and Reid, but he didn't want to lose momentum.

"All right, then we'll focus on his family and his friends outside law enforcement. JJ?"

"I've got a list of them here. I've reached all but two. They all said they hadn't heard from him, but…"

"But you don't know that you can trust that." SSA Charles finished for her. He'd been in the New Orleans office for a long time, and was familiar with the deep roots of the community. But he'd also been brought in on the issue of the Replicator. "We've called in all our field units who aren't involved in active investigations. They'll split the list with you to visit all of LaMontagne's friends. If there's information out there, we'll shake it loose."

Emily spoke up. "We've got the resources of Interpol as well. If there's anything that crosses the border, we'll be able to assist right away."

New Orleans was coastal. Once international waters were reached, investigations became remarkably complicated. Greg Charles appreciated more than anyone the advantage of having Interpol involved.

Hotch made his assignments. JJ and Emily would take Will's closest family. While they may have had the fiercest loyalty to Will, they were also the most likely to feel bonded to Henry. JJ would use that attachment to play on their sympathy.

Rossi and Blake would take Will's non-law enforcement friends, Morgan and Reid would deal with his fellow police. Hotch would do similarly, from an administrative angle. He and SSA Charles would meet with the captain of Will's old unit.

* * *

They'd prioritized their meetings with Will's family and friends based on JJ's best estimation of how close they were with Will, counterbalanced by how reasonable they were. So far, they'd been turned away outright by two close high school friends, and been given reluctant cooperation from two pairs of aunts and uncles. But neither set was able to help.

"We wish we could help you, ladies, but we haven't seen or heard from our nephew for a couple of years. Not even a Christmas card."

JJ felt like she was being admonished for having had a negative influence on Will.  _If they only knew…_

One of the women had clearly been moved by a photograph of Henry with Will and JJ.

"He looks so much like Terry….Will's mother. She was my favorite sister. She had Will much later in life, and then wasn't there to see him make us all proud with NOPD. I was so thankful that Bill lived to see it."

"Please, don't you have any idea where Will might have gone with him? Henry is so young, and…."

The woman took pity. "Try my nephew….my brother's child. He and Will are the same age. Bill and Jack….David's father….were on the job together. Their families were close. Will and David were raised pretty much as brothers. And I'm pretty sure David has a hunting cabin somewhere."

* * *

JJ's eyes were closed, but she was speaking her prayer aloud. "Please, God, let this be it. Please."

Emily, driving, looked over at her good friend. They'd been entirely task-oriented so far, and hadn't had a chance for other conversation. But David lived an hour outside the city, and there was time now.

"How are you? Really?"

JJ gave her a sideways glance and snorted, trying to dismiss the concern with sarcasm. "Me? I'm great. Just great."

"JJ."

The young blonde knew her friend was trying to draw her out. But she was afraid of reconnecting directly with the fear and hurt. She'd been able to do nothing  _but_  connect with it last night, and she'd completely lost control. It had frightened her. Had she been alone when it happened, she didn't know..… _but thank God Spence was there._   _Thank You, God, for him._

She'd said none of it aloud, but Emily realized the inner turmoil. "Don't talk about it if it's not the right time. I know you want to stay strong."

JJ hadn't realized she was so transparent, but she was glad for her friend's perception and understanding. She reached across and squeezed Emily's free hand in thanks.

JJ thought the personal conversation was over, but Emily wasn't done. This time, she took a different tack.

"Reid's still skinny. He tells me you've been working on that, though."

That actually got a laugh. "Yeah, I have. Me and Mom. She came to stay with Henry so I'd have a better chance in court…my support system, you know? And she took Spence on as a personal project."

Emily laughed as well. She'd met Sandy Jareau only once, at the wedding, and had the sense that she was a force to be reckoned with.

"He seemed to imply that you'd made him something of a project, too."

JJ flashed her another sideways look.  _What are you really asking?_

"You know how he was, Emily. I told you, after Maeve died….well, it almost seemed like Spence had gone with her. It was actually kind of scary. But I hung in there with him and slowly…...painfully, sometimes….but slowly, he's come back. He's with me again….with  _us_ , I mean."

"With you…..and?"

"…..and….the team. You know, he's  _back_."

"Oh. The team. I thought you meant with you and Henry."

She had. But she wasn't ready to say so.

"Henry…..he made all the difference in the world for Spence, I think. The first time we had Spence over for dinner after…..well, I think it took Henry all of ten seconds to get Spence to smile. And then they played the whole night. He loves him so much…..they both love each other so….." She had to stop.

Emily heard JJ's voice becoming choked until she finally couldn't speak any longer. She reached her hand over and caught JJ's.

"We'll find him. And he'll be okay. And then you, and he and…..' _Spence'_ …..can have all the time in the world together."

JJ was too distraught to realize the meaning behind Emily's statement.

* * *

Morgan and Reid were having less luck with Will's colleagues. None of them seemed impressed with the FBI credentials.

"Look, man, leave it alone. What's it to you if a guy goes on a trip with his kid?"

Reid put on his patient voice, feeling anything but.

"We have very good reason to believe that they're being followed, and may be in grave danger. We just want to make sure nothing happens to them."

The two profilers hadn't chosen to share about Will's having taken Henry, without warning, while in the midst of a custody settlement. But it seemed the word was already out among the NOPD officers. And they'd already chosen sides.

"Will LaMontagne can take care of himself. He doesn't need the FBI looking out for his 'best interests'."

The cop's response was similar to those they'd been getting all day.

Morgan spoke up. "Well, you'd better hope he can. And that he can take care of that little boy at the same time. Because otherwise something very bad is going to go down. And you could have prevented it. C'mon, Reid, let's get out of here. It doesn't look like NOPD is interested in  _really_  taking care of its own."

* * *

Hotch and Greg Charles were just finishing their meeting with Captain Proulx when the unit chief's cell sounded. They'd secured a promise of cooperation from Will's former precinct captain, but neither of the FBI men could be sure it was anything more than lip service.

"Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir!"

If the use of an actual title of respect hadn't already alerted Hotch, the tone in which Garcia shouted it did the trick.

"You have something, Garcia?"

"I do! We do, Kevin and I. And it's not good."

Hotch looked at Greg Charles, not wanted to openly dismiss him, but not ready to share Garcia's tactics…..and whatever she was about to tell him….outside the team just yet. Charles, having his own version of Garcia, understood, and moved away.

"All right, go ahead, Garcia."

"Sir….we've been hacked. Not us, the BAU, but us, the FBI. Including the BAU. Kevin thinks it might have been some sort of vendor bringing equipment in-they mostly just check for explosives and chemicals when they go through security, they might not have any idea about electronics-or it could even have been a vendor's vehicle parked close enough to capture wireless."

"I thought communication was automatically encrypted."

"Most of the time. Always, when it's external. But not always when it's internal. We think the Replicator managed to get into the system to look at our case files."

They'd been thinking there had to be an internal connection, since so many of the replications captured so many of the details of the actual cases. But now it looked like that internal connection might have been electronic, rather than human.

"How did you find it?"

He couldn't see the proud smile Garcia was sending in Kevin's direction.

"Kevin noticed it. A blind copy to each file. That's not all that unusual, considering some of the internal monitoring that happens. But they're usually random. Kevin noticed that it  _was every one of our cases_  for most of the past year. And he noticed something else."

Hotch heard the second tech analyst's voice coming through his phone now.

"The system is set up so that any blind copy  _must_  be encrypted. It's supposed to give an additional level of security, since there's no name on the copy line. But none of these were. Encrypted, that is. And they all went to the same IP address."

Garcia again now. "It was almost like 'hiding in plain sight', except we couldn't see it. We're tracking the address now, sir. That's turning out to be a little….complicated…..but we'll get him!"

"Good work, both of you. Let me know when you've got more."

Hotch closed the call and stood, staring ahead. An external threat, now actively coming after the BAU, several of their members already devastated by it. It would take all of their resources, and all of their resolve, to win this one. And he was determined that they should.

* * *

 


	51. Chapter 51

**Transitions**

**Chapter 51**

"Please, David, we believe they're in danger and we don't think Will realizes it. He didn't know about the threat or the need for the security detail."

JJ was willing to beg Will's cousin if it would get her the information she needed.

The man remained unmoved. He wouldn't have even granted the women admission to his house had he not received that phone call from his aunt. Blood ties were important on every level for Will's large, extended family.

Emily noticed a grouping of photographs on the mantle over the fireplace. Several of the photos held David, his wife Jeanette, and two blonde haired children, both boys. She rose and casually walked over to study them.

"Beautiful family you have here. Are these recent?"

"Couple of years ago. The boys are seven and nine now."

Emily nodded. "They look just like Henry, don't they, JJ?"

The blonde profiler was too distracted by the task at hand to pick up on where her friend was trying to bring the conversation. She passed a brief glance toward Emily, and then did a subtle double-take as she caught the look on her colleague's face. Now she understood.

"You're right, Emily, they do. They would have been only a little older than he is when that picture was taken." She reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. "See what I mean? This photo of Henry was taken only a few months ago."

She passed him the phone, praying that he would feel more connected to her...or, at least, to Henry... when he saw the picture of the laughing little boy. She scrolled back to a time before the breakup, to show him a picture of herself, and Will, and Henry, in happier days.

Both JJ and Emily watched as David swallowed thickly, apparently moved. But then he regained his composure and handed the phone back to her.

"I love my boys, just as I know Will loves his. He won't let anything happen to him. And I can't be the one that causes them to be separated."

Emily was frustrated, and raised her voice. "It won't be  _you_  separating father and son. Why can't you understand that? They've got a serial killer after them and we're trying to save them!"

Her words apparently carried into the kitchen, where Jeanette had gone after the introductions, to prepare lunch. She rejoined them in the family room now.

"David, what is this about? I heard yelling."

Emily was more subdued now. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice."

"But you did. And I heard something about a serial killer. Is my family in danger?"

JJ responded. "Only mine, Jeanette. Will and Henry. We have evidence that he was watching them. We think he may have been following ever since they left."  _Ever since Will took Henry from me_. But she couldn't phrase it that way. Not for this audience.

Jeanette looked at her husband. "David?"

"It's Will, Jeannie. I can't betray him."

"But it sounds like he's in danger."

Emily spoke up again. "And we don't believe he's aware of it. It wouldn't occur to him to take the necessary level of precaution." 

_He would only be trying to hide from his wife, and the mother of his child. Skank._

Jeanette looked to her husband again. "Henry is only a little boy, David. What if it was Matthew, or Luke?"

He fought with himself for a few moments, but ultimately the pressure of the situation….and the pressure of the women…..won.

"All right. I've got a small cabin in the bayou. It's about two hours from here. We shared it when he was living here. Used to do a little hunting and fishing there. Will has a key."

JJ knew they couldn't afford to waste more time. "Are you sure he would have gone there?"

"I stocked it for him two days ago."

* * *

"We're headed there now.….He has a prepaid, but David says the service is spotty there. He tried calling him, but couldn't get through. I have the number, I'll keep trying.…..Right, maybe it would be better from a number he wouldn't recognize... Rossi, maybe?…...All right, we'll meet the rest of you there.…...Thanks, Hotch. I'll try."

Emily glanced over at her colleague, whose eyes were intently on the road ahead of them.

"We'll get him, honey. This is good, right?"

JJ wanted desperately to believe so. "But they're so isolated there. Anything can happen. And, I remember from when Will took me on a bayou cruise once….it's unbelievably noisy there. No human sounds, but that just allows the animals to show themselves. And they make a racket. It would be easy to creep up on them without Will knowing."

* * *

"Hey, Pretty Boy, you're looking pretty ragged. Why don't you get some shut-eye. We won't be there for over an hour."

The team was converging on the cabin in the bayou in three separate SUVs.

"I just want to check in on JJ first. See how she's doing."

Morgan eyed him. "You do that."

Reid punched her number on his phone. "Hey. It's me. How are you holding up?"

He hadn't put it on speaker, so Morgan could hear only his half of the conversation.

""We're a little over an hour out…. Yeah, I think you started out closer…...Don't think like that….. It will be okay. A little over an hour from now, this will all be over…..JJ..….I know...I know…...but he'll be okay...…..because he  _has_  to be."

Morgan shouted out, so JJ could hear him. "Hey, Blondie, don't you worry. We've got him now. Reid's right. Another hour, and this will all be over. Keep your chin up."

"Did you hear that? Morgan said…okay, yeah, you're right, he's loud." Reid chanced a smirk in Morgan's direction. "Okay, we'll see you there. And JJ? Please be careful. Wait for us, okay?...Please…...okay…...me too."

Morgan's brows went up as Reid ended the call. "Me too?" Knowing what it usually meant.

"Yeah, 'me too'. I want Henry home safely, too."

"Oh."

* * *

In the third SUV, Rossi was yelling at his cell phone. "This isn't even government issue! I upgraded, and still it can't reach the bayou!"

For better than thirty minutes, he'd been trying to contact the number David had provided for Will, to no avail. His frustration was evident.

Hotch was concerned about the implications of this. Not only was it proving difficult to get calls into and out of the bayou, but it might be difficult to connect calls among the team when they were in the area. Greg Charles had provided them with satellite-based equipment, but warned his old friend of its limitations.

"Even  _this_  may not work if the tree canopy is too thick. You'll need to find some open space for communication."'

Garcia had already located the area of the cabin on a satellite map, but couldn't make out the actual structure because of the forest. Now Hotch gave her two additional tasks.

"Find a place where the team can meet up before we enter the bayou. And then find us a clearing near the cabin. If we need support services, we'll need a way to call for them."

* * *

Back in the second SUV, Morgan was startled when Reid came suddenly awake.

"Bad dream, Pretty Boy?" He knew his friend was prone to them, and especially so since Maeve.

Reid rubbed his eyes. "It started out that way, but …." He hadn't shared his Maeve dream with anyone beside JJ. But Morgan's loyal friendship made him feel safe sharing it here.

"It started out with Henry, and JJ, and Will was holding them hostage…"

Morgan huffed. "Kid, if we find out that guy's mixed up in this…..there will be no end of the earth safe enough for him. I'll find him."

Reid gave a small smile of appreciation for the sentiment. "No, it changed then. To a dream I've been having for a while. It always feels like Maeve is with me, and like she's trying to tell me something. But I've never been able to figure out what it is."

"Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's just your way of holding on."

Reid turned to look at Morgan. The way he'd spoken, it was as if he'd had personal experience with it.

"What makes you say that?"

Morgan turned his eyes to his friend and then quickly back to the road. "It's what happened to me, when I lost my dad. Granted, I was a kid. But I would dream about him a lot, and I always felt like he had a message for me."

"Did you ever figure it out?"

"Nah... not unless he was telling me to grow up and be a cop, like he was. But I did, so...maybe." Morgan was pensive for a minute, looking back at his own life, and dreams, and wondering. He turned back to Reid. "Does she talk to you?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes she just points. It's always about a book."

"The book you gave her? Or the book she gave you?" All of the team had become aware of the exchange when Reid had begged them to help him find her.

"I don't know." Reid's voice was filled with frustration. "It's the  _same_  book, really. I guess I'm going to have to go through it cover to cover."

Morgan threw him a look an smiled. "Can't you just do that in your head, Pretty Boy? Eidetic memory and all?"

He'd been so distracted that it hadn't occurred to him. "Yeah…..yeah, I can. Thanks, Morgan."

He spent the rest of the ride 'reading' "The Narrative of John Smith", to no avail. When he'd 'finished' the book, his mind went immediately back to thoughts of JJ and Henry. And then, as if the distraction had somehow permitted his mind to make a straight path to the answer, suddenly, he knew. It had been right in front of him all along, so obvious that he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it. 

_Maybe I wasn't ready._

Morgan had his eyes on the narrowing road and didn't notice the change of expression on Reid's face as he came to the realization.

_That's it! That's what you've been trying to tell me!_

* * *

The team met at a 'scenic view' pull-off along the side of the road leading to the cabin, and made their plan.

It was agreed that Emily and JJ would approach the cabin first, to avoid intimidating Will with the whole team. If he was alone with Henry, the others would hear Emily's phone alarm, and join them. They didn't need connectivity for that. If the alarm hadn't sounded within two minutes, the rest of the team would approach the cabin stealthily, assuming there was trouble ahead.

"Please be careful. We don't know that it's  _only_  Will and Henry in there. We don't even know if it  _is_ Will and Henry in there." Reid was standing next to JJ.

"It's got to be, Spence. David spoke with Will, and stocked the cabin for them. I'm sure they're there."

"Well, be careful anyway. If  _we_  can find them, so can the Replicator."

"Thanks, I was trying not to think about that."

Fleetingly, he felt bad. But he also knew he was right. "You  _need_  to think about that, JJ. Don't let him surprise you. Expect him, anywhere, at any time. He's that good."

She relented. "I know, and you're right. We need to be on alert at all times. Don't worry, Spence, we'll be careful."

He was sure they would. And he was worried anyway.

The team got back into their SUVs. Garcia had found a clearing about 200 yards from the cabin. They would leave their vehicles there, and use it as a communications base. The rest of the journey would be on foot, through a heavily wooded area. Reid flashed on how much JJ hated the woods. But she was so driven that the surrounding didn't seem to faze her at all.

The vegetation was so thick that it was virtually impossible to tell that it was still full daylight as JJ and Emily approached the cabin. There was, as JJ had predicted, a cacophony of animal sounds, but no human noise.

The cabin was barely that, actually more of a one-room hut. It looked like there was an outhouse associated with it, indicating a lack of indoor plumbing. The women attempted to peek into several windows, but they were dirty, and dark. They couldn't make anything out.

Emily signaled to JJ, who nodded, and then went directly up to the door and knocked. And knocked. And knocked. Finally, she simply turned the handle, and the door opened. Cautiously, JJ stepped in, gun drawn, Emily right behind her.

Despite the darkness outside, it still took the better part of a minute for their eyes to adjust to the total darkness of the cabin. And, when they did, Emily set off her phone alarm instantly.

Reid thought,  _it's too soon,_  even as he was running in the direction of the cabin. They'd strategized what a late alarm might mean, but hadn't even discussed it going off early. But his rapidly firing synapses gave him the answer. 

_They're not there._

Emily met them on the small porch and broke the news. Reid was right. The cabin was empty.

"But you need to see inside."

They followed her, bringing the power of six flashlights to the confines of the small room. It was hard to tell what was newly disorganized and what was inherent mess. But they could see shattered glass in front of the fireplace…and they could see blood, on the wooden floor, on a small braided rug, and on the table. Not huge volumes, but smeared blood, over a substantial expanse of the cabin.

JJ was standing, silent, eyes wide, trying to take it in, at the same time that she was trying not to  _let_  it in. Reid started to move toward her, when she seemed to notice something under the cot, and went toward it. They all watched as she bent, and reached down, and pulled out an object. And then collapsed again, to her knees.

Emily was closest, and went to her. She took the object from JJ's hand and passed it off to Morgan. Now Reid could see it as well. When he did, the room started to close in, and he felt sick to his stomach. He made a dash to the woods.

"What is it, Morgan?" He was angled so that Hotch's view was obstructed in the tight space.

Morgan turned around, holding it up to the unit chief. "It's a little stuffed dog."

Brownie.

* * *

"Pretty Boy? Hey, Kid, you okay?" Morgan had gone in search of Reid in the woods, and found him near the river.

He was squatting, his forehead leaning on his clasped hands. As he got nearer, Morgan could hear that he was crying. He squatted next to his good friend.

"Hey….Kid…come on now. I know it looks bad, but it doesn't have to mean anything. Maybe one of them got cut and needed stitches. Maybe he didn't realize they'd left the dog behind."

It was as though Reid didn't even know he was there. He kept his crouch, audibly pleading for mercy.

"Please, God…..please…..I will never ask for anything again in my life, but please…..please don't let him hurt that little boy. Please….Please…"

Morgan was frightened. For Henry. For JJ. For Reid. He felt helpless. And he didn't like to be helpless...or frightened. He liked to fight. And now he wanted to see some 'fight' in Reid.

He put an arm around his erstwhile little brother's shoulders.

"Come on now, Kid. Come on. Get yourself together. Come on, JJ needs you."

Reid's psyche had been telling him the same thing, and he'd been arguing with it. Now he argued with Morgan.

"What possible good could I do her? I couldn't keep this from happening, I couldn't even see the Replicator for what he was back when…..back when…..when Maeve…."

"Kid,  _none_  of us saw that. But we know  _now_ , and we can still win this. We can still get them back. Come on. C'mon, now." He started to tug at Reid to get him up.

As the two men stood, Morgan pulled Reid to him, embracing him. "It'll be all right. We have work to do, but it will be all right." The younger man clung to his colleague for a moment, seeking and receiving strength.

As they released, Morgan held Reid away from him. "Okay? Ready to go back?"

He wasn't, but he nodded anyway, and followed Morgan back through to the cabin clearing.

They'd moved the SUVs in. JJ was now sitting in one of them, facing out through the open door. Reid went to her immediately and she rose, stepping into his arms.

He could feel her shaking, but she'd already spent all of her tears.

He did his best to comfort her. "We'll get him back. We will. This is just a bump in the road. We'll find him, and he'll be home with us. He'll be right back to normal. He'll play with his men, and his blocks…..He'll make his tower right through the ceiling if he wants to."

She tried to join him in the same vein. "He can have chocolate chip pancakes every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner, if he wants to."

They both tried desperately to smile, and then Reid tried to find the fighting spirit that Morgan had found lacking.

"You know, I don't know about you," he whispered into her ear as he held her, "but I'm ripping mad right now. No one separates Brownie from Henry and gets away with it. Just you ask Henry."

She couldn't keep up the banter. She started crying again, holding onto Reid as a lifeline. 

_Please, God, let me ask Henry. I just want to be able to ask Henry._

* * *

They were gathered once again at the NO FBI office, waiting, praying for Garcia to find them a lead on the Replicator. Reluctantly, Reid had left JJ's side to speed read through older BAU files that had been scanned into the computer.

Greg Charles' unit was still at the scene, scouring the site for evidence. They'd uncovered a set of athletic shoe impressions that looked virtually identical to the ones found outside Henry's window at home. Fingerprints and DNA would prove to be very complicated, as David lent his cabin out to friends quite frequently. Luminol had been put to use as soon as the sun set, but this was also complicated to interpret, given that it was a hunting cabin.

Kevin Lynch had been able to track the IP address to the general vicinity of Fairfax, Virginia, but even that was only approximate. Garcia was now cross-checking the vicinity with known addresses of past unsubs, victims and law enforcement.

Hotch had an intuition about this case. It felt familiar, even if the MO was replicating so many others. There was something about it, but he couldn't place it. He started talking it through with his old friend.

"There's something that feels almost _intimate_  about this, Dave. Like the Replicator feels an attachment to us. Some sort of identity, however twisted it might be. But we haven't got anyone-none of the people we've arrested- on the outside. All of them are either incarcerated…..or dead."

Rossi stroked his beard for a moment. "Could they be running something from inside? You know, some of these guys have 'fans'. It might explain how he could have been following  _both_  Reid and Maeve-he might have help. Or should we be looking at family members? I know we're looking at family members of the victims, but are we looking at family members of the unsubs? Could that be why he feels connected to us?"

Hotch thought Rossi was on to something and immediately called Garcia to ask her to expand her inquiry.

"Already happening, my liege. We're just being slowed down by the scanned-in cases. Or, I should say, we  _were_  being slowed down, until 'Speed Reid' started helping us. We should be able to run all the names through the program in….oh, an hour..two, at max."

Hotch had to stifle a rare smile as he realized his team had moved on ahead of him in analyzing the case. But he had another directive. "Run them as you get them, Garcia. Don't wait for the full list. We need to find him."

* * *

In the end, it happened almost simultaneously. Garcia's program ran a new name and came up with a 'ping' to the northern Virginia area. Reid saw an addendum electronically added to the scanned record that had yielded the name. And NOPD called the office with urgent news.

Garcia had buzzed through to Morgan's phone, and he'd put it on speaker. "We have him! Or we think we do. Reid, you were right, it might have been the trigger…."

Her report was interrupted when Greg Charles ran into the room.

"I just got off the phone with NOPD. Emergency Services just reported a 911 call. The operator says it sounded like a child. He got cut off, but before he did, he was crying for his mommy. And his Uncle Spence!"


	52. Chapter 52

**Transitions**

**Chapter 52**

Hotch convened the team emergently. They were joined by Greg Charles and Captain Proulx of NOPD.

Proulx began. "The call came in at 10:06 PM, and the operator notified us right away. It looks like it was from a cell phone, but it must have been a prepaid. The number didn't pan out to anything. And they weren't on the line long enough for us to get a reliable location."

"Garcia?" was all Hotch said to his tech analyst, who was listening in.

"On it, sir." She would try to use a program of her own design to narrow the information down. "Can I get it electronically?"

Hotch looked toward Proulx, who nodded and got on his own phone to make arrangements.

The unit chief turned back to his team, seated around the table. He looked directly at JJ as he spoke. "We have a recording. Are you ready?"

She sat, willing her trembling body to be still, and nodded. Reid moved close, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"All right." Hotch signaled Blake, sitting at a computer, to start it. All of them tensed as they listened in.

"911, what's your emergency?"

They could hear the sup-supping of a child who'd been crying. And then a hoarse male voice, whispering, "Go ahead, say it."

More crying….actually, more like the soft moan of a child getting started on a good cry.

"Say it!" It was more audible, but the adult was clearly trying to keep his voice out of the call.

"Ugghh.." They could hear some kind of grunting in the background, followed by Henry screaming, "Daddy!"

More sup-supping. More murmuring, the hoarse voice again whispering, "Say it!"

Then Henry spoke clearly, his words interrupted by the hiccoughing of his sobs. "Mommy! It's me, Henry! Mommy!"

They heard the adult voice again, whispering, "Good."

And then Henry seemed to go off-script. He added, "Uncle Spence! Disappear us, Uncle Spe…..!"

It ended abruptly in the middle of the word, the unsub apparently angry about Henry's ad lib. But the call had its desired effect. Hotch looked around the table at his team. JJ was dissolved in tears, her hands covering her face, Reid holding her in an iron grip. Emily's eyes were closed, her face a strange mixture of sorrow and rage. Rossi and Blake shared a glance of empathy. Morgan was angry.  _Very_  angry. His fist pounded the table.

"God damn it!" He turned to his unit chief. "I want this guy, Hotch! I want him  _bad!_ "

Morgan's ferocity served as a rallying cry for the rest of the team. JJ took an audible deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. She was known for her poise under pressure, and she made a distinct effort to find her way back to that persona now. Reid, watching her struggle, and able to feel the battle going on in his arms, oozed his pride at her.

Rossi, the voice of experience, had been waiting for some sign that it was all right to proceed. JJ's visible victory over her panic served as that sign.

"All right, what does this tell us?"

Emily was all business now. "That the unsub has some sort of message for us."

"But, what?" Morgan agreed with his old friend, but needed something more explicit.

Alex spoke up. "The message was aimed directly at the mother." They all understood her depersonalization of the phone call. It would help them to function.

"And we know that the father is still alive." JJ's contribution was unexpected, but welcome. She was finding her way back to her profiler self.

"It sounds like he's threatening the father in some way." Hotch observed.

"And it sounds like he cut Hen…the child….off when he went off script. Which means there's a message that we still haven't heard." For Reid, this was anything but depersonalized.

"Agreed." Hotch turned back to Captain Proulx. "We need any further calls to be forwarded to us immediately. I can have my technical analyst help with the arrangement."

Proulx nodded his agreement.

They were sure there would be another call, but they would have to wait for it to come in. As they did, Kevin Lynch gave them an update on the search for the Replicator's identity.

They could hear the admiration in his voice as he reported. "Penelope found him! Or, we think she did. And Dr. Reid. Well, Dr. Reid helped us a lot, actually."

"Kevin." Hotch had the same 'hurry up' in his voice that he often did when Garcia went off on a tangent.

"Yes, sir. Well, Agent….Doctor Reid noticed that there was a recent notation made in a case from..….it looks like about seven years ago. The file was updated to note that the unsub died in prison. Looks like he managed to hang himself somehow."

"The name, Kevin?" Hotch's patience was being tried.

He and Reid answered at the same time. "Karl Arnold." Reid had found the notation, but was only now learning of the connection to their current situation.

This news was met with a sharp intake of breath from Emily Prentiss.  _The Fox._ She remembered her interview of the man who'd killed at least eight families. It was when Arnold had told them that George Foyet, 'The Reaper', had been a fan. When he'd shown them the Reaper's letter. When Haley had still been alive.

"And?" Hotch also remembered that interview, and all that had ensued, only too well. But he was accustomed to winning his battles for control, and he did so now.

"And it happened just about ten months ago. Just before the Replicator's killings started." Kevin continued with the report.

"And…." Garcia's voice was back on the line now…."it seems that Karl Arnold Jr. is studying at George Mason University." Pause. "In Fairfax, Virginia."

Glances were exchanged all around the table. This was where they'd traced the IP address to. "His son, Baby Girl?"

"Yes, my chocolate god, his son. He got his BA in Law, Criminology and Society. It's a popular major there. He's enrolled in master's classes now."

Emily remembered seeing a photograph of the Fox's family. She'd had the impression that the son was younger. But maybe the photo had been old. "What's his age, Garcia?"

"Twenty-two. He was almost fifteen when you guys arrested his father. It looks like..." They could hear her at her keyboard as she spoke. "...he did okay for a year or so after that, but then he got into some trouble, spent some time in juvie. It was...let me see, harder to get into these...there...assault, as best I can tell. Just physical, not sexual...and a second arrest, also for assault, at nineteen, but he got off on that one. He cleaned up his act after that, and managed to get into college. Smart, too. Graduated magna cum laude."

"Studying criminology," mused Rossi. "Great major for law enforcement...and criminals. What do we think?" he wondered. "Like father, like son? It's possible the father's death was the trigger."

Reid turned to his superior. "Hotch, the Fox….he was…"

A family annihilator. He couldn't bring himself to say it aloud. But he could tell from the look on JJ's face that she remembered as well.

Hotch brought them back to reality. "If it is his son…if it is Karl Arnold, Jr….so far, he's shown a different inclination. He's not been aiming at families, he's been replicating cases we've solved."

"His own little study in criminology." Blake blushed. She hadn't meant to say it aloud.

Rossi shook his head in disagreement. He saw it differently.

"That's just his methodology. He  _is_  a family annihilator, like his father. He's targeting  _us_. As a family.  _We're_ the ones he wants to annihilate. He's not necessarily looking to kill us, he just wants to annihilate us as human beings."

Emily was pensive. "You know, the Fox always started with the kids. He killed them first, and then the wife...and he made the father watch, to the end. Think about it. I mean, with us...when it got personal...he started with Reid."

Their youngest. And now he was targeting the next in line.

The genius swallowed thickly. It  _had_ nearly annihilated him. JJ had even used the word with him. 

_But I'm still here. And I'm still fighting. He didn't annihilate me, and I won't let him do it to JJ…and I especially won't let him do it to Henry!_

With Emily's remark, the rest of the team had turned in Reid's direction. Each of their reactions was similar to his. He was still with them, getting healthier every day. The Son of the Fox hadn't accomplished his aim so far. And they were determined to see to it that he didn't accomplish anything further.

Hotch got the discussion going again. "All right, we think we have our unsub. And we think we know his trigger, maybe even his purpose. But we need  _him_. We need a location, and a strategy."

Reid spoke confidently. "He'll call back. Or he'll have Henry call again. He didn't get his message across before. He'll want to make sure we get it. Otherwise, he'll fail in carrying out his plan. I remember we profiled the Fox as an organized killer, confident, a planner, someone who did extensive research on his victims."

Morgan was nodding, remembering the profile. "Didn't the Fox have OCD?"

"He did, you're right." Emily remembered something else. "I think he kept pretty extensive records, didn't he? Some sort of journal about his planning and the killings? Could the OCD be inherited? And the record-keeping?"

"Oooh, you're right, Emily! Did I mention how much I love having you back? Well, I do!" Garcia was gushing. "I'm off to snoop. Now that I have a name, finding a specific computer is oh, so easy. If he's been keeping things electronically, I'll find them. Back in a jif. Poof!"

The rest of the team had very little else to work with at the moment. One thing they were unable to account for so far was how the unsub had gotten to the cabin. Will's vehicle had not been at the site, indicating that perhaps the three had fled the area in it. But there was no additional vehicle at what was a fairly remote location. They simply couldn't explain how the unsub had been able to travel there without leaving some indication of his mode of transportation. Unless he had been on foot. Which meant there might be another location in the bayou where he'd left his vehicle. That would bear investigating.

Reid had another thought. "Guys, now that we think we know who it is, we're thinking he might operate like his father, right? Taking a family..." He flashed a look in JJ's direction, not wanting to cause her more anxiety, but realizing it had to be discussed.

"But, remember, he started out by replicating other cases. And he used the word 'zugzwang' with both JJ and me. I really think we need to consider that he's trying to replicate what happened to Maeve. When we do find him..." making certain to use the word 'when' and not 'if', "...we need to be prepared for him to go in either direction. He may be wanting Will to watch, just as his father would...or he may be wanting JJ to bargain, and to watch." 

_Just like me._

Later, he would be surprised that he'd been able to speak so objectively about it. He was, essentially, describing terror visited upon JJ in either circumstance. But the differences were important, and they needed to be considered if the team was to have any hope of success.

There were nods all around the table, acknowledging the truth of Reid's point. As he looked at them for their responses, Hotch noticed the fatigue in all of the faces as well.

"We've been at this non-stop since we landed, and things are about to break. I want everyone to get some food and as much rest as you can manage. We'll need sharp eyes and sharp minds when the call comes in."

As the group dissembled, Reid started to urge JJ to lay down for a while, but she begged off.

"I want to wash my face. If Henry sees me like this, he'll be scared. Remember?" Her cheeks were coated in the mascara that had run down from her eyes.

She was reminding Reid of when she and her son had sought shelter with him. And she was trying desperately to assume that Henry  _would_  see her again.

He tried to smile. "I remember. Go ahead."

As she watched JJ walk away, Emily approached Reid. "How are you holding up?"

He flashed her a look and snorted. "Am I upright? Because I can't tell."

She chuckled. "Well, you haven't lost your sense of irony, have you?" She moved to stand in front of him.

"Seriously, how are you? You're so close with Henry, and with JJ…" She watched him for a reaction as she spoke. "And now it looks like this unsub was particularly targeting you, when Maeve…."

He cut her off. "Maeve didn't die because of the Son of the Fox, Emily. She died because of a deluded woman's jealousy. He just took advantage of it."

She nodded. "You're right. So, what does that tell us about him? So far, he's hurt strangers, killed them, even...but not us….and not the people close to us…."

He picked up on her train of thought. "So maybe he's a little intimidated…...so, do you think he wouldn't actually hurt Henry? Or Will?"

She shook her head in frustration. "Hard to say. He could be annoyed that he didn't totally take you out with Maeve's death..."

She couldn't suppress a smile at that. She was thrilled that he seemed to be on solid footing, despite what had happened. But his resilience might also have angered the unsub. Reid understood and agreed.

"And that might be enough for him to decide to change his MO. He  _might_  actually go after us, now. Or after JJ's family."

She couldn't lie to him. "He might."

* * *

Forty five minutes later, the call came in. EMS forwarded it immediately, thanks to Garcia's facilitation. The team heard it in real time now, in progress.

"Mommy. I need my mommy." Henry sounded subdued, even flat, no longer crying. The effect on the listeners was more chilling than the previous call had been.

The EMS operator was still on the phone with him. It had been decided to try to keep the call as 'routine' as possible. There was no way to predict how the unsub would react if a member of the team came on the phone.

"Sure, honey. What's your name?"

"Henry. I'm Henry."

"Okay, Henry. What's going on, Henry?"

Silence, and now indeterminate whispering in the background. "I need my mommy."

"Okay, sweetie. Where are you? Where should I tell your mommy to go?"

It was the wrong thing to say. The Son of the Fox picked up on it immediately. The operator hadn't asked for the child's last name, or who the child's mother was, or how to reach her. He'd intended to have this play out longer, but it appeared his fun was over. It was clear that they were already on to him. Henry's voice was replaced with his.

His voice was filled with venom as he spoke. "Little Henry here misses his mother. Especially since his father….well, he's a little ...indisposed. But you'll see about that."

Despite all that Will had done to her, JJ was stunned at the statement, and it showed on her face. Emily, sitting beside her, reached over and put her hand on her good friend's back.

Reid was staring at the table in front of him, listening intently for anything that might give them the information they so desperately needed. He tried to focus on the noises in the background….and found them remarkably similar to those they'd heard earlier today, at the cabin.

The EMS operator was still trying to play along. "Henry? Are you still there? I can call your mommy if you tell me her name. Or, honey, maybe you can just tell me your last name?"

No response.

"How old are you, Henry?"

The unsub dismissed her. "Get off the line. I want to talk to 'JJ'….SSA Jennifer Jareau. Aren't you there, Agent Jareau?" His voice was dripping with…..something despicable.

She sat up straight in her chair. "I'm here."

The muffled "Mommy!" they heard in the background broke the hearts of all those listening.

"Well, "JJ", it seems we have an interesting situation here, doesn't it?"

Reid had moved over to her, and he and Emily each had an arm around her. JJ kept her eyes open, hoping not to visualize what might be happening to Will and Henry. She kept her voice low, in order to control it.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"Don't be coy with me, Agent. I mean that I have your emasculated husband and your young, innocent son here with me. You tried to take the boy from him, didn't you? You tried to keep Henry from his father?"

"What?! No, I didn't. I didn't fight custody. We share….."

The unsub spoke over her. "Don't argue with me! You took this man's son from him. And the weakling let you. Do you know what it's like for a son to grow up without a father? Do you?"

He was screaming into the phone now, clearly agitated. JJ would have done anything to get him to calm down. She was frightened that he would lose whatever degree of control he had, and aim his anger at Henry.

Arnold, Jr. was still ranting. "Well, I know what it's like for the  _son_. And now I have  _your_ son. If you want him back, you'll have to plead your case with me."

"Okay, all right. Anything. Tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

"Will you, Jennifer?"

"Yes, of course. Please, tell me where you are and I'll come and talk with you."

There was silence for a few seconds. All of them hoped it would be prolonged, because every second was a step closer to Garcia being able to locate the source of the call.

"You'll figure it out. After all, you're a profiler. Time for you to earn your paycheck, isn't it? Just make sure you come alone." The call ended abruptly.

Immediately Reid reported what he'd heard, squeezing JJ's shoulder as he spoke. "There were the same animal sounds as we heard at the cabin this afternoon. Do you think he's gone back there?"

Emily was studying JJ, but listening to Reid. "How could he be there? The call was too clear, and we only had spotty connection at best."

Rossi agreed. "Emily's right. But so is Reid. I heard the same sounds. I think he's in the bayou, but not at Will's cabin."

"Where, then?" wondered Alex.

"People, people," Garcia was interrupting them. "I was able to triangulate his signal. He's in the bayou, all right. But it looks like he's east of where Will's cabin was."

"How far east, Garcia?" Hotch was feeling the urgency of locating them.

"About a mile and a half. I called up a satellite map, and there's a large clearing. It looks like a larger building and two smaller outbuildings."

"It's probably where he left his vehicle today. No wonder we couldn't find it." Alex thought she'd found the solution to one conundrum.

"All right," said Hotch, "We head back up there. Garcia, is there a staging area?"

"The nearest would be at the spot where Will's cabin was."

Hotch turned to the others. "We'll take two vehicles, in case we need to separate when we get there. We'll meet at the cabin. No one does anything alone, is that clear? Wait until we're all assembled there. We need to be extremely careful."

As the group filed out to the SUVs, Hotch pulled JJ aside. "Are you all right?"

She just looked at him. "I know my son is alive. For now, that has to be enough."

The unit chief, who'd almost lost his own son to Foyet, nodded his understanding. "When we get there…..you won't have to go in alone. We'll figure something out."

They'd lost too much to the Son of the Fox already.

She gave him a grim smile. "I know exactly what I have to do, Hotch. I'm ready."

* * *

The ride into the bayou was long….three hours long…..and mostly silent. Morgan and Prentiss rode in front, JJ and Reid holding each other's hands in the back seat. Several times Reid, seeing JJ folding in upon herself, tried to draw her out with small talk. Emily picked up on his intention, and tried to help, but each attempt fizzled. JJ simply didn't have it in her. She only had visions of Henry, at the hands of a violent family annihilator….who was out to annihilate her family.

The final ten miles of the ride were difficult in the near total darkness, and they felt every rise and dip of the unpaved roads. After what seemed to JJ to be an eternity, they arrived at Will's cabin, and got out to meet with the others.

Hotch felt every bit of the weight of his authority this night.

"JJ…."

"Hotch, I'm going in there. It's Henry. "

He wished he didn't agree with her, but she was right. It could only be her. But, as much as she'd learned in the past two years, she was still his least experienced field agent. A backup plan was mandatory.

"Yes, I understand. You have to go in. But I think Rossi and I have come up with something…" He reviewed the plan they'd hatched during the trip. It still wouldn't be an ideal situation, but it was all they had. Carrying it out required them to wait for the arrival of Greg Charles. He'd been detoured along the way, to get them the necessary information and equipment.

* * *

Charles wasn't all that far behind them, but it seemed to JJ that it was taking forever. She couldn't keep her body still, nor would her mind rest. She found herself desperately trying to control the uncontrollable by running scenario after scenario, considering every possible permutation of what might unfold. Not fool enough to trust Karl Arnold Jr. at his word, she made her own contingency plan.

She'd been standing apart from the group, who were giving her the space she seemed to need. All except Reid. He stood near her, not speaking, not intruding. Just being. Just staying close by, in case she needed him. And she did.

JJ moved to the far side of one of the SUVs, pulling him by the hand. When they were out of sight of the others, she turned to look at him, her eyes burning with intensity.

"Spence….if I don't come out….if I don't come out with Henry…..you'll get him, won't you? You won't let him be in there alone?"

Her words stunned him.  _This is what she's been thinking about? Failing? Not coming out_? Done. He was done with this. It couldn't happen. He couldn't even bear the thought.

"JJ, I don't want you doing this. Let me go, let  _anyone_  else go. If something goes wrong….if….well,  _you're_ the one Henry needs. No matter what happens in there, it's you he'll need, afterwards."

She just looked at him steadily, sadness in her eyes. Lost love in her eyes. She was about to speak a truth that both of them already knew.

"It  _has_  to be me, Spence. He's made that clear. He'll …." She couldn't say the word 'kill'. But they both knew it. He would kill Henry and Will. If he hadn't already.

Reid couldn't say the word either. But he knew, perhaps better than she did. He'd been here before, just a few months ago.

"JJ, don't you understand? He wants to do it anyway. He just wants you to be there, to watch."

She shook her head, not in disagreement, but to try to rid herself of the image. "I have to try, Spence. You know I do."

He did. When it had been Maeve, and Diane, a part of him had known the outcome even before he'd entered the loft. And yet, he hadn't been able to stop himself. He'd had to go in, if for no other reason than to show himself to Maeve. To show her that he loved her that much, that he would be willing to risk himself. That he would be willing to be witness to her death, if it came to that. That he would make certain that she didn't die alone.

And now, JJ needed to do the same for her son.

Reid couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears brimming his eyes, he reached for her, pulling her close.

"I do understand. I do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry this is happening. I love you."

She clung to him, her own tears falling now.

"Thank you. Thank you, Spence. You've been…everything I needed. And so much more. And I wish…... I just….I love you, too, Spence." It felt so much like saying goodbye.

Reid broke their embrace and held her away from him, so he could see her. His eyes penetrated JJ's. He wasn't about to let this happen a second time in his life. He'd figured it out, and he was going to tell her.

"I love you."

She gave him a teary smile. "I know. I love you, too."

He shook his head. "No, JJ. That's not what I mean. I  _love_  you. As in, I want you in my life. Forever. I love you."  _Go for it, Reid. Tell her!_  "I'm  _in_  love with you."

For a few brief moments, her mouth moved, but no words came out. She looked surprised, maybe even shocked. He started to mentally kick himself, fearing he'd saddled her with a new worry just as she was about to enter into a fight for her life, and that of her son….and his father. But then her face changed.

"You…..you  _love_ me? Really?" The words ended in a smile. Those blue irides drew him in, and he fell once again into her eyes.

He chanced a smile back at her. "Really."

"But I thought…..I thought it might be too soon. I didn't think…."

It was sounding to Reid like JJ might have had been thinking about this more than he would have expected.  _Can it be? Could she…..?_

He shook his head now, not able to fully explain.

"I didn't think it could  _ever_  happen for me. Not after…but, I don't know, maybe you were right. You said I didn't have to mourn her forever to preserve her memory. That I could incorporate it. Do you remember telling me that I would always hold her in my heart? That, if I fell in love again some day, that loving her would have helped make that next love richer?"

JJ, eyes full, just nodded at him, holding both of his hands in hers.

"Well, I didn't believe you."

They both chanced a chuckle at that.

"But it didn't matter. I grew into it. I understand now. Loving Maeve made me more  _open_  to love, period. I loved you before, and I gave you up…"

She cast her eyes away from him, embarrassed. He'd had to give her up because she'd connected with Will…..who was partially responsible for the risk she was about to take.

He released one of his hands to reach out and turn her face back to his.

"No matter. I gave up the dream…..but never the love. It's always been there. I thought it might be changing, turning to something else….but I was wrong. I love you, JJ. I think I always have. I  _know_  I always will."

She was crying now. "I was a fool, Spence. I made mistake after mistake with him."

He interrupted her. "Henry wasn't a mistake."

She had to nod. "You're right, he wasn't. He's the light of my life. So, something good did come out of it."

She looked back up at him. "Even if I didn't know what I wanted then, I know now. I want  _you._  I love you, and I want us to have a life together, too. All three of us."

His eyes held her immobile.

"We will. All you have to do is come back to me."

She knew he was trying to instill confidence in her. And the incentive was everything she could ever have wanted. She tried to smile again.

"Just that?"

"Just that."

* * *

Their exchange was interrupted when another SUV pulled into the clearing at Will's cabin. Greg Charles had arrived with a set of architectural plans and an infrared sensor.

"You were right." He directed his comment to Emily. "Jeanette was the way to go. She got David to give us the name of the cabin owner. And the guy still had the plans with him. Place is only three years old. Has full power, including wireless. Probably accounts for the good transmission of the phone calls."

He unrolled the plans on the hood of the SUV as they all stood around to study them.

"Most likely he'd be in this one large room with them….a great room, I guess you'd call it. It's the only real living space besides the two bedrooms. The main advantage to us is that this place is built into a hillside…..and there's a root cellar of sorts. More of a meat cellar, really. They keep the carcasses there after they dress them. And there's an outside entrance to it, so they don't have to drag them through the house."

"A root cellar in Louisiana?" Alex knew the water table was usually too high for that kind of thing.

"Only happens in situations like this, with the advantage of the hill. Providence shining down on us," replied Charles.

"So we can get in through the root cellar…and end up….where?" Morgan wanted details.

"You end up in the kitchen, which is open to the great room. So we need Providence to keep shining on us, because it will all depend on which direction he's looking."

"And how much noise the door makes when we open it." Rossi was typically sardonic.

"I don't think he'll be able to hear much, Rossi.. Listen to that symphony of….what?" Emily couldn't name all of the animals, but she was sure Greg Charles could.

"You name it, we have it here, from the grasshopper to the gator, to the black bear. And birds….you'd think they'd be quiet at night, but not in the bayou. I think Agent Prentiss is right, any sounds you make will be largely masked by the animals."

"And I can make a point of talking over it," offered JJ. "I'll listen for you."

Within a few minutes, they had the remainder of their plan mapped out. The rest would traipse through the woods, while JJ would wait for them to be situated, and then drive up to the cabin in one of the SUVs.

She watched as Reid got ready to leave with the others. There was no more time for them to be alone. No more chance for reassurance, no more time for discovering what they really were to one another. Not that he could have said it to her anyway. It didn't matter, the size of his vocabulary. He had no words for this. And even if he could find them, he wouldn't have been able to get his mouth to work. His eyes would have to convey the message. And they did, as the team was setting off. Reid turned back to her and looked his message.

_I love you. I can't do this….any of this….without you. I'm afraid. Please, please, come back to me._

JJ knew she couldn't afford to go into this with anything less than full confidence in her task. She  _would_  come out again, with her son. They  _would_  have their time together, to explore what the three of them might become. She looked that message back at Reid. And more.

_Thank you for loving me. For holding me up when I needed it. Now I'm going in, strong, because of you.  
_


	53. Chapter 53

**Transitions**

**Chapter 53**

A mile and a half, in the dark, over rough terrain. The daunting task was made minimally less so by the foresight of Greg Charles, who'd brought along night vision goggles for each member of the team. While they were still far enough away to chance a few words spoken aloud, the rest heard the sarcastic voice of David Rossi.

"Great, now I can  _see_  the roots I'm tripping over!"

As anxious as they all were to get to Henry and Will, they knew their success would be inherently linked to their patience. So they moved along slowly, trying to avoid injury, and trying not to startle the animal life. They found little success with using their radios here in the thick woods, but hoped for better when they reached the clearing that held the cabin. Hotch tried to signal JJ every ten minutes by turning and flashing a light in her direction, letting her know they were still moving…. but he had no idea if she could see it at all. By plan, she would wait a full hour before getting into the SUV and driving directly up to the cabin.

For the young blonde profiler, it seemed like the longest hour of her life. She thought, and re-thought, and re-thought again on the plan. Her mind raced from that, to images of her son and soon-to-be ex-husband, suffering at the hands of the vicious unsub. And then it raced again, to memories of the exchange she'd just had with Spence. The acknowledgement of what had been growing between them all this time, the confession of love. And, from there, her mind kept going, inevitably, to the thought of that love remaining unfulfilled. Declared in the midst of this life-or-death crisis, how could it be expected to thrive?

Her prayers were with Henry, and Will, and Spence. She tried fervently to visualize Henry, safe and whole, in her arms. That was as far as she could get. It felt selfish to ask for all of it. To ask to have Spence by her side as well. And yet she craved it.

She forced herself to watch the second hand count down to the hour, and then started up the SUV. Even in the vehicle, the traveling was difficult, as the roads were made of dirt, and poorly maintained.

* * *

Time passed much more quickly when you were struggling for every step of forward progress. Twice Emily stepped into an area that was boggy, the second time turning her ankle. She was noticeably limping as the party moved on.

"Lean on me." Reid was at her side. "It helps, trust me. I remember from when I had my bad knee."

His 'bad knee' had been acquired when he threw himself in front of a victim, and took a bullet meant for the man. He'd been on crutches, and then a cane, for months.

Emily gratefully accepted the offer, and allowed Reid to become her human cane. Together they hobbled toward the cabin, lagging a bit behind the others.

They were too close to the clearing to chance being heard by the unsub, so Emily kept her voice at a whisper.

"It'll be okay, Reid. They'll both be okay."

Without explanation, he knew that Emily's 'both' referred to Henry and JJ, not Henry and Will.

"They have to be, Emily. I couldn't…."

She looked at the anguish on his face and wanted to comfort him. "You won't have to."

They reached the periphery of the cabin clearing a little behind the others. Hotch moved over toward them and took stock of Emily's injury.

"Stay here with Alex. Rossi and Greg will be on the far side. Morgan, Reid and I will try the cellar."

He wanted good coverage of the area from the outside, should Arnold somehow leave the cabin. And he needed the muscle of Morgan, and the connection between Reid and Henry, on the inside. They had to be able to trust that Henry would come to them, should he be free to do so. The three of them moved off into the shadows, in search of the cellar door. Rossi, thankfully, established contact with JJ and apprised her of their situation. Moments later, he watched as she pulled the SUV into the clearing.

The cabin was in near darkness. They could see very dim light through one of the curtained windows. No doubt Arnold was keeping it dark so he wouldn't have an adjustment period if he moved between outside and inside. They could only guess that the inhabitants were in the room with the faint light, which did, indeed, appear to be the great room.

The site plans were accurate, allowing Hotch, Morgan and Reid to easily locate the door to the rudimentary root cellar. It was made of wood and, testimony to the false sense of security of living in a rural area, there was no lock on it. Their main concern was whether it would make noise as they opened it. All three stood, poised, waiting for an opportune moment.

JJ's arrival provided it. The sound of the engine and the car door…..which she made a point of slamming….were loud enough to distract the unsub from anything happening at the back of the house. The trio managed to get the door open, and began to feel their way down a few steps dug out of the earth. They chose not to chance using a light source. Instead, they kept their night vision goggles in place. They were less useful in the dark, damp cellar, but they allowed the men to move without having to feel every inch of the way. The space was small, enabling them to traverse it quickly, to reach a three step entry to what they presumed was the kitchen. They dare not enter it yet, but stood poised at the thin wooden door, listening.

From the front porch, JJ yelled, "Karl Arnold, I'm here!" It had been agreed that she should use the unsub's name, to let him know that he'd been identified and, hopefully, to intimidate him. But the responding male voice didn't sound at all intimidated.

"Come in, 'JJ'." The way he said it felt almost pornographic. She followed the instruction and pushed the door open, entering a room that was dimly lit, which allowed her eyes to adjust quickly. She could barely make out a shape in the far shadow. The voice came from that direction.

"Have a seat, 'JJ'." Every time he said her nickname, he infused it with something vile.

"Where is my son?" she demanded.

"You're not being very gracious now, are you? Your host just invited you to sit."

"Where is my son?" Louder this time.

Arnold's mask of civility fell. "If you want to see your son again, you will do as I say. Now, sit!"

She could hear the edge in his voice, and couldn't risk his losing control. She still hadn't been able to tell if he was holding a weapon. Reluctantly, JJ sat in the chair that was obviously meant for her. It had been placed in the center of the illuminated part of the room, out of reach of everything else.

"See that by your right wrist? On the arm of the chair? Attach it around your wrist." It was a plastic tie. Obviously Arnold meant that she should not be able to move freely.

JJ tried not to look as anxious as she felt as she silently pulled the plastic through the slot, and fastened the tie.

Now that her dominant hand was restrained, Karl Arnold moved forward enough that she could see he did, indeed, have a gun in his hand.

"Pull your weapons out of their holsters, and place them on the ground."

JJ kept her eyes glued to Arnold as she took the gun from her belt, and did as he instructed.

"Both of them, Agent. The ankle piece as well."

It had been worth a try. But now JJ used her left hand to remove that weapon as well.

"Kick them away from you."

She did so.

Now, finally, Arnold moved fully into the light. He was surprisingly small, but muscular. Some might call him "wiry". Slight enough to appear non-threatening, strong enough to accomplish his evil deeds. He moved close to JJ, taunting her.

"FBI agents don't look so intimidating up close, you know."

She stared straight ahead, trying to make out what…..or who….else might be in the shadows, hoping for both Will and Henry. If they were there, they were silent, and she tried not to think about what that might mean. But she simply couldn't see.

Arnold moved closer to her, holding his gun on her. He crept to her left side, cautious, lest she should try to attack him despite being partially restrained. But the gun held her in place. Without warning, he raised the gun and struck her in the head, stunning her. While she was immobilized, he managed to use a second plastic tie to secure her left wrist to the chair as well. Now she was fully restrained.

She hadn't quite been knocked out, but JJ still had difficulty focusing her vision after the unexpected blow. Her head pounded, and she felt nauseous.

In the cellar, they could make out that JJ was now unarmed, but didn't realize she was fully restrained. And they were completely unaware of the blow to her head.

Now that he had her where he wanted her, Arnold returned to the shadowed area. JJ could hear a ripping sound, and then another dim light went on. Now she could make out a figure, also bound in a chair, on the far side of the great room. She couldn't focus enough to make out his features, but she knew his voice right away. He'd used it as soon as the tape was pulled from his face.

"Cher, are you all right?" It was Will.

The blow to her head was still having its effect. It took JJ almost a full minute to straighten out her thoughts and speak. When she did, it was about her son.

"Where's Henry? Will, where's Henry?!"

"I don't know. He," Will's head seemed to nod in the direction of the unsub, "took him. I think he took him outside."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such rudeness! Here I am right in the room with you, Detective, and you speak of me as though I wasn't present. Where's your southern gentility?"

Will spat at him. "Shaddup!"

The anger was audible in Arnold's voice as he made his way over to Will. "Do you need a reminder, Detective LaMontagne?" And he punched Will at his right cheekbone. JJ thought she could hear something shatter.

"Will! Are you all right?" As her eyes became adjusted to the dim light, she could see evidence that he'd been beaten, probably more than once. His face was completely swollen and bruised.

It took him a moment more to recover from the latest blow. "All right, Cher. I'm all right."

Now JJ turned her attention to the unsub. "Where is Henry? Where is my son?"

Arnold made a show of looking around the room, puzzled. "Where's Henry? I could swear I put him here somewhere….."

JJ knew she was being mocked, and held her tongue. Arnold continued, snapping his fingers.

"Oh, that's right, I put him somewhere... else. Now, if only I could remember where…." He made a show of stroking his chin in a gesture of thought.

"You bastard, what did you do with my son?!"

She'd been so angry, she'd tried to rise from the chair, falling back into her seat when the restraints held her. She was infuriated when Arnold reacted by laughing at her.

In the cellar, all three men were struggling with self-control as they listened to the exchange happening in the great room. Then they heard Arnold try to go back on script.

"Would you like to trade yourself for him, Agent? Let me kill you, if only I'll let your son go?"

He was very obviously trying to reenact the scene with Reid, Maeve and Diane. But everyone listening knew how  _that_  had played out. JJ refused to go along. She wanted to break the pattern of replication here and now.

"No. You wouldn't let him go anyway. You're a sick, deluded man who was raised by a sick, deluded father."

The Son of the Fox stared at her, an indecipherable look on his face. "What would you know about how I was raised? You profilers, you think you know people. You think that, because you know one thing about them, you can predict everything else. Well, you're wrong!"

JJ thought she heard more than anger in Arnold's tone. It seemed to contain hurt, and resentment as well. Hearing it, she realized it was time for her to draw on her old liaison skills. She purposely, and with great effort, tamed her anger. When she spoke to him now, it was with her 'victim/family' voice.

"Tell me, then. What is it that we don't understand? What do we have wrong about you? Help me understand."

She had him. She knew it when he started pacing, looking back up at her now and then. She had him thinking, and soon she'd have him talking. Then, she just needed to get him to turn his back long enough for the interior cellar door to be opened.

When he started speaking, his voice was so soft that it was almost as if he was speaking to himself. But JJ drew him out.

"I can't hear you very well. There's too much noise coming from the generator. Can we move over there?"

He squinted at her, wondering. Was she trying to pull something? Was this a trap? But, in the end, the need to be understood trumped everything else, and he allowed her to rise and drag her chair across the room. She made a point of turning herself around, so he would have his back to the kitchen as long as he was facing her.

"Tell me." She said it softly this time. Not seductively. Just with empathy that…somehow….she managed to summon.  _Anything for you, Henry._

Karl Arnold Jr. started his story. As he began, his eyes seemed to be staring into some faraway past. JJ took advantage of the distraction to use  _her_  eyes to signal Will that something would happen in the kitchen.

"My father….he wasn't always sick. It just….happened. But, before that…we were a family. We loved each other. Or, at least, I thought so. He was a great dad. We used to do so many things together. He was a  _huge_ part of my life. And then, things just …changed. There was a distance between my mother and my father. I couldn't understand it. To this day, I don't know if  _he_  changed because  _she_ became so removed, or if _she_  was reacting to a change in  _him_. All I know is that my family...wasn't really a family any more. And my dad...my best friend...was gone. And I couldn't understand why.  _She_  never told me. And now they're  _both_  gone. I don't think I'll ever know."

He paused for so long that JJ thought he was waiting for a response. "I'm sorry."

He virtually ignored her, being consumed with the recollection of his family's dissolution.

"I….we…didn't know anything about what he was doing…..my dad. It took us totally by surprise, we were shocked. When you….when the FBI arrested him…we couldn't believe it. What you people said he did…it just wasn't him. He was a psychologist, he  _helped_  families."

JJ was in a dilemma. She wanted to give her colleagues their signal at just the right moment, but it was so difficult to know when that moment was. Arnold's pacing was bringing him back and forth across the room at the wrong angle for her colleagues to achieve a surprise arrival. Anything less than that would put them all in greater danger, including Arnold. And she needed Arnold to survive the ambush, because he held the answer about Henry.

Finally she realized that, if she wanted to distract his attention, and his line of sight,  _she_  would have to do the talking. She would have to get him focused on her.

"It sounds like you and he were close. That's so important between fathers and sons, isn't it?"

He almost went along with her, until he remembered the situation they were all in.

"Don't try to play me! You're the bitch trying to keep your son away from his father!"

The agitation worried her, and she tried to calm him again. "No, no I didn't. I know how much they love each other. It's why I agreed to joint custody."

She moved her eyes from Karl Arnold to Will as she spoke. Her ex looked abashed. It had been his jealousy, his not trusting the joint custody agreement, that had led him to run off with Henry. Which, ultimately, had led to this.

Will saw an opportunity to further distract their captor, and to offer an apology to JJ at the same time.

"She's right. I was just angry that my son would be living mostly with his mother. But I shouldn't have been. She's a good woman. She's a much better parent than I am. A boy  _should_  be with his mother."

Will had been gambling that his final sentence would be enough to set Arnold off. And he'd been right. The young man virtually exploded. And, as he did, three figures silently slipped through the door leading from the cellar to the kitchen.

"That's not true! She can't be a good parent! She's trying to take your son! A son shouldn't be without his father! You idiots! Do you know what happens to sons who grow up without fathers? They turn into  _me_!"

"And me." Morgan stepped out of the shadows.

"And me." Followed by Hotch.

"And me." Reid stepped forward. All three had their guns trained on the unsub.

Arnold was startled, but not cowed. He had nothing to lose at this point. He was standing nearest to JJ, and started to move in her direction, gun cocked, clearly intending to harm her. Only Hotch and Morgan had line-of-sight shots.

"Karl Arnold, Jr., freeze! You're under arrest!" Morgan's voice was commanding. But not commanding enough. The man's finger started to move on the trigger. JJ saw Hotch ready to shoot him, and screamed, "No! He's done something with Henry! Don't shoot him!"

Her plea caused Hotch to hesitate, but the Son of the Fox now had a clear aim at JJ's head.

When the gunshot sounded, Reid found himself on the floor of the loft, staring at Maeve and Diane, watching as their blood pooled together. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Until he heard Hotch's voice calling him.

"Reid….Reid…." The unit chief recognized the signs. The staring, the hyperventilating. His young genius was obviously in the throes of a flashback. He moved over to put his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Reid. She's all right. JJ's all right. It was Morgan's shot."

Hotch had to repeat himself several times before Reid became focused again. By then, he could see Morgan cutting JJ's bonds. When she was loose, she ran to where Karl Arnold was lying on the floor of the cabin, a gunshot wound to his left chest. He was bleeding profusely, and breathing with great difficulty.

"Tell me! Tell me where he is. Where's Henry?"

If she'd hoped for some kind of deathbed remorse, she was about to be disappointed. The Son of the Fox brought a weak, perverted grin to his face, and gasped his response.

"Where the sun don't shine."


	54. Chapter 54

**Transitions**

**Chapter 54**

"What does that mean? What do you mean 'where the sun don't shine?' Where is my son?!"

Arnold had stopped smiling, and was no longer able to speak. His condition looked to be deteriorating even as the EMTs made their way into the cabin, and pushed JJ aside.

"Please let us in here, miss. We need to work on him."

Morgan leaned down and took JJ by the shoulders, lifting her. She spun around and shouted at him. "He has to tell us! What does that mean? What did he do with Henry?!"

"Calm down now, we'll figure it out." He gripped her shoulders again and leaned into her face as he said, "We'll find him, JJ."

By this time, Emily and Blake had combed the house, and Rossi and Greg Charles the outbuildings. There was no sign of Henry.

Hotch was still standing with Reid who, while no longer in his flashback, was still reorienting to the situation. Now the senior agent moved both of them over to where the team was assembling.

Rossi spoke for the group. "He doesn't seem to be anywhere on the grounds. Unless there's some kind of underground cavern or something?" He'd turned to Greg Charles at the last.

Charles was shaking his head. "Remember where you are. It was only because of this little hillside that this place even has the small root cellar. No, there's nothing underground anywhere around here."

Alex wondered, "Would he have had time to get somewhere else? Somewhere where there  _is_ an underground cavern, maybe?"

Will had been freed from his bonds when the team arrived, but he was still sitting in the same chair, too injured to get up and move about on his own. Now he joined into the conversation with the others, albeit warily. He was aware of the animosity toward him because of what he'd done.

"Henry  _was_  here, he brought both of us here together. But then he took Henry again...somewhere. He might have used the car...but I'm not sure. I'm sorry, Cher, I was groggy."

She didn't have time to deal with the mixed emotions Will was stirring up in her. She was still furious at him for taking Henry, sorry that he'd been beaten, and grateful for his help in distracting Arnold. But sorting that out would have to wait. Finding Henry was paramount.

She pleaded again, to no one in particular, "But what does it mean? Why did he say that?"

_To torment you,_  thought Morgan. Aloud, he said , "It's just an expression, JJ. Maybe he didn't mean anything."

Reid had missed the whole exchange. He was only now realizing that Arnold had said anything at all to JJ about Henry.

"What were his exact words?"

Morgan told him, and Reid had the same response as the rest. "What does that mean?"

JJ looked at him with teary eyes. "I don't know! And I don't want to think...oh, God, please, no!"

It was what all of them were thinking, yet none would say. The expression could easily mean that Arnold had buried the child. And they had no idea where.

By now, there was quite a bit of activity inside the cabin. A second set of EMTs had arrived to see to Will, and several county police squads had joined the investigation, along with another team from the New Orleans FBI office. The place was getting crowded and hectic. None of which was bringing them any closer to finding Henry.

Suddenly there was a shout from one of the first set of EMTs. "He's crashing!"

They'd just been bundling Arnold for transport when his heart stopped beating. Both EMT teams worked together to try to bring him back, using an aggressive regimen of medication along with CPR. But he'd simply lost too much blood. They were unable to revive him.

JJ looked on with horror as her last hope of finding Henry perished from the earth. She sank to the floor, unable to find the strength to remain upright. Each of the others started to move to her, but the rest backed away at a signal from Emily. They left her with Reid, who lowered himself to the floor next to her.

There was something about the way she was sitting that told him she didn't want to be touched. So he simply sat, and whispered to her.

"It's not the end, JJ. We've got a whole lot of people here already, and we'll have a whole army here to look for him pretty soon. Hotch has already sent the word out. We'll find him."

She was still feeling woozy from the head injury, and now was weak with despair. It took a few seconds for Reid's words to penetrate. When she responded, her voice was so low that he had to lean in to hear her.

"We don't even know where to look. These woods are so thick and…." She gasped, having just remembered. "And there's a river! Oh, God, there's a river! Arnold might have…"

Her shield had come down, and Reid finally put his arm around her. "Shh! No! He didn't. I'm sure he didn't…."

He stopped speaking abruptly, startled by his own words.

When he'd started the sentence, he'd been seeking only to reassure JJ. But as he was speaking, he realized that what he was saying was true. Arnold  _wouldn't_ have hurt Henry. He  _related_  with Henry. His anger was directed towards Henry's parents, and the FBI.

_But what did he do...and what do the words mean?_

Suddenly, that particular synapse fired, and he knew. He literally leapt to his feet and pulled JJ up with him.

"I know! I know where he is! Come on!"

He pulled her outside to get in the SUV, and then stopped abruptly. They were hemmed in by two ambulances and at least eight police and FBI vehicles. Sorting out the traffic jam would take longer than than he thought they had. Because now that Reid was sure he knew where Henry was, he was also sure he was in danger.

He started to pull JJ through the woods the team had traversed between the two cabins, grabbing two flashlights from one of the vehicles. He'd lost his night vision goggles, but since they no longer had any reason to keep their location hidden, the flashlights would do.

Had it been almost anyone else, JJ would have demanded an explanation before accompanying him. But it was Spence, whom she trusted with her life, and that of her son. And, she thought _, he loves Henry almost as much as I do. Maybe every bit as much._

Still, she felt a need to know what they were doing. He'd started off at a trot, holding her hand to bring her along with him. As they ran, she called out to him.

"Spence, where are we going?"

"Back to Will's cabin. I know where he is."

"But wouldn't it be faster to drive? It took you an hour to go through the woods before."

"Forty minutes. We gave _you_  the hour, remember? But now I know where I'm going, and now we've got the light. We'll do it in twenty."

"Shouldn't we have told someone what we're doing?"

"I told one of the cops to find Hotch when I grabbed the flashlights. They'll send the EMTs to us as soon as they can."

"EMTs?! Spence, do you think he's hurt?"

He hesitated a moment before answering. "I don't know. Probably not. But I think he might need medical attention."

"Where, Spence? Where is he? The cabin was just a single room, and we searched it completely. Do you think he's left him in the woods?"

The canopy was so thick, maybe that's what Arnold had meant by 'where the sun don't shine'.

"Not the woods. There was another building on the grounds, remember?"

She thought a moment. She'd been there only a couple of hours ago, but she was so focused on the task at hand that she'd not taken that much note of her surroundings. Then…

"The outhouse! You think he's in the outhouse?!"

"Did you notice what was carved into the door?"

"No."

"A crescent moon, and a star. No sun. It's a common practice to put those symbols on outhouse doors."

He was about to launch into a monologue on the controversy of whether the symbols had any real meaning, or whether they'd been created through the whimsy of a particular cartoonist…but he was too winded.

"And, based on that, you think Henry's inside?" It didn't sound very convincing, and she began to wonder if they were off on a fruitless chase.

Another hesitation. "Well, no. Based on the fact that I don't think Karl Arnold wanted to hurt him. And that he was probably gone from the second cabin only long enough to get to the first one and back…..even if Will doesn't remember. The phone calls came in four hours before you went to the cabin to meet the unsub. Henry and Will were both with him at the time of the calls, right? And I noticed there was only the one set of tire tracks outside the cabin when we first arrived. So he had to have brought Henry somewhere he could get on foot."

Now that he was explaining it, it sounded more like a reasoned premise and less like an outright guess. JJ's spirits were brightening. But then she remembered something else he'd said.

"Spence, if you don't think Arnold would have hurt him, why do we need the EMTs?"

He was about to tell her his real worry. If he was right, Henry could be in big trouble.

"If he's in the outhouse, he's got to be bound, maybe even taped, like Will was. Think about it. We weren't trying to be quiet when we arrived to that cabin before. If he'd heard us, and was able to yell, wouldn't he have done that?"

JJ's stopped short, pulling Reid back toward her awkwardly.

"Oh, my God, we were right there! We were right there, Spence! Suppose he heard us, and thinks we knew and didn't save him? Oh, Henry!"

Reid started tugging at her hand again. "Don't think like that. He would know you were looking for him. He knows you love him. I just….."

She was running with him again. "You just what? What is it that you don't want to tell me, Spence?"

He couldn't afford to turn and look at her, he needed to keep his eyes on their path. He could only hope she wouldn't lose heart.

"I'm afraid of the heat. I'm afraid he's been closed up in that space for hours, and ….and I'm afraid he might be hyperthermic."

Someone else might have mistaken her silence for shock. But Reid knew JJ  _very_  well. She was strong, and determined. Without even looking at her, he knew she was already steeling herself for a crisis to come.

_Just one of the many reasons I love you._

When she did finally speak again, it was to plan.

"Okay, so if he's hyperthermic, what do we do?"

Reid's response was aborted by their arrival at the clearing to Will's cabin. They both ran immediately behind it, to the outhouse. Perversely, JJ's brain took notice of the images carved into the door.  _He was right, as usual._

"Stay back, JJ."

He didn't know what they would find on the other side of the door. As strong as she might be, he thought, no mother should have to see what might be in there. Still, he wasn't surprised when JJ continued right behind him without even responding. Of  _course_  she was looking inside. This was her son they were talking about.

The interior of the outhouse was small, and it took only one small sweeping arc of the flashlight to find him. He was lying against the side of the hut, bound around his hands, feet and chest. And there was duct tape over his mouth. Both of them felt their stomachs plummet when he didn't rouse to the commotion of their entry.

Reid bent and felt Henry's face at the same time that he lifted him up. "He's hot."

JJ backed up to allow Reid to turn around and bring Henry outside. Reid knelt with Henry in his arms, and laid him softly on the ground. JJ gently pulled the tape from Henry's mouth while Reid removed the ropes. Once his chest was visible, they were both relieved to see that he was breathing.

Reid immediately tried to assess Henry's condition, while JJ repeatedly called her son's name.

"Henry! Henry, baby, it's Mommy! Mommy's here!" She rubbed his hands, and caressed his face and hair.

Much as an EMT would, Reid started reporting his findings.

"He's hot, his cheeks are flushed. But he's sweating, so I think that's good."

"Why, what does it mean?"

"It means his body is still trying to get rid of the heat. That's good."

"What if it wasn't?" She was still trying to take in the breadth of the problem, to know what she…what all of them…were up against.

"If they're not doing that any more, it means heat stroke." He flashed a look at her. "But he doesn't have it… _yet_."

"Yet?!"

"Okay, his pulse is rapid and his breathing is, too. I think the rapid breathing is a way to blow off heat. But the rapid pulse….he's probably dehydrated. We need to get some liquid into him. And we need to find a way to get his temperature down. We need to help him get rid of the heat."

"How? What do we do? Should I take his clothes off?"

Reid was looking around. They needed something cold...something that would conduct the heat away from Henry. He flashed on his experience at the cabin earlier today.

"The river! It's just a little way through the woods in that direction. We can bring him to the river!"

"Spence, shouldn't we just wait for the EMTs? They should be on their way pretty soon."

He hadn't wanted to frighten her. But in the few minutes since they'd had Henry, his breathing had become increasingly labored. Reid didn't think they could afford any more time.

"Leave a note on the window of the SUV. Tell them where we are."

Normally the team left their keys in the vehicles when they traveled to a scene. But the unknowns here…and especially the unknown of the unsub's location and behavior….had precluded that. Neither of them could access the interior of the vehicles.

JJ had only lip balm in her pocket. It would have to do. She essentially soaped a note on the front windshield of one of the SUVs.

When she'd finished, Reid picked his godson up again and started to head out of the clearing.

"Spence, wait a second!"

She ran into the cabin, remembering that David had told her he'd stocked it for Will. There was no refrigeration, but there were several coolers with bottles of water…and beer. The ice was long melted, but the water still felt cool. She grabbed as many bottles as she could hold.

Reid saw what she had done when she came out of the cabin with her armload. "Good thinking! Okay, it's this way, I think."

They hadn't traveled far before they could hear the water. The bayou was, by definition, slow flowing, but it wasn't stagnant. They could hear both the water and the increased density of animal life that surrounded it. All they had to do now was to follow those sounds.

As the sound grew louder, Reid halted them. "Let's put the water down here. Just bring one bottle for now."

He remembered that the land under his feet had started to soften near the river when he'd fled the house earlier in the day.  _How could this possibly be the same day?_

JJ was leading the way, flashlight in hand. Despite the illumination, she literally stumbled upon…and into…the water. Because, in the bayou, where there was no riverbank, the trees just continued on into the river. Instinctively, she reached out to steady herself... and screamed.

"What? What is it, JJ?"

"I think….I think it's a snake!"

She turned the light in that direction and saw. "Oh, thank God, it's just a vine hanging from a branch of that tree."

"Good." Better not to tell her that bayou waters were home to many types of animal life…..including water moccassins and alligators. They simply had no choice right now. But he would keep an eye on the still waters for any evidence of an approaching creature.

Reid joined her in the river.

"Okay, I'm going to lower him in. I'll hold him out flat. See if you can get a little water into him. Just a few drops at a time, okay? Tilt his head to the side so you can pour it towards his cheek. He's less likely to choke on it."

Reid kept his hands under Henry's head and neck, and his lower back, dipping him gently below the water line.

JJ's hands were shaking so much it was hard to open the bottle of water. But she did it, and then braced her hand against Henry's chin to hold it steady as she poured.

"Is this okay?"

"Good, slow and steady. Almost like an IV. We're just doing it through his mouth." Both were relieved to see a reflexive swallow from the child. The fluid was getting into him.

Every so often, JJ stopped pouring the water long enough to feel Henry's forehead.

"I don't know. I can't tell if he's cooling off, Spence. What if this doesn't work?" He could almost hear her stifling a rising panic.

"It  _has_  to work, JJ. Just…think positive." Pause. "Pray, maybe."

He wanted  _her_  to do it. Spencer Reid's prayers weren't answered.

"I've been doing nothing but, Spence."

JJ turned her words to her son. "Henry, little man, please wake up. Please, honey. Mommy's here."

"That's right, Buddy, we need you to wake up now. Come on, there's a lot of magic we still have to do together, little man. My little apprentice..."

He'd said those last three words so softly, so tenderly that JJ was moved to reach up and caress his cheek. So much to pray for. The life of her son. The love of the man holding him. Too much to put into any words other than,  _please, God._

Reid's eye was caught by something glinting in the waning moonlight. He suddenly pulled Henry out of the water and yelled at JJ.

"Get out! JJ, get out of the water!"

She would have demanded an explanation, but he was already running off with Henry, back deeper into the woods. She ran after him, and heard him call out as they passed the place where she'd left the water.

"Grab it, we need to get further in."

She did as he asked, stopping only when he did.

"All right, what was that about? And why are we stopping here?"

"Alligators are ambush predators. They don't chase their prey….not very far, at least. I think we're far enough."

"Alligators!? There was an alligator in that water?"

"Probably a few. But I was keeping an eye out…."

She mumbled to herself. "You were keeping an eye out…."

"JJ, we didn't have any choice. It was the only way to cool him."

"Well, what do we do now?"

"I think the wet clothes are helping. And there's a little breeze to cool him down. We need to keep giving him the water, though."

Now that they were no longer in the river, JJ wanted proximity. She wanted to hold her son. She lowered herself to the ground, reaching up for him, and Reid shifted Henry into her arms.

"Come on, baby. Come back to me. Come back to Mommy, please, honey, please come back, please…."

While they'd been busy trying to tend to him, she'd held it together. But now, when they could only sit, and wait, and hope, and pray…..now it hit her. She felt overwhelmed, and she broke down. She kept up the pleading with Henry, but every word came out with a sob.

Reid knew exactly what she was feeling, because he was feeling it too. He moved around behind her and wrapped his arms around both of them.

_I asked You. I told You I'd never ask for anything else, if only he would be okay. And what happens? This! Well, okay, now I'm begging you. Please, please, don't let him die! Do it for her, if You won't do it for me!  
_

They sat together like that, holding Henry, rocking Henry, pouring water into his mouth drop by drop, for what seemed like ages. Both Reid and JJ began to wonder what had happened to the team and the EMTs. Had Hotch not gotten the message from the cop on site? Had they not been able to make out JJ's message on the SUV?

Feeling like they had to do  _something_ , they decided to go the rest of the way back to the cabin, not wanting to chance the river again. Maybe they could use some of the contents of the water bottles to continue to bring Henry's temperature down.

"I think….I don't know, Spence, but I think he might feel a little cooler."

Reid took Henry's pulse yet again. It was still very high, and he was still breathing fast, but it was no longer labored.

"I can't tell if he's better, JJ, but I'm pretty sure he's not worse. Let's go."

As they set off, Reid took Henry from her. He was a heavier load to carry now that his clothing was sopping wet. They were nearly to the clearing when they caught the glare of a flashlight. JJ started swinging theirs up and down to signal their location.

Hotch and Rossi ran in with two EMTs.

"Thank God," came from Rossi, upon seeing that they had Henry.

"Can we check him, sir?" One of the EMTs reached out his arms to take Henry from Reid…..who reluctantly relinquished him.

The EMTs were used to wilderness rescues. They set Henry on the ground and made a quick assessment. As was their habit, they called out their findings to one another.

"Temp's 103…ma'am, has he been sick?"

"It's not a fever." Reid answered in place of JJ. "He was tied up in the outhouse for at least five hours, and his mouth was taped."

"So he couldn't blow the heat off." The EMT nodded his understanding. "So it's likely this is hyperthermia."

The EMT had already noted Henry's wet clothing. He'd initially been worried about a water accident, but now he understood. "You were trying to cool him down? In the river?"

Reid nodded, as JJ added, "And we gave him some water. Poured it into his cheek."

Both EMTs exchanged a look and then the second commented. "Good thinking. You may have given him a fighting chance."

* * *

They would only let JJ ride in the ambulance with Henry. Rossi took one of the SUVs back to the crime scene to pick up the others while Reid rode with Hotch behind the emergency vehicle. Hotch knew he would have to talk to Reid about what had happened in the cabin, but he also knew this wasn't the time. If Henry didn't survive his ordeal, Reid wouldn't be the only one of his agents struggling to cope.

Both of them were silent, lost in thoughts that were surprisingly similar, for most of the ride. As they could tell they were nearing the hospital, Hotch turned his head briefly to Reid.

"They both needed you, and you were there. That's all you should remember about this night. No matter what else happens."

Reid knew his boss was trying to be supportive, but he couldn't focus in on anything but the potential for loss. In  _his_  life, that potential was often fulfilled.

"He's not out of danger. And, if the worst happens...I don't know...I don't know what will happen to her. I won't know how to be there for her then. I won't have what she needs."

They'd arrived. Hotch turned off the engine and looked at Reid again. "You'll only know what you can be, and what you have to offer, in the moment. If that moment should come...and I pray that it doesn't...you'll know. And you'll do it. Trust me, I know my agents very well."

It was meant to elicit a small smile, and it was rewarded. They entered the Emergency Department and went immediately to the desk. Both men flashed their badges.

"They were just brought in...a little boy and his mother." Hotch tried to cue the desk clerk.

"The Room 2?"

"Sorry?" Reid didn't understand.

"Oh, sorry, ED lingo. Room 2 is where we take the serious cases when they first come in. They're in there now. But I don't think you can go in."

Before they had a chance to argue, they saw JJ walking uncertainly down a small hallway, looking back every few steps. She looked unsteady on her feet. Reid ran to her and took her arm.

"What's going on?"

"They made me leave while they do some tests. They said it would be only a few minutes." She kept squinting her eyes as though she was having trouble seeing.

"JJ? What's wrong?" Reid tightened his grip on her. She bent her head, trying to keep the light out of her eyes, when suddenly, he saw it.

Blood. All over the back of her scalp. It was the first time he'd seen her in bright light. Reid put his hand to her head to part her hair. She had a laceration about two inches long. At one time it must have been actively bleeding, but it seemed to have a clot in place now.

Hotch was just as shocked as Reid. "When did this happen? JJ, did Arnold do this?"

She'd been operating on pure adrenaline rush for most of the night, and hadn't even remembered the unsub hitting her with his gun. But that might explain the headache, and the nausea, and why the light was bothering her eyes so much... She nodded.

The wooziness came over her in a wave, and Reid could feel her swaying. Hotch could see it as well, and ran for a wheelchair. They managed to snag the attention of the triage nurse, and a short time later, JJ was wheeled away into the bowels of the ED as well.

By now the rest of the team had arrived, and Hotch filled them in on what had happened. Reid sat by himself, silent, staring, contemplating, afraid to pray. Seeing him, Emily approached softly.

"Hey, good thinking about the river. Hell, good thinking about the outhouse! We might not have found Henry for hours, even days, otherwise." And they both knew that, if it had been days, it would have been his body they'd found.

Reid didn't make eye contact. He just nodded, and gave her a terse, "Thanks."

They'd never been all that good at small talk between them. It had nearly always been direct, and meaty, and significant. They'd known each other too deeply to be superficial. Emily gave up on the small talk now.

"Henry will be okay, Reid. He's a strong little guy...hell, he has JJ's genes, doesn't he? And you did all the right things for him in the field. And JJ will be okay too. It's probably a concussion, but she'll be okay."

"I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

He gave her the smile she wanted.

* * *

It seemed like hours had passed...because they had. Most of them had dozed off in the waiting room a time or two. And then, finally, the ED attending came to the waiting area and asked for "Dr. Reid."

He shot up. "I'm Spencer Reid."

"Ms. Jareau...oh, sorry, that's Agent Jareau, isn't it? She's out of CT scan now. You can go in and see her if you'd like."

The rest had joined Reid in a semicircle around the physician.

"How was it? The cat scan?" Morgan demanded to know.

The physician consulted his tablet, scrolling through a few screens. "I have permission to tell Dr. Reid and...SSA Hotchner. No one else."

Despite the situation, Emily had to stifle a laugh at the look on Morgan's face. She whispered to him, "Relax, it's just a rule. Hotch and Reid will turn around and tell us anyway."

Which they did. There was neither a skull fracture nor any bleeding in her brain. JJ had suffered a concussion, but would, absent some headaches, be fine.

* * *

He faked knocking on the curtain as he entered the cubicle. JJ was lying on the ED cot, in a hospital gown. The blood hadn't yet been cleaned from her hair.

She smiled weakly at him. "Are you still in your wet clothes? At least they gave me an outfit."

He huffed. "Yeah, but your outfit has no rear end. I'll keep my wet clothes, thank you."

They'd tried to bring some humor to their situation, but the weight of not knowing about Henry took them down.

"Have you heard anything, JJ?" He thought they might have kept her better apprised than they were keeping him.

"Just that he's being admitted to the pediatric ICU. They said I'd be able to see him when they get him settled."

"Has he been awake at all? Can they tell anything?" Reid knew that brain damage... _every_  organ damage...could be a consequence of hyperthermia.

"They haven't said, either way. They've been too busy to talk to me, is what the nurse said."

Neither of them knew if 'being too busy' was a good or bad thing. Did that mean Henry was responding? Or that they couldn't get him to respond? Reid could see JJ tearing up again, and took her hand.

As if on cue, a nurse entered JJ's room with a wheelchair. "Would you like me to take you to see your son now? They've got him settled in upstairs."

JJ perked up, ever so slightly. "Yes! And Spence should come too."

The nurse looked uncertain. "I think they said only one visitor at a time. And, by that, they usually mean a parent."

Seeing the look of disappointment on Reid's face, JJ, concussion notwithstanding, had an idea.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, JJ was wheeled into Henry's room in the PICU...by a brand new male orderly. In collusion with the ED nurse, they'd found Spence a set of scrubs.

"You really shouldn't be in those wet clothes anyway, you'll freeze in this air conditioning", the nurse had said. And, thus, Reid became the hospital's newest hire.

Henry looked so peaceful on the bed. He'd been cleaned up, and his blonde hair was splayed out on the pillow. If they'd been able to ignore the various tubes and wires that connected him to so much equipment, they would have assumed he was just asleep.

JJ reached a hand up for Reid's. She held it as she prayed aloud. "Please, God. He's only a little boy. He has so much life ahead of him. And he's the most important thing in my life. In  _our_  lives." She squeezed Reid's hand as she acknowledged his relationship with Henry...and with her.

He was too full to speak, and could only join her in his thoughts.

They stayed like that until their time allotment was nearly up. Reid started to turn JJ around in the chair, but stopped abruptly when he heard a new sound, a sound that wasn't coming from the machines.

It was a human sound, coming from the bed. First, a whimper, and then a moan. Reid wondered if it meant his godson was in pain, but JJ knew differently. She  _knew_  these sounds. She heard them nearly every day. It was how he woke up.

"Henry? Henry!" She got up from the chair, unsteady, until Reid grabbed her and helped her to the bed. "Henry, baby, it's Mommy. It's Mommy and Uncle Spence. We're here with you, Henry."

Reid joined her in trying to connect. "You're safe, little man. The bad guy's gone. It's okay to wake up now."

Another moan, this one erupting into a yawn. And then, the rapid blinking of eyes. Followed by the opening of them.

"Mommy?" His voice was weak, but it was Henry's voice.

"Baby, oh, baby!" She was kissing him, face, hands, chest, face again.

"Eww. Make her stop, Uncle Spence!"

Reid's grin split his face. "Not a chance, little man." And he gave a few of his own kisses.

Henry's PICU nurse saw what was going on in the room and rushed in. She checked Henry's vital signs, consulted with several machines, and turned to JJ.

"All normal! It seems you've got your son back!"

JJ hadn't left the bed. She was hugging Henry and rocking him back and forth. She managed to reach out a hand to Reid, and then pulled him down to the bed with them. Reid closed his eyes and savored the feel of them in his arms. He felt like a new man.

He felt like a man whose prayers were answered.


	55. Chapter 55

**A.N. Last chapter. Special thanks, to all those involved with the show, for creating such rich opportunities for fanfiction with the Maeve storyline. Thanks also to all who've read and enjoyed, and especially to those who've said so. I always love when writing fanfiction becomes a dialogue.**

* * *

 

**Transitions**

**Chapter 55**

"Mommy!" Henry ran down the aisle. "Mommy, I flyed the plane!"

JJ gave Hotch a brows-up look. The unit chief had just brought Henry for a visit to the cockpit.

"Ed let him touch the control for a couple of seconds, that's all. Oh, and he listened in on the radio."

She smiled at her son. "Wow, little man, I didn't know you were a pilot."

"Should we add that to the list, Henry? Do you want to be a pilot now, too?" asked his Uncle Spenc, seated next to JJ. Reid remembered the litany of aspirations Henry had recited to him a few months ago.

"A pilot? No, I want to be a plane-flyer, Uncle Spence!" And the little blonde leveled off his hand and began flying it in a circle. Until he remembered an even more important fact that he just  _had_ to share with his mother.

"Mommy, they have a kitchen! A 'frigerator and everything! With snacks! And, Mommy," he drew close to her to whisper into her ear, "they have Cheet-Os!"

It had been more of a stage-whisper, and all of the rest heard it. JJ was certain of that when the entire team burst into laughter. Her weakness for Cheet-Os was well known.

"Henry," said Morgan, "do you know what your mother's nickname is?"

She sent daggers his way.  _That's all I need, to have my son calling me 'Cheet-O Breath'!_

Morgan got the message. If he knew what was good for him…. So he turned once again to Henry. "We call her 'Blondie'."

The little blonde knock-off sniffed, unimpressed. His mother called  _him_  that, all the time. He climbed up into his godfather's lap and sat, looking out the window.

"We're upside down, Uncle Spence! The clouds are on the bottom of us!" Henry was so much back to normal that he was once again ending every sentence in an exclamation point.

From the aisle, Aaron Hotchner watched as Reid explained to Henry about the clouds, and pointed out the sights below. Henry had recovered so quickly from his ordeal that he'd been discharged directly from the ICU. Apparently that happened a lot with kids. Hotch wished he could hope for his traumatized team to heal as easily, but he knew better than that.

He recognized the new family forming in front of him. He would give them time to be together, to keep the world at bay for just a little while. But then they would have some difficult realities to address. He smiled when Henry looked back up at him, and then he continued down the aisle, taking the seat across from Emily Prentiss.

"He's amazing, isn't he? How fast he's gotten back to being Henry?" Emily had been watching the scene from her seat.

"Kids are resilient, thank God. I just wish adults were as well."

"You think JJ will have trouble getting past this, don't you?"

"I hope not, but this was the second time that Henry's been put into danger because of a BAU case. The second time within a  _year_. That's got to give her pause."

"But she had a good outcome, both times." Emily looked steadily at her old boss. "You didn't. And yet, you stayed."

She always  _had_  been able to see through him, through the surface, to what was below. He looked away from her, toward the window, sighing as he did.

"I thought about it. I  _had_  to. For Jack. And Strauss even offered me a way out…."

"You mean, she took the opportunity to try to get rid of you."

Emily had meant to say it under her breath, but he'd heard. And he smiled.

Hotch continued. "I thought about it. But, if anything, it  _motivated_  me. It made me  _more_  determined. I  _need_  to be a part of this fight, I need to try to make things better for  _every_  family…including mine."

Emily gave him a knowing smile. She understood. She  _really_ understood. Because she  _had_  stepped away from it, and now, with all that had happened, she was feeling compelled to come back. But Blake was already with the team. It had been her own decision to leave, and she would have to deal with the consequences. She would say nothing to Hotch now. It wasn't his burden to bear. Instead, she turned to another subject.

"What about Reid? You're still worried about him, aren't you?"

"He had a flashback at the cabin, when Morgan shot Arnold. You didn't see it, but he completely froze, and it took him a while to reorient. I  _thought_  he came back to work too soon. But he insisted, because of the Replicator. And I let him. Now, I don't know..." He shook his head.

Emily wasn't convinced. "But don't you think it was specific? I mean, maybe he only had the flashback because this was so much like the other time. It was the second time a woman he loved was in immediate danger of dying, of being shot."

Hotch got Emily's point….and he'd also heard what else she'd said. "You see it, too?

Now she smiled again. "You mean Reid and JJ? Doesn't everybody?"

When he chuckled, she added, "I'm not sure they were willing to admit it even to themselves before, especially considering everything that's gone on in both of their lives. But….well, didn't you see them before we went to Arnold's cabin?"

"No, what happened?" He'd been busy looking at the site plans.

Emily told him how JJ had pulled Reid aside. And how passionate both of them had looked in their exchange of words. She wasn't a skilled lip reader, but she was pretty sure she'd seen "I love you" coming from each of them.

"I think they were both terrified that she might not come out of it. And that pushed them over the edge."

Hotch nodded, understanding. The last thing he'd told Haley was that he loved her.

"Will it be a problem…..you know, if they're together? Will it be a problem for the team? For the FBI?"

He answered so quickly that Emily could tell he'd already been giving it thought. It may have been Emily who'd witnessed the declaration of love, but Hotch hadn't missed the growing attachment.

"It's not a problem officially. But, for us…I don't know. I don't want to lose either of them, they each bring something important and unique to the team. I suppose I could try to make assignments that kept them from both being in danger…I just don't know. It's not come up before. Not for me, anyway."

Emily had been with the CIA. It wasn't unusual to have agents who were married placed together. She knew there was precedent. But she also knew that her former team would have to feel its way through this one on its own.

* * *

JJ turned the key and opened the door. The house was as they'd left it. Everything had been put to rights except Henry's room. That had been left exactly as it had looked on that fateful evening when they'd come home to find him missing. The impression still on the bed, the left-behind toys strewn about the room. And, God bless Penelope Garcia, a brand new set of Superman sheets ready to be stretched across the mattress.

When she took in the sight, the whole of the ordeal washed over JJ all at once, and her knees felt weak. She lowered herself to the bed. Reid joined her and put an arm around her.

Henry was happily reuniting with his toys, oblivious to the adults.

"You okay?"

She was slow to answer. "Yeah. It's just…..I think a part of me thought this would never happen again. That I'd never be home, with Henry, happy and playing. I couldn't let myself think about it, but it was there, all the time. It was easier to just think about what I needed to do in the next five minutes. Otherwise I'd have stopped moving altogether. But now…..now, it just hit me. What I could have lost…."

She couldn't speak any longer. Reid took her chin and turned her face into him, so Henry wouldn't see that she was crying. But the little boy was too attuned to his mother. He put down his toy and walked over to stand in front of JJ, his face somber.

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

She sniffed, trying to stem her tears before she turned back to him. By the time he saw her face, there was a smile on it.

"I'm just happy, Baby. I'm happy to be home again, with you. And Uncle Spence."

Henry wasn't sure. She'd been  _crying._

She could tell he wasn't convinced. "Sometimes people cry because they're happy, Honey."

Henry looked to his godfather for confirmation of this strange phenomenon. Reid shrugged, and nodded.

Happy or not, Henry made the only response he knew was appropriate when somebody was crying. He spread his arms wide and hugged his mom.

"I love you, Mommy."

JJ fought for control. The last thing she wanted to do was to frighten Henry again. She hugged him back, tightly, until she'd gotten her emotions in check. When she released him, she returned the sentiment.

"I love you too, little man." She rose as she added, "We should get some dinner into you and then it's early to bed. Any special requests?"

Reid comically raised his hand and shouted, "I know, I know!" He gave Henry a conspiratorial wink, and the two replied at the same time.

"Chocolate chip pancakes!"

* * *

As excited as he was about the idea of pancakes for dinner, Henry was also exhausted, and nearly fell face first into his plate. Reid lifted him out of his seat and carried him to bed.

JJ finished tucking the covers in around him, and then placed Brownie into his open hand. She smiled at Reid, remembering.

"Can you believe Morgan?" she whispered.

He laughed. "Yeah, big tough guy's a total softie underneath," he whispered back.

Neither of them realized it at the time, but Morgan had made sure that Brownie was along for the ride when the team went to meet the unsub. Once he'd realized the toy's importance to Henry, he'd not let it out of his sight. He'd retrieved the beloved dog from the SUV and brought it into the hospital as soon as he learned Henry was awake. There had been many a shared smile about it, but none had had the nerve to say anything to the man.

"I'm definitely telling Garcia." JJ smiled just thinking about the tech analyst's reaction to proof of the soft side of her 'Chocolate Thunder'.

They left Henry's door ajar, so they could listen for him. The hospital had been too alien an environment to assess how well he'd do with sleep. It wouldn't surprise them to hear him in a nightmare.

It was only a few short steps to the living room. As they entered it, Reid grabbed JJ by the hand and turned her around.

"We have some things to talk about, don't we?"

He'd caught her by surprise. She knew it was there, but wasn't sure how to approach it. And now, totally out of character, he'd done if for her. She nodded. "I guess we do."

Reid lost himself in those eyes again, and lost his train of thought in just those few seconds. He had trouble coming back to himself when JJ spoke again.

"So, do you want to talk?"

Reid shook his head, his movements guided by another part of his anatomy. "Later."

His grip on her hand drew her closer, close enough that he could reach her face. Reid's gaze was intense as it traveled back and forth between her eyes and her lips. When he finally brought her lips to his, he could feel her smile against his own.

A very long time ago, he'd dreamed of this, of kissing this beautiful, smart, talented woman. But beautiful, smart, talented women didn't fall for Spencer Reid. He'd known his dream was unattainable. As he'd done with so much else in his life, he'd actively suppressed it until, finally, he was able to let it go.

So much had happened since then, in both of their lives. So many moments of joy and sorrow, interspersed. So much of it shared with one another. They'd already seen each other at their worst, and embraced one another through it. Now, this woman whom he'd loved for what seemed like forever was in his arms, opening herself to him. Spencer Reid felt like was living someone else's life. Someone whose life permitted the kind of fulfillment he'd only read about.

JJ studied him as they drew close. She didn't know when the fire had ignited. Its warmth had always been there….. the fondness, the loving friendship. But somewhere along the way, somehow, what had been a comfortable, glowing ember had erupted into full flame, complete with shifting colors and blazing heat. There were so many layers to him, so much she'd come to know, so much still to learn. She felt like she could spend a lifetime at it. For the first time in her life, she was certain of love. That he loved her, and she loved him.

Their kiss was gentle, and light, their lips barely touching. Reid held her face away from him again, his eyes wandering her features, trying to take her in, trying to fathom the moment. JJ allowed him a few seconds, but she wanted his lips again, wanted…..more. She pulled his face down to hers again and claimed it.

This kiss was deeper, filled with longing, and need…..and triumph. Both together and part, they'd faced death, and betrayal, hurt and despair. Apart, they'd struggled. Together, they'd triumphed. Their kissed celebrated a victory of love over loss.

When they broke for breath, Reid squinted his eyes at her, asking a question. Her response was to lead him by the hand, into her bedroom. There they kissed again, and uncovered one another, and touched, and tasted, and explored, and loved one another. Reid, who for so much of his life had eschewed any kind of physical contact, couldn't get enough of it with JJ. He couldn't get close enough….until he did. And, in that moment, he realized a part of the dream that he'd never before acknowledged. Union. Two-become-one. Knowing, and being known. Accepting, and being accepted. Now, he understood.

"I love you, JJ. I…..I don't know how to say what I  _really_  mean….." It felt so much deeper than those three words could express. "Just….I love you." The words were so inadequate. He wanted to spend his life  _showing_  her, instead.

JJ was more experienced with love-making. But now she wondered if she'd ever truly  _been_  loved. Because this felt so much different. This man, whom she'd admired, and respected, and genuinely  _liked_ ….was now inside her heart. She didn't have to shift, or constrict herself, or change her shape to make room for him. He simply entered her, and she, him….and they melded, each becoming more fully who they were meant to be.

"And I love you, Spence. I told you, remember? I carry you in my heart."

* * *

_Four months later_

Finally, the last little boy and his parents went home. It had been four months since the horrific events in the bayou, and Henry was celebrating his fifth birthday with a party in the backyard, complete with games, and races and a magic show, courtesy of his godfather.

The adult part of the gathering took place on the patio.

"I know I've said it before, but it's  _so_  great to have you two back," gushed Penelope Garcia. After a two month leave, both Reid and JJ were now full time with the team again.

Anna Hughes hadn't been able to promise Hotch anything. "As you know, Aaron, anyone can react to anything, at any time. But I think it's safe to bring them back. They both seem to be in a pretty healthy state of mind right now. Seems like they've made pretty good use of their time away."

He could hear the smile in her voice, and returned it. It was out in the open now. JJ and Reid were together, and the whole team was happy for them. As for how to handle things in the field going forth…..well, he'd figure it out. For now, he was just glad that each of them had found happiness.

"Ah, but our team still isn't complete, is it?" Rossi turned to the brunette on his left. "Any word?"

Emily crossed her fingers. "I should hear something this week. Strauss isn't exactly greasing the paperwork. But, with Alex's move to Boston to be with her husband, and now with JJ and Reid back, they'll want to get the team off stand down. They'll want to fill the slot and get us going again."

They'd all caught the use of the word 'us'. Since the incident with the Replicator, Emily had found more and more reason to cross the Atlantic to spend time with her old friends. As soon as Blake announced her departure, Hotch had been on the phone to Emily.

"Prentiss? How are things?... Nothing, just wanted to give you an update on the Replicator case. Oh, and, by the way…..there's an opening on the team. Do you know anyone who might be interested?"

So like him to play it cool. She could do that too.

"Hmm….I don't know, Hotch. The hours, the travel….they're pretty difficult. I don't know that I could convince anyone. But, hey, if you're really hard up, I suppose I could try to help you out. I guess I could put in an application."

"You do that. Thanks, Emily." It wasn't until he'd broken the connection that he realized he'd never given her the 'update'. But  _she'd_  noticed.

JJ rejoined the group after seeing Will out. Since the court decisions hadn't yet been finalized at the time of the event, he hadn't  _technically_  kidnapped Henry. There was an option not to pursue any criminal charges against him, for which JJ was actually glad. No matter what was between them, he would always be, for better or worse, Henry's biological father. And she didn't want to give Henry the burden of an incarcerated parent. But that didn't mean she wouldn't pursue a civil solution to Will's influence on his son.

Astoundingly, from his hospital bed, Will tried to blame the events in New Orleans on JJ, saying that it was her job that had placed both himself and Henry in danger. Even his own lawyer discouraged him from this, noting that he was likely to be 'crushed' in court if the issue came before a judge. Will's extended family in New Orleans, having seen how much the man had been changed by his time in DC, encouraged him to 'stay home', and return to the NOPD. After much soul searching, he agreed with them. He didn't like who he'd become any more than JJ had. He would stay in New Orleans, and visit with Henry as often as possible. Where once JJ might have worried about Henry's separation from his father, now she welcomed it.

Henry. He'd had nightmares. He'd been clingy. He'd flat out refused to go on an outing alone with his dad, even with the promise of chocolate chip pancakes. His preschool mind couldn't articulate why it had been bad for his father to steal him away from home, but it was astute enough to know that it had been wrong. He loved his father. But he didn't trust him. In the end, they'd had to settle for Will visiting Henry at the house. It was awkward, but it also gave JJ some peace of mind.

As JJ came back to the others on the patio, Hotch's cell sounded. All of them watched his face for an indication of what he was hearing, forgetting for a moment that he held his expressions in check. This was a call they'd all been anticipating.

"Yes. I see. Yes. Thank you. Yes." He ended the call and looked into the distance.

"Well?" Morgan brought him back.

"It's over. They're closing out the case. There's no evidence of an associate." They'd been afraid of this. All of them thought it was premature.

Arnold's computer had been full of images of the team, of their cases, of the cases he'd replicated, of plans for each murder he'd committed, and those that had been prevented. He had specific plans for the murder of each member of the team. And, between murders, he'd gone to classes, written papers, taken labs. No insanity there. The man was a sociopath.

Maeve had, indeed, been collateral damage. A crime planned and perpetrated by someone else, taken advantage of by the Son of the Fox. He'd found a way to inflict damage that required virtually no planning or work on his part. The trauma of Will and Henry had been the same kind of gift. Evil taking advantage of evil. To the team, it seemed a neverending cycle.

Morgan wasn't convinced. "He  _had_  to have help. The surveillance alone defies the time constraints. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he had 'fans', just like his father."

Emily nodded. "Morgan's right. The FBI may be closing out this case, but I think it would be a mistake for us to join them."

Reid smiled at his old friend. "Well,  _when_  you come back, it can be the first folder on your desk. Or, should I say,  _my_  desk?" Referencing her habit of slipping files into his pile.

She laughed. "Busted. But no, this one is all mine. No one goes after my family and gets away with it."

They all silently acknowledged the same sentiment, before Rossi rose.

"Well, back to the salt mines tomorrow. But I will leave you with a toast. Or two."

He raised his glass, signaling the others to do the same.

"To Henry, Happy Fifth!" They each hoisted their glasses and took a sip, and then Rossi continued.

"To Emily, hurry back!" A bunch of "Here, Here"s at that.

"To absent Alex, good luck, and thanks!" Each sipped again in honor of their valued colleague, so briefly with the team.

"And to us, the best damn team….and the best damn people…..in the FBI!"

"You said it!" "Here, here!" "Amen to that!" from the toasters.

"That's  _four_  toasts, Rossi," corrected the ever-precise Reid.

Rossi gave him a look that said, _Oh yeah...well, here comes number five, Genius!  
_

"And to better times ahead, to health, and happiness….and love." As he ended, he bowed in the direction of the new couple.

"To love!" shouted each of the others, save the new couple. Who both blushed.

* * *

"Whew, what a long day!"

They'd just gotten a wired Henry down an hour past his usual bed time. The yard had been picked up, the dishes cleaned and the house put to rights. JJ fell onto the sofa next to Reid.

He turned and looked at her. "You're exhausted, aren't you?"

She picked something up from his tone. "Not too tired for you. Is there something on your mind?"

He hesitated. He'd been working his way to this for a while, and didn't want to lose his nerve. But…. _maybe it's not the right time._

"It can wait."

She'd been slouched against the pillows, but now pulled herself up. "No, that's okay, Spence. I'm not that tired. If you want to talk, I want to listen."

He almost wished she would put him off. Nervous now, he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. As much as he'd thought about this, as much as he'd tried to prepare, the words seemed to be eluding him.

JJ misunderstood. She thought he was upset, and began to rub his back.

"Was today hard for you, Spence? Thinking about Arnold, and Maeve?" Her name hadn't even been mentioned, but JJ knew Reid well enough to be sure where his mind had gone.

He turned to her, confused by  _her_  confusion. "What? No….no. I've been over that in my head a thousand times. He was sick, and so was Diane. And now, one way or the other, they're both gone."  _And so is Maeve._

Neither had said it, but it was in both of their minds. The woman he'd loved had no physical presence in their relationship, but she was there, nonetheless. It was she who'd awakened in Reid that capacity for love. She who'd helped him see when JJ was in trouble, and how to help her. She who'd released him, in her final moments.

His mind on that thought, Reid realized there was something he'd never shared.

"I never told you, did I? That I figured it out. I figured out the dream."

"You did?" She was actually excited for him. "When? What?"

"Right before I told you...you know. At the cabin, in the bayou. I had the dream again right before that, and I figured it out. It's why I knew I could tell you. That I  _should_  tell you."

"That you love me, you mean?" They caressed one another and kissed at her words.

"That I love you."

"So, what did you figure out? What does it mean?"

"Did. What _did_ it mean. I haven't had the dream again. Not since then. Guess I don't need it anymore."

"Okay, what  _did_  it mean?" Even as she said it, she wondered if he was sad not to see Maeve in his dream anymore.

"It was right there in front of me the whole time. The  _whole_  time. She even  _said_  it to me. There, in the loft.  _That's_ why she said it."

She'd been trying to follow him, but was lost. And then she realized.

"The quote? The Merton quote?"

He nodded.

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another."

JJ sat back, understanding. "She was giving you permission."

Now he shook his head as he turned himself to look at her. "No, she was giving me a  _mission_. To find love, to find the relationship that would give meaning to my life."

She searched his face, knowing the answer even before she asked the question. "And have you found that relationship?"

He smiled at her and laughed. "Oh yes, I most definitely have."

What happened next took them both by surprise. He was half turned on the sofa. Then he slipped to the floor, landing on one knee. JJ recognized the pose.

"Oh, no."

His heart plummeted. Had he misread things?

"No?"

"No."

"You're not gonna make me ask you four times, are you?" As she'd done with Will.

"I'm not even going to let you ask me once." She pulled him back up to sit next to her.

He was stunned. He'd been so sure. He couldn't even turn to look at her now.

So she slipped to the floor in front of him, landing on both knees.

"You don't get to ask anything. It's  _my_  turn."

He started to open his mouth in protest, but she put her hand to his lips to shush him. Then she dropped her hand and took up both of his.

"Spencer Reid, you have shown me what I should have known all along. That true love is freedom, and nurturing, and cheering on. That it helps us to grow to be who we  _are_ , not who someone else wants us to be. That it means we're more when we're together, than we are when we're apart. I've found that love with you, Spence. And I want to share it with you for the rest of my life." She swallowed back her tears as she finished. "Spencer Reid, will you marry me?"

If he thought he'd been stunned before, he was doubly so now. Reid could barely see, his vision blurred by his tears. He placed a hand on each side of her chin, and lifted her face to his. No falling into her eyes this time. This time, he took his time, and entered them purposefully. He looked deeply, until he found himself there. And he knew.

"I will love you for the rest of my life, Jennifer Jareau. You're on." He hesitated just a second before he asked, "But can I keep my last name?"

She laughed. She'd just proposed, and he'd just accepted, and they were both laughing. JJ hugged her best friend, and kissed her lover. She threw her eyes in the direction of Henry's bedroom.

"We're a package deal, you know."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

She smiled, already well acquainted with the bond between her son and his godfather.

He got serious for a moment. Taking her hand, he held it to his lips,and kissed it. Still holding on, he said, "JJ, I wouldn't have survived this past year without you. I don't just  _think_  it...I know it."

She squeezed back tears as he continued.

"You've given me my life...and made it so much more than I ever knew it could be." He was struggling with his voice. "You and Henry. I never knew there was such...fullness...out there. Until it came into my life. And I will spend the _rest_  of my life thanking you for it."

She stroked his hair as she answered him. "You know what I was like...before."  _With Will_ , but she didn't want his name to sully the moment. "I didn't know which direction to turn, except to turn to you. I didn't know then, that I was turning  _home_."

* * *

Their lovemaking was gentle that night. Assured, content, hopeful. The way it happens when there's the promise of a next time, and a next...and a lifetime of 'next times' after that. Even when there might not be. For at least one night, they could pretend.

Before she nodded off, secure in the arms of the one who loved her, JJ thought once more about Reid's dream, and the quote. How generous the woman had been in her final moments, how focused she'd been on how it would be for  _him._

JJ had only been with Maeve Donovan for the last 15 seconds of the woman's life, but  _her_  life had been changed because of it.

_Thank you. I'll take care of him. Until we all meet again._

FINIS

  


 


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